Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

[randomxx]

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

rx

[CMF]

Re the saying, same same with way. Re her reactions, sounds weird to me. Like she was looking for security.

I was driving today & saw 2 cyclists going opposite direction. I watched them approach. The 2nd one put his head up as they passed me & it looked like M. Haha I was staring right at them & this person happened to look up right as they passed by. 

[randomxx]

Haaaaa , wonder if it was him , he'd put it together later for sure.

Yeah she loves her security and fair enough after what she's been through.

Dunno why she cares about whatever l do now though, well care l can understand but actually really crack it , she doesn't usually get that bad just bc she doesn't  agree.

At any rate , we did message a bit yesterday about some loose ends really had no choice but yeah she was very weird and coldish , just left me feeling what a sad way to end things after everything we've been.

But today she messaged again saying she was just really sad and sorry and upset so in a way that was sort of just nice to hear bc l'd hate to think we could just end and end up nothing and at least l know now it wasn't like that.

[CMF]

I had my window down a bit so he would have seen my hair so different. I'm hoping it got hom thinking/curious haha.

I think as tine goes on you'll realise things that just weren't right. You're lucky it's ended on a good note.  M& I would have too if he hadn't seen an opportunity to take me for granted again. He ego us just that big & he is that self centred. 

[randomxx]

Yeah l mean the car but then the girl n hair so, who knows, l'd say he'd realize later though.

yOUR PROB right l mean tbh, still don't know what to think but l have been thinking about some of the issues and especially her all over the shop ways, they do get ridiculous so much so l'd forgotten what it must be like to be with a clear headed thinking woman , someone you can actually bank on what she says.

But sorry you didn't , it is a real shame. l was really thankful for her message today especially after yesterday.

[CMF]

Don't be sorry. It was my choice to cut him off. I didn't have to but enough was enough with him. Funny thing with him is if he doesn't have me he always has an attraction when he sees me. Wonder if he did if he saw me today.  I find it really funny cos I really don't care about him.

I'm glad she sent you that message & that you're grateful for it. You guys don't need to have bitterness.  I really feel you are both a victim of circumstance. She also has a very different culture & her life was different.  Sometimes you just can't change this in someone & I feel this is challenging for you. I do still believe you need to focus on yourself now & what you need to do in your life. I think she's accepted it won't work but it takes time to fully let go. You're amicable & you are respectful of her. That is a good thing 😌

[randomxx]

Yeah , it's sort of a shame for you but on the other hand not really bc seeing through all his crap now, it's not for you. Wouldn't be for anyone that wanted something real. and this stupid sis thing, not too many women would be putting up with that crap either. So at least it's all helping you through things and eh, a bit of not caring right now ain't a bad thing either really right.

But your right yaknow, even now it's still circumstances if l wanna be black and white about the basics- even like just the Sydney/Vic , right there at this stage would be enough for most alone, so more circumstances right there. l mean l could've changed that earlier in but l needed to see things first.

l don't hold her cultural stuff against her of course , it's just her way and there;'s nothing wrong with it it's just that yaknow, 2 people do have to be able to meet in the middle somewhere though right.

She only came over here bc of her son but now his stuck in Japan real shame after everything she went through, good news is though she does at least prefer it here to her country .

ANywayyyy, yep  , time time time right. l suppose you and l both will slowly be getting on with life from here and the dust will settle where it may.

[randomxx]

Mind you, l'd be just as happy to just go live somewhere that'd be just as fine with me if we were marrying .

We've even talked about that plenty in the past me even moving closer to her and then she could come down when her business is done meantime it'd be a lot easier.

ldk she seems to forget any convos we ever have about anything where as l'm cursed with a very sharp memory, l'd rather be out there tbh, live in ignorance .

Any rate , gorgeous day just been dagging about in the sun . D come over last night so relieved she seems a lot better and we had a good talk too hoping it helped her loosen up about things and we come up with a few ideas too.

She made some mods to my new phone, couldn't even using the crazy thing if not for her but it's shaping up really well.

My phones just have to do as their told don't bug me and just work, seems you almost need a degree these days to getem doing that.

[randomxx]

Some realizations speaking of memory.

Actually our situations been so damn complicated although that's no reason to forget what you were saying in depth just a few wks ago but holy hell , over our 5yrs, so much. Often forget half of it myself.which is really saying something.

Butttt, there was the 5yr turning point, she came all the way down for it and all which she'd also done right through covid.

She did do so much for us and she did try for a long long time.

The 5yr stay l end early , whole nother story but she'd made all these plans and all and set it up so that she could stay mths.

She's mainly been like this since then she gave up and told me that but she's also given us more chances and me staying up there since then too,  last tries, l left there early a few times too.

Alright not all my fault it is bloody hard staying there l do go a bit stir crazy but they were more chances for us and l could've handled it very differently.

Just other v big reasons l didn't want us going a bit silly getting or hurtful on ea other breaking up.

[randomxx]

Saw servo girl again today, damn she is one little honey.

Buttttt, as l was saying awhile back for any poor sod reading my dribble l was seriously thinking of asking her out or a number or something for awhile. lt was a bit soon but gfex and l had been pretty well done since jan anyway and it's so rarely l see a woman that hits the spot so l had been thinking about it and kinda feeling the waters anytime l went in, we chatted a lot.

Luckily l didn't before hand anyway bc next minute as you see gf and l looked like poss' coming back but once again not to be so just add more bruising.

Anyway, l'd already decided to leave anything servo girl be before that bc not only once again was l not in a good place but plans too and someone new right now would just complicate everything.

Well l haven't seen her since anyway, 3 or 4 wks now but went in today, damnnnn, do l know what l'm doing?

l'd thought before hand then l better kind of undo things with her a little and try being more just any other customer'ish bc there were def' some sparks flying about before but now l've felt guilty bc well, decided to leave it.

Walking in the another girl there to today both looking up and glancing at ea other , l've been talked about for sure , and she greeted me with the most beautiful smile l ever saw and got chatty straight off.

l'm thinking be casual be casual just be anyone else don't look at her just pay be polite and casual and go.

She spotted the vibe though man l feel so guilty now, and she sooooo gorgeous.

This si where l need to swear for half hr.

[randomxx]

Could see she was really happy to finally see me again , damn it. And l was her butttt, well.

At any rate never did find out if she's even single anyway but been wondering about my decision all day n night since. lt is just a really bad time though too none the less.

So rare someone effects me like this though maybe there won't be another.