Be Yourself but who am I?

[quirkywords]

I have often been told to just be myself but then I am encouraged to be softer, think less, eat less, worry less, relax more , exercise more, be more confident, less timid, less cautious, more adventurous,less selfish, stop being a people pleaser, be happier, be kinder , ask less questions and the list goes on.

I find this confusing if I am to be myself why must I change?

The other problem is who am I, which self should I be: the introvert, the extrovert, the cautious, the risk-taker, the overthinker, the fast talker, the quiet one, the indecisive one, the spontaneous one, the carefree one, the worried one, the selfish one, the altruistic one, and much more.

Thse two words be yourself seem so easy for many people but not for me as it fills me with many questions.

I will limit myself to two questions .

Can you be yourself without changing?

Is it possible to change/improve a part of yourself and still be yourself?

Quirky

[quirkywords]

cmf

I am glad you are enjoying being you at the moment.

[CMF]

Thanks Quirky,

I am enjoying it and I'm changing. I decided to let my hair dry naturally on the weekend.  Well, because it's grown & has layers it now dries quite wavy. I decided to leave it instead of straightening it & I love it. Igot so many compliments at work so I've decided it's my new look! It feels bouncy and fun which makes me feel fun. One colleague keeps saying she can't believe I didn't grow my hair earlier haha. Funny how we can become "stuck" in a relationship in many way. Not just our feelings but the way we look too. I used to wear my hair wavy/curly back in the day, with lots of hairspray.  Now there's less hairspray but It's back to being natural. I love my new look.

Cmf x

[Doolhof]

Hi  quirky, CMF and all,

It can be interesting at times trying to work out who we are and if we don't appreciate ourselves right now, what would we like to change!

CMF I like the idea about a change in style for your hair. You have encouraged me to try to make a hair appointment and possibly have my thick hair layered, it too is showing signs of wanting to become more wavy these days. Usually I just brush mine after washing it and the next day it is straight.

I've recently started a new casual job, the people working there are a small team and I feel accepted, appreciated and encouraged most of the time. That is so different to my other work place where I feel like an outsider who just happens to work there.

I'm appreciating myself more and recognising a whole different skill set I am now able to use. 

It is interesting being aware of feeling like I need to be a different style of myself to suit various situations. I guess as a whole a lot of people do that, especially in a work situation.

Wishing everyone the strength to be more of the person they desire to be today.

[Moonstruck]

Hi Dools....great to make contact again after so long....you sound great and are sure to enjoy  "the new you" however you want to re-invent yourself. Its up to you....you can be anyone you want, the best version of you...you sound so much happier.....Moon S

[Moonstruck]

You may as well be yourself....everyone else is taken!!

[CMF]

Hi Dools, Moon & all reading,

Dools- yes do it! My hair is thick too & wavy. I am confident yours will look great.

Moon - how right you are with that saying. I've heard it before, I love it.

Here's to all of us finding ourselves.

[quirkywords]

Dools, moon,Cmf and all those reading,

I have thick unruly hair on a body day and wavy to curly on a good day.

Dools I liked your post and the fact you have found a work place where you feel accepted.

I have a felt a bit lost since the fires and the loss of my home shop and community. 
I had my ideal job and then I couldn’t get a paid job so found myself volunteering where I am not valued.

so now how can I be myself when I am not sure who I am.
Thanks for everyone here for your support and contributions to the discussions. 

[Doolhof]

Hi quirky, moon, CMF and to all ,

Quirky, it can be difficult to understand who we are after a time of significant loss. People who have experienced the devastation you endured astound me with their courage and determination to carry on. I suppose in a way you have to regardless of what has happened!

Wish I had some answers for you quirky. At present I am battling a continuous respiratory/sinus issue and have developed pain in my hips which limits my walking. Some days I leave for work extra early and go for a drive. I park the car on a quiet road, wind down the window, or get out of the car and take a phot on my phone. 

It is not the same as walking but it helps me look after a part of my self nurturing and mental health and helps me hold on to who I want to be in a way. 

I will be trying to phone a hair dresser soon. Last time it took me 4 weeks to get an appointment! I was also told it would be a 4 week wait to see the physio again about my hips! So  a new hair cut may take a little while to achieve!

[Moonstruck]

Good to hear from you again Doolhof...or is Dools still all right?  Gradually ageing as I am, I find myself having to sort of re-invent myself little by little as things happen to you, to your body I mean , that no one warns you about...there's the pains..I have them in hip and lower back too...doesn't need surgery or any intervention but has spoiled by walking along the beach too...and I love the ocean...I've had to learn to accept I can't walk far....it's maddening but have no choice but to do exercises physio advises.

also I was not expecting my hearing to be affected...whattt???  I am going "deaf"?  No...not really. I always thought deaf meant you could not hear everything...but I can hear...it's the "clarity" of figuring out what they are saying..i.e. on TV and now on the phone. (mainly if I don't know the person at all..friends and replies are not so bad, I am so used to their diction etc).....Upgraded hearing aids as my hearing in one ear especially gets worse, as it is...are really expensive. I can't afford them.  So have to check if I am covered somehow in my Medibank Extras.  that's all I have. 

everyday stuff like taking a plane to see family; doing my club activities, even minor housework is hard now....its useless my fighting against it, or hoping to "cure" it....it won't get better. as I age it will get worse and I don't know how to handle it....or who I have to become to enable me to handle it. The "old me" gets impatient and quite depressed at how "she" has deteriorated.....Moon S

[CMF]

Dear friends,

Quirky, It's normal to feel lost after what you went through. What you lost was part of your identity,  something you created. I'm sorry you are not valued in your volunteer job. You should be more valued as you are giving your own time for nothing in return. 

Dools,  how did you go booking your haircut? I'm loving leaving my natural curl/waves. I'm trying different hair products to see what works best. I feel more fun & outgoing with my new style/look.

I wonder...if we feel lost & unsure of who we are, would it help to write down who we'd like to be & work toward that? Slowly, slowly we can make small changes to becoming that person. I'd like to be fun & more outgoing. My new hair style makes me feel like I am & gives me the confidence to do so. 

What do you think? Wanna give it a try?