Be Yourself but who am I?

[quirkywords]

I have often been told to just be myself but then I am encouraged to be softer, think less, eat less, worry less, relax more , exercise more, be more confident, less timid, less cautious, more adventurous,less selfish, stop being a people pleaser, be happier, be kinder , ask less questions and the list goes on.

I find this confusing if I am to be myself why must I change?

The other problem is who am I, which self should I be: the introvert, the extrovert, the cautious, the risk-taker, the overthinker, the fast talker, the quiet one, the indecisive one, the spontaneous one, the carefree one, the worried one, the selfish one, the altruistic one, and much more.

Thse two words be yourself seem so easy for many people but not for me as it fills me with many questions.

I will limit myself to two questions .

Can you be yourself without changing?

Is it possible to change/improve a part of yourself and still be yourself?

Quirky

[Guest_3712]

How is it possible to have the name Quirky and not be well, perky !

quirky-

unique and unusual in an attractive and interesting way , one of a kind, charming

Need I say more ? Ok I will

people that say " cheer up, put a smile on your face, why are you so sad all the time ? What have you got to be sad about ?" need to in Later's words , pull their head in. If they stopped to think for a minute that if they just stopped going on about it, and putting pressure on us to perform like a seal then maybe we could relax and smile.

Once just to be annoying, I walked around all day ( at home ) with this maniacal smile plastered on my face just to prove to hubby NO- ONE smiles and is happy all day every day . Just because we haven't got a smile on our dial doesn't necessarily mean we are sad - deep in thought maybe or not thinking out all . Who knows and who cares.

Quirky I have a lovely visual of you and it doesn't include the adjectives you quoted- I like the ones I quoted much better.

See you later

Stressless

[lucagabriella]

Thank you Quirky, very kind of you! I'd love to ask some questions but I don't have any at the moment (or not any as thoughtful as yours) - yours are ones that require some thought and I have really enjoyed discussion here, it allows me to think and contemplate ideas and thoughts, as well as distract me from other things I am always thinking throughout the day. Thank you for that!

And I agree Stressless, it is not possible I think to always have a smile on our dial. Not always smiling doesn't make us sad!!

[quirkywords]

Stressless

Thanks. Yes I can not handle compliments so I make fun and turn it around- just my way.

I appreciate your support.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Thanks Lucagabriella for your kind words.

I find I concentrate with a serious look on my face so people ask me to smile. It annoys me. I am a serious person. People say 'it can't be all that bad, smile".

Quirky

[lucagabriella]

Me too!! People always tell me to look more happy or ask me what's wrong, but sometimes that's just my normal face, or the face I make when I'm thinking or concentrating !

[Guest_3712]

I can't handle compliments either - my reasons are to do with self esteem issues- basically I just don't believe people .

so used to thinking I am all things negative - although as psych says why would people lie- for what reason?

You can see why I'm still in therapy- ha!

[quirkywords]

Stressless, people say you should treat yourself like you would treat a friend but I find that hard. It so easy to see the good points in others but not in myself.

I am trying though. If someone says something nice I try to say thank you and not disagree with the positives. It is a work in progress.

I wonder if we could accept a positive statement about ourselves , would that help us to find who we are.? Can we really believe what others say?

[Guest_3712]

Here's my question , how come we believe all the negative stuff heaped upon us mostly without question, but have trouble accepting simple compliments or positive feedback ?

[lucagabriella]

Good question Stressless,

I think that comes to ourselves. Because we are always in our own shoes we know all our own flaws, but we all have the tendency to over analyze what's in our heads. When we are complimented I think we are quick to reject it because we know how to counteract it because we spend so much time in our heads doing just that.
I know in my school they talk a lot about avoiding this negative bias, because apparently it has been proven that our brains do have one (I mean don't quote me, I'm just quoting someone else there). I'm glad my school are looking into that and I feel it is something everyone should try and work towards - avoiding a negative bias.

[quirkywords]

Lucagabriella and stressless and everyone reading and following,

Great question stressless and great answer Lucagabriella.

It is right we know all our faults and spend a lot of time in our heads so we reject any praise. I think we are far more critical of ourselves.

Also when I was young we were told that if we said something positive about ourselves that would be boasting or arrogant. Even now I found it hard to accept praise without thinking I am full of my own importance.

Lucagabriella, I am glad things have changed at your school.

Quirky