Be Yourself but who am I?

[quirkywords]

I have often been told to just be myself but then I am encouraged to be softer, think less, eat less, worry less, relax more , exercise more, be more confident, less timid, less cautious, more adventurous,less selfish, stop being a people pleaser, be happier, be kinder , ask less questions and the list goes on.

I find this confusing if I am to be myself why must I change?

The other problem is who am I, which self should I be: the introvert, the extrovert, the cautious, the risk-taker, the overthinker, the fast talker, the quiet one, the indecisive one, the spontaneous one, the carefree one, the worried one, the selfish one, the altruistic one, and much more.

Thse two words be yourself seem so easy for many people but not for me as it fills me with many questions.

I will limit myself to two questions .

Can you be yourself without changing?

Is it possible to change/improve a part of yourself and still be yourself?

Quirky

[quirkywords]

hello everyone.

CMF

thanks for your reply.

I like this sentence.

However, I'm always interested in how others see me and open to ways on bettering myself.

That is a great way to look at life and be open to change.

Quirky

[Elizabeth CP]

I think another important way of listening to others is when we are trying to do something really hard. By getting friends or family on board they can provide the support & encouragement to keep going.Of course we need to be careful who we get to help because we need support rather than pressure or negative comments.

For example I joined Shell's thread on Walking Shoes when I was struggling to get back into regular walking. Encouraging comments, ideas & suggestions helped motivation.

When I diet I now get my husband on board. His encouragement & checking on me in a positive way helps to stay on track. Recently I had been trying to get fit for a Trek I was doing. My son knew & often asked how I was going & made suggestions.At one point he put an app on my phone to help me track my progress. In these instances the people involved were enabling me to do what I had decided I wanted rather than just telling me what to do. We all have things we want to do but struggle physically or mentally to do it Having support & encouragements helps me succeed & therfore feel better about myself

[quirkywords]

Hello all,

Elizabeth,

What a great post with helpful and practical ideas.

I think getting help and support from others is a great idea.

Quirky

[Elizabeth CP]

Another time when it is useful to listen to others is when you are unsure or stressed & having trouble making a good decision. By discussing what you are thinking about with someone you trust you can work through your thoughts & get other ideas. You don't need to agree. In fact sometimes having to listen to differing ideas & then trying to put your own view forwards can help clarify what is really important.

An example years ago I was having problems in my marriage as well as other issues and saw a councilor. After finding out what I was like & my issues she made a suggestion which shocked me. Initially I saw all the problems & barriers money time etc etc. Eventually I realized she was right. It was hard because of the financial & time constraints but with her encouragement I followed through & I am grateful as it turned my life around. A different example someone I respected made a suggestion to help me overcome some problems I was going through. Even though I decided his suggestion was not for me it helped me see what really mattered to me but triggered some other ideas on a related theme which were helpful to me.

The important thing is feeling free to express your own opinion & feeling you are being listened to so can make your own choice after being exposed to new ideas.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone reading,

Elizabeth

Thanks for your personal examples. These words of yours make so much senses.

The important thing is feeling free to express your own opinion & feeling you are being listened to so can make your own choice after being exposed to new ideas.

That is so true. your councillor gave you encouragement to make changes .

I agree people can give a suggestion that you may not follow but it helps you work out what will help.

Thanks again for your input.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Greetings everyone,

Do you feel that these days we think too much on who we are and think about ourselves to the extent we ruminate and worry , and obsess too much about ourselves.

Or is it good we have insight into who we are?

Quirky

[Ggrand]

Hello Quirky and everyone..🤗..

I think it’s important that we have insight to who we are are, so we can help ourselves when we need to...

Obsessing to much about ourselves..for me I don’t do it consciously to start with...for me it’s usually a trigger that sets of rumination, downers, negative thoughts etc...and that’s when the obsessiveness begins..trying to stop them and get back up.. can be exhausting because now I’m consciously ruminating and obsessing and questioning myself to stop it all...looking deep inside my thoughts to find a way out of where I am....In a way I think that’s where I need insight into my illness to help myself on a daily basis...by knowing our triggers and trying hard by keeping away from them the best we can...is important..to our/my mental health..

Love ...

Grandy..

[quirkywords]

Ggrand and all those reading,

I agree that insight and obsession can be difficult to distinguish at times.

Ggrand, I agree identifying our triggers is important for our health so we need to be so aware of what upsets us and what helps us.

Quirky

[Doolhof]

Hi Quirky, Grandy and All,

I'm thinking that it may depend how we formulate the thought and image about ourselves.

Are we investigating what makes us tick because we want to criticize ourselves or because we want to learn more about ourselves to make positive changes?

Are we so focussed on ourselves that we don't allow room for other people in our lives?

A counsellor connected tot he new employment agency I am attending is trying to help me see what situations and events in my life have shaped me into the person I am and where to from here.

Hopefully this understanding will help me to consider options and change for the best.

Looking at ourselves can be beneficial I believe if we do it in a healthy manner. Accept what we don't like and see what we can change.

Cheers from Dools

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone reading,

Mrs Dools,

Thnaks for your thoughtful reply.

I like the way you are open to taking on new ideas to improve yourself.

This sentence makes so much sense to me.

You wrote “ Looking at ourselves can be beneficial I believe if we do it in a healthy manner. Accept what we don't like and see what we can change.“

I think many of us like me can get defensive and set in our ways when a change of behaviour is suggested. I think being open to possibilities does help,

.Are we investigating what makes us tick because we want to criticize ourselves or because we want to learn more about ourselves to make positive changes?

That is such a good question. I would say the latter but I know it can turn into the former.

I want to be less impatient and and less irritable and try to change but may be discouraged and start telling myself how I can never change as it is too hard and I am too old to change!!

Thanks for sharing those ideas Mrs Dools.

What do others think of Mrs Dools post ?

Quirky