Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[HamSolo01]

Many thanks @Croix

Nothing like resonating with each other on points like that hey?

[HamSolo01]

@mmMekitty

MAny thanks and nice to see you

🙂

[HamSolo01]

Thought I would share some thoughts too. I started a doc on my pc and have written down a series of thoughts and ideas about life

I wanted to share some

"From great trauma, comes great pain, comes great lessons, comes great good, comes great meaning, comes great purpose."
"Don’t take any rubbish from anyone, chief of all yourself"
"Before you get jealous of others, think about those who may be jealous of you"
"We both the sculpture and the sculptor. We are the clay and the potter. We are the matter and its maker"
"How afraid are you of finding out who you really are ?"
"Its not "why are we here?" but "what are we here?"
“Yes maybe it’s early, but you can’t wait until its too late”
"Eyes are useless when the mind is blind"

[mmMekitty]

That sounds really good, rx, I'd like to see it in your avatar, well, as much as I can. 😺

*

Hi HanSolo, I like how you are writing the thoughts & ideas you have wile reflecting on life. If you are thinking any of these are words to live by, then, maybe add that you are allowed to change your mind, & you don't have to be perfect to be successful & to live a fulfilling life.

I like some of the things Terry Pratchett had his witches saying, like, 'do the job that's in front of you' & 'see what's really there' (not what you want to see, not what anyone else wants you to see, but what is really there, Same for listening, too. What's beneath the surface with the understanding that most things are multi-layered?

Like my mmMekitty avatar isn't just a pretty picture of Mekitty. What else does it say to you? (anyone?)

I think it's useful to be able to name what your philosophy on life is, to clearly voice such personal values & ideals. These can be what you want to work on, probably for the rest of your life, & so your life is one of learning & discovery.

& since you like the things you are writing in your document, you are going to feel good about these things, & likeing yourself more as a consequence. 😺

Warmly to all,

mmMekitty

[Guest_1584]

Ah thanks mm, l'll see if l can dig up a pic.

Am l liking myself much atm , not much of late l'm afraid. lt's always so life related to me , happy life happy me . lt doesn't have to be all roses but surely a little joy isn't being greedy.

[HamSolo01]

"I like some of the things Terry Pratchett had his witches saying, like, 'do the job that's in front of you' & 'see what's really there' (not what you want to see, not what anyone else wants you to see, but what is really there, Same for listening, too. What's beneath the surface with the understanding that most things are multi-layered?"

This is such a good point mm

Thanks for sharing it.

Yes I guess it takes time too hey?

[white knight]

Hi everyone,

I've always believed a balance in everything is best, in most cases anyway.

As much as the topic "do you like yourself" has been so successful it has enabled us to drop here all sorts of concerns about our own reflections.

However in some cases the balance could be out. If we think too often about our problems, too deep for solutions, obsessed for cure, dwelling, brooding too- then we are at a separate kind of risk compared to our mental health issues.

I'm raising this 'out of balance' topic because my very 1st long term partner some 44 years ago, had some serious mental issues plus low self esteem. We were together 7 years. I knew she spent excess time thinking about her issues that it resulted in her missing out on any possible happiness in life. In effect she regularly hijacked her chances to grab enjoyable moments instead she'd fall into the same trap of "I'm not going to be happy so why try".

I'd attempt to swing her away from this form of self destruction suggesting that with that view, she is convincing herself she is not capable of happiness. She didn't like herself but she was also impossible to convince she was her own enemy towards that goal.

My message to some is that our capacity to implement self discipline, to set our own rules as to how often and how deep we analyse what has cause us our mental damage can determine our quality of life. If you can't fix it then fix those thing fixable.

If we attend a park and its sunny, children are laughing, birds chirping...isn't it an ideal time to smile and delay that part of your mind that begins to rob you of that wonder? As soon as you think "I wished I was that happy as a child" or similar, STOP !. Immediately stand up and move. Walk, talk, kick a ball, listen to music...distract yourself from that demon. Live.

That is my theory and why I like myself today but didn't 30 years ago. I searched and found remedies but not cures, distraction instead of submission, control through discipline in place of resignation. Slight changes, simple movements, watching guru videos of calm and peace. I lowered my expectations of significant mental health improvement, accepted my illnesses as part of me and....began to like myself as I imagine running into the sunlight.

It's beautiful. It's life. It's found with balance and while I choose wisely now to limit my time thinking about mental health stuff what I've lost on the merry go round of low self esteem I've picked up on the ladder of self worth.

TonyWK

[quirkywords]

Tony

I think some of us over think to make sense of our feelings and for me often it is worthwhile

[white knight]

Hi Quirky

I must admit (I realised while I was over thinking today) that my outlook as described in my last post is a clear reflection of 1/ my unexpected level of recovery (but of course I'm still bipolar lol) and 2/ that such lust for living life with the capacity to experience happiness , has given me much need to replace a lot of my non productive over thinking time with more positive activities.

So folks, this state of mind of partial but significant recovery is what results in many years of -

• Self discipline
• Making many choices to keep my mind energised
• Refusing to wallow in destructive thoughts
• And so on

Not everyone can achieve this level of happiness I'm loving now but it's a good goal to have

I really do like myself for that transformation.

TonyWK

[Guest_1584]

Must admit Tony l have to agree mostly l think, always nice to hear your thoughts on things , and especially experience to.

Joining BB has been a bit of an experiment for me, l'd never really talked about MH before openly, only a few counselors and psychiatrists. Not bc l have trouble being open l'd just never felt dwelling on things would help much and l must admit , even with those few professionals it was a bit of a mixed bag. There was some conformation though and some guidance with handling a few things though and that really helped. But l've also realized of late to that too much too often is too dwelling and isn't helping either and l really hear you about thinking and living happiness instead.

That was actually usually my ways in the past tbh , it wasn't a pretending nothing was going on or a head in the sand thing it was more a choice and tbh l think l did better. l def' lived better and had better times and l am still like that quite a bit and do still find that when l just am and getting on with things,it still works better for me. Counselors use to say things sometimes like well your still having a laugh, eating, getting some sleep, doing things and moving-with a bit of a tone,,,, but l could never believe they couldn't see that that was actually a choice l'd made and that l'd found life and MH too better that way. But don't get me wrong in other ways they were too also very helpful at times.

My gf knows a lot about MH and has her own struggles too and being the loving and caring soul that she is she's always checking with me and asking which really touches me very deeply as ex w and l never really talked about it. But in the same vain, as much as it does so and that l appreciate it, l also find any dwelling just not a really good thing or that helpful tbh and l'm becoming hesitant about admitting that l might be feeling this or that for the simple fact that it might drag on if l do and l don't feel like that it's not what l need. She's also been really touched to the soul tbh, any time things have gotten too much and l'd become very emotional and let loose and she says she wishes l would let it out more. Thing is it's not that l've got any hang ups about that though, it's just that unlike herself , who loves a good cry, l'd just known and found most of my life it didn't really help me. Matter of fact l'd feel like crap for days afterwards then.

rx