Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[Croix]

Dear HamSolo01~

I'm sure nobody would do other than welcome you here, no apologies please, your views are as welcome as any. I'm sure Paul would agree.

I guess I'd like to offer a thought. I know elswhere you have written about realizing what has happened to you in the past, your understanding of how it has affected you, and the possibility of recovery as a result.

As in my case it is very natural to concentrate on this as it is such a huge part of your life, and victories of any size in that area can lead a person to feel better about themselves.

What I'd like to say is this this can overshadow one's whole life, as it has for me in the past. I could not see beyond it. However I've come ot realise that there are other avenues that might help raise one's regard for oneself. The main factor being they have nothing to do with one's mental health condition but are completely separate.

I'm sure it is not very profound to say that to do any difficult task with skill and success can leave one with a feelng of satisfaction. and the more you do the better one can feel.

To give you an example - and no I'm not suggesting it would work for you but may give you the idea of what I mean - I once found a huge tangle of very thin wire left over and dumped by a Telstra man. Nobody could untangle it, which I guess is why he threw it away, however the whole thing could be bent, shaped and moulded.

Over a long time (weeks) I eventually sculpted it into the shape of a Greek warrior, complete with helmet and sword.

If I say so myself it was pretty good -and a surprise as I've no artistic talent - , an abstract shape of tangled wires giving a very real impression. I looked at it for many weeks and felt good.

So I'm wondering if there are unrelated things you do now, or can do in the future to give you a similar glow?

Croix

[Guest_1584]

Hi Croix.

When l read the first line of the tangled wire l'm thinking hmm, l could make a sculpture out of that , and a few lines later you did. Very nice wish l could see it.

rx

[mmMekitty]

Croix,😹I wish I could see your statue too! I knew you had some artistic spark lurking in you. Maybe to open that part of yourself, you need a manual project that, at first, seems to have no aesthetic possibilities & only as you work, will an idea present itself?

*

Thanks again, to Paul, for this thread. It's so fantastic how so many people have popped in with their thoughts. 😺

*

I'm not sure I will ever be comfortable with some aspects of myself, & I wonder if getting comfortable with being uncomfortable is a more achievable goal. It's not perfection, but good enough.

Working on 'good enough' is challenging in itself.

mmMekitty

[Doolhof]

I'm trying to like myself and the life I live. I just need to find ways to block out other peoples negativity so it does to infect the good I am trying to realise and create in my own mind and soul.

[HamSolo01]

Hi there Beee

Many thanks for your message of support.

I think knowing the good qualities we possess is perhaps the best first step in that process hey?

Good to e-meet you and see you around

[HamSolo01]

Hi Croix

Thanks for your message of support. It means a lot.

I believe that you are on to a very good point there. Your story of the rewiring of old wires into something new is both a metaphor for us in our lives and also a source of inspiration.

It is a metaphor for us given that we find ourselves in positions in life where are are old wire tossed away. I mean at least it feels that way. Then we find a way to sculpt ourselves into a new thing. A new person even?

And it is a source of inspiration because it is a testament to our creative side.

We both the sculpture and the sculptor. We are the clay and the potter. We are the matter and its maker.

Your story also reminded me of how I once had an old desk that was beyond its day. So I got a new one and with the old one I fashioned a box for my PC case tower. It was a rather basic operation. But it did the job. I liked it as it told a story and it looked VERY out of place in amongst the new desk I had. The old desk was that plywood stuff you get from an ikea shelf unit - speaking of there is one right next to me now as i type that I have had since the dark ages lol.

More on that point, my old bed frame - I used two slates of wood from that to make shelves in my room. They are rather fragile but it does provide some leverage in my room. And most recently an old shelving unit made of the plywood i mentioned just now - well I sawed down a piece of it from another old desk and drilled some holes into it and placed some heavy duty string through it to make a shelf to use as a bedside shelf as there is no room for a bedside table. I even bought those disposable hooks - but needed some heavy duty double sided tape.

I guess where i am going with all those anecdotes is to really reinforced your point about making new things and creating thing out of old. I think that is a cool metaphor for ourselves and our soul and our psyche. By taking things from the past - good or bad - we repurpose them into something for ourselves.

I think our cultural/political focus on the left brain (mechanistic thought) has maybe led to a pushback where we need more creative outlets. I even picked up the tin whistle recorder lately and played a few songs (hot cross buns, fera jacque and even a song from harry potter).

Our brains are proper weird - but amazing.

I think you may be on to something there my friend with your example - it appears i embodied that already 🙂

Peace

[mmMekitty]

"We both the sculpture and the sculptor. We are the clay and the potter. We are the matter and its maker." -HanSolo, thank you. That's a wonderful perspective. 😺

[Croix]

Dear HamSolo01~

I was in two minds if I should put in that example of the wire sculpture, I was not sure it would have lot of meaning, however I'm now very glad I did. It sounds as if it has resonated more than I'd hoped.

I'm also most impressed with your thoughts on the matter and taking it as a metaphor. I'm happy to say I'm learning from you. Being both sculptor and clay is an interesting concept, I'll have to think on that one

☮

Croix

[Guest_1584]

l was a painter for a long time ham and l actually did a piece that was sort of about all that very thing in ways. Where in as the sculptor began to get nearer to the end and finishing the sculpture they began to fight with ea other and give ea other the evil eye.

The idea was something like that the sculptor had realized he'd wound up actually recreating himself within the sculpture and he didn't like it bc the sculpture was better than him. l might even still have a pic of that one and be able to put it into my aviator or something and you can take a look.

rx

[HamSolo01]

hey randomx

Your example actually reminds me of the narrative within Mary Shelley's Frankenstein - where the creature is created and has more humanity than his creation.

It's curious how themes like this can shine through - reminding us of our collective experience as a species hey?

I do hope you are well