Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

[randomxx]

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

rx

[randomxx]

l've started this in a new thread bc it's gonna be a new start sooo, l suppose l should start from here.

There'll be another huge change next yr too now l'm dreading , and with both these things now and my mind frame of late , energy level, l just dk. To me the two biggest things in life though especially as we get older well, l just didn't bloody need it tbh it's not where life was suppose to be at this stage.

1st relationship but now soon it will be housing too.

 l'll probably be moving away and out of my place here next yr but there's a bigger story to all that too , few things actually but mainly is that, l probably won't be getting anything out of the house here financially bc of the deal l did to move into it. Whole nother story that one thing is though so that'll mean it's not like l'll be loaded up with cash from selling this place bc l won't be able to sell it, l'll just be moving out, just like from a rental.

l do have a couple of small investments but nowhere near enough to buy something else in todays mad mad house prices , so ldk wth l'll be doing tbh.

l've even thought of just buying a cheapo caravan and wondering about in that for awhile until l figure things out bc rents are also mad too but l have no idea yet where l'd even wanna live yet anyway so l don't wanna waste money and effort moving into just some rental just anywhere.

Weird isn't it, my ex w and l travelled aus and moved about for 10 yrs early on bc we did wanna be the typical working all our lives and doing when we're old later like the typical but ha, might end up doing it anyway now.

You've probably heard of all the grey nomad craze going old and older people selling up and travelling living in their caravan instead ha, that might be me after all.

With anything housing gf and were tossing and turning about the last few yrs but now that that's kaput , it's gonna be a totally different scenario and l'll be tossing up alone on it all.

Ha , maybe l'll like the lifestyle and won't even wanna buy another house even if l could , maybe l'll drive it upto Broome and park on the beach there and to hell with it all. Now there's an idea.

rx

[CMF]

Hi rx,

Sorry everything has taken such a downward turn.when it rains it pours. When do you need to decide about your living situation?

[randomxx]

Hey cm ,found it eh.

Ahh , well next yr is by choice actually , l could stay longer but l've been wanting to move awhile now was just waiting on my d's situation and to see what gf and l did too.

l'll come out of this one with a bit not much though, and l do own another cheapie country cabin that's rented out but the both things combined can't match the crazy prices goin on at the moment. Wish l wanted to just stay here then not that much would change apart from gf stuff , but l've wanted to move a few yrs now.

How you goin anyway?

Actually l'll go take a look.

[randomxx]

Mind you on gf stuff, l was usually a bit weird with her too.

Couple of things but trust was huge for me , bc l'd always wonder if all her nice together was real , so l was often hold back with her bc as soon as we were apart again she'd change and l'd know it would come again .

lt was usually like none of the good things and time together even happened . Often even after ph calls , we'd have the most beautiful ph calls. Yet often even just the very next day, she'd start talking down on us again or start saying she couldn't have a relationship again and bla bla bla.

She couldn't see herself, couldn't see the patterns either, and she couldn't see me or see what l needed from her for me to be all in properly.

She couldn't seem to understand the damage the ways she 'd act, total opposites really  would do to us and my feelings, especially trust.

Didn't seem to get that those things aren't forgotten or just brushed of , even though l did actually do a lot of that too and tried to just put it down to pressures she was still under at home and and al the stuff she'd gone through, mh.

But it all still stuck even at those time if only subconsciously.

l can't be all in or even take anything for real , if you knew the minute you were apart again , she'd start all that stuff again , no matter how nice she was together, it was just as if any of that was just fake.

She even did it yet again after the last call we had. lt was the most beautiful call, a few hrs and we talked about all sorts of things , and there was so much leve and feeling, emotion, yet boom. The very next morning , like l'd had 10 times before, l get this big mile long text , she can't be in a relationship , her health, and saying all this bad stuff about us , it was like the call never even happened.

l mean just wth was l suppose to do with that.

rx

[Skary Bill]

Mate, I just found this thread.     What a wild ride you've been on.   My heart goes out to you dude. As you say, that's really hard to work with.   There's no questioning your loyalty.. But you definitely deserve some stability.

As I travel my path and repeatedly pick myself up from knock downs.  I find myself craving simplicity. A simple roof overhead.  Milk in the fridge for tomorrows morning cuppa.   People who give back the energy I give them.  It's the little things.

I know this is all pretty fresh for you mate.     And I don't want to be that guy with the annoyingly positive perspective.     But the universe seems to be offering you a fresh start.  And given how complicated things sound right now.   Maybe it's a gift.      I say that as a guy living under a tarp in a forest.  So I'm not being flippant about starting over. 

With the caravan.  My go-to option is Airlie Beach.  lol.   Haven't been there since I was a kid.  But I've always thought it would be a lovely spot to spend one of life's low ebbs. And if that's too hot, Atherton tablelands.  Either way, I reckon the van option is sound.    I picked up a clapped out 76 Vicount with a decent frame..  doing the full interior rebuild on it.   And the other thing that may not be crazy is a yacht..  Mooring fees are generally quite cheap compared to van sites or similar..   

I'm going to follow this thread and stay in touch.       Make sure you take the time to put on some sad music and just let yourself be sad.  Otherwise it will just rattle around inside and beat you up more.  Take it easy mate. 

[randomxx]

Eh there bill , man how th did you come across this thing but eh very appreciated and thks very much .

Weird reading your thread and the way things had gone. lt sounded so similar to before this house, l went and stayed at my cabin, first time ever. Built it myself a few yrs before , it's only, 6mtr x 3 and very simple. Just one solar panel and the shower l made inside that never did work haha , and a little one burner gas stove. l made a loft bed so l could store stuff underneath,loved that bed.

Weird tiny little town, l thought would be full of real country people l wouldn't fit with bc l'm a city boy and a weird one at that but that was ok thought l'll just hang out mind my own business, cabin was treed in and v private on the very edge of town. lt turns out, there was some very nice people there had come up from the city and from all over too actually bc it was so cheap there. Made a few street chit chat friends as l'd go for walks, few single girls about too renovating old houses, living in their cars in the yards it was classic, right down my alley - who would've thought eh. Cried the day l moved over there after marriage butttt, turned out one of the nicest 18mths l'd ever had.

Anywayyyy, it's been rented out since, lot of people about quite happy to live like that and pay low rent in these mad days.

Funny , my 1 panel home made solar could power my 100watt stereo no worries so l let the music rip any time really , was so cool. It'd charge up the tool batteries ph, pc through the day, even jump started the car of it a few times.

Guy renting it says he wants to buy it, l'm 50 50 bc he's been there a long time and l feel obligated to do it cheaper but really, l need the money so. He might not even buy it yet but it's a whatever atm soo, we see.

And thks again to , gf , yeah. ldk man, just dk. She is such a damn sweetheart and we exist sooo well together when we are, hard to find for me but somehow we're both the same, live the same. But thennnn, she gets back up to syd, and go's banana's again, ldk. She doesn't get my hold back and trust, dk how, but l can't be full in when she's like that.

Mind you , she probably wouldn't be like that if l'd committed earlier and been all in , l just couldn't tell though how stable she would be though given all her stuff.

Your doin up the viscount eh , how cool, thought l might do that too so that l'm not under any pressure later to buy or rent and then l could take my time.

ln a way l feel like it might be a gift too, this house although it's been beautiful living , is too damn big for mostly only one, costs a lot, and it's been a stressful thing too.

 l'm probably outa space here , l'll get back.

[Skary Bill]

Yeah, the simple home made 6x3 sounds like my cup of tea.  Except ppl are giving solar panels away and I have about a dozen out.  I'm a bit of a nerd.     I don't think I'd sell my little spot unless I was sure of what I wanted to buy with the proceeds.    And I like the idea of putting a nice lockable container or similar somewhere on the block to store whatever I care about and free me up to travel.    I dunno. just one of the ideas that swirls around. 

Super tough situation with your GF.  The way things can be so great when you're together.. But gone the next day. That's hectic man.   Your heart is on a yoyo string..   And I know us blokes are expected to just be made of sterner stuff..  But that's going to leave a mark sooner or later.  I don't feel that we're close enough friends for me to say what I'm really thinking.  But you know what it is.   What I will say is don't undervalue yourself mate. You seem like a pretty all round decent bloke.  You're not wrong to fight for a relationship that you value. But you do deserve to be happy too.  
Is there a chance of her ever not going back to Syd? or does she have to?

[randomxx]

Thanks very much for that . Actually l might even close this thread though after and start a different one bc the damn title and gf things gonna haunt me right through you understand, and what if l'm still here 6mths time it'll still be doing it. Sooo, maybe something different and then l can also just rant abotu that too within the new one if l need to.

But yeah , l know your right and thx for the thoughts too. l have been getting sick of the bs and she does know that now. We're suppose to b not together atm but we do still talk a bit , she's back up there now. But l don't take it as an us thing now and l'm not still in partner mode if you know what l mean. We just chat a bit about whatever's been going on but tbh l'm feeling like moving myself away from that a bit more of late.Just don't feel like dealing with that yeah, yo yo.

But yeah, she did want to move in here earlier, fact l wasn't ready sorta started all this stuff. l mean l get it but ldk. Still figuring it out now and myself too tbh, and what l wanna do.

And yeah see with the cabin , it's on 1/2 a hect, that's pretty well what l'm thinking too.  might decide tomove back myself yet who knows but also if l don't have something else in mind and ready, wouldn't trust myself trying to hold on to the money while l'm waiting. So l'm easy if he doesn't buy it's still rented which really helps out too so atm , happy to let it ride.

l built a shed to store all my other stuff and to block out the neighbours behind too. People use to throw out perfect sheets at the scrap metal didn't really cost anything and it all come up pretty good really. Put a pergola around cabin and a small deck got the morning sun. just loved the simplicity, l wanna minimal right back down again to now tbh.

Hope things are rolling nicely for you anyway my friend and thx again.

Let ya know if l do start that other thread.

[Carus]

Hello Random*

I thought it only fair that I drop a quick comment on your thread*

You've been a long way with this girl and obviously care about her. Sounds like she might be a bit bi-polar? Which can be difficult to navigate and deal with.....

There may come a time when you really do just get sick of it and say "I'm done!"....and perhaps that time is not yet.....

But no need to focus too hard on that.  You'll know if and when it does come*

Regards*

Carus*