Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

[randomxx]

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

rx

[randomxx]

l probably should've walked 1st r 2nd one but given her mental health and hot head, she'd just pop up again like nothing happened. l often wondered if she could even remember it so you started just taking it grain of salt tbh she didn't know wth she was on about.

[CMF]

Hi rx 

You can't make a commitment when things are so up & down. As far as doing things that hurt. It goes both ways. In hindsight it's easy to say you should have walked earlier. I say the same about my situation but we continue to look at the good in people. I find it unfair on you that she keeps popping up after saying she can't be in a relationship so many times. It's like having you on a string & pulling you back in when she feels like it. I know she has all these beautiful qualities you love bit where's the consistency?

[randomxx]

Hiya cm and thx for the thoughts.

But yeah that's it , hth are you suppose to commit to that stuff or even take her seriously , or even know if it's even love or real when she can just do that anytime she wakes up feeling of colour.

l don't know how but she just never seemed to get the way it works or of how love and commitment take yrs to trust and build first. So if that's broken as if it's nothing , then your back at the start, yaknow. She just didn't get that. So she'd see 5yrs but l'd only see a few mths since the last time.

l mean l know you know the same as how m's has effected you.

They can be real hot heads though and talk a lot of shyt , they know that and l'm not suppose to take it seriously either but l bloody do.

[CMF]

Hi rx,

Funny how people can say not to take it seriously but don't realise they're hurting you. I just re read your opening post on this thread. It really sums it all up, what you've been thru last 5 years, why you couldn't commit. You should read it again. It reminds us why we are where we are sometimes.

Hugs

cmf

[randomxx]

Ahh thanks for bothering but tbh , hate to think what l wrote there l had to mix up details a bit worried a certain someone might recognize it but the story and happenings are still there and is what it is nonetheless.

Yrah, l to this day can't believe she thinks it's supposedly just nothing though either. That goes back to their ways and attitudes quite a bit seen it in her and her family to right through it's just like turning on and of a tap. l probably didn;t help there either by letting it just continue on, allowing and brushing it off.

l had to ask her yesterday what to do with some stuff here and the first thing she said was- l think l will have to be on my own for ever now l'm too sick, like we weren't even broken up yet but now we might have to.

Yada yada. Like it was something new.

l'm thinking to myself yeah yeah whatever. And she still didn't even tell me what to do with her stuff, that means she wants to leave it here just encase.

But no more just encases for me l'm afraid , l'm posting it all back to her one day which'll cost a fortune but l'm not going there again.

But then she'll message me why did l send her stuff back ,like nothings happened, why.

D and l went for a drive yesterday God she's a bloody classic. Digging round as usual , she didn't know we're done again,,, been laying low on this one as yet.

Can't print what she said to that though ha ha but the gist of it was get the hell rid of her dad.

ps, mind you l might still take your tip and go back to read the start again a few times now reminding myself to keep myself on track this time.

Can't keep going backwards with her rubbish.

Thanks cm , big hug.

[randomxx]

And the kicker, she's dancing 4 times a wk though now and loving it but she's too sick and it's wrecking her.

Ahh, you could try once a wk then , twice maybe.

Next she'll tell me she can't get out of bed but she does dance 4 times a wk.

[CMF]

Does she feel all the dancing  helps clear her mind & cope with the anxiety/depression?

You're so lucky to have this beautiful relationship with your daughter. Focus on that.  Focus on the good things & not the things that bring you sadness & frustration.  I just think of his sis & how he put her happiness before mine & a wall goes up straight away for me.

[randomxx]

lt does for sure but 4 a wk on the other hand just sends her backward. There's an hr train and bus ea way and it's of an evening when she's already wrecked anyway so then she can't cope and she's sick and nervy all over again. Once or twice a wk though work really well for her and do help.

And thanks for that with D to yeah it means so much to me. Thank the gods she's changed her mind atm on moving interstate to so as much as l'd love things to get going for her, must admit l'm relieved it's not interstate.

We ended up kayaking yesterday, beautiful day and no gf doubles with dogs turning up again either this time so that was a relief.

Anyway will do and thanks for that to. l'm mostly not bad, going about my thing really it's almost hard to even take seriously any more of late, too may cry wolves.

But yeah l see sis's thing keeping your feet on the ground , kind of a blessing l guess hey, atm anyway.

[randomxx]

Not to say what we were and what's happened isn't big it bloody is but luckily in a way anyway , all these on off's for yrs now have been training me up a long time.

They've left me unable to take it as a serious relationship and have had me planning two lives right through one with us but one without sadly to and on that one to expect it at any time any pin drop.

l've also lost a lot of respect in ways to for what we supposedly had and for her ways too.

[CMF]

I hear you & I understand.