Be Yourself but who am I?

[quirkywords]

I have often been told to just be myself but then I am encouraged to be softer, think less, eat less, worry less, relax more , exercise more, be more confident, less timid, less cautious, more adventurous,less selfish, stop being a people pleaser, be happier, be kinder , ask less questions and the list goes on.

I find this confusing if I am to be myself why must I change?

The other problem is who am I, which self should I be: the introvert, the extrovert, the cautious, the risk-taker, the overthinker, the fast talker, the quiet one, the indecisive one, the spontaneous one, the carefree one, the worried one, the selfish one, the altruistic one, and much more.

Thse two words be yourself seem so easy for many people but not for me as it fills me with many questions.

I will limit myself to two questions .

Can you be yourself without changing?

Is it possible to change/improve a part of yourself and still be yourself?

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Hello to everyone and welcome to 2022.

How is everyone trying hard to be oneself in these changing times?

I sometimes worry that after the fires and through years of covid I have changed a lot so am trying to wrk out who is the real quirky.

Do you have any ideas of how to be yourself this year .?

[Moonstruck]

Hey Quirky.....how many different versions of yourself are there? Try them all on, for a day at a time perhaps, and see which one feels more comfortable....pick her! Hoping life is being kind to you at the moment. love Moon S x

[Guest_1584]

Gday db , hope your soldering along ok, and to all.

Just to the last few posts. l actually l bounced all over as to who l was,personality, what l wanted to be, yrs. Possibly unstable bc everyone else even as kids seemed to stay the same day in and out. l did have things though l knew that much. l saw far far more than most people , l also had a very vivid imagination, l was far deeper than most in thoughts and as a person.l noticed it all even as a little kid, l also had a wild side not as bad as the real wild ones,far more than average though and took yrs and yrs to tone back as it still got me into a lottttttt of trouble. l had different dreams to most l'd noticed even as a little kid to. l always knew l was very different and most mostly seemed quite simple to me. Not asking much or even thinking too much, l envied them tbh, wished l was like that, life would just be easier.

l probably needed a shrink but l would've never admitted it or seen anyone even if you could've accessed those things or cancelers and help then as you can these days.

Around 40ish though l started realizing l'd chopped and changed so much through life and that l'd also have to just accept once and for all some things about me were just too much for an average person or mate. They just didn't think about things and stuff, life, issues, things going on,didn't even see most of them, like l did. l was probably born into the wrong world and people really.

l began to think l'm sick of it all, sick of the way l was, l wanted to simplify, l didn't like the heaviness, my mind, personality. lt drove me crazy, made me unhappy and l noticed average people were much happier and content and who the hell even was l anyway.

A real turning point and l realized as l'd mellowed a bit to l wouldn't have to control myself as badly and that 3/4 of the stuff l use to think about really, just doesn't even matter anyway. Happiness is far more important, and happiness inside, within, even more important again.

So l started working at just stopping myself, just be me, people could like it or lump it. l realized to that even though my dad as although highly intelligent and really, a visionary type character, very heavy thinker, wayyy too heavy for me, was also just a bloke, himself. Very down to earth, humor, just him, and people loved him.

So l realized the best me was just being me, no need to try, just be me, it's inside, just let it be.Those realizations really changed my world.

rx

[quirkywords]

Moonstruck

thanks for your post. I don’t think I can try on different versions of me as they emerge and blend and the separate.

randomx I am glad you found the best you was just being you. You said no need to try just be me.

The thing you have to know is who the real you is to begin with, if I knew that I wouldn’t be always trying to work out who my real self is.
Thanks for your reply.

[Guest_1584]

Hi quirk.

But l still had bad habits to work on and those other sides of me that made me miserable, and anxiety, and l still am. But l never wanted to be perfect, l'm safe there haha. But you know, the person l am, the basics of personality l discovered was just fine and probably always would've been if only l'd allowed it to just be. And it was just inside, all along , and it will be with you too.

So what l'm saying is there's nothing to know or look for , it's all just in there, all you have to do is relax and let you be the natural you.

[quirkywords]

Randomx

Thanks but to me it is not that simple as people and books and media have been saying all my life To be myself then in next breath tell me how I can change, relax,eat less, be patient, reflect for practise mindfulness, just be natural etc etc.

In writing one is urged to find one’s own authentic voice and then you are encouraged to pay for writing courses and or books soy you can learnt to be natuRal andUthentic.
Thanks

[Guest_1584]

Oh God yeah , l've seen what's out there and all over the internet these days, it's enough to mess anyone up.

l always tell people stay away from all of it, go for a walk instead, or do something you like, or go have some fun haha.

lt is hard though and much easier said than done especially with MH issues, l know.

rx

[Elizabeth CP]

It is important to remember we have different parts of ourselves which show up in different situations. They are all you so worrying about which is the true you is fruitless. Based on my experience going through a significant traumatic event changes you. For me I had to accept that there are somethings which the effort to change them is not worth potential benefit. Prior to the fire I wanted to be a doctor. After my fear of facing someone with burns made that impossible. Even now rembering doing first aid courses and learning burns treatment brings back feelings of panic. Obviously your situation is different but if there are things you can't face and can go through life without facing them that is ok. I was advised by psychs that if there was a fire in the area it was better for me to leave no matter how remote the chance was of being directly impacted. I had to accept that I was not going to remain rational enough not to endanger myself or others. There are other things which I really struggled with but I needed to push myself to deal with them because avoiding them was going to restrict my life too much. You need to decide what is important enough to push through and change and what to accept as your new normal.

[quirkywords]

Elizabeth thanks for your helpful suggestion.

Your words really have motivated me. You wrote

“You need to decide what is important enough to push through and change and what to accept as your new normal.”

My challenge is to listen to myself and discover what zi want to keep or change.

I find the word normal difficult as what is normal. I change through the day and week so have no normal.

[Elizabeth CP]

If you find something is really difficult to cope with then that is the thing you need to change even if it takes time as you work onecstep at a time. But this has to be what matters to you not someone else's idea of what to change. For example as a teenager I couldn't lught a match due to my fear but felt embarassed. I wanted to be able to cook on the gas stoves at school so I pushed myself through my fear until I could do it. Noone else was even aware of my problem so it was my decision alone. Obviously your issues will be very different. On the other hand my fear of sunburn is such I only go in the sun for short periods in summer and I am totally covered even when swimming I wear long sleeves and leggings. Others think I go overboard but it is not worth the trauma of trying to overcome this fear just so I can dress like others in summer. When I used the term normal I meant what you feel comfortable doing not what others percieve as normal. You can change later if and when you feel something is not right for you.Even those close to you are not living in your skin so dont understand what it is like for you.