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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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Mares73 Learning to live&accept our illness
  • replies: 2

Hi all I haven't posted for a while & I'm sorry for all the people I want to wrote to & offer support. I was doing that daily before I hit a brick wall. I saw my Pyschiatrist a few days ago & asked her how she believed I could get back a sense of sel... View more

Hi all I haven't posted for a while & I'm sorry for all the people I want to wrote to & offer support. I was doing that daily before I hit a brick wall. I saw my Pyschiatrist a few days ago & asked her how she believed I could get back a sense of self and also get some Selfesteem. She replied that it doesn't just happen ie I won't wakeup one day and its gone. She said its about trying to make small changes in our lives each day and this resulting in us having more confidence etc. she said to write a list of 10 things that I could do over time (even if its just opening the mail) and over time I will see & feel different things about ourselves. But the biggest challenge was to accept what pain & suffering we have endured, accept it will always be a part of our lives but we can't do anything about it now so we decide to lock it away and move on to the challenges we currently face. Yes it's very hard & painful to do but hasn't it taken enough of our life? When we hit rock bottom as I did a few weeks ago I realised I couldn't continue to ask why things from the past had happened etc. I needed to deal with the effects of the past on me & then step forward & look at our lives now & deal with the triggers keeping us in the dark. If our lives have been a course of constant trauma as mine was, then it will take time to heal & to face the damage left behind. But it's our only chance of trying for a better life. I know on "down" days I don't even believe all this myself. It's an ongoing process. And unfortunately in order to heal we need to confront our pasts & decide what to do about them-because all they can do now is continue to haunt us. I desperately need some Selfesteem & confidence. So whilst the Drs say I'm too fragile for therapy I have been reading, looking into volunteer work etc. I know I can't live like this anymore, it's dragging me so far down. I need hope above all else & that's what I'm now looking for. Just not sure where hope comes from? I feel like a child learning all the basics again & that's kinds ironic given Pyschs say the first three years of our lives set the foundation for our future in terms of validation, comfort & reassurance. I'd like to hear & learn from others. Lve Mares ps-a big thankyou to Geoff & Neil xxx

scorch confusion of an ex self-harmer
  • replies: 7

I have not self harmed in almost 9 years (yay!)... but why is it still in the back of my mind? I could be doing any mundane, daily thing and suddenly feel like I should hurt myself. I never do it, because I remember what it was like when I did self h... View more

I have not self harmed in almost 9 years (yay!)... but why is it still in the back of my mind? I could be doing any mundane, daily thing and suddenly feel like I should hurt myself. I never do it, because I remember what it was like when I did self harm... NO WAY am I falling down that hole again, not after working so hard to climb out. But for some reason the urge is always with me, to hurt myself or something worse. Not always at the front of my mind, but lurking somewhere near the back like some creepy paparazzi. I don't want to feel this way. I don't know why I feel this way. I LIKE so much about my life, I've chosen to be happy even through the rubbish that comes with anxiety and depression. I can see how lucky and blessed I am, and I love being alive... so where do these silly, negative thoughts come from? I'm content with who I am. I don't need to, or want to, hurt myself... what is going on in my brain to make me feel these compulsions? Does anyone else have thoughts like these? Do you understand what I mean? Is it because self harm used to be an addiction for me? Like the way I sometimes crave a cigarette, even though it's been years since I smoked? Does it even work like that? Ugh, I'm just so confused.

scorch Finally making friends
  • replies: 2

Hi. Just a quick one. I wanted to share something positive from my life. I think sometimes we only focus on the negative and overlook the positive, so I wanted to share something that made me feel happy. I usually hide from interaction, my low self e... View more

Hi. Just a quick one. I wanted to share something positive from my life. I think sometimes we only focus on the negative and overlook the positive, so I wanted to share something that made me feel happy. I usually hide from interaction, my low self esteem, insecurity and anxiety tend to make me a loner. (No one can hurt me if I don't let them near) But lately I've been trying to do things that scare me so that I can function and live in the real world. Well one of those things has been wanting to make friends. My husband and I know lots of people in this small town we live in, we're involved in volunteer organisations, church etc... but we never really found any good friends here, just acquaintances. Well, we used to have 2 friends, but they both moved away and we don't see them often. Anyway, for the last couple of months we've started spending some time with an engaged couple that we met through a volunteer organisation. We've had them over to our place a couple of times, and visited them quite a bit. I'm so excited because they've become really close friends to us. We all click so well. I'm just really excited that we've finally got some friends. Good friends. It has taken a burden off my chest, and I know it's helped my hubby too - having other people to talk to. So yeah, just wanted to share this with you guys. Yesterday afternoon they called to ask us if we wanted to go four-wheel driving on the spur of the moment. Usually I freak out at unplanned events, but we said yes and had a really fun night. I think it's nice to look at the good things that happen in our lives. What are some good things that have happened to you guys lately?

Neil_1 Common theme from some recent posts AND my thoughts on facing our demons
  • replies: 7

Hi all I've been thinking (oh great I hear you all wail - especially BB moderators as they will now have to wade through this before it gets sent) and you know it's not that bad a past-time - 'thinking', although it does tend to hurt after a while, b... View more

Hi all I've been thinking (oh great I hear you all wail - especially BB moderators as they will now have to wade through this before it gets sent) and you know it's not that bad a past-time - 'thinking', although it does tend to hurt after a while, but maybe that's just me. Stick with me people as this could be a worthwhile read (even if I do say so myself). Last week I visited my psychologist for my latest appointment. As always, I had written down a number of dot points on a page, but this time I didn't even get to open that and the hour flew by as they always do. She focussed a lot of the time on me confronting some of my 'balloons of depression'. At present we're steering clear of the major balloons (these are of the hot air variety that people ride in - they're "that" big) and we are focussing on the smaller ones that I have; the ones that my psych believes that I can address, beat and overcome. Her method is for me to meet these "head-on" and this is where I tie this in with a number of recent posters who have written saying that this is their method as well. (Holy batman Neil, is it only NOW that you're realising this is one of the main ways to combat our illness!!!) Maybe it is, maybe it's not. A while ago I was so close to going back to bed and if not sleeping, to lie there in a state of comatose - but I thought no, bugga it, I'll do a couple of things and I won't be dragged back to bed by my illness. So I've prepared some food and I've tidied up a couple of spread sheets that I have things to do on and then I've come here. After this I'm heading to the garden to do some tidying up out there. My psych was telling me that I've got to keep focussed on doing things. Example: It's been approximately 5 years since I last hosted a cards night at my home. I used to do that twice a year with a group of mates ranging from anywhere between 5-7 guys for cards, beers and little wagers to make it interesting and they were always a lot of fun. But I cannot do those anymore for fear, for nervousness, anxiety, stress of having people in my home. MATES! Can you believe it? So we broke it down and went through each aspect of holding one and at the end, I might be able to try for one again. "Might". At least we spoke about it. I wish there wasn't a word maximum cause I've got so much in my head that I want to get out and feel I haven't touched on so many things. Confronting your fears, your stressors, your anxieties - breaking them down for what it will really mean if we do that. And following on from that example, say if I did hold another evening like that - they'd come around, we'd have beers, cards, no doubt a little bit of banter about the footy and other mindless chatter (not that footy is mindless!!) and I'd wake up the next morning knowing that I had gotten through something like that. A little win. Or perhaps it was a big win. On the down side, she noticed within the first 5 minutes of our appointment that she said that "you're much worse at the moment aren't you?" I said, Yep, no doubt. I reckon I'm getting worse as I get older. My stressors are increasing, not only in number but also size and power. I don't know people, I did have a lot in my mind that I wanted to talk about, to share, but now I'm just feeling empty again. As I've said to so many newbies on here, that it really DOES take an effort to come on here and write - and write about yourself. I think it's so much easier to write back to "others" in their threads. I'm tired now - and it's not even midday yet! Thanx for listening (stupid Neil - it's a website, it's "Thanx for reading"!) Neil

Mares73 Pt 2:Holding onto what I'm losing"
  • replies: 29

Hi all if you read the thread called "Holding on to what I'm losing", you"ll know I've been in a desperate dark place where my thoughts felt completely out of control & I was slipping away. I finally got to see my own Pyschiatrist and her overarching... View more

Hi all if you read the thread called "Holding on to what I'm losing", you"ll know I've been in a desperate dark place where my thoughts felt completely out of control & I was slipping away. I finally got to see my own Pyschiatrist and her overarching statement that defined the session was "Mary you have gone as far as you can go with medication, it's time to confront yourself and your life-no medications are going to fix those two things". I cried & felt ripped at my core because I knew deep down it was so true. I was on lots of different types of medications for depression & over the 8 years I'd seen her I'd tried every single one. She then said the only way she ever believed I could achieve happiness was by confronting the painful experiences I had endured & to learn to live by slowly working through those things. She said I'd experienced so much trauma that my life was ruled by fear, avoidance & isolation. this meant no opportunity for any enjoyment, stimulation or happiness. She believed my role as mother to my family had simply transferred to that of my husband when I married & there were major issues in my marriage causing me unhappiness & low Selfesteem. She said to break down what she believed I'd need to do to improve my chance of experiencing a "life" rather than an "existence for others", the following needed addressing- 1) currently my Selfesteem was below "ground zero". I was isolated & ruled by fear 2)was so worn down by my isolation, unhappiness & no sense of self that I had reached the point where I had given up. I had lost hope, saw no future & existed for the kids. 3) given how low & fragile I am-I needed to tell my husband that for the next few weeks there may be limitations to what I do re housework, responsibilities as i needed to focus on getting some strength & also finding some enjoyment ie I would be making simple dinners & making sure each day I read a magazine, watched an enjoyable DVD, read a book etc-basically spent time doing something for myself 4) rather than go to hospital I was to discuss option of me going away by myself for a week, somewhere I could get a train to-about 3hrs away & to spend this week going for walks, starting my journal, reading, purpose to experience the feeling of being away by myself & learning how to use the time focused on me-no other responsibilities. 5)o write a daily list the aim being to create purpose & routine ie walk my son to school, do some work on my "Therapy Project" which is a Selfhelp project I've started with ideas and quotes, thoughts & feelings, cutout pictures, articles & worksheets etc, spend time on something I enjoy ie reading, start off with just one household chore apart from dinner-purpose being not to get overwhelmed by chores & to just do one ie washing or vacuuming each day-NOT BOTH, to try contact one of the few friends I have & just say hi with the purpose being to upkeep/maintain the few friendships I have.Thats just what a "plan" for the day could look like. 6)my pysch knows how much I miss the intellectual stimulation of working so she suggested that in time when my "Selfesteem is above ground zero", I start to look at "Volunteering Australia" & find something I would enjoy that also help with the development of my own identity. 7) perhaps next year I could work towards the goal of returning to work which she rightly believes I would thrive on, improve Selfesteem, independence, confidence etc. She also suggested I may wish to consider retraining which did excite me. 8)my biggest challenge is accepting my extremely low Selfesteem & the reasons why, accepting & challenging my avoidance behaviours & reasons why, accepting & challenging my lack of sense of self & acknowledging & changing the things in my life that have contributed to my depression. That is a a lot of work to do on myself. It means addressing issues around my abusive traumatic childhood, my role as a "mother" in my family, the abuse experienced by a Priest, the reasons for marrying the first person I met at 19,, the inequity in the marriage, my experience of being assaulted by a stranger, having PTSD, the suicide of my father & my husband getting acute leukemia. So I have a lot of work to do on myself. I've learnt to avoid things out of fear of being judged. I live with a lot of fear, self hate & whole range of insecurities. I'm a bit frightened & overwhelmed by what needs to happen for me to find a life I want to life. But I guess it's empowering as well -when I look beyond the fear it means things aren't all beyond my control. It means i have to work hard on confronting my fears, doubts & insecurities about myself. it means having a go at something rather than avoiding it. it means being out of my comfort zone. To participate in activities id usually avoid. But if shes right-it also means theres a tiny spark of hope. (Geoff I'd love your reply/own perspective) Lve Mares xxx

Chris D To Everyone
  • replies: 6

As i sit in my room listening to music on this Tuesday morning, i give myself time to sit and relax before my group sessions this afternoon. I have also being reading many of your posts to eachother. Things are going pretty well, although there is st... View more

As i sit in my room listening to music on this Tuesday morning, i give myself time to sit and relax before my group sessions this afternoon. I have also being reading many of your posts to eachother. Things are going pretty well, although there is still alot of work still to be worked through. At this very moment in time i think of all of you who are struggling with your mental illness both in silent and in voice. If i could have just one wish, that would be for everyone to get the help and support they deserve to help you all manage our respective mental illnesses and to live a life that we have all wished we could have. I understand things are tough and are a struggle at times but we just need to take it one day at a time or to break each day down into smaller segments e.g. hr by hr etc. STAND TALL, BE DEFIANT AND BE STRONG. Chris

Andrew1972 There is hope
  • replies: 2

Lost a family member to car accident Horrible skin rash and anxiety Changed my diet Reduced stress Started exercising And most dramatic Got off my antidepressant meds now my skin is awesome Slowly getting back my fight for life If I can do it you can... View more

Lost a family member to car accident Horrible skin rash and anxiety Changed my diet Reduced stress Started exercising And most dramatic Got off my antidepressant meds now my skin is awesome Slowly getting back my fight for life If I can do it you can too You are unique Be kind to yourself Smile Andrew

MelB2 Feeling hopeful
  • replies: 1

I just had to share this because I am feeling positive about it. I had my first session with a new therapist yesterday and it went really well. She understood me when I said Im not here to fix everyone else in my life, Im here to fix me and learn str... View more

I just had to share this because I am feeling positive about it. I had my first session with a new therapist yesterday and it went really well. She understood me when I said Im not here to fix everyone else in my life, Im here to fix me and learn strategies I can use to help me deal with the crap as it comes up. She asked me for some background for specifics like has there ever been violence in my home - as a child or an adult - and when I burst into tears I expected her to rub her hands with glee and say thats where all my problems have come from, but she didnt. We talked a bit about it but she understood where I was coming from. I have always lost interest in counselling when they start saying Id like to get your parents in for a session. I told her my parents are 70, they know they made mistakes and they acknowledge that and feel bad for it. What good it going over it again and making them feel worse for it than they already do?? She didnt push it and got straight to work on giving me some strategies that I can use to help me get through the tough times better. The number one thing that has stuck with me is she said "you know its ok to feel these emotions dont you?" Shes so right! If I feel sad or angry I always just want to push it away and not think about what it is that is making me sad or angry. I have to mention to that I got onto her through the Lifeworx program which my work has intiated. Basically my work is paying for my first 3 sessions - all confidential and doesnt have to be anything to do with problems at work. Im lucky that I work for a company that recognises the importance of good mental health and are being proactive and helping staff and in return hopefully reducing lost productivity due sick days. Im very glad I made the call and feeling hopeful that it is going to help me!

joey You know what's not fair?
  • replies: 10

So just a warning this post is a little confusing. Because I am saying two opposite things. Don't worry I confuse myself too. But here goes... I really feel that life is not fair. I have I no one in this world. I do everything myself. I have no suppo... View more

So just a warning this post is a little confusing. Because I am saying two opposite things. Don't worry I confuse myself too. But here goes... I really feel that life is not fair. I have I no one in this world. I do everything myself. I have no support (particularly financially). If I stop working I have no money and nowhere to live. So I have kept working. And because of this I have never been taken seriously. If you can cope there is no problem. So I cope. But then I feel angry that people don't know how hard life is for me. But I never told them. I never will told them and I won't ask for help. And so I realise the above is not true. It's all in mind mind. Because maybe I have been taken seriously. Maybe I can't cope with someone trying to help so I pretend to be ok. I hate you don't leave me. That quote sums me up. I hate you don't leave me. I need help, no I am ok. I want a break, but I need to keep working. I love you, but don't try and help me. Because I will never let you. I am too scared of losing you. And there we have it. It's very confusing. That what growing up where being able to survive by yourself was necessary. Where emotions are not ok and doing your work is important.

persis0 trying to get the hang of cyber chats a first go. staying well
  • replies: 1

I,m Pers and after 62 years and 5 close family members who live pretty well with mood disorders, I find I need some new listening ears. I KNOW the secret to happiness is to be loved by others. Be loving and creative when you can. My prescription for ... View more

I,m Pers and after 62 years and 5 close family members who live pretty well with mood disorders, I find I need some new listening ears. I KNOW the secret to happiness is to be loved by others. Be loving and creative when you can. My prescription for staying well, Strive to see good and become grateful within. Have faith in getting better. Many folks do. Look for the improvements and celebrate them! Get in touch with your creative side. Less screen time. Only good food focus. Our bodies show how we are on the inside. Do something kind to you each day. Do unsolicited kind acts to other's as much as possible. This brings emotional reward and builds confidence. Routine of 3 meal times brings ritual and harmony to our lives. Moods are only wil o' the whisps. Hope I can get to talk to some of you soon, as daily life is hard, hard to see your lover robbed long ago of his potential. Blessings from pers.