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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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Soberlicious96 "You can't say that!!" - knowing when to admit/accept that you don't know what to say.
  • replies: 3

Sometimes people say things that they think are helpful/constructive, when they are not. They/we don't usually mean to say unhelpful or destructive things, but we just can't find the solution. And we usually really WANT to, but just can't. So we say ... View more

Sometimes people say things that they think are helpful/constructive, when they are not. They/we don't usually mean to say unhelpful or destructive things, but we just can't find the solution. And we usually really WANT to, but just can't. So we say the first thing that comes to mind without really thinking it through, or searching our minds for a better or different response. Have you had that kind of experience? I have. Take for example my experience with a hair dresser I had one time. It was an appointment that was a 'trial' for how I wanted to wear my hair on the day of my upcoming wedding. I was both excited and nervous, and obviously quite sensitive too. So I described how I wanted to wear my hair, and her reply to my description was "Oh you can't wear your hair like that. Not with those big flappy ears either side of you head!" I WAS MORTIFIED!!! Here I was, a 'precious' bride-to-be, and there she was INSULTING my ears as being too 'big and flappy' to wear my hair pulled back and out of my face for my special day!!! I ended up smiling through gritted teeth for the rest of the appointment, and then getting my car and bursting into tears and crying all the way home. I felt so insulted and put down. and so very ugly and self-conscious. She COULD have gently suggest instead some alternative styles ..... but no, she just told me I had 'big flappy ears'. Like too when you break up with someone, and sometimes the first thing someone else says is "Oh well, there'll be someone else out there for you." And yeah, maybe there will ..... but maybe too, single life is better for some people? It's hard to move on from something that you've not even really processed yet. Usually the last thing you want to think about is 'someone else'. I guess what I am trying to say is that it's okay to say "I don't know what to say." or "I don't know what to do" and even to admit that you want to help, but don't know how. I sometimes even admit that "I might be about to put my foot in my mouth, but I think or feel ........" Sometimes the first thing we are tempted to say, can be the LAST thing a person needs or wants to hear. Perhaps you would like to share your experience of this, being mindful of course not to really identify any particular person or place. Maybe too you have some great solutions and alternatives to offer? Anyway, the floor is yours, my fellow humans! xo

Fraserg14 Losing Hope, finding hope
  • replies: 7

This is for anyone who has ever struggled to understand depression, be it their own or someone else’s. My name is Fraser and this is my story. For a long time I was depressed, but I couldn’t tell you how long because at the time I honestly didn’t kno... View more

This is for anyone who has ever struggled to understand depression, be it their own or someone else’s. My name is Fraser and this is my story. For a long time I was depressed, but I couldn’t tell you how long because at the time I honestly didn’t know. Ironically, for an even longer time, I not only didn’t believe that depression was a real thing, but thought that people who claimed to have it were simply being self-indulgent and just needed to pick themselves up and get a little perspective. After all, if people can endure kidnapping, torture, rape, children dying and so on, what possible reason could someone who had a seemingly normal life have to be depressed about? This former opinion I am now quite ashamed of, and not because I ended up suffering from depression myself, but because of the lack of empathy I showed for my fellow man and how ignorant I was. This story isn’t so much about me as trying to give people an insight into depression, but my understanding of depression and my realization of a way to try and overcome it came about as a direct consequence of what happened to me, and so to really understand this, you need to understand me. To that end, I shall briefly explain how I came to be writing this. It was May 2005. I was in the fire brigade at the time, and as a practical joke on a colleague I’d gone onto to an on-line dating website he was on to set up a fake profile and flirt with him. Juvenile I know, but if you’ve ever met a fireman, they do joke about a lot to get through the harder bits of the job. Anyway, once I was on-line, actually finding some pen-pals to while away the long nights seemed like a good idea, although I had no intention of actually meeting anyone as I’d only recently got out of a failed marriage. Almost immediately one profile caught my eye. Firstly the lady in question called Ruth, was one of the beautiful women I’d ever seen, but more than that, she’d written just one line rather than the usual long blurb people seemed to put down for the wish list for an ideal partner. She’d written just 9 words in one intrinsically sad statement which I will never forget. “I just want someone to be nice to me”. I couldn’t believe such a beautiful looking person could have had a life that resulted in this being her sole request, so I emailed her. I didn’t expect a response, she was well out my league and I didn’t even have a profile picture, but I wanted to reach out and try and give some hope that there was someone out there for her, or in fact probably lots of people who would be nice to her and not to let whatever experiences she’d had with an ex-partner taint her views on love and romance. It’s funny, but had that thought process have registered a little better at the time then perhaps my recent life and events might have been quite different, but at the time it was just a fleeting thought, a random act of kindness for a stranger that was quickly dismissed in my mind and lost in the chain of events that followed. To my surprise, Ruth emailed back, and over the following weeks emails turned to texts, texts turned to calls and we spent every spare minute in touch with each other. Living over 300KM apart, meeting wasn’t that practical and she was still living with her soon to be ex-husband who’d recently be charged with assault for beating her up (hence the profile request). We did eventually meet on the 14th July that year and it was without a doubt love at first site. 3 days later we planned to move in together and 17 days after we met I moved all the way to Manchester to live with Ruth and her daughters in our new house that I hadn’t even seen. I also proposed on the same day in the middle of Manchester train station, to which she said yes and less than a year later we got married on a beach in Kenya. For a long time it was magical. I never thought it was possible to be so happy and in love, and at times it was almost overwhelming. We had the occasional marital tiff as most couples do, but nothing serious. We endured a lot of hardship and struggles with kids, serious illness and finances and we always came through it stronger than we started. It seemed like a match made in heaven. Not once when she’d come home from work did I not feel my heart race, and not once did I wake up in the morning without a stupid smile on my face feeling like the luckiest man alive. By the end of 2013 things were definitely feeling strained after Ruth losing her job and starting a new one which was a long commute away, and the situation was not helped by me having to take a job which meant working away from home. On Easter Monday of 2014 I discovered Ruth had been having an affair, and my world fell apart. I honestly didn’t think it was possible to feel so much pain. I tried for several months to make it work still, but in the July she then discovered she was pregnant as a result of the affair, wanted to keep the baby and was leaving me. I wanted to die, plain and simple. Anything had to be better than this unfathomable hurt, but suicide wasn’t a logical choice was it, so I needed to do something else. With a seemingly rational thought process at the time, I decided that I would move to Australia and start over. New start, new job, new country, new life, and all with nothing to remind me of what I’d lost and left behind. It’d be hard, but it did seem like the only sensible solution. Fast forward exactly 6 months, and here I am, locked in a psychiatric ward after trying to take my own life. So what went wrong? Well firstly, I didn’t leave my problems behind, I just left my situation. My problems came with me, as they always do. I don’t know exactly when it all became too much and it wasn’t until I started to have counselling after my attempted suicide that I began to understand what the process even looked like. I didn’t understand why I felt how I did or why I was so unbelievably sad and unhappy, but given what I did know, I knew the situation wasn’t sustainable. Feeling how I did simply wasn’t a viable long term solution, there wasn’t anything I could envisage that would ever change it, so the only logical choice was to end my life. This is one of the first things that people need to understand about depression. Suicide can seem to someone who is suffering from depression not like an act of desperation, an impulse or a whim, but like a perfectly logical, considered and sensible plan to end their pain the only way they can think of. The idea may seem strange and the result horrific, but the process of reaching this decision can itself be no different to considering a new job or a house move. You weigh up the pros and cons, balance the books, and select the logical choice. Unfortunately, the facts and figures a depressed person is trying to make sense of are skewed, but you can only work with the data you have and without the equivalent of a mental accountant to point out the flaws in your sums, it’s difficult to spot the anomalies on your own. My choice to end my life was sensible and logical at the time and without alternatives. To me, that was how it felt, but what was so awful in my life that this was all that was left? What had I lost, what had changed to drive me to such an extreme and very final solution to resolve my problems? The answer thankfully for me, didn’t quite come too late. I lost hope. 3 simple words, which until you really think about their meaning may not sound that profound, but losing hope is I think one of the hardest things anyone can endure and what drives a lot of people to depression or suicide. I never consciously thought about hope, never studied it or focused on it, so I didn’t actually realise when it had gone, I just knew I felt different. If you think about hope, and you think about your life, how many times do you hope? Every life event I can think of started with hope. I hope I get this job, I hope she says yes, I hope it’s a good day at work, I hope the weather is nice on holiday, I hope it’s a boy, I hope he’s healthy, I hope you get better, I hope I win, I hope, I hope, I hope. Hope is our inherent optimism, that what we want might or will happen. When it doesn’t work out, hope is still there as we hope bad things don’t happen again or hope things get better. You may never have consciously thought about the importance hope plays in your life, but I urge you to try and realise just how integral it is to your everyday life and for your future. Now for a moment try to imagine not to have any. At all. No hope you’ll ever feel better, no hope that your future holds any joy, no hope you’ll ever be loved. To lose hope is to lose everything. It’s a dark, frightening and lonely place to find yourself in, and I now understand completely why people to choose to end their lives when they feel like this. They’re not being selfish or trying to hurt the people close to them that they may leave behind. If you’ve ever lost someone to depression, you may well feel anger or resentment on some level towards that person, but they weren’t trying to hurt you, of that I am sure. It wasn’t your fault that you couldn’t stop them, any more than it was their fault that they did it. They were ill, and the illness stripped away their ability to rationalize their situation properly and to find something to be hopeful for. If you’re reading this and feeling extremely sad or emotional in everyday life yourself, you may have already been diagnosed with depression, or even be suffering from it and not realise it, so think about hope. What do hope the future holds for you, and how do you hope things will turn out? If you can find hope, you will find a way back and you’ll find a way to start to build your life back. It won’t be instant, it may not be easy, but hoping you’ll make it is a great place to start. If you can’t find any hope, if you realise it’s gone, please get some help now. Don’t wait, go and talk to someone. A professional, your GP, your boss, a friend, a colleague, anyone. It’s amazing just how much people have the ability to surprise you by being there for you if you give them a chance. I hardly knew my bosses at work, and the 3 of them were there for me in ways I couldn’t ever have imagined. Truth be told they were as much a part of me pulling through as any of the counselling or professional help I received. It’s very difficult to live without hope, in fact it may be impossible, but just because you’ve lost it doesn’t mean that you can’t get it back. You do however need to recognize that it’s gone in order to go and find it again, and seeing a psychotherapist or counsellor is a good beginning. I’m not a psychiatrist or doctor, I’m just a regular guy, that’s had a fairly regular life, and I don’t profess to have a cure for anything or to hold all the answers to life’s deep and meaningful questions. I am however fairly confident that based on the laws of probability, I can’t be and won’t be the only person to try and take my own life because of losing hope. If this article helps even one single person come to terms with their own issues, to seek help, or to understand the problems of a friend or a loved one then it’s been worth it. Remember, there is always hope. It’s just that sometimes you may need a little help to find it. For me, I hope to one day find someone who loves me as much as I love them. I hope to make a life for myself in Australia. I hope to meet new friends. I hope to change people’s lives for the better. I hope to see my friends and family again back in the UK. I hope to travel and experience e new things. I hope for joy, I hope for a long life. I hope.

HGR Bed wetting
  • replies: 4

I need to talk to someone else with this problem. I not sleeping well worrying about this problem. Its happening more and more frequent.

I need to talk to someone else with this problem. I not sleeping well worrying about this problem. Its happening more and more frequent.

one_teaspoon Need guidance for get my mojo back
  • replies: 3

I'm really struggling to find motivation to be productive... my to do list is sooo long I get extremely overwhelmed, get low and just ignore the list. I would love to see someone like a life coach or something but I can't afford it. In 2004 I sustain... View more

I'm really struggling to find motivation to be productive... my to do list is sooo long I get extremely overwhelmed, get low and just ignore the list. I would love to see someone like a life coach or something but I can't afford it. In 2004 I sustained a work place injury and my monthly medication bill is $315.80 and WorkCover only pay a lousy $19.20. I'm my mums full time carer and I’m on a carers pension so money is tight. I see a psychiatrist but I can't go as much as I'd like because he charges $350 for 30mins. I’m trying to prepare for life after caring which sadly is fast approaching but I just can’t get my mojo. Are there any services like this that can help me? I have major depressive disorder, PTSD, binge eating disorder, insomnia, chronic pain (peripheral neuropathy & CRPS).

CMF Gratitude for the positive side in a negative situation.
  • replies: 18

Hi all, So today didn't start to well. Hopped into the car to take little miss to school and the car wouldn't start...flat battery. Great, my anxiety starts to rise, questions start, what ifs pop up. How will I get her to school? Why didn't I know it... View more

Hi all, So today didn't start to well. Hopped into the car to take little miss to school and the car wouldn't start...flat battery. Great, my anxiety starts to rise, questions start, what ifs pop up. How will I get her to school? Why didn't I know it was going flat? Car was serviced a month ago, why didn't the mechanic check it? Why didn't i ask them to? What if I didn't have RACV? How much will it cost? What if it happened on a day I had to work? What if it happened after work when i had to get back to pick her up from aftercare? You get the picture yeah? As I sat in my state of anxiety I started to look at the what could have occurred versus and what actually did occur. I started to counteract the negatives and realise that despite the inconvenience I was sort of lucky. For example; The battery could have gone flat when on a day I had to work - The battery went flat on a day i didn't work. The battery could have gone flat after work or while I was out and had to get back to pick up my daughter - The battery went flat first thing in the morning so I was not really stranded anywhere too far away. How would i get my daughter to school? - Fortunately her dad was able to pick her up and take her before work. What if I didn't have RACV?- Well I do have RACV so i was lucky and they were quite prompt. How much will it cost? - Sure, it was an added expense i didn't need but it goes with running a car and fortunately I have worked some extra hours the last 2 weeks so that will help with the cost of a the new battery. As I sat and thought of these things i thought to myself that it actually worked out ok for me. I wasn't going to or at work, my daughter was still home with me and her dad was able to take her to school, I've done extra hours at work , I have RACV. All these things made me realise my situation was not as bad as it initially felt. I looked back and felt grateful, so very grateful. Do you have a story to share? CMF x

Moonshadow1 Teenagers and technology
  • replies: 1

Any tips with how to reduce teenagers on screentime? Girls...facetiming..watching youtube clips. etc.. It is driving me crazy! Need them to contribute to housechores.

Any tips with how to reduce teenagers on screentime? Girls...facetiming..watching youtube clips. etc.. It is driving me crazy! Need them to contribute to housechores.

Peppermintbach 30 seconds of survival during tough times: what is yours today?
  • replies: 340

Hi everyone, I have a little survival idea that want to run by you all: I’m not asking for 30 hours or even 30 minutes. I’m only asking: If you have been going through a hard time or struggling with something (whatever that may be) what were 30 secon... View more

Hi everyone, I have a little survival idea that want to run by you all: I’m not asking for 30 hours or even 30 minutes. I’m only asking: If you have been going through a hard time or struggling with something (whatever that may be) what were 30 seconds of respite, reprieve or relief that you experienced today? What were you doing in those 30 seconds? You can write as often as you like or as infrequently as you like. It also doesn’t have to be 30 seconds either. That’s just a number that I chose, because I thought it would be doable for most people. It can be more or less than 30 seconds of survival. I would love to hear from you I’ll start: On my way to work, I spotted some Christmas decorations, and instantly thought “oh, that’s so pretty!” 30 seconds of relief from my troubles. 30 seconds of survival. Background/inspiration for this thread: I was inspired by a book that I’ve been reading. It’s based on real life events where a woman lost her husband unexpectedly, and was left both a widow & single parent overnight. As you can imagine, she struggled with immense grief and loss, and was unsure when she would be able to see beyond it...reminders of him were everywhere, and she wasn’t sure when the pain would ever subside. But during a work meeting, while giving a presentation (or maybe she was chairing a meeting?), in that brief period, she forgot about her loss as she was immersed in her work. Sure, of course, her grief returned (as it often does). But in that brief moment, she felt a sense of “normalcy”, if there ever was such a thing. Okay, so maybe work won’t be your “thing” and maybe it’s not grief that you’re struggling with. Maybe it’s something else (that’s okay and valid). What I’m getting at is recognising our capacity to survive by recalling brief moments of survival. It all adds up... Moments when either your pain, heartbreak, loss, disappointment (whatever you’re going through) was temporarily forgotten or even subsided a little. Moments, however fleeting but nonetheless important, of survival

ladybird22 Three things to do that help happiness!
  • replies: 5

I once read three simple lines and by following a simple strategy I found I had more joy inside and for me thats vital. You've probably read this before but maybe not put it into practice maybe. We ALL need; 1. Something to do 2. Someone to love 3. S... View more

I once read three simple lines and by following a simple strategy I found I had more joy inside and for me thats vital. You've probably read this before but maybe not put it into practice maybe. We ALL need; 1. Something to do 2. Someone to love 3. Something to look forward to Lately Ive been slipping backwards and I started to wonder what Im doing differently than I did a couple of years ago. I currently have a lot of changes and unsettling stressful things to get through, but I find if I basically have the above three things it keeps me on the straight road going forward. "Everybody" needs something to do and preferably somethings that brings us joy... Not everyone has someone to love infortunately, but there's a pet maybe (even a goldfish or a budgie?). If mot a family member then somone out there who needs your love? Something to look forward to is just so important, its what gets me up in the morning. It might not be a holiday to Europe, but it could be a night away to somewhere entirely different, even by yourself.. It could be creating a garden, meeting up for a coffee with someone or even just attending a group meeting that you didnt want to go to and were going to pass up? Has anybody else given these three basic principles a try? Personally I find that when these three things are in place in my life, I seem to handle all of lifes "other problems" far better.... Id be interested in hearing others stories...

Caro1107 Combating negativity
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, I’m newish here, well this is my first post. Im at a strange crossroads in my life where I really just hate my job. I’ve been doing admin since I was 21 and I’m now 34. The thought of sitting trapped in an office for 40 hours a week for ... View more

Hi everyone, I’m newish here, well this is my first post. Im at a strange crossroads in my life where I really just hate my job. I’ve been doing admin since I was 21 and I’m now 34. The thought of sitting trapped in an office for 40 hours a week for the rest of my life makes me feel sick to my stomach. I’ve been feeling like this for the past year. I’ve expressed these feelings to and how I not only want to but NEED to find a career/job that I’m passionate about. I need to feel like I’m actually accomplishing something. The problem is that the people in my life just keep squashing my ideas. They keep coming up with reasons why I shouldn't pursue something different. I find it so negative and discouraging and so I go back to being miserable in my current job. Has anyone else’s experienced this?? I feel like now I don’t have the confidence to take the leap and try something new and I’m sick of feeling like that!!

Guest7890 Nothing excites me or is enjoyable, I worry I suffer with depression
  • replies: 2

I worry that I may be suffering from depression. My university course has just started up and I already have a sense of dread of all the work I will have to do for it. I spent most of today doing readings that were so boring it took me 2 hours to get... View more

I worry that I may be suffering from depression. My university course has just started up and I already have a sense of dread of all the work I will have to do for it. I spent most of today doing readings that were so boring it took me 2 hours to get through them as I couldn't concentrate. After a while I thought I would spend some time doing something I wanted to do before I had to go to work, however, then I realised just how much I really didn't want to do anything. The past couple of weeks I have only been doing things because I feel I should or have to. Everything feels like a chore and I don't know what to do. I dread going to work, I dread doing uni work and I don't know what I actually want to do when I finally have free time. I feel bad reaching out to my boyfriend or any of my friends because I don't want to seem like I'm always so sad. I've also been crying frequently usually before sleeping at night. Has anyone else been like this and know how I can improve.