Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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caz54 My Best Friends Husband has Passed away :-(
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My Best Friends Husband sadly passed away nearly 2 years ago,I wanted to know if there is anyone else out there that is going through Grieving after the passing of their loved one? I don't know what to do or say to make My BFF feel Happy anymore she ... View more

My Best Friends Husband sadly passed away nearly 2 years ago,I wanted to know if there is anyone else out there that is going through Grieving after the passing of their loved one? I don't know what to do or say to make My BFF feel Happy anymore she is so lost without her wonderful Husband! Anyone else out there who has lost their loved one could you help me to help her. Thanks Caz

Lexi22 He claims I am causing his depression - how can I help him?
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My boyfriend of two years spent six months on depressants, and has now been off them for three months after taking himself off them. When we first talked about his feelings he talked about his guilt, nine months later he explained to me fully that he... View more

My boyfriend of two years spent six months on depressants, and has now been off them for three months after taking himself off them. When we first talked about his feelings he talked about his guilt, nine months later he explained to me fully that he feels i am the reason he is depressed. He says he cannot love me the way i love him, and all feelings of affection and sexual attraction have gone. He wants to feel this things, but is totally overwhelmed by everything that is going through his head. Last night I asked him what i can do to help and he said to find someone else as he feels he is wasting my time. I LOVE him, he is a great person, and these outbreaks come out of nowhere, we had a fantastic weekend together before this conversation. Does anyone have any advice? I feel his lack of libido is one of the things really frustrating him, and not feeling affection. What can help him with these things? Research tells me the medication and stress effects these things, he has agreed to go to couples therapy with me, but im worried these things are more medication related?

mechanical_animal don't know whether or not I have done the right thing??
  • replies: 4

Hi all Me and my missus have been going through a rough patch the last few months and well stupid me, I get a crush on a woman that we were both friends with. One night this woman and I were talking and she was telling me some secrets about her. I th... View more

Hi all Me and my missus have been going through a rough patch the last few months and well stupid me, I get a crush on a woman that we were both friends with. One night this woman and I were talking and she was telling me some secrets about her. I thought well I may as well tell her how i feel. I told her i liked her and she was actually pretty cool about it. Until i told the missus about my feelings about the other woman. now the friend i thought i had has pretty much abandoned me can't contact her or anything. on the bright side it finally got my missus to open up about what she thought was wrong in our relationship. so I we can work on that now. thou i still feel bad. I never slept with this other girl but have been tempted to cheat on my missus with other women. I felt bad just thinking about it. so i never did. I just feel so stupid for falling for someone who i thought was my friend but obviously wasn't when she bailed out after i told my missus my feelings towards her. the fact i fell for someone while being in a committed relationship as well. I didn't mean for any of this to happen!!! why do i feel so bad about this for?? I just wish i could stop my crush on this other woman. she obviously doesn't care about me if she bailed at the sign of trouble. I feel so stupid

bluestar Regret
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How do you stop feeling regret and guilty? I was "seeing" a guy one of those friends with benefits type of situations and to top it off he was my group PT instructor. Of course i wanted more and he didn't, shit hit the fan and I got nasty and angry f... View more

How do you stop feeling regret and guilty? I was "seeing" a guy one of those friends with benefits type of situations and to top it off he was my group PT instructor. Of course i wanted more and he didn't, shit hit the fan and I got nasty and angry for being rejected. The friendship is now different and i'm feeling horrible for being such a cow. He says its all fine and we are as normal as we can be with each other at training I just feel as if he hates me and is only talking to me because he has to because he is my PT. I want it to be back how it was, i just feel useless, hurt and embarrassed. I can't take back what i said but i don't know how to stop feeling like this. I don't want to stop PT cause i love it and have made some great friends but seeing him everyday is a kick in the face. I always stuff things up.

ericamaria90 My husband has anhedonia - what do I do
  • replies: 12

My husband and I have been separated for 10 months now, he left me just a few weeks before our first child was born. After months and months of trying to work things out with him I have just found out that he has been clinically depressed and has anh... View more

My husband and I have been separated for 10 months now, he left me just a few weeks before our first child was born. After months and months of trying to work things out with him I have just found out that he has been clinically depressed and has anhedonia. This makes so much sense to me now considering one minute we were together for 5 years, got married after 4 years and were happily (or so I thought) married for 6 months before we fell pregnant after trying to conceive and then all of a sudden he says he doesn't love me anymore and doesn't think the marriage is going to work and when I asked him at the time of our separation why and where this came from considering our baby was almost due he said he couldn't give me an answer because he just felt nothing and felt dead inside and has no feelings for anything including me. Fast forward 10 months later, I have tried and tried to reconcile with my husband but I just get nowhere. I have made steps in moving on with my life with our child but I just feel like my husband is still in there somewhere and I don't want to move on without him because I know that despite him saying he has no feelings for me anymore I know he does because the person who he currently is isn't the type of person my husband is normally. We had a talk the other night about getting back together again and he says that he just isn't sure if it'll work because doesn't feel anything and he has no interest in me or even sex with me and he doesn't want to hurt me especially because he knows how much he has hurt me already by walking out on me. I asked if he finds me unattractive and he says that I am still beautiful in his eyes but he just doesn't want sex anymore. I told him sex isn't everything and that I am willing to try to rebuild that emotional connection with him again which is still there BUT I just don't know what I can do to do that with someone who is so closed off from their emotions and feelings. I just want some guidance as to what I can do to be there for my husband to show him I'm not giving up on him and the marriage or our little family. Has anyone been in my position before or currently in my position. Or know someone who has dealt with someone who suffers with anhedonia? I'm at my wits end. I feel so defeated that depression has stolen my husband and robbed him and I from having the family we both planned together :((((((( please help

Nickname88 what he will never know...
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My depressed partner has isolated himself from me. I understand why and I am committed to loving and supporting him unconditionally from afar. It feels selfish, but I need to express how this makes me feel too...telling him without actually doing so.... View more

My depressed partner has isolated himself from me. I understand why and I am committed to loving and supporting him unconditionally from afar. It feels selfish, but I need to express how this makes me feel too...telling him without actually doing so. ________________________ My phone is deafeningly silent. My heart is empty. My mind races. I begin to forget what you look like. My body craves your touch...your hand on my face, your lips on my head and your hand in mine. I don't recognise the way you smell where reminders have often made me smile. The comfort of your company is a memory fading fast. The sound of your voice, the way you say my name is saved only in my memory as unique and treasured. Love has become intangible, unexplainable in the overwhelming crush of missing you. The safety and security of your presence, now absent, brings pain to my core. Each smile feels fake, my fear is real. The word 'love' is now inadequate. But hope sustains me. That you will beat this intruder in your mind, your peace and your heart. I am angry because that is where I belong. I look forward with hope to the day you put me back in my place. When you realise the lies of the beast who invades your soul. And you rediscover the wonderful man that you have always been. Thinking this, all while knowing that you are hurting far beyond me is the most difficult pain to endure. That it must end for you, for your smile to return is my wish for you. Hoping that you might smile for me is a self indulgent bonus.

ScarlettR How my dad's personality change is affecting my life
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Up until 2013, my dad had been a good man. He was always positive, never raised his raise, was morally supportive of me and always wanted to make me laugh. In late 2012, me and my family moved from Adelaide, South Australia to Melbourne, Victoria. We... View more

Up until 2013, my dad had been a good man. He was always positive, never raised his raise, was morally supportive of me and always wanted to make me laugh. In late 2012, me and my family moved from Adelaide, South Australia to Melbourne, Victoria. We settled in a city apartment building. A month or so later, dad changed, almost overnight. For example, I had poor sleeping patterns at the time and would sleep in late in the morning. My dad would come in at 10am or so and tell me to get up because the day is going by. Once he said in a intimidating warning voice: "You haven't been staying up all night, have you?" The big change really happened when my dad accompanied me to my mental health clinic for an appointment. He then let out a rage at my mental health counsellors and accused them of not doing their job by supporting me. He was aggressive, quite not himself. He was pointing his finger at the head counsellor, who was a pregnant woman. Since then, he had been very angry and bitter, at me in particular. As of the past year, my dad would get angry over little daily things and yell at me. Me and my dad don't talk in daily life ever. My dad refuses to talk to me, and only talks to mum. If I start a conversation with mum, mum would talk then dad would enter the conversation, but talk only with mum. It upsets me that my dad has had a major personality change. He is in his 60s so I don't know if he's developing dementia. I want to move out but don't have a job that can support me so I'm stuck living with him and his constant scolding and bitterness. Here's a recent story: one morning, he took the 2L milk bottle out to make his tea. I made cereal with the milk, but was not aware he wanted the milk for his tea. I put the milk away in the fridge, and my dad scolded me, calling me an "ignoramus". I scolded him back and explained I would never put away milk knowing he would want it. I know I'm writing a lot here, but he's making my daily life a living hell and I can't believe this is the same man who supported and entertained me when I was younger.

white knight Disowned by family members? How to survive it
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My sister and l 6 years ago disowned our then 79yo narcissistic and manipulative mother. We'd toiled for over 50 years to work with her to no avail. We lost family members as they observed this little old lady cry on their shoulders "what have I done... View more

My sister and l 6 years ago disowned our then 79yo narcissistic and manipulative mother. We'd toiled for over 50 years to work with her to no avail. We lost family members as they observed this little old lady cry on their shoulders "what have I done to deserve this, I've been such a good mother...." But being a child of such a tyrant is never felt by others. At the end of the day a decision was made for sanity and peace. Our decision and for us, an irreversible one. Fast track to 2017 and my youngest daughter 24yo said goodbye last week following some fundamental differences between us. Yes as a teen her mind was brainwashed by her revengeful mother. Her mother never forgave me nor my eldest daughter for her leaving home at 12yo to live with me. So at 14yo my youngest said goodbye. Then 10 years later returned to my life 12 months ago...and now we've split again. One question is - how many times is this going to happen?. I exercised the same right with my mother!. The hollow feeling of a child lost is deep. How have I coped?. Firstly, i had the advantage of 10 years without her. Also her behaviour meant she'd inherited her mothers genes of playing emotional games and being selfish. That helps my progress of acceptance but it still is disappointing. I consulted friends and family. It seems losing a childs faith is commonplace. This at least allows you the knowledge you are not alone. You cant pick your family....but you can pick those you want to treat as family. I've been a positive thinker since 1982. I will overcome anything. But the initial impact of maybe never seeing your child again takes time to swallow. Part of me wants to hug her forever, part wants to talk forever so she'll hear reason and part tells me that being her mothers daughter results in little hope.. However, I feel sorry for her for the same reason. Children brainwashed is no fault of theirs. But as an adult she should acknowledge that process....arhhh the mental tug of war .... By far, so far, the greatest thing that has assisted me is my positivity or reality. Reality is that this is life. It is common and it is not something we can find answers to. As parents we cant cover all bases, we can only do our best. We cant ignore our inbuilt standards. Such standards are part of our DNA. When that clashes with your childs DNA it just doesnt work. A piece of us will always be missing, we have to focus on what we have, not what we've lost. Tony WK

Downgirl Impending divorce
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Hi, just reaching out really. I have started to have panic attacks so maybe writing all his down might help. I was married for 13 years, the last four were unbearable. I have always used alcohol to self-medicate but this has become out of control esp... View more

Hi, just reaching out really. I have started to have panic attacks so maybe writing all his down might help. I was married for 13 years, the last four were unbearable. I have always used alcohol to self-medicate but this has become out of control especially over the past 12 months since separating. I probably drink a bottle of wine a day but that is on a good day, if I'm socialising its more. My husband blames my drinking for the end of our marriage but there are other reasons. I told him I would get help but he doesn't want to reconcile. So divorce is impending and we care for our two young children 50/50. To make matters worse I recently met a great guy accidentally. But he has lost interest, possibly because he might see me as unstable or having a drinking problem. I became attached to this person way too quickly and now I am having anxiety issues because he doesn't want to see me anymore. I am so terrified of not being able to be a part-time mother and cope with a full time job which I've only recently been doing over the past 12 months so that was another change. I really feel I cannot cope with working full time, separation and taking care of the children and now feeling awful about a man who I only knew for a short time. I guess he made me feel alive again, such a cliche. I really want to get help for my alcohol problems as I do know they have affected my marriage and will continue to affect other relationships. I don't feel AA would work for me as I am very private, don't know of any rehab places. I am in South Australia. Thanks for listening.

lizzie50 In love with a stoner
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Ive never been one to take drugs, I've tried weed twice in my life. The guy i fell for is a stoner, he has smoked since the age of 14 and is now 21 and smokes every day before sleeping, before going to work and as soon as he woke up. I never really k... View more

Ive never been one to take drugs, I've tried weed twice in my life. The guy i fell for is a stoner, he has smoked since the age of 14 and is now 21 and smokes every day before sleeping, before going to work and as soon as he woke up. I never really knew the extent of how addicted he was till i started staying at his house more often, he would smoke bongs in his room/lounge room, i noticed his brother and mother also did it. He knew i wasn't too keen on it, but it was his choice and he said it helped his PTSD. All of his friends do it and his family, he is very insecure about how dependent he is on it and how often he does it. He wouldn't stay at my house cause he couldnt sleep without smoking before bed, was very irritated if he didnt have some. It was funny cause when i was with him and i knew he was high he just acted goofy and funny, but when he was high and i wasnt around he'd text me at 2am accusing me of something whether is was lying, cheating, anything and it was a cycle constantly and i began to notice the pattern of when he was high his paranoia set in. Things have ended now, as the paranoia got so intense, he accused me of being against him and trying to hurt him and created these elaborate stories about the most ridiculous situations. When confronted about his paranoia he called me crazy and I'm the one with issues. He has blocked all contact with me and told his friends i cheated. He calls me from unknown numbers at 1-2am when his high to tell me how much i ruined his life etc. I was wondering if anyone has experienced something like this? Or has some more information based on the effects of weed and if this is normal behaviour?