Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Start a discussion

Dandannydandan Depression and Breakups
  • replies: 6

Me and my ex got together 2 years ago. I was on a working holiday visa here at the time, worked part-time in a job I liked with a good group of people (all backpackers). I was fun, spontaneous and happy. Then I got a new job, it was getting towards t... View more

Me and my ex got together 2 years ago. I was on a working holiday visa here at the time, worked part-time in a job I liked with a good group of people (all backpackers). I was fun, spontaneous and happy. Then I got a new job, it was getting towards the end of my visa and I was stressing about having to leave the country and my girlfriend. My work then said they would sponsor me and I thought "great". Work started stressing me out, it was a very demanding job and I don't handle stress well. There were A LOT of problems with my visa lasting 12 months (it initially got rejected), the friends I had all left, and it started making me depressed. I withdrew and lost the fun me I was, I was a misery to be around. She tried to pick me up but it didn't work. We loved each other and talked about moving to NZ together. She was getting unhappy with things in her own life and my unhappiness added to that. We both hated confrontation so it all built up. Then 8 months after all the problems started she broke up with me. Saying that we were both unhappy, she wasn't in love with me anymore and that we seemed more like best friends. We split up for 2-3 months, it was tough, then one night she drunk texted that she missed me. Soon after that my visa got granted and we agreed to meet up to celebrate (she knew how much the visa meant to me), and unintentionally spent the night together. We agreed to hang out and see how it went and after a few weeks we started dating again. Soon after that I got made redundant, which also affected my visa. The new friends I had had all left and it started the depression cycle again. I don't think I really got over it from before. A couple of months after this happened she broke up with me via text (no call or face-to-face) to say that it felt too much like before, she wasn't in love with me anymore and saw me again as more a best friend. I was going through a cancer scare at the time. She knew I was getting the results 2 days after she dumped me, and she still hasn't asked how it went. She said she was willing to meet up and talk about it all, but she never did. This was a month ago and it's been 2 weeks since last contact. It's her 40th birthday coming up I was thinking about sending her a gift and flowers (I brought it a while ago). I'm not expecting a response or get back together, but I know this birthday is a BIG deal for her and she's been stressing over it, and I'd like to still wish her well. I don't know what to do?

Humbug Relationship advice
  • replies: 1

Hi. I have been with my partner for 10 years (married for 7) and we have 4 beautiful children together. Since the birth of our last child 15 months ago I pushed my husband away and felt a lot of resentment towards him as it was my life that kept chan... View more

Hi. I have been with my partner for 10 years (married for 7) and we have 4 beautiful children together. Since the birth of our last child 15 months ago I pushed my husband away and felt a lot of resentment towards him as it was my life that kept changing and he seemed able to continue on doing whatever he pleased whenever he pleased. I lost most of my friends and was sucked in to motherhood so I have one good friend and thats all. I have no idea how to go about making new friends or where to begin finding any. I got him a cruise for christmas and he's just been on it, while on the cruise a girl he met sent him a picture of her room number, i saw it and couldn't contact him as no reception on a cruise. So i panicked. I couldn't eat, drink or function properly since saturday. He has never given me any reason to doubt him. I ended up messaging him this morning asking how the cruise was. He answered every question I asked except how the cruise was and said we would talk tonight when he gets home. I panicked and messaged said girl. Who told me nothing happened and they were just mates. Then proceeded to tell all his mates he was with. Now he is so angry with me and I caused all this problems over my own stupid anxiety! What can I do? How can we get through this??

At_a_loss1 An inconsiderate husband and a happy life? Can it exist?
  • replies: 5

Last week I ended up in hospital. I thought I was having a heart attack! Turned out to be an anxiety attack. I've never had one before. Life has been so stressful lately and I've tried talking to my husband about it but he just talks over me so I gav... View more

Last week I ended up in hospital. I thought I was having a heart attack! Turned out to be an anxiety attack. I've never had one before. Life has been so stressful lately and I've tried talking to my husband about it but he just talks over me so I gave up. I was 150kms from home (we live in the middle of nowhere and this is our closest large town). My husband was at work (100kms away). My friend was picking my kids up from school. I called my husband at work to let him know what was happening and got a response of...I won't be home until I finish work. He had no car. My friends husband drove 150kms to drop my friend at the hospital so I wasnt alone. Than he drove 100kms back to where my husband was at work to pick him up and bring him to the hospital. He called the whole time but hubby didn't answer until 6.30pm. I called my husband at 3pm. He had his phone the whole time. Friends hubby drove another 100kms back to the hospital & than home, another 150kms.I can't get passed the fact that my husband didn't even try to get to me. Not at all. My friends husband drove for nearly 6 hrs to make sure I was ok and my husband couldn't even ask to borrow one of his friends cars.I have been struggling with this marriage for the last 5yrs (we've been together 15) I always forgive when he's inconsiderate even though it hurts me deeply everytime. I just want to be happy. He apologises but things always go back to the same thing.How do I forgive this time?

Shatteredrose My partner cheated with a man who was a close family friend
  • replies: 3

So, I found out my partner cheated on me in the past with a woman he met through his friends whilst doing his hobby. Also it came out that years ago he slept with a close family friend, although they didn't sleep! We do have kids together so when I f... View more

So, I found out my partner cheated on me in the past with a woman he met through his friends whilst doing his hobby. Also it came out that years ago he slept with a close family friend, although they didn't sleep! We do have kids together so when I found out it was easy to kick him out. However, we managed to work through this and are back living together and the kids had no idea of any trouble. I find myself struggling to come to terms with all the cheating, lying, deceit, betrayal etc. But most of all that he had sex with a man. He swears it disgusted him and something he regrets but I'm finding it hard to move on. I am a trusting person by nature and I'm not concerned he will do it again. He knows what he will lose. I am struggling getting over the act! As this person was a close family friend we still have contact. I want to move on but feel our life is a sham now. I think I love him but really can't understand how he could do this to me and our family. Any help would be appreciated.

ellj So worried about my brother
  • replies: 1

I love my family but sometimes I feel guilty about how anxious they make me feel, there is always tension and I take on other peoples stress. i lived out of home for the last 18months and would feel anxious the entire day on the days I went home for ... View more

I love my family but sometimes I feel guilty about how anxious they make me feel, there is always tension and I take on other peoples stress. i lived out of home for the last 18months and would feel anxious the entire day on the days I went home for dinner, worried that people would be fighting and I would just be waiting to leave the entire time. i worry so much about my younger brother. He drinks to the point of passing out, spends all his money on drinking, and last night drove home drunk. I chronically worry (to the point where my chest is tight and I've lost my appetite) that something bad will happen. I'm back living with my parents at the moment and switch between being glad when he isn't home because he isn't fighting with my mum, to being worried because he is probably at a bar somewhere. It's something I'll chronically worried about, on and off. im soon moving interstate with my partner and I'm worried I'll be constantly anxious as I won't know what is happening at home and how everyone is coping (when we chat on the phone everyone will pretend to be fine). I also feel guilty like I shouldn't be leaving my family to be happy and everyone else has to deal with so much anxiety. help!

Lostone1 Loves me, but not in love with me
  • replies: 7

My partner and I have been living together for 15 months, and recently she told me over the telephone that she loves me, but not in love with me. I'm very confused, and don't no whether to keep trying, as I love this lady very much. I'm feeling lost View more

My partner and I have been living together for 15 months, and recently she told me over the telephone that she loves me, but not in love with me. I'm very confused, and don't no whether to keep trying, as I love this lady very much. I'm feeling lost

T-j1996 Post break up loss of hunger
  • replies: 9

I broke up with my girlfriend, who I had been with for a year and a half about 10 days ago. I had found out that she had been cheating on my with a group of rather... 'unsavoury' boys, sleeping with several of them. In all the time we spent together ... View more

I broke up with my girlfriend, who I had been with for a year and a half about 10 days ago. I had found out that she had been cheating on my with a group of rather... 'unsavoury' boys, sleeping with several of them. In all the time we spent together I never, not for a second pictured her to be the sort of person to do this. She was always the sweetest girl. She made me feel so special and she was the first girl I've ever dated that I can say, with 100% confidence, I loved more than anything in the world. She was my best friend and I just don't know what I'm going to do without her. I've stopped eating. I haven't eaten since I first started suspecting things weren't right... and that was 12 days ago. I've been drinking a lot. And more than too much of that has been alcohol. I can't eat. I've tried so hard to nibble on things but even the thought of swallowing causes me to vomit. I don't know what to do. I'm looking like a wreck. I have bags under my eyes from getting about 1-2 hours sleep every night and I've lost nearly 6 kilos of weight. I'm all alone, all of my friends were her friends, and I know that they're not going to want to have anything to do with me now. My family won't help because they never approved of her in the first place. Every night I lay down and clear my head, yet I can't sleep. Even when I'm not thinking about her I'm in physical pain, in my stomach. I feel like I should see a doctor, but I've heard that there isn't much they can do when the cause is something purely phycological. I feel like I'm getting weaker every day, and honestly I just have no idea what to do. I'm not sure if I'm going to last like this.

Averil Identifying how to address the circumstantial causes that lead to feeling hopeless
  • replies: 3

Hi all..first time poster..appreciative of the myriad resources to assist those with depression/anxiety/feelings of helplessness & hopelessness. What I'm trying to sort through is how to tackle the life circumstances and realities that lead TO these ... View more

Hi all..first time poster..appreciative of the myriad resources to assist those with depression/anxiety/feelings of helplessness & hopelessness. What I'm trying to sort through is how to tackle the life circumstances and realities that lead TO these feelings and conditions. I feel that if the circumstances changed, or were better supported or dealt with by me, the fallout would be less dire. Current personal issues such as bad eating, sleeping& spending habits, overworked partner distressed by my poor financial choices and disorganisation and very upset with me, as I can't seem to 'adult' very well - house cluttered, start many things but finish few so projects pile up, also children - one with a disability (who is a financial, physical, emotional and functional mess and often talks of extreme measures) & another with anxiety who is not working, a 3rd child at uni and needing support and constantly disappointed with me, concern for parents (dementia looming in one parent, partner with potentially bad intentions with the other parent), difficult work situation. This list makes it seem reasonable that one might feel overwhelmed and hopeless. I feel like..rather than get help around my feelings, I need help with sorting out and changing or managing all of these things... and standing at the foot of this mountain...I'm not sure which foot to put where to conquer it!! Any suggestions would be appreciated!!!

Rabbitt Long distance, depression and anxiety
  • replies: 3

Hello all, I want to preface this with a bit of basic information. Me and my girlfriend have been in a relationship for around 5 months now, unfortunately it's a long distance relationship. Up until very recently our relationship has been fantastic. ... View more

Hello all, I want to preface this with a bit of basic information. Me and my girlfriend have been in a relationship for around 5 months now, unfortunately it's a long distance relationship. Up until very recently our relationship has been fantastic. We got along well, had good lines of communication, never seemed to fight. This all changed recently. A few days ago we faced a bit of confrontation. I wouldn't call any of it a fight per-se, we both tend to avoid playing the blame game. It was more us both sharing our feelings in regards to the distance, which was starting to take its toll. I always expected to have to face this bump in the road at some point, but she has since totally shut down. She did explain to me that she was experiencing a 'down swing' in her depression and anxiety, stating that she felt disconnected from her emotions. She reassured me that she loves me and doesn't mean to close me out, asking for my patience through it all. It's now been about 3 days and I haven't heard a word from her. Of course, I have nothing but patience when it comes to her and I understand that our relationship will come with hard times. I guess my question revolves around what I'm doing now in the meantime. Currently I am sending her a couple of messages a day. One in the morning, and one in the afternoon/night, 'good morning' and 'good night' messages if you will. I realise that she doesn't want to talk and it isn't my intention to try and force her into talking, which is why I cut it off at a couple per day and don't push the issue beyond that. I just want to send her positive messages, hoping that they may brighten her day even a little and also stop her from worrying about how I'm coping with it all. My question is, am I doing right by her? Or am I better off just giving her space and not contacting her at all. I'm hoping that we can overcome the distance in the short-term, because I'd love to move and start a life with her.

Ashleigh1992 Real tough time, family, drugs & judgement
  • replies: 2

Hi there, I would like advice on my family and how they behave towards me now that they know I have a drug problem, am nearly homeless and in serious debt. It seems now that I've distanced from them and am living with a partner that they do not appro... View more

Hi there, I would like advice on my family and how they behave towards me now that they know I have a drug problem, am nearly homeless and in serious debt. It seems now that I've distanced from them and am living with a partner that they do not approve of, they have changed their attitude towards me, its been very devastating how they have approached it. Im already feeling very low and shamed however I would like to know realistically if they really do care/understand what I'm going through or they are too obsessed with taking the matter into their own hands and disregarding how this affects me