Be Yourself but who am I?

[quirkywords]

I have often been told to just be myself but then I am encouraged to be softer, think less, eat less, worry less, relax more , exercise more, be more confident, less timid, less cautious, more adventurous,less selfish, stop being a people pleaser, be happier, be kinder , ask less questions and the list goes on.

I find this confusing if I am to be myself why must I change?

The other problem is who am I, which self should I be: the introvert, the extrovert, the cautious, the risk-taker, the overthinker, the fast talker, the quiet one, the indecisive one, the spontaneous one, the carefree one, the worried one, the selfish one, the altruistic one, and much more.

Thse two words be yourself seem so easy for many people but not for me as it fills me with many questions.

I will limit myself to two questions .

Can you be yourself without changing?

Is it possible to change/improve a part of yourself and still be yourself?

Quirky

[quirkywords]

hello everyone reading for the first time or for the umpteenth time.

Well a lot has happened in my life in last 9 weeks and maybe in your life too.

i have lost a lot of things and so question who am now with out my work that gave me an identity and my possessions that helped to define me.

are we more than our work and possessions?

what defines you?

quirky

[monkey_magic]

Hi Quirky,

Sorry to hear of your loses, it must still b raw and very hard.

I do think we are more than our work and possessions. When I lived in Qld I didn't work or have many possessions and I travelled. I felt like I was apart of the land, the sea, the stars and moon. It was truely amazing. I felt at one with my surroundings and was stripped of those possessions and work.

I am a giving, living, breathing thing who doesn't need much to survive, live, and thrive.

Now that I'm working I feel apart of my work but the feelings I experienced in Qld we're much better. I was truely alive. Every place I lived was just temporary and I explored.

I think we have many sides to our souls and what defines you in one chapter of your life doesn't necessarily define you in the next chapter but most importantly you define you. Your friends and family define you. The universe defines you and you choose which road to choose for definition.

[quirkywords]

thanks monkey.

I suppose of one chooses to start a new chapter but for ne it was forced on me by the fires.

When one plans to start a new job or a new way of life, that is because they made a choice.

When things change overnight one has not the chance to plan. So one is taken by surprise.

Quirky

[Elizabeth CP]

I think that rather than work or possessions defining us they ideally reflect who we are. Your book store I suspect reflected your love of books, your desire to share that love with others & a desire to support yourself rather than relying on others. Losing that leaves you struggling to find a way to replace this activity with something equally meaningful. This is hard enough if you've lost a job due to retrenchment but much harder when associated with trauma such as the recent fires.

A house can be easily rebuilt & most contents purchased (providing you have the money from insurance). A home is far more than the replaceable material possessions. Your home reflects your needs & interests & includes the environment it is in, the neighbourhood, the people around you & the memories triggered by special possessions. Even if a house was rebuilt in the same location as before it won't feel the same because the area & the people will have changed due to the fires. Feelings of grief & loss are normal as you struggle to rebuild a new life.

Despite this you are still you. Your values & interests will remain the same.

[quirkywords]

hello everyone.

hanks Elizabeth for your well thought out post.

the trouble is like most people I love the theory it is the practice I am struggling with.I will read ylur words many times to remind me.

Thank you.

Quirky

[PhoebeWings]

Hi Monkeymagic

You wrote...

‘I do think we are more than our work and possessions. When I lived in Qld I didn't work or have many possessions and I travelled. I felt like I was apart of the land, the sea, the stars and moon. It was truely amazing. I felt at one with my surroundings and was stripped of those possessions and work.

I am a giving, living, breathing thing who doesn't need much to survive, live, and thrive. ‘

Thank you for expressing this, it resonated very deeply for me.

[monkey_magic]

Morning PhoebeWings,

You're so welcome!

I deeply felt the elements around me at the time and totally stripped back. It was a freeing liberating experience. I had the space to swim in the ocean everyday and be free of a schedule. I just did as I felt.
Loved that lifestyle.

We are enough as we are.

[PhoebeWings]

Hi MonkeyMagic,

I just wanted to pick up on your sweet reply.

In relation to the title of thread, being ourselves.. but who is that?

You know, my small life has been spent building outwardly successful constructs, delivering in high performance roles where there’s constant feedback - which in turn fed my unhealthy need for acceptance and approval, a need which is beyond what is reasonable I think.

And then the breakdowns came.

I had accumulated clothes and furnishings and so many things to shape this ‘ID’. I definitely had a bad impulse buying habit, supported by funds - so I never thought twice about how each purchase, each thing which garnished my self portait.. really deadened the wee me inside.

I went on a Camino walk some time back, not for any particular religious or spiritual experience, I went for the pleasure of being in another country, a walk with a friend, food, the people...but what I did experience was the amazingly unburdened feeling of all the things you mentioned, just day to day living and thriving. A back pack, simple sandwich for lunch, sitting on a log somewhere. I felt like I was really owned by the universe.

I recently noticed myself creeping back into my habit of constructing a prescribed self, looking too hard for outside acknowledgement.

And that along with a wave of old grief took me down for a couple of months end 2019 and early this year.

I thought it was the grief and feelings of abandonment that were holding me in the black trough, but now, I see that although those feelings were present and real, I had lost my sense of all the things you wrote about.

I’ve been recovering and have slowed down each day, choosing simplicity.

I can live in so much pain, like all of us.

When I ground myself into a deeper reality - of which you wrote - my peace flows.

Thank you.

And sorry this is a bit long.

[quirkywords]

Phoebe wings,

Your words touched me about constructing a self for others.

I have done that in the past.

have been defining myself on what I did and now I I have lost that I struggle.

I have always been a giver and now I must reserve at all which I do with difficulty.

[quirkywords]

Hello anyone reading

So much has happened since I last wrote.

I wonder in these days of self isolation and social distancing how can we be ourselves.

I am a hugger but now I cant hug, I like being with my grandchild but now I cant.

I like chatting to people in person but now I cant.

So how can I be myself?

Any ideas?

How do you be yourself in times of self isolation and social distancing.?

Or do you prefer the social isolation?