Be Yourself but who am I?

[quirkywords]

I have often been told to just be myself but then I am encouraged to be softer, think less, eat less, worry less, relax more , exercise more, be more confident, less timid, less cautious, more adventurous,less selfish, stop being a people pleaser, be happier, be kinder , ask less questions and the list goes on.

I find this confusing if I am to be myself why must I change?

The other problem is who am I, which self should I be: the introvert, the extrovert, the cautious, the risk-taker, the overthinker, the fast talker, the quiet one, the indecisive one, the spontaneous one, the carefree one, the worried one, the selfish one, the altruistic one, and much more.

Thse two words be yourself seem so easy for many people but not for me as it fills me with many questions.

I will limit myself to two questions .

Can you be yourself without changing?

Is it possible to change/improve a part of yourself and still be yourself?

Quirky

[Just Sara]

Hi Zen;

I haven't come across you on the forum before, so "Hey there and welcome"

I loved your post! Your list of roles and self description hits the spot indeed. Thankyou for your open and honest words.

Hey Quirky;

You attract such amazing people on here; you go girl!

My list...

I'm a mother, daughter, estranged daughter, sister, aunt, great aunt, friend, volunteer, peer supporter, neighbour, client, dog owner and surrogate mummy to him, advocate, community member, Greenie and not a Nan yet, but who knows what's around the corner?

So there you have it. When I wrote this, I didn't realise how many roles I play in people's lives. Thanks for the opportunity to share this;

Sara xo

[Just Sara]

Hi Tony;

Your secret's safe with me as well! I too sleep in my skin. Old habits die hard. lol

Thanks for the laugh btw! 🙂

Sara xo

[quirkywords]

Sara

thanks for your list. I am not a granny yet either. It is interesting to what we put on the list. I keep thinking of more things.

Quirky

[Just Sara]

Oh yeah...getting you on that one!

Us resourceful women have become so apt at multi-tasking, it's no wonder our poor brains demand time out inside ourselves.

Note to men: This is a generalised statement and in no way elicits the male population can't multi-task.

I better skedaddle before I'm called out on my words.

See ya...

Sara xo

[quirkywords]

Sara

I used to say I can mulit task, I just do 5 things at once all badly!! and I am a woman.

I haven't heard the words skedaddle for ages- love it!!

Quirky xx

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Quirky et al.,

I am several conversations behind but some interesting comments about roles here 🙂

I'm probably the odd one out here but if we are talking about personal identity (are we?), I don't really identify myself in terms of my relationships to others. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't value my relationships with others but I just see my identity as being an individual- a person- first and foremost.

I suppose the best way to explain it is you know how some people say 2 lovers is like "2 halves" coming together? Well, I personally disagree with that notion as I see it as 2 whole people (not "2 halves") coming together and what I'm referring to here is the "whole person" part...the whole person that exists independent of others is a core part of my identity. It doesn't mean that I don't value my relationships and it doesn't meant that I'm not influenced by my other people but I mean my own sense of "personhood."

Btw I am not here to start a heated debate or anything like that...merely expressing my own perspective on my own sense of identity. I don't expect everyone to agree with me (and that's 100% okay) or to identify their sense of "self" as I do. To each, their own. You do you 😉

Kind thoughts,

Pepper xx

[Peppermintbach]

Hi...

Let me try again...i guess I was trying to say that I have multiple takes on identity. I do identify in terms or roles but I also identify as an individual- both.

The individual part that I am referring to is the relatively stable parts like my personality and temperament; the parts that exist independent of my roles to others. Sure, certain traits become more or less pronounced around different people but the core traits are there and that is what I'm referring to here...

Hard to explain and hope I'm making sense. Anyway, as I said, I am not here to start a debate. Only expressing my 2c that applies to me as an individual. You're all entitled to your own opinion in terms of how you see yourself. You do you 😉

Pepper xx

[quirkywords]

Pepper ,

I welcome debate and healthy discussions. Hence all my questions.

I suppose the different roles was just meant how we relate to others and how it can make up who we are.

I can see your point about core traits and I agree they can stand alone.

I suppose certain roles like being a mother does affect who I am and how I see myself.

I may have totally confused what you said so let me know.

I also see a partnership as being between 2 whole people.

Thanks for your interesting thoughts.

What do others thinks. Do you define yourself in terms of your relationships with others or as a separate identity?

I think I may do both. As I said certain roles do affect who I am , and others may not have much influence.

Quirky

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Quirky,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It's always interesting to get a look-in to your thinking 🙂 Motherhood clearly has had a profound influence on you, and that's wonderful...

I guess I see myself as both as a stand-alone individual (in terms of my personality and temperament) as well as in my relationships to others.

I suppose I brought this idea up as I know some people (offline) who define themselves purely in terms of relationships and if those fall apart, they can end up feeling very lost. I don't mean it as criticism but just an observation. Anyway, that's neither here nor there...

Back to Quirky's question: What do others thinks. Do you define yourself in terms of your relationships with others or as a separate identity?

Kind thoughts,

Pepper xx

[Peppermintbach]

Oh dear...I feel like I'm digging myself into a hole...

Just to clarify, my comment on people (offline) who define themselves purely in terms of their relationships sometimes feel quite lost if those relationships don't work out was a general comment and observation.

I don't mean anyone here but just people I know offline 😉 Hopefully it isn't misinterpreted...

Kind thoughts,

Pepper xx