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dont know what to do next

Community Member
Last week I seperated from my partner of 5 years, this was his choice, I am completely devastated. I have been researching help on line and all I can find is the No Contact rule- is this the way to go?
63 Replies 63

Thanks x Do you have any ideas on how to make it work? What have you tried?

Yes thank you x

My darling girl

no I don’t. I needed to stop contacting him and I respectfully asked him to stop contacting me. Because it was like old times, but we were not together - and this messed with my head and heart.

To give you context: I fell pregnant, terminated and this all got too much for him and I. i love him and miss him every day but I know that it’s not healthy and perhaps my new normal is me - for a while. He had a lot of stuff going on too. But, I still love him and miss him and hope he finds happiness. Just as I will again. It’s tough and crappy and if I could make it go away I would. I can’t. I’ve accepted responsibility and accountability for myself and I can’t force him to love me or be with me. It does not work that way.

Please know I am here and always happy to chat XX

- happygoluckymiss

You sound so strong! How do you think I should be tomorrow at the funeral when I see him, I know I need to be strong and appear happy, but then I think I will fall in a heap

Hey shazzy

your post brought me to tears. Thank you - that’s a good thing! Strong is something I have had to learn (very hard lessons) prior to this relationship I was in toxic marriage (although at the time I did not see this - this is a whole other story! Verbal, mental and sometimes physical abuse....) I’m 36 too and single and starting to love me again (after a very long time)

tomorrow will be hard for you. It will be. I know this again all too well. You will be strong! YOU sound strong and it’s amazing the resilience and strength we can show when needed.

My advice: look your best and not for him but you. You deserve happiness and love my darling girl. Also as Jess suggested - bring a support person this will be helpful

- happygoluckymiss

Thankyou so much 🙂 Can I chat to you after the funeral on Friday to let you know how it went?

Absolutely and know we’re all here and happy to listen

- happygoluckymiss

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey shazzy

juat thought I’d drop in to say sending you lots of strength today and thinking of you.

- happygoluckymiss

Thank you, he didn't end up coming to the funeral as he was stuck about 100km away ( work). I popped into the house and saw he had changed everything around-that really took me by surprise, it was like I never lived there. I have called him this morning and was so upset- that didn't help. He said what every one is saying to to achieve and make progress with goals- I'm just struggling with how to put that into practice, but I know hes right

Thank you for getting back to us.

I was thinking of you yesterday. I’m sorry that you had to go through that. It would have been tough to see and hear that. I’m sorry. Truly sorry.

I too know how hard this is. I truly do. I would encourage you to you to please keep posting on here to express your emotions and maybe see your gp if it becomes overwhelming (it did for me and I am seeing GP and psychologist) this has been the best thing. I have heard from mine (yesterday) and I had a panic attack - he was kind in his message to me and he called me. It broke my heart. But, unless he’s willing to be with me then I have to maintain MY strength and keep adapting to my ‘new normal’

I hope this helps and please reach out.

- happygoluckymiss