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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Tea_girl Daughter in law problem
  • replies: 8

16 June 2015 Hi, I am on here for the very first time. I suffer anxiety and depression. It is more sadness that I feel at the moment due to a problem with a daughter in law who has managed to finally after 17 years alienate my son. No reasons given, ... View more

16 June 2015 Hi, I am on here for the very first time. I suffer anxiety and depression. It is more sadness that I feel at the moment due to a problem with a daughter in law who has managed to finally after 17 years alienate my son. No reasons given, just wiped from their lives ( two grandchildren as well).... The heartbreak has been unbearable. This person has been putting me down manipulating my son for years and he has now caved in for the sale of peace. Been three months of anguish, self doubt, going over conversations all to no avail. Perhaps someone out there can give me advice or has encountered something like this. I will be contacted " when they feel like it" . Gutted is the word. As a mother the pain is unbearable. Some days I am okay, other days I crumble and struggle to get out of bed. Mothers Day and my birthday went by with no contact. My son is a good man. I will never give up on him but part of me is angry with him for turning his back . Mark this post as helpful

Amali Finally Letting Go
  • replies: 1

I am struggling with letting go of a relationship. I mean I have told him it's over, I've been very strict in following through with the no contact- blocked him from social media, have not initiated contact and refused to respond to any contact by hi... View more

I am struggling with letting go of a relationship. I mean I have told him it's over, I've been very strict in following through with the no contact- blocked him from social media, have not initiated contact and refused to respond to any contact by him. It's almost a year since the split, but it wasn't our first break up. It was a very emotionally exhausting relationship that caused a lot of pain. But I still feel so connected to him, miss him and I am worried about how he is going. Even though I was miserable in the relationship I feel even more pain now that he is gone. We were building a house together (which I never got to see) we were going to get married, I still can't let go of those dreams, as it takes a long time to get to that place with a partner and I feel I tried so hard to make it work and be understanding and he just kept letting me down. I held on for way too long, hoping he would change and kept going back just to get hurt over and over again. I was hoping to feel better about this by now, but I feel as if we broke up yesterday, everything seems like such an effort and it's hard to look forward to anything when I still feel so lost without him.

jamesssss Childhood woundings linger
  • replies: 12

I am a 31 year old male and am depressed, feel alone and dependent on others. I was raised by a mildly abusive father. I have an older brother and younger sister who have also suffered depression from a fear of our father. My father is an emotionally... View more

I am a 31 year old male and am depressed, feel alone and dependent on others. I was raised by a mildly abusive father. I have an older brother and younger sister who have also suffered depression from a fear of our father. My father is an emotionally distant person who suffers depression himslef. He has always had a leave me alone and mind your own business attitude. He gave up on work, became an alchoholic and would dictate to us how life should be properly lived. He never set an example. In fact he never left the house. My mum was pretty much a people pleaser who agreed with everyone especially my father. Growing up, my brother and sister were highly praised for their responsibile natures. My dad was extremely strict on them. He swore and threw things at them and only gave them praise when they listened to his ways lessons on living. Me on the other hand he insulted, told me that im worthless and untrusted. Yep, there was no way in hell I was going to be as good as by brother and sister. The only way I got love from him was by stroking his ego. I am sitting here at my parents house as ive recently split up with my wife I was with for 15 years. Her personality was just like my fathers in the sense that she was always right and everyone had to listen to her or she would loose it. Breaking up with her has made me realise that I am quite the dependent person. What bothers me most is that I always agree with people to avoid dispute with them and the possibilty of them leaving me. Ive studied being assertive and am learning how to set boudaries for myself. But I feel I am naturally attracted to the same self centered people. I have no friends at the moment as I invested the past 15 years of my life in my wifes friends and interests. Ive had several psychology sessions, been on antidepressents. I feel really alone and worthless and don't want to lean on anyone close to me as I don't think it will help my situation.

nettle depressed and confused
  • replies: 4

Hi again I posted a few weeks ago here https://www.beyondblue.org.au/connect-with-others/online-forums/grief-loss-and-separation/what-is-more-important-for-children-when-a-marriage-ends Just needed to talk to someone again. I am feeling so lost. I ha... View more

Hi again I posted a few weeks ago here https://www.beyondblue.org.au/connect-with-others/online-forums/grief-loss-and-separation/what-is-more-important-for-children-when-a-marriage-ends Just needed to talk to someone again. I am feeling so lost. I have decided to move interstate to be close to my support as my marriage has ended. My husband has shown abusive behaviours, mostly toward the children. Leaving was a hard decision to make and I'm still feeling unsure about it because I have to uproot my children. Tonight when I tucked my daughter in she was very upset about leaving her friends and her life behind. I feel like this is not fair on her. but staying here doesn't feel like an option for me (no support). I am feeling so lost and so down, I know I have to look after myself so I can be a better single parent. But it's so hard. I feel like my heart is broken all over again hurting my children like this. And everything is getting so real, putting plans in motion, announcing things to extended family... I realise now I am still very attached to my husband and I don't really know how to stop loving him, even though I feel our children and I deserve better treatment. I don't know how I will deal with the finality of our seperation when I have moved away. Everything is such a mess, I never wanted this for my children. I feel like I want to be a good mother to them but either way I turn I hurt them and myself. There's no good choices. I feel like I have a tonne of concrete in my chest and every waking moment is agony. Dramatic I know, but it does physically hurt.

wander_lust Both partners depressed in a relationship
  • replies: 6

Hi, I hope I can get some good advice on this. My ex and I had a wonderful relationship and were very happy together. However I went through several traumatic experiences - losing a family member, damaging my back & struggling to walk, moving away fr... View more

Hi, I hope I can get some good advice on this. My ex and I had a wonderful relationship and were very happy together. However I went through several traumatic experiences - losing a family member, damaging my back & struggling to walk, moving away from where I love, struggling with long distance. Somewhere in the midst my depression returned and it hit me like a truck in December. At this point my partner was happy with me and actually told people I was 'the one'. I had noticed that he had also been progressively seeming less like his cheerful self and sensed his depression was creeping back in. I reached out to him numerous ways but was always told he was fine. Anyway in January I was an absolute mess with my depression - very labile, emotional outbursts. The works. I hated being around myself & struggled to be around him as a result. And then he broke up with me. Said I brought him down and he couldn't take my moods or arguments. It came out then that he felt bad in himself and he said he wanted time to get better to heal himself. He said if we continued he would lose me forever and didnt want that. So we had a couple of months apart. He saw a psychologist a few times which I think helped. I started on antidepressants and started seeing a psychologist regularly. Then he came back to me and told me he wanted me back. He still seemed labile and distant. We did get back together & I did my best to love him & support him & make him happy. We had one or two arguments. He seemed very depressed to me. Broken in fact. I asked him to get help as he had severe anxiety and seemed very depressed. He told me any problem he had we should be able to solve. He refused to go to a doctor and said he had no time or money to talk to a psychologist. I tried to support him but because I was still coming out of my depression and had ill health it was to much. Then a few days later he finished it. Again saying I brought him down. He told me two days later that he doesn't know who he is anymore. He hates his life. Every aspect of his life is miserable. It just screams depression again to me. He said he feels too bad to share himself with anyone and cant be around me because he feels too guilty. I told him if he needs me I'm here but i've heard nothing from him for weeks. Do I just leave him alone & hope he gets better? Were we just never meant to be? I miss him terribly and feel awful about how my depression affected him. Is there anything I can do?

wanted_a_simple_life How can they sleep at night???
  • replies: 3

The guy who I suspect is having an affair with my seperate wife emails me today to say hi. Is he a nutcase or what??? First he chases a married woman with two kids and then has the hide to do that??

The guy who I suspect is having an affair with my seperate wife emails me today to say hi. Is he a nutcase or what??? First he chases a married woman with two kids and then has the hide to do that??

Jan52 Am I going crazy?
  • replies: 4

I'm in my 60s, am my son's carer he has an Acquired brain injury due to surgery for epilepsy and has developed a mental illness. I have been looking after him for 7 yrs. 13 years ago moved to my husbands home state, I'm a Sydney girl, to be closer to... View more

I'm in my 60s, am my son's carer he has an Acquired brain injury due to surgery for epilepsy and has developed a mental illness. I have been looking after him for 7 yrs. 13 years ago moved to my husbands home state, I'm a Sydney girl, to be closer to his family. 10 yrs ago my husband got work overseas, he'd come home when he could and I also visited. It was on one of my visits I found out he had been fouling around...I was upset and hurt needless to say. I've also noticed my few friends dropped away, after my son was living back home with me, they don't know how to handle the situation. I've now discovered my husband has a chinese girlfriend same age as my eldest daughter, she's been around for 3 yrs apparently. Visits home are less and less and I find I'm very alone, very isolated, very lonely and very fed up. Can't be bothered to do anything.I've had counselling in the past CBT to assist with my son. We live in a rural situation. I can't afford to move into town or back to Sydney as I have been stupid not to have saved some money when I discovered the Chinese woman. I want to scream abuse at my husband, but don't. Find myself talking to myself about him. We have been married 43 yrs. guess I've been traded in ...am I going nuts? Am I being selfish thinking the way I am?

vicman don’t ask questions when.....
  • replies: 3

I’m sitting here today almost in tears; I broke a golden rule given to me by a counsellor many years ago. That rule was “don’t ask questions when you know the answer might hurt you”. She gave me that rule when I was in a depression and needed conform... View more

I’m sitting here today almost in tears; I broke a golden rule given to me by a counsellor many years ago. That rule was “don’t ask questions when you know the answer might hurt you”. She gave me that rule when I was in a depression and needed conformation from my then wife that all was good and she loved me. Just a few months later she left me and I had a breakdown. In the year or so after that separation I lost contact with all my kids and therefore all my grand children too. A few days ago I decided I needed to contact some of my grand kids via Facebook and ask one last time if I’d be allowed back into their lives, but I’m yet to receive a response, I guess that means no. I did try a few years ago and didn’t get a reply so I guess history is repeating itself. Why do I do this to myself? Don’t worry I’m not having silly thoughts, just wish I could erase certain memories, life would be so much better if we could pick and choose what we remember and what is forgotten forever.

yona Having aspergers and and never fitting in
  • replies: 2

Hi I am new to all this and have come here because I need to be able to talk about my day to day life with some one as my family have given up on me That's the way I feel at the moment anyway.Where to start I am 35 and live at home with my parents th... View more

Hi I am new to all this and have come here because I need to be able to talk about my day to day life with some one as my family have given up on me That's the way I feel at the moment anyway.Where to start I am 35 and live at home with my parents there's me my mother who has problems and then there is my step father has been around since I was two. Ever since I can remember I have found it very hard to fit in when I was very young no one new what was wrong with me so that made it even worse aspergers did not have a name back then.So I have spent most of my life in a way cut off from my family in a way because I see the world in a different way and find it hard to make friends and keep them and have all but given up on that having friends that is.I spend a lot of time by my self my be too much. I make my self feel better by drinking I guess to much. My Father tried to help me but has all but given up on me as I have given up on my self. He wants me to talk to him but I find it hard to because on one hand he says talk to me and then on the other he says everyone brings there problems to me. So if I do go to him it's the wrong thing to do and if I don't it is the wrong thing to do. I can not talk to my mother because she has too many problems herself.In the past I would self harm to make my self feel better. I never used to drink.Some times I think that I went home with the wrong family and that my parents deserve better then what they got in me. Mum says I love you Carla and I say it must be bloody hard to. I find it hard to like or even love my self.So this is just some of what has happened in my life. Thank you for listening to me. God I must sound nutsbeyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

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