Son & his family want to stay with us until he finds another house. Worried about how to deal with this given our situation.

Elizabeth CP · ‎30-03-2016

As discussed on other threads I have been struggling with anxiety, depression & exhaustion while caring for my husband who is blind & has a chronic illness which has led to frequent episodes of illness. In desperation I rang for help last week & arranged for a carer to assist so I could go away for a couple of days on a family camp over Easter. Unfortunately I developed a stomach bug so haven't been well since coming home on Sunday so fatigue is still a major problem. My husband has gone away for 5 nights with MDA & I promised I would try to rest & recover while he is away.

Today my son rang to say they had to move out of their house on Friday & have nowhere to live so can they stay with us. We downsized a few years ago due to my husband's condition so there is little room for 2 adults & a 2yr old & 11mth old. I feel like I'm in a no win situation. If I say no they have nowhere to live so I'm a terrible parent. My son also has a history of depression & has only recently started work again after a long period of being too unwell to work & being suicidal. If I agree to have them I can't rely on them to stick to any agreements. DIL is good at promising but never follows through. I find her very stressful. She yells at her son frequently which I find upsetting. They are both very messy & I would find it hard to prepare meals due to her mess. Having them here will also make it impossible to keep the house in a suitable state to ensure my husband's safety given his blindness. Tiredness tends to lead to my husband becoming ill putting extra pressure on me. I don't know what to do.

Elizabeth CP · ‎09-04-2016

My husband is doing as well as can be expected at the moment but he looks forward to things getting back to normal. We had planned to go camping in a national park & do some walks while the weather is good & he is well. We feel we need to grab opportunities when we can since his health is so unstable. Unfortunately we are not prepared to go away while my son's family are here because they are likely to take over & it would be much harder once we return. We can't say that to them because she would just promise to do everything we wanted but she is unable to keep promises. My big concern is the risk of her children passing on a cold or other infection to my husband which could make him extremely ill & me exhausted through lack of sleep looking after him while he coughs & chokes all night. This is the reason I will give to them to insist on them moving out soon. It is a valid reason I believe so that will help me remain insistant even if they try to procrastinate. In the meantime I will avoid doing anything which makes them feel welcome or comfortable here & continue to remind them of the time frame. This is not the way I normally act but as my psych reminded me I have a responsibility to protect myself & my husband.

Guest_5218 · ‎09-04-2016

Very good advise from your psych Elizabeth. I know when it comes to protecting your husband's fragile health, you will do what needs to be done. Hopefully this boarding arrangement with your son, DIL and family will soon end in a happy situation where they find a suitable place to move into. Your reasons for not allowing them to stay any longer than absolutely necessary (or indeed at all) are totally legitimate and they must abide my your wishes. You will need to remain very strong and consistent though. No more concessions, no more deals.

I'm very proud of you for taking this stance! Well done.

Sherie xx

Elizabeth CP · ‎11-04-2016

It was nice having the weekend off from my house guests. They returned last night round teatime. They seemed more relaxed & in a better mood than normal so it was OK. My son had the weekend off so he wasn't tired like he is during the week when he comes home from work. This meant he was able to cook dinner, look after the kids & wash the dishes. I managed to speak to my son while he was washing dishes & his wife was putting the kids to bed. I told him about my concerns for my husband's health re catching an infection from the kids & gave this as the reason we couldn't extend their stay longer than Friday week. I also told my DIL the same thing this morning so they are both clear about the date.

This morning was stressful listening to her yelling at the kids while trying to get them ready for the day. My bedroom is my hideout to escape although you can still hear her yelling.

Lost_Girl · ‎11-04-2016

Hi Elizabeth,

I'm glad you had a good break on the weekend and it seems to have done your DIL good too. Not too much longer now. You are doing terrific.

I read about your walk with Vision Australia too. That's great. Have you come across a lady called Suzy at Vision Aust? I volunteered under her guidance and she was so lovely.

Kind thoughts

Carol xx

Elizabeth CP · ‎11-04-2016

Thank you Carol, I have met a number of people from Vision Australia but only remember the names of those I've had much contact with so unsure if I met Suzy

Lost_Girl · ‎11-04-2016

I hope the next few weeks go quickly for you.

Carol xx

Guest_5218 · ‎12-04-2016

Hi Elizabeth - just thinking of you.

Are you coping okay now that 'the invaders' are back in your home again after the weekend break? ( - :

I hope you manage to spend some time away from the DIL and in the sanctity of your room if necessary, but more importantly that you get out and about occasionally as well. Your walks are good, and I hope you are able to continue to do that as much as possible.

Has there been any success in the home seeking area for your son and DIL? Hope something comes up soon.

I do feel for you......

Sherie xx

Elizabeth CP · ‎12-04-2016

We are surviving. She is fully aware of the date she has to leave but I have not seen any sign of her leaving. She has put some applications in but some of them are quite late. I need to cook tea for my husband & I but I don't want to leave my room. I hate listening to her yelling at the kids.

Sherie I hope you continue to improve.

Elizabeth CP · ‎13-04-2016

I have had a day off as my son & family have been out all day. I am counting the days till they leave although they don't seem any closer to finding a house but they are both clear of the deadline. I rang my DILs mum this morning to discuss the situation & make sure she understands why we can't have them much longer. She may not be able to do anything but at least she knows the truth. I am feeling very stressed particularly when my DIL is screaming at the kids or my husband. I ate breakfast in my bedroom as I couldn't cope with being in the kitchen with her around.

topsy_ · ‎14-04-2016

Hi Elizabeth CP

"screaming at the kids or my husband" - Elizabeth that is NOT ON. Your DIL is a guest in your home. How dare she yell at your husband! And when he is unwell! I believe she just blew the departure date right out of the water! The time for her to go is NOW. It makes my blood boil to see her treat you like this. Who does she think she is?

At the very, very least she owes your husband - and you - an apology. If she won't do this then is she planning on up scaling her bad behaviour? Who knows what she will think she can get away with?

I feel so angry that she is putting you through this. I sincerely hope she will leave soon. - Lyn.