Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[quirkywords]

Child@heart

I have told I am too nice for my own good, too.

Maybe as I was a people pleaser.

it is sad to read your post. I have been told I try too hard.

Random your posts always make me think which is a good thing. I am going to look at those references you mentioned. Thanks

I have never been popular and wonder if being liked by others makes it easier to like yourself.

[Elizabeth CP]

Since when was being nice negative. By definition nice is a positive term. If people take advantage of your niceness that is a reflection on their not- niceness not something you did wrong. A nice person tries to treat others with respect and seeks to consider others needs. How much better the world would be if more people were nice rather than blaming nice people for other peoples faults. Noone has a right to take advantageous of other people.

[HamSolo01]

Hi all

i haven't been on this thread for a while but i just read the title and it really made me think - thanks for that i must say

do i like myself? Well I guess i hate myself less now. That counts for something.

Apologies for just chiming in

[ChildHeart]

Hi all,

rx,

I am sorry that you had to do that and I hate it in all honesty. Why are we forced to "toughen up" and go cold so that we don't get walked over and used? Isn't that just people-pleasing once again and allowing others to overshadow us? It doesn't seem fair.

The one few times I have tried to do that, I have come across as mean or rude and it just made me feel awful. I do think somehow they were making me out to be perceived in this way to make them feel better about themselves or make them look good but it was so out of character for me that I just can't be that way again.

Quirkywords,

I wish I could give you a hug. You know being popular isn't always as good as it may seem. I was not popular at school or liked by anybody and I remember this one time when I was just coming out of a class and I saw two of the girls from the popular group, talking bad about another girl in their group and were saying mean things and then when she appeared they got excited and hugged her as if nothing had just happened and I remember thinking.. does she know? How would she feel if she found out? Would they feel bad? In the end, I realised that most of the time they were all just being fake with each other. Putting on a mask and not really being themselves just.. being who they needed to be in order to be accepted and liked and that's something I never wanted. I wanted to be liked for who I am not pretend to be somebody just to fit in and that's what I feel like it means to be popular.. just being who you feel you need to be in order to be accepted.

My point is don't dream to be popular, aka liked by a bunch of people trying to be somebody they are not. Just be yourself and let others come to you or maybe you'll stumble upon somebody or a group of people that are just like you or have the same interests or have similar personalities. But being liked by people isn't going to help you like yourself. That's a journey we have to go alone..

[4YOU]

Hi there,

Well, l do like myself, l suppose.

I am a caring person, l have been told, though l am too sensitive and eager to please and this causes me problems mainly in my profession, which is really getting me down. I have become more assertive over time, but it doesn’t sit well with me.
Other people get over things quickly, but l tend to dwell on things and am easily hurt.

[ChildHeart]

Hey there 4YOU!

I think a lot of us can relate to you and feel the same.

A majority of us seem to be admitting that we are nice but instead of it sounding like positive quality, we all seem to be referencing it as a negative. I think has more to do with how others see us than we see ourselves sadly.

I know what you mean about dwelling on things. I can dwell on being hurt but also dwell on things I have done as well. Like yesterday when I getting fast food as there was a lady with her children standing near the counter and (they were there before me) one of the staff was putting food on the counter and looked at them and asked if it was their order but by the time I had realised the lady shook her head I had already jumped ahead to be served and then watched the lady finally get served after me and I felt awful realising that I had pushed ahead of her. Yes, it was unintentional but that sat with me for a while. Little things like that can get to me easily.

Sending you a hug 4YOU.

[mmMekitty]

Hello 4You, & welcome to the forums 😺.

When I try to be assertive, what I find most difficult is to do so with a voice which sounds like I have decided & know what I want/need. My own 'thinking voice' sounds confident enough, but when I speak my emotional uncertainty & low self-esteem shows & I still am treated as I & my needs/wants are very much less important than any other person & their needs/wants.

I have to genuinely feel I am worth at least average treatment, some respect & consideration, to feel confident in being assertive.

It is worth remembering that no-one is really going to know what ou want/need if you do't tell them. They can guess, & get it generally right, but not precisely unless we tell them.

It's great when someone responds as if we've been assertive, so we can feel how it is to have our needs/wants recognised & not dismissed. Gives my self-esteem a lift. 😸

mmMekitty

[Guest_1584]

Hi child@

Well it's certainly not people pleasing in my case , l'm not a people pleaser but you might say l'm a nicer person and far more empathic than certainly the average. But no one walks all over me l don't let them but nor do they try , younger days maybe. l suppose what l was trying to say is something like that in life in general l do find though, most people harder and less caring than what l am, and def' far far less aware , far more self centered attitudes . And l dunno , life in general , really , it's dog eat dog these days especially in this country and just money money ad million dollar mortgages , living costs and gdp's. Hopefully that will soften now and hopefully we all will with a new Gov' now that actually has some soul and heart.

Generally though l've just found for yrs now, life is just hard, and people are to and all to often even the ones that might be all warm and fuzzy on the surface but,, just see how that goes when the chips are down, even family. Sadly it's become as though you just have to put up the walls and guards to, think of yourself bc you know damn well they won't truly be thinking of you if the chips are down or you really need a hand.

rx

[Beeee]

Hello HamSolo01,

I'm new to this thread and reading the title really made me think too.

And reading your post, I really resonated. I'm not sure if I like myself, it's something I'll have to think on some more. I know I have good qualities, but I'm also trying to improve in a lot of areas.

Any positive step is a good step, so I think we're on the right track!

Best wishes,

Beeee

[quirkywords]

4YOU

welcome to the forums. Thanks for posting here for first time.

I find it hard to be assertive to as Iam worried I will appear bossy.

I thank you for sharing your thoughts.