Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

[randomxx]

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

rx

[randomxx]

Yeah she'd be feeling it just as badly and building at this exact same time as it is for me right now. The way we just normally get along really our personalities in that way have always just been such a classic, on that side of things which is what it's all about for me, we were just twins in that way so that was one of the huge things that always kept me into it. You only come across this sort of click once or twice in a lifetime, if your lucky,  and many never will.

Butttt, of course there's always been the other side of her, another side of us too where other things caused the problems. We were a really weird mix usually that personality thing would seal any couple but it didn't work like that with us.

Anyway, lt's not her fault she couldn't understand the property stuff but nah , that's a totally separate thing it'd just also be nice to have a partner right now, this wk in this bs.

[randomxx]

Other times this yr while we've been going through all this with often breaks in between, l wondered what was going on in her head. But every time later it turned out that it'd been just as hard maybe even harder for her and l'd end up getting messages and calls out of the blue with some excuse.

That's another one of the very weird things, it's like a self imposed punishment to her. Can't cope with a relationship on top of her MH yet all that is twice as bad without it she was so miserable l was really worried about her. At least there's companionship and some happy and touch with a relationship - very important human needs at any time but especially in just coping with her stuff, like mine right now.

[randomxx]

Worked today but it didn't do it's magic bc before work l had to email all this stuff about the house, did my head in before l even started so l was still stressed and messed up at work all day instead of just doing my work.

Really miss a partner so much at times like this and us, we were LD 1/2 the time, yet also just there 24 7 too , anytime , probably more than most married people in the one house bc of our hrs and lifestyle we just be there, anytime.

She's actually just there , 100% more than my ex w was. And l've been there for her to same, right through.

Tbh,l read it a lot and l sort of get it but on the other hand l also just still don't understand, she thinks it'd be easier to cope with her stuff on her own but she's deeply miserable any time she tries.

dk how she hasn't seen that God knows it's gone on enough times.

[CMF]

It's gonna take time. Months. It's normal to miss being with someone, having that contact. Question...do you miss her of do you miss having a partner? 

[randomxx]

With the way we normally get along, her, hell yeah, but everything else as well too.

What a weird mad wk. l can't believe it's only wed' of this wk, this wk feels like it's been 3 wks.

Not only with stuff going on but with the new seasons coming through, longer days earlier sunlight later nights, love all that so much in nature. lt does often mess with the senses and sleep though early in l find until everything starts to adjust.

And right about when that starts happening , boom , they slam daylight savings at us yet once again and it all gets blown to shyt. The natural scheme of things and the ways it's all meant to happen, all stuffed up for yet another 6mths, then they turn around and do it to you again end of summer.

Qld's unreal like that , soooo natural. Nature can just do it's thing as the seasons roll into one another just they way they're meant to and unmessed with and your body and senses with it.

No day light savings if anyone reading doesn't happen to know. absolutely loved that about living in Qld.

[randomxx]

Feeling a lot better mentally , had a good day at therapy or you could call it work. Even though winds l swear must be Arctic were howling straight into my work area and the temp must be like 1 or something but still- good coat and l was at it.

l almost cracked as l not only miss our chatter so much but l've also felt v guilty  about my last message bc knowing her English interpretations l know she would've taken it practically opposite to how it was meant .

We haven't wanted to hurt ea other in any way but sometimes things just come out in ways , it happens with her saying things in her ways and with things l say and her interpretations.

Buttttt, l came to my se. Been thinking is she telling me any of her worries about it or apologizing although she did 20 or 30 times talking last. Writing in some forum or saying some of the incredible things l've said about her through this, doubt it. Although she may well be doing that too and she does usually start messaging again when it gets too much, it's a big thing.

But never the less, we are where we are once again bc she's flipped once again sooooo, nope , l'm not messaging apologies.

Luckily l've had much practice this yr in all this and atm now l feel like getting back to where l was earlier and getting on with my plans so we'll see.

One strange thing been going through my mind all day is that all that stuff about her and us l talked about earlier, l can't explain it but you know her, or maybe it's her very practical culture but with her, those things don't carry much wait.

They see things differently and even the word love, which to me is as big a word there is, although she loves to hear it , even that doesn't actually carry much wait either.

They're survives and so very practical and so as nice as it makes her feel they would say you can't eat it or live on it nonetheless. Well it's a bit like the rest.

At any rate, finished work and finally inside warm and cosy with a glass of red, thk the Gods what a day.

rx

[CMF]

Glad to hear you felt better. Hope you enjoyed the red. I read something 

..."what you are receiving and what you are offering are the same". It resonated with me. What do you think?

Hugs 

[randomxx]

Thx for that , unfortunately though l spoke too soon. Knew l should've shut up.

D had some troubles it's had me so upset but not only , had an encounter with gf too FRidy, but it was so bizarre . You know only 3 wks ago, we were on the ph and the emotion , love coming through was just so much , yet now all this and Fridy was like she'd just completely shut down from us, only 3 wks later, 3 wks.  Just what is that.

Well you know what , l reckon it's something to do with the house here, l know that sounds weird but as l say they're all about practical. When we talked about the house situation here she got really peed and didn't agree with what l was doing , or me moving or me taking off for awhile. - Mind you, also, two wks ago just on the taking off, she's saying she'll come to me where ever l am. A wk later she's saying she wouldn't do that why she'd hare it. Nother story.

On the house thing thought it's like that flicked a switch - it was like he's not gonna have a house then , that's it. From that second on she went weird and cold. She's known l'd move for yrs now, l was thinking about it and we talked about it 3 yrs ago.

But now it was like you shouldn't leave that house, where you gonna go what are you gonna do you shouldn't leave it. - But l told you 3 yrs ago and since l'm not happy here, told you l'd move away from here when d's grown up.

And the fact l didn't agree with her too really peed her off.

Anyway, but shouldn't that be - you should be receiving what you are offering ?

Bc if your not then one isn't feeling the same. 

[randomxx]

l don't even know why she even cares house wise anyway and she got so peed about it , she's not gonna be here anyway.

Or why she cares what l do now , same taking off for a bit of a holiday and break.

Both the house stuff and me taking off flicked a switch , it's just weird.

[randomxx]

Her country they don't move, doesn't matter whether they're happy or not most stay all life in one unit or house.

sHE never understands they way we like traveling here either bc they'll go their whole lives and never go anywhere.