Be Yourself but who am I?

[quirkywords]

I have often been told to just be myself but then I am encouraged to be softer, think less, eat less, worry less, relax more , exercise more, be more confident, less timid, less cautious, more adventurous,less selfish, stop being a people pleaser, be happier, be kinder , ask less questions and the list goes on.

I find this confusing if I am to be myself why must I change?

The other problem is who am I, which self should I be: the introvert, the extrovert, the cautious, the risk-taker, the overthinker, the fast talker, the quiet one, the indecisive one, the spontaneous one, the carefree one, the worried one, the selfish one, the altruistic one, and much more.

Thse two words be yourself seem so easy for many people but not for me as it fills me with many questions.

I will limit myself to two questions .

Can you be yourself without changing?

Is it possible to change/improve a part of yourself and still be yourself?

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Pepper

I will join you in the hole and lend a spade.!!

I often do that but I don't think you are now. You are expressing a thoughtful opinion and I appreciate that. I tend to be a bit wishwashy at times, part of who I am, as I can see both ones of view. Maybe they are mutually exclusive, it is just how we view things.We are individuals who relate to others. A mother is only part of who i am but to say it has not affected me would be wrong for me.

Do I need that spade now??

Thanks again Pepper. Always great reading your posts.

Quirky

[Quercus]

Hehe thanks Pepper for making me giggle. You're overthinking it nothing you said was hole digging worthy 😊

Another interesting question Quirky! Hmm well I am...

• Mum/protector/endless cleaner/teacher
• Daughter, Granddaughter
• Wife/ Empress Anura/Hon
• "Daughter I never had"
• Friend
• Confidant/counsellor/self esteem coach
• Reformed ex martyr
• Colleague that cries, speaks honestly and makes people uncomfortable
• Tea addict
• John Bellion groupie
• Avid gardener and protector of the plants against roos
• Occasional hermit
• Performer

[quirkywords]

Quercus, thanks for your list. Do you feel like Pepper these roles are separate or part of who you are. Do you exist apart from your interactions with other?

Pepper I overthink everything and I overthink the fact I overthink. I don't think you overthink but rather you think through ideas rationally.

Quirky

[Quercus]

I think the roles are part of who I am. My experiences that have shaped me into how I am today.

Being a Mum has given me patience I never thought I possessed.

Being a wife has taught me regardless of my past lessons I am worth loving enough to want to marry.

Being addicted to Jon Bellion's music has given me the awareness that I can still have faith even if I'm a pretty crappy Catholic.

If you took away these things I feel I wouldn't be exactly the same person because these are my lessons.

I get what Pepper means about the importance of individuality though. I do struggle with a sense of self. Sometimes wonder if I even know what I like. Confusing.

[Guest_3712]

Hi Pepper,

Quit while you're ahead my dear . Don't worry your comments were clear as mud .

Ha he he 😂

[quirkywords]

Quercus

Thanks for explaining that about your list and also your confusion.

What do I like? Does that change from day to day, from mood to mood?

More questions .

Quirky

[Quercus]

Haha Quirky never change 😊

The majority of people want an excuse to talk about themselves but you question and make others talk more. That is a wonderful trait to have.

Yes what I like changes a lot. Not the very important things but I change my mind a lot about everything else.

What about you? You mentioned you kept finding more titles. What to you think are the titles that are the most significant to you or have the most impact on you?

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Quirky,

Thanks for the support and glad you're happy to join me in my "hole" 🙂 If anyone else is looking for us, look down. Lol!

Quercus and Stressless: I appreciate the encouragement as well as your sense of humour. Thanks!

Pepper

[Zenobia]

Quite heavy philosophy here Quirky,!

I do not think I have thought about this much since being the self centred, why am I here? teenager.

I actually don't see myself as a person in terms of my roles. I really need to probably reflect on that a bit longer. I think I am the same person no matter which of my roles I am playing. It is the role that changes but I am still me.

The other day I went to the movies and saw 'Baby Driver' and in one scene a character says she just wants to get on the road and head west. Just keep driving. I so associated with this feeling. It is like wanting to run away from your obligations, not the responsibilities, but the obligations that some people seem to be able to abandon (society often judges them harshly though) and they start a new life being free from everything that ties them to their unhappiness. It's like saying, "When is it my turn?"

First you are the dutiful mostly obedient child doing as instructed,

Then you are the young adult, supposedly with free choices but confined with a small range of real options,

Then you become the parent, in my case a mother, and the responsibilities determine every decision made,

Then you become the middle aged employee desperately trying to save for retirement, support your child and look after your parents,

You start to notice the aches and pains, the arthritis starts to creep in and you wonder, "how long have i got physically to knock off that stuff on my bucket list?"

And all you want is that partnership with someone special to hit the road and do as you please... and you can't...

So who i am has essentially been the same, but the roles haven't defined me but probably confined me.

I must sound like I don't love my family and friends, I do , truly, but

Then a homesick student said to me today, a young refugee from Iraq worried about her parents still there..."I always wish we had been born in a safe country then I wouldn't have had to leave everything and everyone I love."

Makes my problems seem so ho-hum and selfish..

So Quirky, I think we change, but when I think of my childhood dreams, they were all about discovering the planet, and I have never lost that desire...

so who am I?

Eternal adventure seeker,

Zen .

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Zen (aka Eternal adventure seeker),

I love, love, love your post because it was so passionate! Your comment that your role changes but you're still "you" resonated with me.

I also have an adventurous side and love to travel (can't afford much of it sadly yet). I hear what you're saying about wanting to sometime just up and go and escape life; I have plenty of those dreams too.

Stay adventurous, okay?

Pepper