Be Yourself but who am I?

[quirkywords]

I have often been told to just be myself but then I am encouraged to be softer, think less, eat less, worry less, relax more , exercise more, be more confident, less timid, less cautious, more adventurous,less selfish, stop being a people pleaser, be happier, be kinder , ask less questions and the list goes on.

I find this confusing if I am to be myself why must I change?

The other problem is who am I, which self should I be: the introvert, the extrovert, the cautious, the risk-taker, the overthinker, the fast talker, the quiet one, the indecisive one, the spontaneous one, the carefree one, the worried one, the selfish one, the altruistic one, and much more.

Thse two words be yourself seem so easy for many people but not for me as it fills me with many questions.

I will limit myself to two questions .

Can you be yourself without changing?

Is it possible to change/improve a part of yourself and still be yourself?

Quirky

[Doolhof]

Hi Quirky,

Good questions! Don't know that I have the answers.

My depression and other mental health issues have me isolating a lot anyway, so social distancing can be normal for me.

I'm finding I am actually reaching out to others more now, I don't really know if it is because I want the contact or because I am concerned for them.

As for me and myself. I think in a way I am getting used to the idea of being with myself more and realise I can fight being just me or I can accept me and find ways to make my days work better for me.

Hope you find ways to deal with these changes Quirky.

Cheers from Dools

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

dools thanks for your detailed comment.

I think we can learn about ourselves.

I worry about people who feel that every joy has gone from their life and they dislike isolation and feel they will never cope with this long term.

[Doolhof]

Hi Quirky and Everyone,

As a child, I had it installed in me that spending time of frivolous and joyful experienced was not something you did until all the chores were done, school work was finished and you didn't make a mess.

As an adult, having all this time now when I could be enjoying arts and crats, I am telling my child mind that I don't have a right to do pleasurable activities, that if I do they need to have meaning and a purpose!

I read a comment that staying at home is not a punishment, it is an honour and we are protecting ourselves and others. Or something like that.

For me, I need to work on allowing myself to relax and enjoy it. There is so much I could do to bring a sense of creativity into each day.

Tonight I will look in some craft books and do a little crocheting, I'm making a blanket for an elderly man. See, it has a purpose!! Ha. Ha.

Cheers from Dools

[quirkywords]

hello dools and all,

was brought up they to rest even well you need it is lazy.

The last two days I have rested a lot and I have tried not to feel guilty.

We get bombarded from the past , from our inner critic, from friends, family and loved ones, so being ourselves becomes a challenge.

[Doolhof]

Hi Quirky,

Sometimes it is hard to get the balance right isn't it! Maybe we don't have to get it "RIGHT" maybe we just have to work with what is happening each day and find something to be thankful for at the end of the day.

I worry about people who feel that every joy has gone from their life and they dislike isolation and feel they will never cope with this long term.

You mentioned this in a comment above. For a lot of us, change is scary. No longer having the old familiar is confusing.

Guess we all need to find healthy ways to adjust and find ways to like and accept ourselves in all of this.

Cheers to you Quirky and All from Dools

[quirkywords]

Thanks Mrs Dools,

Routine is comforting and change can be scary.

I suppose we are now trying to adapt to a new way of doing things.

We need to be flexible.

[quirkywords]

hello anyone reading,

I am finding parts of myself that surprises me and I wonder am I suppressing my real feelings too much.

I see myself as patient but at times I find I am impatient and that annoys me as that is not how I see myself.

How do you see yourself and how is that different to how you may behave at times?

[Sarahbelle]

Hi quirkywords and all,

How do I see myself.....at the moment I think as rather confused, often afraid and anxious, easy to panic, absolutely get stuck in my thoughts, finding it hard to make decisions and double guessing myself. I hate the night time, I am dressing in trackies and oversized jumpers and jackets to stay warm, less time taking care of my appearance - This is not the usual me but I seem to be having more of these days than not in this current climate.

But I also see I am trying to be resilient and willing to take advice from people on these forums who understand and are full of wisdom, sensitivity and have a personal story and feel like comfortable friends, - I am questioning my unhelpful thoughts and trying extremely hard to see perspective. I am working from home but being extremely productive, in many ways this is my saving grace .

On the flip side I am a loyal and creative person, I care about others, I am a mother who adores her adult son, I also love my gorgeous dog who is a great source of joy. I am a teacher who loves her work. I love walking in the park, the sunshine and butterflies. I have much to be grateful for.

Thank you for reminding me of this.

Sarahbelle

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

Sarahbelle I like your name,

Welcome to my thread. Thanks for your well expressed post that is full of hope.

can relate to your first paragraph especially about second guessing and finding it hard to make decisions. You could hjave been writing about me.

like how you are aware of how you are behaving now but you are resilient to recognise your strengths. That is great to have insight into who you are.

hank you for showing how important it is to recognise our strengths as well as our weaknesses.

Feel free to post here whenever you like.

[CMF]

I don't know who I am at the moment. I get annoyed with people i love and who love me. I'm anxious at work due to a fallout with a colleague. I'm anxious about kids going back to school as i like not having to rush to get back to pick up little miss. I don't know what my life i meant to be or where i am meant to be or what I'm meant to be doing.

Feel flat and empty