Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Categories
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

All discussions

Start a discussion

RossC NEVER BEEN LIKE THIS BEFORE AFTER A RELATIONSHIP
  • replies: 2

Hi , first time here, just thought I would write something as I find im just not coping. My story, am 39 have a daughter who is my life and was pretty much single for last 8 years, was happy, enjoying life, had goals, a good job, a nice house, everyt... View more

Hi , first time here, just thought I would write something as I find im just not coping. My story, am 39 have a daughter who is my life and was pretty much single for last 8 years, was happy, enjoying life, had goals, a good job, a nice house, everything was rosy, wasn't after a relationship and wasn't seeking one. I then met a woman that basically pursued me and before I know it was being spoilt in every way imaginable, presents, love, sex, fun etc I honestly fell madly in love and was enjoying it greatly. However it wasn't long before I realized something wasn't right, this woman would constantly belittle my family, friends and especially my daughter, all females that had anything to do with my life, from exes to nieces, to sister to friends wives. I knew it wasn't right and tried to end it but she would keep coming back. After 12 months together of definitely the most intense relationship I have ever been in, I returned home from work(Im a fly in fly out worker working away for 4 weeks at a time) to find out that she had been seeing two different men for about the last 2 months, including when I was even home. She cut off all physical contact and via email and sms denied everything over and over. Over a period of a week or two I received photos text messages and emails from her own friends who were so disgusted with what she had done and was still doing. The content of all was basically that I would just go away in time and she could get on with her new man. The dishonesty, deceiving and betrayal ultimately brought me to my knees, I completely fell apart emotionally. I sought counselling and got an understanding of what type of person I was with, extremely insecure and no empathy, I did already know this and tried my best to reaasure her but as counsellor said I would never have been able to do enough for her. The problem I found now is it has been over 4 months and I am still really really struggling, im back at work at moment, I cant eat sleep, function, spare hours are spent trying to find any information I can via social media or friends. Its all left me in shock and in fact in shock at myself for doing it as I have always considered myself to be a strong person and never imagined someone effecting me so badly. She was in fact a terrible person even when I was with her but for some reason I cant let go. I haven't spoken to her in a month and the last time she was still denying everything even as her friends were telling me 'yes they are definitely together'. I know this is probably a minor thing to most people, couples break up everyday, but for the first time in my life im just not coping, even after all this time I just want to curl up in a corner and cry. For first time I understand why people take their lives to escape the pain, (I wont, I have a daughter that I live for). I would have her back at the drop of a hat even though I knew from start I shouldn't have been with her, how is this possible?? I think as I have no access to counsellor here I just needed to tell someone how much im still hurting. I no longer see a future, I no longer get enjoyment from the same things or even look forward to being home. I just want it all to go away.... Thanks for reading.

tranby Don't want to go back. Help.
  • replies: 1

My Ex-Boyfriend of two years and his friends have decided to make a huge joke out of our relationship two years on. when we broke up, i was already at a low and it pushed me to the edge. i suffered extreme anxiety and depression. Now ive moved on and... View more

My Ex-Boyfriend of two years and his friends have decided to make a huge joke out of our relationship two years on. when we broke up, i was already at a low and it pushed me to the edge. i suffered extreme anxiety and depression. Now ive moved on and im really happy, but all these tags on posts from his friends are really starting to bring up some bad memories and feelings. ive decided to be smart and not retaliate back, but its getting more frequent. Ive blocked most of them, but new friends of his keep finding ways to torment me by adding me to posts and bringing up my name all the time. ive reported it and saved everything they have said but nothing has been done by facebook because they aren't threats. Im just over it and i really dont want to be where i was. i dont know what to do

Phoenix_13 Help
  • replies: 3

I'm not coping. 3years ago I got the courage to leave an abusive marriage ( we were married for 7) he continued to try and control and manipulate me as a result I handed over our 3 young children, believing all he said about me being a failure etc, I... View more

I'm not coping. 3years ago I got the courage to leave an abusive marriage ( we were married for 7) he continued to try and control and manipulate me as a result I handed over our 3 young children, believing all he said about me being a failure etc, I regretted that day ever since and 18 months into a court battle too see them ( he is using my history of mental illness as proof I'm a horrible person.I was abused as a child,bullied as an adolescent, developed Annorexia and was hospitalised at 17 diagnosed as depressed at that time and branded a failure and someone who has caused my family too much stress,I was medicated, self medicated with drugs found yoga hot better meet my ex feel apart finally left continued to feel like a bourdon on everyone including my children , being a mum made me proud and gave me a sense of worth,) I meet my next partner we planned a baby , then 6 months ago things started unravelling, I didn't want to be spoken to rudely or controlled,I tried to keep things together, I honestly felt and too some point still feel he was the love of my life,however 2 months ago he decided he had had enough, whilst I have our son with me ( he is 1) his family have continued to bully me and I have lost friends, I was forced to move home, suicidal thoughts and self harming are rearing their ugly heads, I feel so alone, I can't bourdon my family with more of my failures as a person, I know I have my son too live for, but I'm scared of being alone, and it hurts when people are so heartless in their comments

izimini my life is pointless
  • replies: 2

I'm turning 24 in a month. I've suffered from anxiety low self image, self hatred and depression for many years. When i was 15 i quit school and stayed in my room until i was 20. During that time i abused drugs. by some stroke of luck i met my ex thr... View more

I'm turning 24 in a month. I've suffered from anxiety low self image, self hatred and depression for many years. When i was 15 i quit school and stayed in my room until i was 20. During that time i abused drugs. by some stroke of luck i met my ex through a friend i had online and moved into her house. I immediately quit drugs and we were together for 3 years. She wasn't just my girlfriend she was my best friend. On valentines day last year she broke up with me in a very cruel way. Keep in mind i had no friends before i met her so she was my only friend. One month after she dumped me my grandfather had a stroke so i flew to sydney to see him before he passed away. While there i also saw my father that i hadn't seen in 8 years. All he did was insult me and say things like "i can't belive she even liked you who would like you?? you don't even have a job!!" So here i am almost a year and a half later (which i spent in my room the whole time) iabused hard drugs to cope and recently went to rehab and am now clean. Then it hit me....i used drugs to kill the loneliness....what's the point of staying clean if im still sooooo lonely that all i want to do is die?? I have no one. No support network. I had the girl of my dreams and she betrayed me I have no friends to turn to....I have nothing. So to try to move forward i apply for jobs....the problem is...NO ONE will hire me due to my lack of work experience!! It's not my fault i was too afraid to leave my house in my youth and have chronic depression!! Also i should mention i've been to MANY psychiatrists/psychologists and tried at least 12 different anti depressants. None helped. In fact many of the psychiatrists said outright they can't help me. So here i am alone in my room i can't stop thinking about my ex even though it's almost been a year and a half since she dumped me im still lonely to the point i can't take it anymore i've done everything i can do to get help and nothing works. The loneliness is killing me. And i have no one to turn to and no clue what to do.

djbrowndog Separation and BPD
  • replies: 4

Hi all, Last July my wife and I moved out and separated from each other. We'd been together for 10 years and have a 6 year old son. We decided to split the previous January and lived together until our lease ran out. We are amicable and care for each... View more

Hi all, Last July my wife and I moved out and separated from each other. We'd been together for 10 years and have a 6 year old son. We decided to split the previous January and lived together until our lease ran out. We are amicable and care for each other very much and, obviously, the welfare of our son. I'll preface what I'm about to say by explaining my personality and issues. I'm 36 and have a the Myers-Briggs 'pigeonhole' of an INFJ (I've always been like this and have taken the test several times over the years). I feel things very deeply and my primary mode is internal, I'm known as a 'Protector and carer'. If you want to know more: http://psychology.about.com/od/trait-theories-personality/a/Infj.htm In terms of my emotions they are very strong and I will often 'give' more than what I receive. This is ok but I do suffer from bouts of mild depression, probably 3 - 4 times a year. The bouts don't last long 3 - 5 days),however, I do withdraw from contact with family and friends (not completely), although I can put on a face if I need to, particularly at work. I've learnt to deal with this over the years and see it as my 'emotional downtime'. Some days I can't get out of bed.I've been very practical (as my ex has too) about the separation and I have only really started to grieve about the loss in the past few months. As I see my ex regularly due to our son, I guess this makes it more difficult. I'm seeing my psychologist regularly who has been very helpful and also pointed out some painful truths while providing me with some cognitive exercises to help. To tell you the truth, I haven't been in this dark a place in my life before. I know I will cope and I know I will survive but the pain is real and at times unbearable.My ex was finally referred to a psychologist a few months ago (something both her and I had talked about during the time we'd been together - I suspected all along that there was something not quite right) and has been diagnosed with BPD. She is very internally minded and has several symptoms of the disorder - self-harm, lack of self worth, black or white thinking, impulsiveness, anxiousness and paranoia about social interactions and relationships etc. At this point in time I'm the only one who knows this - she wants to deal with it herself, which is fine. She has opened up to me quite a bit in the last few weeks and has said that she 'loves me' and am 'the most important person apart from our son' in her world. This confuses me no end! She has said that she 'checked out' of our relationship a long time ago and that it was her decision to separate. She has never given any 'finality' to the break-up. The closest is 'We probably won't get back together'. This leaves me in a state of hope... which I need to stop to 'get on with it' so to speak. I also create my own hope through the sometimes 'normal' interactions we have - this is not her doing just my mind at work.I can understand that she wants to go through this herself but I feel that I can support her in managing the situation. Is this being presumptuous on my part? I guess you can't support someone that doesn't want that support. Perhaps I am 1. too close to the situation and 2. need to deal with my own emotional state?I guess I'd like some advice and support from any one out there who has been in a similar situation, is a BPD (or non), or anyone who is in a relationship that involves a BPD partner. How should I be around my ex to help myself and her and the situation? I understand that this is a question that may have several possible answers or outcomes but any advice is most welcome. I am not at all concerned with the safety of my son - she and I love him very much but I am concerned how she is coping and what best I can do to support her.thanks in advance,dj

Michelle1978 Some days are hard and I still think about him a year later ....
  • replies: 4

Well I was with my ex boyfriend for just over 4 years. I really loved him and fitted in with his family quite well. His mum even said to him to start saving for an engagement ring. I didnt want to marry him - sometimes I just felt that we were on dif... View more

Well I was with my ex boyfriend for just over 4 years. I really loved him and fitted in with his family quite well. His mum even said to him to start saving for an engagement ring. I didnt want to marry him - sometimes I just felt that we were on different paths in life. He wanted to get married and have a family. But I loved him all the same and supported him as best I could. He was from a very wealthy family and seemed to have no idea about money etc.Anyway over the years we spoke about moving in together but it just never happened. I was still trying to save a deposit together to buy a property which we could live in or use as an investment. I had a mutual friend of ours give me an ultimatum at one stage which made me upset. I didnt remain friends with her because I dont believe real friends give ultimatums. My ex boyfriend still remained friends with them which upset me. I never stopped him from seeing them but as he had a big mouth I would just ask him not to talk about me at all etc. because I didnt want to be a topic of conversation. He wasnt very supportive. I went back to uni a couple of years ago and he wasnt happy about that at all but I did it anyway. His reason why he didnt want me to was because it would take time out of our relationship. He didnt seem to like any change. Just go with the status quo.Anyway there was a couple of times in the relationship where he just withdrew himself etc. I didnt know why but then he would come around and be ok. His family lived in another state and we were going to go on holidays to see them last year. Before we booked the tickets I asked him was he happy with me and our relationship and he said "Yes" so he booked the tickets. I was excited as it was one of my fav spots to visit.Anyway about 6 weeks later he had withdrawn himself and was acting a bit strange. Said he wanted to have a break and that he didnt feel the same for me (it just happened out of the blue). We went to counselling and he said the only reason why he booked my ticket to see his family was so that he didnt want to go on his own. This upset me as I gave him a chance to express his feelings before we booked the tickets. He was really pushing me to have a baby and in counselling when asked how we he afford it he said "There is government support available" and the in the next sentence he said "One day I will be filthy rich" this is due to his inheritance that he will get one day. This showed me that he had no idea. This didnt align with my values on money either as I have always been taught to work hard and save hard for the things you want in life. After the counselling we split up and the counsellor said to me that he was very immature and she thought that he didnt have enough maturity to become a father (he is 34). Anyway I told him I didnt want to stay friends with him but Facebook was ok because I had nothing to hide - then a couple of weeks later he blocked me and couldnt give me a good excuse why. This really upset and annoyed me. Anyway I havent had any contact with him for many months. In that time I have brought my own place etc. then a couple of weeks ago I found out he has a new gf who is a lot younger. Also his mum treated to the family to an exclusive get away and I just thought "He will never learn about money". Sometimes I still think about him and wonder how he is doing. I still get a little upset about it sometimes. I was talking to a distant relative of his on skype and he told me that he said to my ex that it was a shame that we split up because he liked us together and then my ex got upset and wont talk to him at all which is just immature. I have tried to move on with life. I have put myself online and gone out for a couple of coffee dates recently but sometimes the feelings keep coming back

Bee_94 Him wanting a break
  • replies: 4

I was told late last week that he had lost the spark from our relationship, he wanted a break and i agreed to it even though its not want i wanted, i wanted to work on our relationship and get that spark back , he didnt want any of that so i have fou... View more

I was told late last week that he had lost the spark from our relationship, he wanted a break and i agreed to it even though its not want i wanted, i wanted to work on our relationship and get that spark back , he didnt want any of that so i have found myself all weekend in a crazy spiral, one minute im fine next im a crying mess, i feel like there is this pain that i cant get rid of, i think about shelf harming, jumping infront of a train hoping i would go into a coma and lose my memory then i think your such a stupid girl, a silly little patheic girl. I dont know what to do, i just want this pain gone !

hope23 How can I help my son?
  • replies: 3

I'm not sure how to help my 25yers old son. He is at home and doesn't want to work or study or go on centerlink. I'm financially supporting him, he plays internet games, sleeps in and hardly ever goes out, is overweight. gets angry when I ask him wha... View more

I'm not sure how to help my 25yers old son. He is at home and doesn't want to work or study or go on centerlink. I'm financially supporting him, he plays internet games, sleeps in and hardly ever goes out, is overweight. gets angry when I ask him what he wants to do? or I have suggested him to study, that I will take him to see a doctor, help him to find work. I ask him everyday if he is ok, a couple of times a day. I make sure he has a cooked meal and food in the house. In the past he has started and stopped courses and work and going to job club. He has been like this for a few years. Now I have recently married 2 years ago, after raising 2 kids on my own. I want help my son to help himself and be happy, productive, to work or study and be active. I have no idea how to do this?????

AnthonyS My girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me, I have no friends to talk to.
  • replies: 8

Hi I'm new to the forums, My ex has broken up with me yesterday. We have dated since I was 17 and now I'm 21 and the relationship is over. She left me because our relationship has been a little rocky and she found herself attracted to someone else. T... View more

Hi I'm new to the forums, My ex has broken up with me yesterday. We have dated since I was 17 and now I'm 21 and the relationship is over. She left me because our relationship has been a little rocky and she found herself attracted to someone else. The break up was respectful and I respect her for breaking it off with me before she "did anything" with him. (I believe her because I still feel that I can trust her). I know there is no way to be back with her. I understand that some may view this as just a highschool heartache and that the relationship isn't serious. But from 17-21 we changed together so much. It was those years where I really transitioned from being a kid to an adult. I feel that everything about me and the things I enjoy are linked closely to her, we did everything together. I neglected spending time with my friends while I was with her and now that she is gone I have no one to talk to about how I feel. I have deleted her from everything, I have thrown out all the pictures but literally everything in my room I got while I was with her. I look at everything in my room and for some reason my brain can recall all the moments I shared with her with that said item. I want to move on but I always have an urge to pick up with phone and call her. I cant stop crying. I'm in university and the subjects are hard and depressing. I'm also doing a shitty unpaid 8.30-5.30 internship two days a week. I spend my week hating this **** and would have 1 day off to look forward to seeing my only friend, my girlfriend. Now that she is gone, I don't know how I will cope. What should I do?

Brokenandbruised I feel so lonely and in need of affection
  • replies: 17

I'm hoping someone can help me. I'm feeling severely depressed . It's been going on since January this year. I've been thinking of harming myself but I'm even too much of a coward to do that. Everything is going wrong. I feel so lonely and need of af... View more

I'm hoping someone can help me. I'm feeling severely depressed . It's been going on since January this year. I've been thinking of harming myself but I'm even too much of a coward to do that. Everything is going wrong. I feel so lonely and need of affection. I even tried begging my ex- boyfriend to come back to me. When I ended the relationship it seemed right.. He was smothering me. Now because I'm so vulnerable I wish he was again. But I broke his heart, and he's with someone else now. He said he hates me now and can't even be friends because it's all too painful for him. He even changed his mobile number a few days ago so I can't contact him. That hurts so much. And there's another guy who I've never met in person who I've been talking to on and off for 11 years. He's very ill right now and he doesn't want to communicate with anyone right now. I feel strongly for him , but I can't call him. I'm trying to respect his wishes . I feel so empty. No one understands how bad I feel. My family see me as a burden. I can't think of one person who would miss me if I weren't here anymore. Am I so broken? I feel like my whole life I've suffered, I can't take it anymore. Why is it that other people can find love? I want to believe there's someone for me, but I've just about given up. When someone who adored me for 6 years now says he hates me, he even told me to kill myself. Even he with all his problems has found someone. Even my daughter's father is married, when he claimed when I was with him that I was the only woman he had ever loved. But I had to leave him, because it was an abusive relationship. Because my self-esteem is pretty non existent right now, every thing really hurts me emotionally. And I'm not strong enough anymore to take this. I'm sick of being abused by people. I'm sick of everyone taking their problems out on me. I'm sick of being different. Like I don't belong in this world. It's like everyone knows this secret language and I don't. I'm sick of starting a new relationship and to become emotionally attached, only to be betrayed or discover that it can't work out. Is it too much to ask to find one man who will love me for who I am, and who wants to be with me? It seems it is. I'm 41 now., and I feel like I'm 81.. I'm sorry this post is so depressing, but this is how I feel. I can't turn off my thoughts. I can't sleep because I can't relax. This voice is in my head all the time. And it won't stop. Can someone offer help. I'm seeing a psychologist and on medications but nothing works. I just don't see any hope for the future. I was religious, but even God has deserted me. I feel like I'm nothing. I am empty inside. I just need someone to listen to me. So if anyone wants to talk, please let me know. I'm only hanging on by a thread. beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.