Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

[randomxx]

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

rx

[randomxx]

Hey farside, not sure. l lost my acc for awhile.

[TheFarSide]

Do you remember about 5 years ago contributing to a post regarding the situation I was in with a BPD wife.  https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/long-term-support-over-the/blended-family-and-bpd-wife/td-p/4025...

[randomxx]

Depends, did l contribute good or bad ha ha.

Possible l was with somebody bpd but anyway long time ago.

[randomxx]

Took a look rx, yeah, would've been me.

l see your last one , so your still together well l guess that's good , l hope.

CM, opened the message. She sent me a 2hr cuddle, that girl gives the best cuddles on the planet so that was a very very very nice present.

[TheFarSide]

A cuddle can go a long way...  I'm also generally happy with a drink (can be a tea), a seat of the couch and a genuine person to relate to while the movie screen does its things.

I'll have a read through your story and see where you're at.

As for things for me - yeah - basically it's the same situation with the same person in a different house. 

Had hope there for quite a while that DBT was going to be a success.  Might've fooled myself a little there too...

These days just back to the usual roller coaster moments.

[randomxx]

Ah , no need to bother man mines just full of lots of circles and here we are unfortunately.

But thanks anyway and yeah, love our cuddles but what your saying to reminds me of up at her place.

We watch movies on her projector up on the wall - in your face. But we have a big bed couch set up in there and we loll all over that together with munchies, doesn't get much nicer.

Haven't read your thread yet but given the subject hmm, sorry to say yeah, unfortunately l could imagine as you say. You'd be far more the expert by now then though than l ever was.

Forward must be a very hard decision for you after all this time.

[TheFarSide]

I wouldn't worry about my thread - I haven't contributed any more since those years back.  No need - all the years that came after just kept up the same toxic repetition from her.  Even I knew I was just repeating the same ole stuff.  Yes like any r/s there are moments of Bali sunshine but if I am honest its really Antarctica most of the time.  I should've left years back before - Even my son (who is much older now and much more aware) just scratches his head and says what are you doing here Dad?   None the less it hasn't shaken my self confidence or made me doubt my self worth.   I've just learnt to duck and weave better - I might be also be a more resiliant frog... (as in how do you boil a frog?)...  

I got your missus was a bit uncertain about where, what and who she is... previous experience tells me that tends to cascade down to the relationship as well...  She was travelling to Japan I think - am still reading through so I may be behind...

[randomxx]

Ahhh, as l said , just circles no need though atm we've parted anyway unfortunately, a few mths now, or maybe not, haven;t worked that part out yet.

She's had a huge 10 yrs, massive, her mh and spirit have really taken a battering.

Yeah she was a little on of about us but so was l , not too many men would take her on believe me but so l've never been sure f all that was from my uncertainty and not committing or what- long story won't go there now as l think it;s done tbh.

Your son to eh, my daughter's said the same thing to me, she's 22 butttt, it has crossed my mind she be right to and l think your son might be to my friend sorry.

From what you;ve said here alone man, it's pretty sad existence and a quite silly one to in the way of the things that we put ourselves through, yaknow.

My lady ,mostly a beautiful partner , but she also had changed a lot to just this last 12 mths. Or as cm was saying here earlier , maybe it isn't change, maybe just the real her coming out, ldk. But l'd been struggling to with this new side of her and at times wondering just wth am l doing .

[randomxx]

Mind you , that's only the latest but it's followed 5yrs of courts and legals and divorces and mh and many other dramas for which l'd been steadfast support all through. l just hadn't been sure about us and her as such and she has known that.l've also had some real trust issues with her to ad as to just who she really is. Her nationality works in these ways quite differently to ours and so that one's also been a bit tricky to.

[TheFarSide]

As long as you have landed on your feet and feel like you have some control of life again. 

MH matters seem to be growing quite a bit over recent decades - maybe its just in line with the worlds population growth but its hard to think nature would design things this way.  Are there other factors we aren't seeing?

Was your GF from Japan - from memory I think they have or had some quite strict customs. 

As just a general observation it also seems odd that we humans need social connection and like to pair bond, yet we seem as a species to have arrived at a point in time where holding together a long term relationship is statistically against you...