Be Yourself but who am I?

[quirkywords]

I have often been told to just be myself but then I am encouraged to be softer, think less, eat less, worry less, relax more , exercise more, be more confident, less timid, less cautious, more adventurous,less selfish, stop being a people pleaser, be happier, be kinder , ask less questions and the list goes on.

I find this confusing if I am to be myself why must I change?

The other problem is who am I, which self should I be: the introvert, the extrovert, the cautious, the risk-taker, the overthinker, the fast talker, the quiet one, the indecisive one, the spontaneous one, the carefree one, the worried one, the selfish one, the altruistic one, and much more.

Thse two words be yourself seem so easy for many people but not for me as it fills me with many questions.

I will limit myself to two questions .

Can you be yourself without changing?

Is it possible to change/improve a part of yourself and still be yourself?

Quirky

[Elizabeth CP]

Maybe we need to focus on moving in the direction we want to go. We can't change drastically and trying just leads to failure. If I tried to run a marathon I'd fail but if I took small steps tp be fitter I could manage to slowly improve my fitness. It is the same with other traits. I have seen you grandy gradually change from someone too afraid to do anything to going to work and to posting really uplifting posts to lift others. I know there are things you still struggle with like most of us but each of us can take small steps to improve in the area that matter to us/ Not what others tell us to change!!!!

[quirkywords]

Grandy

thanks for your post.

i think we may be depressed but not sure we are depression or anxiety. I have spent my life saying I sm not my illness as I won’t let it define me.

I am interested in your perspective.

[quirkywords]

Elizabeth thanks for your post.

I think small steps to change can be helpful but as you say we must change things that matter to us not just because we are told to change.

[Guest_1584]

Hi quirk

Sorry to hear of your struggles. l had a lot of trouble being myself most of my life earlier. But it was weird really , although not weird at all it's perfectly logical but as soon as l stopped caring , l dunno , 7yrs ago maybe , and l finally for the first time in my life actually stabilized, guess what ! Although l don't have or even like having too many friends , l've still found more and more though since then , that people actually like me , just me, me as myself. And l find it with most encounters with most people too, just people, everyday people out and about. People l don't know or have to deal with for something.or people family or whomever , l do know , which aren't many apart from family but still , l've found all the same.

l think it could be the answer for a lot of people , your inside, just set yourself free , just be you . And faults and all , also seem to go across and just be excepted when we just stop caring about them too much . People as we know , smell fear or uncertainty within us from 100 paces , and as we know even those supposedly close to us will pounce on that given their mood or whatever at some given moment. But as soon as you stop caring , there's no more of that either bc it's not there anymore or if it is you've become strong enough to push it aside or not let them see it , and it works.

All the best.

rx

[Moonstruck]

Merry Christmas Quirky...........{ who are you again???) just foolin'......I know you Quirky.....I know who I am too....wherever I go, there I am! xxxxxxx

[quirkywords]

Rx

I have always been someone who wants to play,ease others and make them happy. I never knew that was a undesirable trait till a few years ago.

i know who I am and I like that but those close to me want be to be a smart dresser,have immaculate hair and to agree with tem.
I am a colourful creative dresser, I have wild hair, and an individual thinker. So if I am myself I alienate my loved ones or worse they tell me I am embarrass them.

Thanks for your advice.

[Guest_1584]

Ahhh l dunno about advice just thoughts really and my own experience l suppose that helped me. l'm very individual,different and always very strong about that and who l am at the core even back at school . But at the same time , there was surface stuff goin on with people and from people too that l realized very young , was just quicker and easier if l just sidetracked those situations. But that wasn't always easy and where things often turned on me but anyway. Took a lot of practice but got there in the end.

Beautiful traits to have quirk yeah you'd think so wouldn't you. But l can see to that only the very good hearted themselves could handle it , and most even supposedly close to us just aren't like that , such a rare trait. Sad but true.

rx

[quirkywords]

Rx

I have been told often and for a long time I overthink things and I know I do.

Thanks for your reply.

Everyone I hope you can be yourself today and everyday.

Moon, thanks and Merry Christmas to you too. I am everywhere I go but I do change depending on mood and context.

[demonblaster]

Hi Quirky and everyone ☺

I read some back the other day and started a reply then realised I was rambling 😆 also read to the top of page. Hi Random btw ☺

Very good reading people and thanks Quirky for opening avenues of good convo.

Agreed Elizabeth I think a good approach is to be how we're comfortable with ourselves, who we want to be.

I think deep down I've known I'm a good person but people which probably most can relate can/do take us down so easily. Depressions a master at convincing us we're no good which we tend to believe our first thoughts.

If we only hear a depressive thought we'll not like or truly know ourselves because while the good part in us wants to be known it's buried.

If we think at least one more thought about a good about ourselves we might start listening to that too

So it's taken many years but getting to know myself yes to a large degree but not liking the depressed part which I'm working on.

Unsure if I've veered off topic soz if so.

True what you mentioned about being hard to accept I guess and knowing ourselves when people make unnecessary comments. Sadly we can't usually stop them but we can change how we feel about it. Not easy but with perseverence we need to get there with how we think.

Another good point made is in different situations we change. Many adapt to our surroundings which often brings out who we don't want to be.

Especially with depression pushing down our positives is when we need to search deeply for them which we do have to help know how to be true to ourselves contributing to knowing who we are.

Awesome people here at bb. We owe it to ourselves to learn our goods as well ⚘

Hope you're going well Quirky ☺

[quirkywords]

Demonblaster

thanks for your well thought out comment.

I think people on the forum tend to be self aware and have insights into their behaviour.