Dealing with NEGATIVE emotions, thoughts, words and memories

[Doolhof]

Hi Everyone,

We all have them right! Negatives in our lives that pull us down. They may be words others have spoken to us, things we tell ourselves, beliefs we have accepted over the years, wrong truths, what ever you want to call them we all have them.

We could include the What ifs or Why me or any other phrase that has a negative connotation.

I have started this thread so people can share their negatives and together we may be able to come up with solutions, ideas or thoughts that might help.

My NEGATIVE thought might be "No one is going to respond to this post!"

How do I know that?
If no one does respond, does that mean I am stupid for thinking someone might respond?

Our minds keep telling us stories, right or wrong. It is what I do with those stories and thoughts that count. I can feel defeated if no one responds, or I could accept this might not be a topic that interests anyone.

We all deserve to feel as though we are of value and we don't allow our sense of worth to be based on what other people say or how we feel about ourselves when depressed and full of negativity.

We are not worthless or useless, we are all unique and valuable to society in some way.

This is an opportunity to share the negatives and for us to help each other find ways to overcome them.

Cheers all from Mrs. Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi mykl,

I'm sure many of us ruminate and go over and over things that people have said to us or situations that have happened. Funny thing is how the brain seems to remember the negatives in high definition, while most of the happy and joyous occasions are forgotten or hard to recall.

There have been many times when I have considered past experiences like the one you mentioned. I try to stop myself from dwelling on the negatives. It doesn't always work though!

I also try to not let the negatives have a lasting impact on the relationship I have with the person who has spoken those words to me. I am more wary of them, and consider what I say to them and how I allow their future words to affect me.

There are some people in our lives whom we have to keep in contact with for one reason or another. I just need to work on how I react to their words. It is my choice how I accept their words. (So the psych tells me!)

Cheers form Mrs. Dools

[Guest_3712]

Hi Mrs D

Most of the time I am quiet surprised to find I am 'white knuckling it'. I guess that is the faking it part and yes by doing this you are putting off the inevitable explosion from constantly pushing these feelings down.

yes I am still seeing psych, ( maybe ,-not sure after incident last week see my post in embarrassing , funny things in sessions- staying well ) and as a rule he has a calming effect on me. Having been hospitalised many times I have learnt lots of coping strategies and if I feel the stress building I can divert . Previously meds were my go to but have recently stopped all but my A/ D's

I guess the question I always seem to be asking myself is this it? Is this as good as it gets? So much of my old life I would never re- visit but I really miss a lot of it and the 'What If's " drive me crazy.

Then I hammer myself with, " there are plenty of people worse off, or "Count your blessings, or "be grateful for what you have " and the list and the anxieties go on and no and on.

Hope every one has a 'stressless ' day

Be kind to your self

Stressless

[CMF]

Hi Mrs D,

Yes he definitely puts on a show in front of his GF's. The last Gf he did the same. Our daughter was going on school campo and wanted a particular pair of pj's that were at his house as they were really warm and fluffy. s

She rang him and asked if he could drop them off, which he couldn't. He then made a point of ringing me to discuss, the Gf was in the car, i can always tell as his whole tone changes - he speaks very politely and friendly, part of the act. We were discussing the pj's and he said to me ' she says she has no pj's just go and buy her some.' He said it a way that he felt sorry for me, like i needed to be told what she needs and he made it out in front of the GF that I won't buy my daughter PJ's. I pointed out that she has lots of pj's but wanted that particular pair for camp. He did the same thing over a pair of shoes she left at his house, he rang me and said,'just buy her some shoes' as if she had no shoes at all.. It is quite embarrassing.

Writing it down and throwing it out is a great idea, I used to do this in the past and it does help.

My ex husband is all about show. Tells people things to make himself look good but actually twists the truth quite considerably.

[Doolhof]

Hi Stressless,

The "What If" questions and the "Is this it ?" statements are hard to take at times aren't they! I'm sure lots of us have those moments.

Are there things you can do differently to help each day feel more productive, more acceptable, more pleasurable? I know how frustrating it can be when you get to the end of the day and you think to yourself, "Okay. So that is that I guess. This day is done. Not much to talk about really.

Then like you wrote, your mind tells you stuff like there are people really suffering out there and you should be thankful. Yes we are a lot better off than millions of people, it is when we don't feel like we have a purpose or self worth that we think the day was pointless. That is how I think anyway.

I will go and read your story in the psych thread. I see my lady at the end of the month so will see how that goes.

Today I was volunteering in the Op Shop and felt like I had a sense of purpose and belonging. Some days I really wish I had a paid job where I could feel the same things!

Hope you have an okay kind of a day tomorrow!

Cheers from Mrs. Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Paul,

Telling ourselves not to be bothered by negative thoughts works sometimes, then now and then they seem to be overwhelming at times.

Quite often we don't need to wait 100 years for our problems to be of any importance to anyone else, sometimes that can happen immediately. Ha. Ha.

Trying to find ways to defuse the negatives before they become all powerful is important for us all.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts here Paul.

Cheers to you from Mrs. D.

[Doolhof]

Hi CMF

Hope you have paper and pen ready to write down all of those negative thoughts and emotions!

Years ago I was involved in sessions dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder, another little party trick my mind has developed!

Anyway, during one session we had to visualise writing down our negative thoughts, behaviours, emotions or what ever was bothering us and dispose of them somehow. After the instructor led us through that visualisation we were asked to express how we saw the exercise in our mind.

For me, in my imagination, I had written all my thoughts onto bits of paper, these were being held by black ants standing up on two legs, holding the papers aloft while surfing on leaves floating down a rippling river.

Maybe you could try some visualisation techniques as well.

I can still see those ants in my mind right now!

Until we try something we don't know if it will help or not.

Cheers for now from Mrs. D.

[Croix]

Dear Mrs D~

Thanks for thinking about this. I'm sorry you suffer from a similar thing.

I'm afraid rationalizing will stop me most often from taking a hasty action but not prevent the thought process -though this results in me appearing normal, looking ok from the outside is good I guess.

I do try to take action where I think it will be OK, your example of your husband is a good one, though I try not to ask too often, don't want to appear to be keeping tabs or controlling. Normally it's just a question of just hanging on -sigh.

I've had the write them all down and dispose of them technique shown to me and tried it for quite some time. Was actual pen and paper, not ants. Frankly I got a bit depressed writing down all those things but persevered. No go, I guess I'm just difficult.

I find distraction is a big help, as is the Smiling Mind app and trying to reduce background stress via lifestyle. Must not forget exercise.

I guess you have your work cut out for you now - lots of replies to respond to - and you thought you might not get anything 🙂

I'm very glad you have the op-shop plus the fire authority to give companionship, worth and a little balance.

Croix

[topsy_]

😱😰

[Croix]

Dear Lyn~

My steam-driven machine has trouble with icons so I can see you put them there but don't know what they said - ah well.

That lady in the dental office needed an empathy transplant. Why do so many see it as their mission in life to exercise borrowed power and make others uncomfortable. Making life easier for others feels good, so why not.

I think anyone would have a hard time dealing with that lady. I hope your car is in a better state soon and another appointment doesn't take too long..

Croix (who can mail his teeth in for a service 🙂

[Doolhof]

Hi Croix,

My husband is used to me phoning him, I tell him I just need to know where he is as it helps with my depression and Borderline Personality Disorder. He seems to understand that. Usually now, he will phone me to let me know he is caught up somewhere. Occasionally he doesn't phone and that is when the mind starts to roll.

I also understand that writing down the negative stuff can cause hurt and pain. I have neglected to mention that I also try to find positives to write down. It doesn't have to be about that particular issue, just in general. I also try to find something distracting and positive to do after such a session.

Sudoku is great for me as I can't concentrate on the puzzle and my negative thoughts at the same time.

Maybe a distraction after the writing would be helpful, even if you draw ants, love harts or what ever all over the paper when you have finished to help defuse the hurt you have written about.

I had another lovely day volunteering in the Op Shop. We are a mixed bunch of people working there, have a few laughs along the way, children to interact with in the shop now and then and a chance for some decent chats as well while sorting out stuff. Volunteering can be very rewarding.

It is almost the weekend, any plans Croix? We are going to the indoor carpet bowls tonight, I watch and cheer everyone on while my husband plays. Saturday night we have friends coming for dinner and Sunday is Church day.

Cheers to you from Mrs. D.