Lonely Hearts Club. Do we miss the person or the relationship?

[CMF]

So I've been wandering around the forums and reading people's threads hoping I can be of some use to someone. I've noticed I've been gravitating to threads regarding relationships and breakups and they sound quite similar and the same as my own experience. Our hearts are broken by people who:

no longer want to be with us;

cheat on us;

stay with us but don't treat us right;

That's just to mention a few. There are many reasons why relationships don't work and its always hard on the person trying to keep it together. So if someone cheats on us, treats us badly, lies to us, isn't around when we really need them, why are we so heartbroken when they leave us or why can't we leave them when we are clearly unhappy with the situation? Why do our hearts hurt so much even though it's been broken? Why do we want to stay with the person who broke it? Do we miss the person or miss the relationship or the idea of the person?

I can't stand my ex most of the time, he has good traits but at times is rude, irritating, careless, selfish, treated me very badly but still I find myself feeling sad sometimes when I think of the good times but I remind myself that i'm not sure if that was the real him. I question this because he treats him mum the same way and yet she does everything for him. Yes she is annoying and overbearing but how do you treat your own mother like that when she does as much as she does for you? I used to love his laugh, the late night calls, that he made me feel like a teenager again. Now I find his laugh annoying, he's laughing at my expense, I find him irresponsible and childish. Yet I feel sad.

I don't miss HIM. I miss the company, the fun, having someone to do things with. I feel lonely.

None of this is a new revelation. You can google the topic and read up on it. In time we may start to enjoy being on our own again, being our own person, not being put down or treated badly. We realise we have the chance to meet someone else, someone who really wants us and treats us great, our soul mate.

So why do we feel lonely and miss a person who mistreated us, or cheated on us? Why do we fight hard to be with someone who doesn't want us? Why is it so hard to move on?

cmf

[CMF]

Oh Dory,

Wow, you have been through so much. I know how much courage it would have taken to share that. You are not f in the head, i think you have been taken advantage of a few too many times by too many people. To have your husband suggest such things and to admit he still thinks about your best friend would have been heartbreaking and I too would have felt I was not enough. You don't have to justify yourself to anyone, only you know what you have really been through and how it made you feel. I feel sad that you have felt you need to prove yourself and be better than the rest when you should just be able to be yourself and loved for who you are, not what you do.

I hope you know that we love you for YOU, you are caring, lovable, funny, honest. On here you are just being you and we love that. I wouldn't want you to be any other way.

Love to you

cmf x

[velvetfaerie]

Dory you're awesome.... because you're human.

X

[velvetfaerie]

And I understand a lot.

just sans kids

[CMF]

Did you hear that Dory ? You are HUMAN!

Now stop beating yourself up over people who make you feel less than you are and get back to the cafe to help me find the key to the blanket fort.

By the way, you left the spa going.

[kanga_brumby]

Dory all can say is wow. I am that amazed I swill say it backwards wow. knowing that tells m heaps. With where have been and done I will not tell all of my story but with what I have seen i know heaps.I now understand you more now.

Kanga

[Just Sara]

Dear Comfy;

Another cracking thread lovely! Booyar! I usually steer clear of the relationship section due to triggers, but this thread's the bomb!

I'd like to quote Touille's words as they resonated with where I've come to be.

I believe we must use the brain to navigate the heart to the right person'

What wise and insightful words! I had a dream last night where someone from my past and I were becoming close. I felt myself holding back my heart, but their persistence started to kick start it again.

As events took place, a battle began to occur inside me. I felt love, I felt fear, most of all though, I was asking questions of myself. I watched his every move wondering what he was feeling also; how well I know this scenario.

When I woke, my heart felt the remnants of lost love. Although this man's face was known to me from eon's ago, it represented many faces I've met along my path. How easily and gently we fall; how hard we hit that brick wall when love's gone.

I pondered that dream for a while, but didn't look at 'him' as much as I looked at myself, my rationale and responses. My mind broke the feeling, knowing it was me who had empowerment to choose and make a decision instead of allowing him and the what if's to control situations.

Yes, love, companionship and intimacy drives our resolve and feels bloody wonderful, but it's our minds that ultimately need to steer the vehicle.

Thankyou Touille so much for that phrase. It was just the ticket...

Comfy...well deserved kudos from me!

Sez xoxo

[CMF]

Oh Sara,

You give me way too much credit. It is all the wonderful input that steers this thread.

'How easily and gently we fall; how hard we hit that brick wall when love's gone.' In my case, gbose walls were double brick or maybe i am just too soft?

cmf x

[Guest_128]

To my dear CM,

It was extremely difficult to write,as there is so much more,and you know by now it's hard for me to explain,

I am so overwhelmed from all the love I have received from my post, knowing that you all have been hurt from the other side I just wanted to give an insight into this side.

Vel, Thankyou also for your support in me.😘

Now kanga, you have surprised me and I am very greatfull that you are taking the time to get to know me. Thankyou

Dory

[CMF]

Dory,

Would it help if you started a new thread about it or add it to you other thread? Then you can keep adding to it if/when you already. I think you have enough there to be a topic on it's own.

cmf x

[Guest_3712]

Hey Dory

Only just found your post and it really upset me .

Upset me because you don't have to explain to us at all and nothing you say or do can change how we feel.

Also touched that you decided to share and trust your friends.

May I be so bold as to suggest that sometimes you hide behind your humour?

Not that I'm complaining I love your style , but good to see the more vulnerable you can use her voice when needed

See u Later -

Stressless