Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

[randomxx]

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

rx

[randomxx]

Yeah afraid so cm . l know in my own sitch to be banging though so much about her her her, yrs of all her and her stuff, yaknow, it's right there. l've thought it many times.

Funny , D was in the water a bit away but she saw and thought it was her. She actually came back later saying was that O, where did she pop up from how did she get here?

The Gods are messing with me again.

But eh, wouldn't be any surprise l'd run would it , don't need another one of these let me tell ya , nooo thank you.

And thanks to cm but in supporting and helping her, waiting it out, many things and ways, yaknow l always had the weirdest feelings about it. lnside knew it probably just wasn't wise putting too much of that sort of thing into it and her.

But yeah look yaknow, as l always say , it was our good things, that meant so much to me.

[CMF]

I understand about the weird feelings. When M used to go on about us living together & what sort of house we'd have etc I used to say 'what if we break up?' When we broke up I told him I never wanted a marriage type relationship,  it's a huge commitment.  He agreed. Shows how he gets so swept up in things without looking at the big picture. Oh well, at least I could see it.

[randomxx]

Ah so he did want and talk about all that eh but you didn't want marriage or commitment  , hmmm. See how it goes now then got ya wish hey.

Wish she didn't want any of that all the pushing earlier caused so much trouble.

[randomxx]

But in saying it was all our good things that meant so much to me though- you know what , none of that meant anything to her. As l was trying to say somewhere her culture can be pretty cold about the sort of things in a relationship that mean so much to us. They're all about practicality it's totally different.

lt's a bit like, you know if they divorce, the father just leaves and goes marries someone else, starts a new life. They never see their kids or be involved again she never even knew her father.

She couldn't believe the way l am with my d or how dads are here, it freaked her out.

But the fact she never even knew her dad and never had a father figure or was ever around seeing a good relationship between a man and woman bc her mum didn't remarry , is probably why such things meant so little to her.

To this day she has zero understanding of it or men at all , or things that mean so much to me, and why.

Can't explain it but the very things that to us keep us and the relationship together and what makes it so special with the person you love, don't actually mean that much to them- it's really weird stuff.

[CMF]

He wanted it at the start, bot marriage but live together. He said within 12 months and I never said no but as we went on & I saw the hold his sis had on him I started to see how hard it might be. When we broke up he said he didn't think he wanted a marriage type relationship. I pointed out I never asked for one. I just wanted to know we were headed somewhere, that he wanted to do things with me not sis.

[randomxx]

Yeah right.

Well and l mean l know you know it anyway but it wasn't all in your head the sis thing was really bizarre stuff and no one would blame you at all.

lf it's any consolation , my brother and his gf have been doing what you and m are now for 25yrs. l know he's always been loyal to her don't know about her to him.

Not that l ever wanted what they have don't get me wrong unlike you two they fight cat n dog butttt, somehow they still out survived me and ex w.

ln a way l would still like to remarry , but in another l'd be also very happy in some part time thing as long as as you always say, it was only us.

[CMF]

Part time can be good as you are free to come & go but yes, def need the loyalty & be on the same page. I find in relationships I sometimes give too much at the expense of my own happiness,  like I did with him & sis. I enjoy not having to feel I have to have dinner with them Friday night & have him over every Saturday.when together it's just us. We don't have to accommodate everyone else & no one is dominating our time. 

[randomxx]

Yeah for sure and after 5 yrs of it no wonder.

[CMF]

This is why the distance makes it so much harder for you.  Maybe you could have stepped back, taken it a bit easier. Keep seeing each other but have a breather when she goes thru her moods. HOWEVER...if she's telling you she can't deal with a relationship etc during her moods that's not fair no matter how close or far you are. Whether casual or committed there needs to be loyalty & either in or out. None of this chopping & changing.

[randomxx]

Yeah the distance has made all this and these times really bloody hard. You know your trying to sort things out in messages and calls, it's the worst possible way to do it, it can set of so much crap. You need in person and casually with no pressure or planes or 12 hrs drives, for sure.

But you bet to l fully agree with what you've said there to. l mean to my mind to you don't chop change in out on of in a relationship and out going with your moods and stress and mh.

l mean l made big mistakes that hurt her a lot , there's no doubt l see a lot more of it now and then not committing either, especially at the 5yr bc she had that in stone.

But l have to be able to trust it , how can l commit to someone that's been on of in out anytime she feels like it for 2 or 3 yrs of it.

l can't remember when that started but l know it's been at least 2 yrs.