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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Nickyall Husband not dealing with me having friends
  • replies: 4

Where to start.....My husband and I have been together for over 25 years and very early in our relationship my best friend passed away. Since then I literally shut myself off from all outside friendships (this was something I did unconsciously and I'... View more

Where to start.....My husband and I have been together for over 25 years and very early in our relationship my best friend passed away. Since then I literally shut myself off from all outside friendships (this was something I did unconsciously and I've only realised quite recently when I reflected back on my life). So the past year has seen me make many new friends and form a close friendship with my now best friend. We go to the same women's gym & I go to gym 4-6 times a week. I go to gym early in the mornings before my family wake up. In short, my husband is jealous of my new friends. I know this is different for him because he is used to having me all to himself since very early in our relationship. He has made me feel guilty to go to gym in the mornings. Whenever I want to go have a coffee with my friends, I feel like a child who needs to ask permission to go. I probably do something socially with my friends once a month. I literally get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach to even mention doing anything with my friends, especially my best friend. My husband has accused me of having an emotional affair with her. Yes I love her, but in a platonic way. My husband can have a social life and come and go as he pleases, but I have to "convince" him to "allow" me to go anywhere; have to specify who I will be with; when I will be home; co-ordinate our kids for while I am out; organise their meals while I am out; then clean up the mess when I return home. Whereas at the drop of a hat, my husband can take off for lunch with his mates and not return until after midnight. I don't want a life like that, but I don't want world war 3 just because I do want to hang out with the girls. Our relationship is not balanced. I feel like I am lost. I don't know what I want from my life but I know this isn't it. I want to be happy. I want to spend time with my friends. I love my time with my family and husband but I need more. I feel like life shouldn't be this difficult. I have lost myself and my passion while I was busy giving to everyone around me (we have 6 children). I was happy with my life but as the kids grow, they don't need me like they used to and I guess I am only now seeing my life for what it really is and I'm not sure I like it. Am I making this into something bigger than it is..... I'd love some advice on how to make my husband see I need some down time with my friends......What do you make of the situation I've described?

Isol completely isolated and lonely in the city
  • replies: 8

I suffered a life changing accident 2yrs ago at the time when I was suffering from empty nest. I am on my own with my dog(long term separatedand can't move on).. I used to fill my days but now after the accident I lost most of my career and I can't d... View more

I suffered a life changing accident 2yrs ago at the time when I was suffering from empty nest. I am on my own with my dog(long term separatedand can't move on).. I used to fill my days but now after the accident I lost most of my career and I can't do much physical activity. I aged 20yrs and moves like a 90yr old. this is hard to take at the time when aging is the most confronting. I have no friends or family support, no career or colleagues, no relationship and have someone to lean on. I have blocked my situation out during my raising kids alone. Butt now I am a empty nester, lack social contact from my job , plus my injury without anayone to help me when I was temporary disabled and still struggling to walk without pain, I felt the full force of the isolation and loneliness. I feel I am dying of loneliness and my brian is slowing down and getting demented I find myself searching for reasons to live as just existing is pointless. I was a strong person and used to find strength in getting myself out of black holes somehow, but with many thing happening to me at the same time it has finally broke me! Any advise or just lend an ear would be nice. Thanks

JARH Infidelity and the lasting effects
  • replies: 10

Several years ago I discovered my husband was having an affair (lasting 3 months), we had been married for over 30 years. I thought it was a solid loving relationship. I felt like my world fell apart, my husband cut ties with the other woman(ow) and ... View more

Several years ago I discovered my husband was having an affair (lasting 3 months), we had been married for over 30 years. I thought it was a solid loving relationship. I felt like my world fell apart, my husband cut ties with the other woman(ow) and has continued to work hard to rebuild the trust. However I feel weak for staying with him, I obsess over the ow and need to know everything about her. I know this is not healthy and only hurting me but I can't stop. I have days were I am really low and just cry, I mourn the loss of what I thought my husband and I had together. Other days I feel like I can conquer the world, My love for my children and grandchildren keep me going. I want to stop obsessing, I want to stop thinking that I'm the loser. I knew the ow. She appeared to have everything, also married (no children) attractive and confident. I feel by posting this I may be able to connect with other people who have gone through the same. I desperately want to move forward but feel in a rut.

AbandonedPanda Parable of the Abandoned Panda
  • replies: 13

I have been with my partner for more than a decade. She is my world and is the most perfect thing that exists. I adore her and am madly in love with her. I show her her everyday and do my best to make her feel like a princess. We have always got alon... View more

I have been with my partner for more than a decade. She is my world and is the most perfect thing that exists. I adore her and am madly in love with her. I show her her everyday and do my best to make her feel like a princess. We have always got along great and have built a wonderful life together. We've been through so much together, deaths,job stress, home stress, attempted suicide of 2 of my family but we supported each other and we got thru it. life was perfect for me.... Then in the last year, she has started getting really depressed. Always lathargic and doesn't want to do anything. I am always there to support her as her 'friends and family' are they are only there when they feel like it. I don't mind, I have got really good at locking my own issues away so I can focus on making her happy. As long as she is happy I am happy! I love her so much. Things got bad when she told me it would be easier if she ended it all. My heart broke. I was there for her And we talked it through and I was able to show her the bright side of life. She went to bed peaceful and happy and I waited till she was asleep, locked myself in the bathroom and cried like a baby. It broke me.we got through it tho and things got better and she was much happier. Then a few months ago she tells me she is not happy! She wants out. I plead with her not to throw away 10 years of good times for a few sad times. We talk and make a commitment to support eachother like we have always done. Things get better and I'm do everything I can to keep her happy while dealing with my own issues internally. Then 1 day I get home from work and she's gone. No note, nothing, her stuff is gone an I fall apart. My perfect life crumbles as I am nothing without her. My beautiful princess has abandoned me! After a decade of supporting her, this is all I am worth. I have nothing left, I'm a mess without her! I can't function without her! She's my everything. I get in touch with her and she says she needs space. I say u can have space but u can't give up on us over nothing! We are so worth it to try and fix it. She doesn't want to try! She's done. She has made up her mind and I cant change it. She chooses her friends over me, I am expendable. I beg her to try because we are so great together but she doesn't want to believe it.I adore her, she is the love of my life and I would give anything 2 be with her, she is my soulmate. Without her I have nothing. This woman has broken my heart but all I need is her.

Gabeppp MONSTER IN LAW
  • replies: 8

My MIL is staying from out of town. its fine to start with. But she has been here for over a week now and plans to stay another a week! it's too much. I enjoy my alone time and need to relax. But she is constantly fluttering around the house. Asking ... View more

My MIL is staying from out of town. its fine to start with. But she has been here for over a week now and plans to stay another a week! it's too much. I enjoy my alone time and need to relax. But she is constantly fluttering around the house. Asking me every hour of I want a coffee. Etc etc just constantly being around Every time she out stays her welcome. My mental health already strains the relationship I have with my partner. When I have asked him to tell her to leave in the past it turns into an argument and I am made to feel like the horrible person. i am just so annoyed that she thinks she is entitled to stay with us in our SMALL home for so long. We don't have kids but if we did she'd be the type of MIL to stay for weeks straight after the babies arrival. Just the thought frustrates me. But like I said I have tried to make my partner put up boundaries with no luck or support from him. Hpw to get her out? I have already started using up all the hot water in the mornings and doing other little annoying things.

startingnew i dont know what to feel or what to do..?
  • replies: 14

Hi guys im in a bit of a situation. Im not so much as jealous as I am angry about this situation and im having a lot of trouble moving forward with it. So when I was about 9 I was offerred a horse to ride as my mums boyfriend owned a riding school an... View more

Hi guys im in a bit of a situation. Im not so much as jealous as I am angry about this situation and im having a lot of trouble moving forward with it. So when I was about 9 I was offerred a horse to ride as my mums boyfriend owned a riding school and no one ever used this horse as she was suited to beginners so they offered her to me and said if I do the work with her which pretty much included rebreaking in then I could ride her and take her to horse shows and do pony club with her and she was mine to keep for as long as possible. So I worked on this horse for 6 years and had this horse almost perfect but not for beginners still as she use to buck but as I trained her up she was so trusting of me she almost seemed like another horse for other people and she hated other people riding her. I took her to pony club, beach rides, road rides and taught her how to travel on a float and came home with many ribbons even if they were 5th it didnt matetr to me. This horse was my best friend and I spent every waking hour with her when I wasnt at school. After these years though, mum and her boyfriend broke up and without a word or warning, my mum got a phone call saying that if I was to enter the property they would call the police on me. I never even got to say goodbye to her it breaks my heart every time I think about her. And my sister- her pop s the one who owns the horse so my sisters still Is allowed on the property and when she goes up there she talks about her without the intention of hurting me but it breaks my heart every single day. I havent felt the same about horses since nor have I been able to form a connection with one since then and this was 6 years ago and do you know what makes it worse, where I live the property is pretty much at the back of our house and theres abike track and every now and then I go for a walk along there ad I see her and I call her and she knows who it is I can see it in her eyes but she cant come over as theres far to much gap between the fence and where I am. Sometime I wish I could just jump the fence and go see her. I miss her so much

Taylah75 Thanks
  • replies: 1

I'm on the search for the post I posted some months ago and can't find it. I received great advice from pipsy I'm sure that's her name on here! I wanted to touch base with her and let her know that I'm doing great and wanted to say thanks for the sup... View more

I'm on the search for the post I posted some months ago and can't find it. I received great advice from pipsy I'm sure that's her name on here! I wanted to touch base with her and let her know that I'm doing great and wanted to say thanks for the support at the time as I come out of a relationship with a narcissist! If you read this would be good to hear from you and let you know where I'm at

Broken_Biscuit_Blues Too much too soon
  • replies: 24

I have been visiting this site for a couple of weeks now and have decided to dip my toe into the water and post. I have always been inclined to depression and anxiety and spent some time in hospital back in 2001 when I suffered what would once have b... View more

I have been visiting this site for a couple of weeks now and have decided to dip my toe into the water and post. I have always been inclined to depression and anxiety and spent some time in hospital back in 2001 when I suffered what would once have been called a nervous breakdown and I have always been a very shy sensitive type of bloke but for the past few years I have been going ok, at least up until August last year when the wheels started to fall off. For the past few years I have been helping mum care for my dad who has advanced parkinson's disease,He was hanging in there and then he got pneumonia back in July spent five weeks in hospital and now it looks like motor neurons.disease.We have to hand feed him use a hoist and a shower chair for showers etc, it's just heart and back breaking. Then just before dad comes home from hospital a painful boil appears on my forearmThe doctor lances and drains it twice . but it ain't going away and then an even nastier one appears on my finger GP finally decided to do some cultures and it is mrsa After four months of bactrim and doxycycline I finally seem to kick the boils but in the meantime something worse has cropped up. Around Melbourne Cup time I started getting dizzy spells and feeling very fatigued. Turns out I have anemia with a blood count of 116 but my iron folate and b12 are all fine.Stool and urine tests are ordered but there is no blood.. Three months later another lot of bloods and blood count is still 116 " if you are really worried I can send you to a haematologist"One thing the last few months has taught me is you have to be assertive with doctors . Visited the specialist on Friday he ordered more specific bloodwork and a ct scan of my spleen and If that shows nothing he wants a bone marrow biopsy . Anyway while all this has been going on an older lady I have been doing some odd jobs for every Sunday and who became a close (platonic) friend, indeed my only social contact outside the house and who has an auto immune disease which while she is only mildly symptomatic as we speak could turn nasty at any time decides to move back to Sydney to be closer to her extended family. My depression was already building but when she told me just before christmas it was like the straw that broke the camels back.I have been trying to put it to the back of my mind but as the day approaches i am starting to feel the isolation building and the depression is really starting to sting and burn

Ren88 I need a reality check!
  • replies: 2

Hey guys this is pretty random and may seem silly but I really wanted to get some insight on this situation as it's been an issue for quite some time and gives me anxiety !! I'll try keep it short. i married a man from a different religion and my mot... View more

Hey guys this is pretty random and may seem silly but I really wanted to get some insight on this situation as it's been an issue for quite some time and gives me anxiety !! I'll try keep it short. i married a man from a different religion and my mother was never happy about it so I played down how much he was really into his religion and so on like it wasn't an issue they've clashed in the past about this religion issue and it ended up in my husband hating on my mum for a long time because she gave him a piece of her mind on his beliefs which she definitely shouldn't have done. Anyway since then I've tried keeping them away from each other and get so nervous if anything to do with religion comes up. Anyway my husband has something at home which represents his belief and I've actually gone to the extent of not letting my family come over because I don't want them to see ! It's crazy right? Anyway today she came and went to the room and i think she saw it and I know it seems so stupid and I feel stupid saying this but it actually is making me so anxious! Someone tell me how silly I am and give me some balls!

Elizabeth CP Dealing with friends & loved ones when they do or say hurtful or unhelpful things
  • replies: 13

This thread is about dealing with those situations when friends or familydo or say something which triggers negative reactions in us. This is not about dealing with bullies, abusers or other toxic people. With toxic people we need to stay away so it ... View more

This thread is about dealing with those situations when friends or familydo or say something which triggers negative reactions in us. This is not about dealing with bullies, abusers or other toxic people. With toxic people we need to stay away so it is a different situation. My example: Yesterday we were discussing a proposed camping hiking trip. My husband suggested we get up early & head off on the hike by 7am & implied this would be a good time to set off each day. This comment set off a very negative reaction. I replied that he was being very unfair as it was putting too much pressure on me. Even worse was the internal dialogue feeling I was failing in meeting my husband's wishes and feeling useless because I knew I wouldn't cope with the pressure. When we were younger & both fit & well holidays were crammed to get the maximum out of each day. Now I am left doing all the planning, driving, navigating, packing, cooking cleaning & watching out for my husband to ensure his safety as he is blind & has other serious health issues. He wants to do as much as possible before he gets worse & can't get out. Having to do everything means I get tired & I can't afford to push myself too far otherwise I will fall in a heap. My question is what are some strategies to cope with those situations like this one were a loved one says something which really upsets you even though they didn't mean to. Perhaps others could share their situations so we can learn from each others ideas