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Husband left

Queseyoya
Community Member
Hi a week ago my husband suffered a mental breakdown. He has anxiety and is trying to get himself better. However he has decided that being away from the home is the best way. He is also unsure whether we will be a family again. He says I have done nothing wrong but is unsure whether we we back together.
32 Replies 32

White_Rose
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Dear Queseyoya

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. So pleased you have found your way here.

The description of your situation is not unusual or new. It's very common for people with depression to believe their families would be better off without them. They feel ashamed of being anxious or depressed, largely because community attitudes are not always accepting of people with a mental illness. Tradition also says the man of the family must care for the family so when he feels he cannot do this he believes it's for him to leave.

Of course none of this true. Being with his family is the best place to be where he can get help and support and rely on the love of his wife and children.

When he collapsed last week did he see a doctor? Did he go to hospital? Can you tell us what happened? I may be repeating what has already happened so please excuse me if this is the case. He needs to see his family doctor and to be assessed about the type of help he needs. There are many people who believe they can get well on their own, simply by will power. It really doesn't work like that. If your husband has a history of anxiety, is he seeing anyone to help with this? A psychologist or psychiatrist perhaps.

Saying you have done nothing wrong is the usual comment. Not that I mean you have done something wrong, just it's his way of trying to keep his distance because he feels bad about his anxiety. He is the one who is anxious and must get well on his own so he can return home and life will go on as before. It's all very logical to him.

If he hasn't had any medical help you really need to get him to see someone. If he stays away too long it is less likely he will return because he will become accustomed to that way of life. This is what depression and anxiety do to our minds. Look at the top of the page under The Facts and read up on anxiety. Beyond Blue will send you any material you want or you can download most of it. It's really worthwhile doing this.

It may also help you to talk to someone at BB. The 24/7 helpline is 1300 22 4636. It is good to talk about these things. Although you can write in here at any time there is the possibility that you will not get an immediate answer because of the nature of these forums. However, please continue to write as we will respond.

If you can tell more about what happened it would be lovely.

Mary

Hi Mary

He has gone to the doctor's he had blood tests done and is waiting for results. To keep the anxiety at bay they have given him medication until they diagnose him. He is very willing to get assistance. The situation as he explains it is that he loves me but is not sure whether he is in love with me. He says that's why he's moved out to sort himself out and see how he feels. Whether he wants to here with us or do his own life yet still be part of our lives. I am absolutely distraught and not coping.

I would love to hear from people who could explain me to the illness. I feel like I can't function properly, I am left hanging as to what to do

Read about anxiety and depression on this website. Go to the drop down menu under The Facts at the top of the page. There is a huge amount of information available there.

Also go to The Black Dog Institute web page where you will find more information. www.blackdoginstitute.org.au

Phone the BB helpline if you want to ask questions.

Mary

Thank you Mary

How are you going today? I dropped by to see if there are any questions you want answered and to see what's happening in your neck of the woods.

Would love to continue talking.

Mary

Hi Mary

Thank you for your support, I have taken the initiative of going to the doctors and getting a referral to see a council. I have also been prescribed mild medication as I was have a lot of anxiety. I have made the decision tonstep back and give my husband his space. I have made the decision to continue getting myself back on track after this traumatic experience. I wish with all my heart he gets himself well. He doesn't want to come back as a family and I'm beginning to accept it day by day. I need to move forward and be strong for our three children. Once again your support is paramount 😊

Hello Queseyoya

That sounds like a good idea to talk to your GP. I have always found my GP to be very supportive and knowledgeable and what I value more, non-judgemental.

Taking a mild medication will help you keep your thoughts under more control and help you make decisions with a clearer head. Stepping back for a while will allow your husband to know how well he is coping and whether or not he needs more help and support. Perhaps separating you from his problems may help him realise no one is at fault. The black dog bites whoever it wants with no thought for gender, age, status or any other factor.

Did you get a chance to browse BB and read the information? I hope it has been helpful and the information on the Black Dog Institute. I have found that the more I know about my depression the easier it is to manage. Not that it has been very easy in the past but I am getting much better with the help of my GP and psychiatrist.

Do you know if your husband is getting any counselling? I think it is great you are doing this. It will help you understand where you husband is, so to speak. And you can also learn how to manage on your own. I hope all will go well for you.

I am going away tomorrow for a few days, visiting my son who lives interstate. I doubt I will be able to post here in that time. I return on Monday so not very long. You may find others are able to write in and support you.

Mary

Mary I can not thank you enough for your support. He is still awaiting to be referred to a councillor. I sincerely hope he can find the path to recovery. I have researched tirelessly about depression and anxiety disorder. I just can't come to terms with how we had a perfect marriage from my perspective to one day be told he is no longer happy and wants to be single but still be part of our lives. As much as I try to be strong for my children at times I succumb to my grief. I am struggling with our eldest who is almost 11 and is resenting his absence. She says he has abandoned them. I am hoping to gain some strategies to help her understand the situation whilst still sheltering her child innonce 😣