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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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melbourneboy88 Being in a relationship brings out my anxiety
  • replies: 2

Hi there, i don't know where to start, or what to say, but in the last two years I've had 2 relationships, one I'm still currently in one. The girl I'm with now is so kind and I love being with her, however, it's when I'm away from her is when I have... View more

Hi there, i don't know where to start, or what to say, but in the last two years I've had 2 relationships, one I'm still currently in one. The girl I'm with now is so kind and I love being with her, however, it's when I'm away from her is when I have thoughts that I can't control and brings me to not be able to concentrate on studying and concentrating in class. Before we got together she had a threesome with one of my best friends and his gf. At that time we were more of a friends with benefits type thing- she had just come out of a relationship and I had serious sporting commitments, it seemed like the best thing to do. At the time it didn't bother me, I did like her and I never thought about it. We eventually got together a couple of months later, but in that time she had gotten with another one of my friends, and a few others. I was okay with it to begin with because we weren't together, but now whenever I start to think about her all I can think of is the imagine if her doing this. We've been together now for 4 months, and whilst I don't consider myself as obsessively protective, I don't like guys getting close with her when I know they have intentions. I told her this, but she kept saying these two other guys were just friends. I trust her in not doing anything at parties, but I can't get passed these two people coz I know they like her. I told her I wasnt comfortable with them, but she kept saying nothing was going to happen, which wasn't why I was feeling the way I was. One of them had lied that she wanted to get with him even though we were together and told his mates he was going to make her cheat and she still wanted to stay friends. The other had hooked up with her before we were together, which is fine, but he asked her to go to his place afterwards which she didn't, but kept talking to her even though he moved to Israel for 5 months, this made me very uncomfortable and really made me over think why she'd want to talk to 'her friend' she'd met twice. she knew how it was making me feel. I could never get this out of my head and it would drive me insane. I'd be paranoid because I know what guys will do, and I can't stand the image of her being with someone else. she doesn't want to be controlled herself, and I don't want to control her..but she stopped talking to them, and she said she wouldn't have done it for anyone else. I love her, and I loving being with her, but when I'm away from her these thoughts just dominate my mind

solabear My son might be gay, I'm confused
  • replies: 8

Hey guys, as the title says I'm confused and not sure how to deal with this situation. He is 31 and has been in two long term relationship with females, homosexuality has never been discussed. He's never mentioned anything lie that to me and I've nev... View more

Hey guys, as the title says I'm confused and not sure how to deal with this situation. He is 31 and has been in two long term relationship with females, homosexuality has never been discussed. He's never mentioned anything lie that to me and I've never had any suspicion about it. He lives with me and we have a mutual friend who's gay. This gay friend told me that they are dating, but my son doesn't want anyone to know, not even me. But he decided to share this secret with me and asked me not to tell anyone, and not to let my son know that I know about it. I promised to keep it a secret and not to confront my son, but I can't stop thinking about it and I'm very confused. I'm not sure if the gay friend is telling the truth and I'm really worried about this whole thing. I can't talk to anyone about it, because I promised to keep it as a secret and I don't want cause trouble to anyone. My son was deeply hurt by both of his long term relationships with his girlfriends and I'm worried that he turned to a gay man because he doesn't trust women anymore. It's very confusing to me because I've never thought he was gay. And I'm worried for him not feeling comfortable talking to me about it or coming out if he's really gay. I want to be there for him and tell him that I love him and three is nothing wrong with being gay, but I can't because I have to keep this to myself and I can't let him know that I know. Its a tricky situation and I don't know how to deal with this. I can't get it out of my head and I would appreciate some advice Sola

For_the_want_of_a_better_ How can i encourage rather than be a winge...
  • replies: 2

Hi, first time using this. I figured it was a good start for my sutuation. Hopefully anyway. I have been with my bf for almost a year. Our relrionship started healthy and slow. Friends getting to know each other. Working on who we are etc etc. We wai... View more

Hi, first time using this. I figured it was a good start for my sutuation. Hopefully anyway. I have been with my bf for almost a year. Our relrionship started healthy and slow. Friends getting to know each other. Working on who we are etc etc. We waited until both or personal dramas where dealt with before comitting to a relationship. My boyfriend is a workaholic he cam work 7 days a week straight. No in between. I knew that from the beginning but it worked for us. Sometimes well more often than not i dont see him till late at night. And i know he is working because he comes over exhausted and filthy from work. I started noticing changes in him a while ago and i tried to talk to him about it. He says its him and not me. He says he has depression and anxiety and he cant not work. He just cant stop. He was seeing a psych but stopped as it wasnt helping him. He tells me hes never been in love like this before. I know hes had alot of reltionships fail because of his work. He has shut down emotionally and in communication i do all the talking and he goves very brief answers. I feel like im pushing and its making him more distant. He trys to crack jokes or deter from the conversation. Its making me crazy inside as i dont feel like it is how it was. When i say this he says everything changes. When i ask why are you here with me knowing i am the eccentric i am he says because i love you and i want to. This man is a very black and whit no in between if be doesnt want to do something or be somewhere he wont. When i get emotional he shuts down more. i love this guys alot. And i want to be able to support him through whatever it is he is going through. And he says things will change. How do yoi help a depressed guy who is slowly shutting down??

FaeGirl9 I need to safely get out of an online relationship with a narcissist.
  • replies: 7

I've been silly, I know it, told myself the same thing a thousand times, but...I fell into an online relationship with a man overseas, on Facebook, and now I'm realising just how toxic it is. I don't trust him anymore, and fear the repercussions of b... View more

I've been silly, I know it, told myself the same thing a thousand times, but...I fell into an online relationship with a man overseas, on Facebook, and now I'm realising just how toxic it is. I don't trust him anymore, and fear the repercussions of breaking things off with him. He has a lot of anger, and has posted really vile things about people in the recent past, which is why I've woken up to the truth of him. I'm terrified he'll use our private chats and messages against me online, to malign me and punish me for wanting to leave. I'm walking on eggshells, always scared, and dreading every moment I speak to him. I'm only keeping up appearances because I'm afraid of his wrath and don't know what to do. I've got OCD and query bipolar, and this is making me downright ill. What can I do, except blame myself for being a vulnerable, gullible fool who believed shed found love?

Feelinglost77 What can i do to keep my wife from leaving me??
  • replies: 4

Hi All I have a problem with lying to my wife and stealing. I am addressing the issue of stealing with a psychologist and a counsellor. I have lied to my wife from the beginning of our relationship in the fear of her not wanting me. I made up stories... View more

Hi All I have a problem with lying to my wife and stealing. I am addressing the issue of stealing with a psychologist and a counsellor. I have lied to my wife from the beginning of our relationship in the fear of her not wanting me. I made up stories to make her feel sorry for me and to want to be with me. This is my second marriage and we have been together for five years. My wife left me with our two boys and moved into her sisters place around May of this year. She left because i had yet again lied to her about what i had done. She said she cannot trust me and couldn't be in that kind of relationship. In the time she was gone which was approx 2 months, i kept seeing my psychologist and also engaged a counsellor to help me with my issues. I made promises to my wife that it was never going to happen again and that she can trust me. Eventually after the longest 2 months of my life, against her families and some friends wishes, she moved back home with the boys and we were together again. I never wanted to be in that situation ever again. Well, it lasted about a month when i stole again and was caught. I was terminated from my workplace and made up an excuse that i was made redundant. My wife found out the truth and has told me that she cant do this anymore and wants to leave me. She has said she wants to move into a rental property with our boys. She has agreed to stay living together until she finds a place. I am gutted and so desperately want her to stay. I love her and i know i can eventually beat this addiction i have, but i also know i have once again lied to her when i said i wouldn't. Is there anything i can do??

Jans62 Hello, First post here , Mum to 4 children Schizophrenia & autism , my Mum has schizophrenia ,and grandson autism
  • replies: 2

Burn out is my middle name , I have had such a load with my families mental health that it has now put mine at risk and.i am on anti depressants.. suffer with overwhelm , migraines , osteo arthritis.. and anxiety . I wondering if anyone else has simi... View more

Burn out is my middle name , I have had such a load with my families mental health that it has now put mine at risk and.i am on anti depressants.. suffer with overwhelm , migraines , osteo arthritis.. and anxiety . I wondering if anyone else has similar carer responsibilities that impact their own mental health and how one may deal and cope with it all.. I don't seem to get much time for me and even if I do I am constantly in the phone to support others .. thank you

KathrynSolaris Hi and Aspie/GAD marriage rant.
  • replies: 2

Waves* hiya. Little about me, active in the community country town dweller, unschooling mum to three amaze kids (one autistic, two others HSP), wife to tinkerer, backyard engineer, asd and adhd husband (not on disabilities and not working), youth act... View more

Waves* hiya. Little about me, active in the community country town dweller, unschooling mum to three amaze kids (one autistic, two others HSP), wife to tinkerer, backyard engineer, asd and adhd husband (not on disabilities and not working), youth activities facilitator, social anxiety and GAD sufferer, genuine INFJ alien and an IRL word salad style communicator. My story. Stuff is crazy here, marriage is strained and currently overwhelmed from work. I really struggle with speaking to my husband because of so much fear of getting it wrong all the time. I get it wrong lots. Unintentionally lying by omitting details about things or just not stating my thoughts verbally and entirely is a big problem. I'm also really defensive about my thoughts as I constantly feel under attack even when I'm not. My aspie husband struggles so much to try and understand but I don't have the answers to his logic seeking why things are the way they are. I'm torn between wanting an equal partnership with him like a regular marriage (lol sounds so mainstream) and just knowing that I have to deal with my stuff myself and be a carer to him (without formal status as such). There is lots of blame both ways, (he has expressed that I'm too much for him and wants to leave), and with work, the kids social stuff (has to be organized by me because we don't use schools), having time to spend with my friends and trying to maintain a together face in the community, I just feel like I'm drowning... end of rant... Wow, yup, being an intense person is an understatement.

CJs_mum Depression and families stopping things happening
  • replies: 1

hi this may need a trigger warning. just wanted to know if anyone else had ever felt this way... Has this ever happened to you before? You come up with what you think is a great idea (say for a small business, a job or something to do over the weeken... View more

hi this may need a trigger warning. just wanted to know if anyone else had ever felt this way... Has this ever happened to you before? You come up with what you think is a great idea (say for a small business, a job or something to do over the weekend or even type of car you'd like, a gift for someone's birthday, booking a holiday or whatever) and everyone puts you down, stops you from doing it, physically prevents you or hurts you so much, you're forced to give up... but 6-12 or so months later those same people tell you that you should do this brilliant idea they just came up with (the exact one you had) and force you into it, only it's too late to now and they wonder why you're upset or rolling your eyes or worse, they blame you for it not working right this second and are really demanding/angry/abusive about it. Welcome to my life pretty much 24-7. I'm so sick of it it's tempting to just go back into my old mental health ward just for them to stop blocking me or at least shut up about it. My parents say "To physically and emotionally crush someone is wrong". So why does it happen all the time? Why do they do that to me? they make me question myself -I'm just being selfish, dumb or not being mature when I start getting upset. How do I get over the past? How come I'm not "mature like them"? Why am I not getting anywhere in life, stupid? Why am I so stupid? Ive seen several counsellors over the last few weeks and each one has basically said there's not much they can do. I'm not sure how to get my point across to them about how this behaviour in others affects me, to the point where I'm depressed, crying all the time and am so sick of it all...I don't know what to do. I've just been physically sick thinking about it all. i need it all to stop.....Can someone please stop this merry-go-round, I'd like to get off. Hope everyone else is ok

Becstar Hit a wall - out of ideas
  • replies: 4

Help needed I'm a mum to 2 boys (18yrs & 12 wks) i love my 18 year old dearly, the first 2 years of his life were not the best, I suffered PND & was in an abusive relationship and I was only a teenager with very little support. I really pulled my shi... View more

Help needed I'm a mum to 2 boys (18yrs & 12 wks) i love my 18 year old dearly, the first 2 years of his life were not the best, I suffered PND & was in an abusive relationship and I was only a teenager with very little support. I really pulled my shit together and got a house, studied and eventually a job and I raised my son as a single parent because his Dad didn't have the capacity to change or to put someone else's needs first Anyways my son has diabetes type 1 & iv been his carer since age 2 and that's been challenging, exhausting ect ect but I always managed very well and very rarely was my son ill or absent from school. My son has anger issues and understandedably so I give him lots of love, forgive his outbursts and most importantly I try to keep commication open, but sometimes it feels like it's not very effective and I often have to draw a line when it comes to abusive/aggressive behaviour and thankfully my son is getting better at this. So my current issues are that my son expects a lot from me and most of the time I'm ok with that except at the moment I'm really down myself, my partner passed away Christmas, my third son was born in April and needed stomach surgery 6 weeks of age and most recently my father has passed away. I currently have the flu and I'm sitting in my car because my son has made such a mess inside that there are no clean dishes and he expects me to prepare a meal every night and pay for everything (he's only on Newstart so he would literally die without extra support) I have no problem paying for good nutritious food, education ect and I do but I often say no to junk food or games i realise that this behaviour is a result of not setting clear enough boundaries at the right age so I'm prepared to keep working at these issues but nothing is working. My son is very intelligent and he treats his friends and peers with respect and is well mannered so what am I doing that's so wrong? I don't want him to feel abandoned but maybe I need to give a bit more tough love! Am i allowed to want him to help me a bit more or am just supposed to give him everything because I'm the parent? thoughts?

Chickyb My mother and our relationship
  • replies: 3

Around 2 years ago I found a new partner (who I'm still with), my mother was diagnosed with MS and I started doing less with her. We were very close but between working 2 jobs, my boyfriend, training and life in general mine and my mothers relationsh... View more

Around 2 years ago I found a new partner (who I'm still with), my mother was diagnosed with MS and I started doing less with her. We were very close but between working 2 jobs, my boyfriend, training and life in general mine and my mothers relationship started to seperate. I have mixed feelings as I should be allowed to grow up but I also think I should be there for her more. She tells me I left her and crys on occasions that we argue about the situation. I clean the house for her, end the arguments on good terms and try my best to be happy and cheery when I get home, this becomes extremely hard when I get one word answers and an ugly tone of voice. I honestly can't do anything right. For around 2 years this situation has been on my mind everyday. I'm forever feeling bad for staying out, sleeping at my boyfriends or not helping her with the shopping, I'm restless, have stopped doing things I love due stress or that I'm worried she wants me home. I honestly feel like there is a massive weight in my head. At 22 I feel like these should be the best days off my life but I'm moody, upset, depressed, anxious and horrible to my boyfriend due to my aggression. I'm honestly so distressed and confused. My partner suggested that my job could be a problem but I keep telling myself that it's my guilt from my mother.. thankyou for listening