What I've learnt about dealing with depression

[demonblaster]

I didn't know I had Bipolar until I was 46 yrs and suffered wickedly deep depression ..often.My besty wasn't very supportive. She had a lot going for her and of course with depression and this beast of demons attacking my self worth and my god it's a master at that although I had awesome parents, it wasn't enough to pull me through the extreme Black times of teenage yrs.

I tried suicide 4 times and there was nearly another. I wanted out cause I couldn't see any light in this deep dark tunnel. You hear people say oh they just want attention....some may...but what they don't know is it takes a LOT of courage to go against a natural instinct to survive and try and end your life. 

So I decided to take on these demons after being diagnosed with BP and decided it's not going to control my life anymore and I'm starting to learn how to handle and avoid the dark deep downs. 
Majority of my lifes had a dull or dark cloud lingering. I'm usually a happy go lucky type but that's always been close by.

IT takes work...hard work but it's worth it. What's better, feeling terrible or being happy and cruisy. 

Basically one of the main things I've learnt is not to dwell and not to allow too much self pity, it drags ya down massively. 
Try to get sleep and what I've learnt is if I'm down is to try and think hard what exactly it is that's pulling me down and why. Once you know what it's easier to try and work on changing it. 

Dad said years ago you need confidence in life...took me years but I realised not that long ago that you do need to like/love yourself. It really does make a dif. 

Also it helps thinking and looking for positives too even though it seems there aren't any, ...they're there...just hard to find when we're feeling blaggghhh. 

A friend said recently no matter how awful you feel, it doesn't stay that way. It's true. Time thank god does help us through hard stuff. 

When I was younger I didn't know to try and help myself or how but it's working out mainly what's wrong and going from there. I try to be completely honest with myself and accept where I go wrong. Not always easy but helps in the process. 

Happy to answer any questions and hope this is of some help. 

I believe we all have the tools to fight with, it's just finding and learning how to use em. 

🙂 Go easy

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[Chris_B]

Hi demonblaster,

Thanks so much for sharing your story. I can definitely relate to looking back at younger years and not knowing what was going on.  As you say, the trick is holding on through the tougher times and knowing that you can make it, because you have managed to do so in the past, and trusting in yourself.

Hope to see you posting more on the forums!

[White_Rose]

Dear Demonblaster

Hello and welcome to the forum. I really enjoyed your post, though perhaps enjoyed is not quite the right word. What you have said and described is so true for most, if not all, of us. It so often is a case of holding on.

The difficulty with depression and other mental illnesses is getting to the point where you realise there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Eventually many of us eventually come to that conclusion. On BB this is one of the messages we give to each other. The difficulty I find is having the right words to say this.

We can say exactly what you have written and the message could not be clearer. But how do you convince someone who is in the dark and cannot see any light. Once someone has coped in the past it does become easier because there is that previous experience to fall back on. How do you 'make' someone believe there is a future.

I am interested in your comments on this.

Regards
Mary

[demonblaster]

Hey Chris, thanks for reply 🙂

yeah it definitely does help having survived terrible downs and having had extreme good after in life. 

Atm I am in mourning for my darling partner and good old Bipolar gave me a dose of extreme low recently and this is hard to explain and could sound a bit kooky but it's how it was. 
I was in the pits, and I do mean the pits...there was a presence I guess is the best way to describe this although (not hallucination) I could see it or maybe envisage a very dark Brown (not Black surprisingly) image about the size of our chests and I knew I had to confront this and go through. 
I asked myself why am I feeling so down and explored it all and found that I'd gotten through it. The rest of the day was blagghhhh but not as bad as when it had started. 

That's helped me now, not that things are easy but I know because I beat that demon, I can do it again as we're saying. I feel much more powerful against it all and a few times since just knowing I beat it has helped me get through toughies. 

Your support is valued and appreciated. 

Thankyou 🙂

[demonblaster]

Hi White Rose, (love your name btw 🙂

Yes unfortunately being in the pits is a very very dark horrible place and depression being a master of holding us down makes it so hard to pull back up and one of the problems is it restricts our fight amongst so many other things. 

What made it easier for me is I see these and think people may think crazy talk but they're demons and when I was diagnosed with Bipolar (BP, I'm more type 2) I decided during mania which often is when you can get the mind made up, to take this beast by the horns, had enough of it dragging and hanging around like a dull or Black cloud, never too far. 

I realise religion can be a touchy subject but everyone has their own thoughts and beliefs and a right to express, so basically I didn't believe in God as such until recently I've started to think maybe there's a Good (God) and Evil (Devil and demons) which both have untold proof of, so two makers. Makes sense.

It's helping me fight demons cause I don't wanna give up anymore. I'm taking control of my life, the bad's not having me anymore to pull down. I did give up cause as most here know we lose fight and desire for pretty much everything. You don't get lower than attempting or contemplating suicide.

The thing is we do have to put in fight though and work at our minds and change our thinking patterns to more positive than allowing the negative stuff in and working on us. 

Time is an incredible thing that does pull us out of stuff. It doesn't stop either. 

I know what you're saying about how do we convince people, and for me as I said knowing that I'm beating and winning over demons is helping but for someone else I don't know. 

We can't give up, that I do know now. 
We can't be weak which depression is a master at pulling us down in every possible way but it's up to us with help where we can get it to find light and work toward it. 
We can't take the easy (not that it is particularly) way out. 

It is hard but not as hard as living in a dark dangerous sad mind. 

Don't know if this has helped, hope so. 

Love to hear from you again 🙂

[demonblaster]

I"m slowly coming outta about a 4 wk down, and with Bipolar it really takes ya to horrid places. 
Also grieving my beautiful partner of 28 yrs so it's all happening. 

There were 3 days amongst this time that I still can't put words to, and when I talk about the pits as most would know here, you can't go any lower and I could describe that and even pushed through a dark area to get to other side that made a huge dif.

I knew if I stayed in bed and EVERY part of me wanted to, believe me but I knew it couldn't be an option so I mustered up every fibre in my being and got outta bed. Pfffft, knew I couldn't be alone with this wickedly dark place I was in, and was petrified of going lower which then I would have been contemplating. Couldn't think, well did for a second to ring a place that could have helped but that went outta mind almost straight away, just couldn't do anything. 

What I've found does help a little and at times just a little can be enough to pull us through is movement, just going from room to lounge, sounds whacked I know but there's distractions which although we need to think about stuff and work out why we're so low, over these days I was incapable of thought process, still as mentioned can't put where I was into words. 

Anyway movement and time helped. 



 

[demonblaster]

BP (Bipolar) has slammed moreso since the loss of my beautiful loving partner closish to 2 &1/2 yrs ago, I've been a rapid cycler (4 or more cycles/episodes a year, I'm about 8/10 a yr. Wipes ya, but ya get a beautiful dose of pure utter happiness, magic, worth the work. Some poor peeps don't have the highs just the downs, pffffttt

Seriously if I don't work this out how to beat it, made enourmous progress over last few yrs but now I HAVE to work really hard at this else I feel I'll go under and I'm stuffed if I'm gunna let this win, had me all my life, my turn for control.

Jeesh though, rough as day yesterday, very very low, then today had very social time amongst lot of love, family/friends, feeling soooo much better.
It gets frightening how low you go and I fear going under the line, dark & black head space, the pits.

It's not easy but I'm re wiring my thinking, we NEED to have good insight, look deep work out why, then how to fix.

I truly believe we can beat depression, that we all have the tools it's finding and learning to use is the hard part but worth the fight for freedom, peace of mind, happiness, we ALL wanna be happy, and we can.
I'm pretty sure though we need to work on our heads, constructive thinking.

I'm gunna get there, slay the beast, teach others & help.

We can do it, believe it

[White_Rose]

Hello Demonblaster

Good to hear from you again. Reading this thread again I realised I did not answer your lost post. Sorry about that but I think around that time I was having radiation treatment for breast cancer. All good now and the follow up support is fantastic.

Your comment about rewiring makes me wonder if you know anything about neuroplasticity. If not I think it will explain a lot to you and your efforts. Neuroplasticity is all about rewiring our brains. The old adage of 'You can't teach an old dog new tricks' is wrong. We can learn until the day we die. I find it a a fascinating topic.

I also meditate which is great for keeping on an even keel. Have you tried this? You mentioned in 2015 that your belief in God had changed. Do you still feel this way, two years later? As you said we all have our beliefs and I was wondering how this is helping you.

Love to pick up the conversation again.

Mary

[demonblaster]

Hi Mary thanks for reply

What a harrowing time for you, great to hear you're better and yes support is great isn't it.
Sorry you had to go through that hell.

I'll look into neuroplascity thanks, yeah agree old dogs can learn new for sure, may just take a bit longer but worth it

Yeah I don't believe in God as such but the more I think about it there's certainly evidence both ways a theory which at the very least is helping me, is that lets say there is a God, (I do believe we're created though & possibly an experiment) that what if we have two creators, God and Devil, there's evidence of good & certainly bad, good people have bad qualities & vice versa. I don't think it's only people with mental issues, in all of us there seems to be a part of our brains that try to pull us down in many ways.
One thing I'm sure of is one of the reasons we're here is to learn.
We can become stronger from the downs.

Thanks
Go easy

[White_Rose]

I found this verse I suppose you could call it. I have all sorts of songs, poems quotes stuck on my kitchen wall but this one speaks to me about the process of learning. I hope you find it useful.

You Learn
After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security.
And you begin to learn.
And kisses aren't compromises. And presents aren't promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of a woman or a
man not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your loads on today, Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans And futures
have a way of falling down mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you ask too much.
So you plant your own garden And decorate your own soul Instead of waiting for someone to buy you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure,
That you really are strong.
And you really do have worth.
And you learn.
And you learn. With every experience you learn.
(Anonymous)

I found this to be so true. I hope you do as well.

Not sure we have two creators. For me there is only one. I agree we all have good and bad in us which has nothing to do with mental illness. Sadly the view of mental illness as evil and shameful has come from those times when people who had conditions such as schizophrenia were seen as witches etc. And of course remnants of that still persist though we no longer think of witches. It's still not considered a proper subject for conversation. But we are slowly changing and I have hope the human race will help and support those with MI just as those with physical illnesses are helped.

Mary