Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Serenna Cutting Birth family ties and anxiety
  • replies: 6

Hi, any thoughts you can offer about this will be greatly appreciated. I'm in my mid 50s and my brothers and sisters are 6 to 15 years older. My experience of family growing up was very different from theirs. They had left home and then our mother di... View more

Hi, any thoughts you can offer about this will be greatly appreciated. I'm in my mid 50s and my brothers and sisters are 6 to 15 years older. My experience of family growing up was very different from theirs. They had left home and then our mother died. I experienced chaos and abuse from my father and step mother (both now deceased). After many decades of depression, I now feel very anxious about everything in general but particularly family matters. We have never discussed anything about family or our mother and any attempts to do so have been swept under the rug. As someone who needs to have concerns and feelings out in the open and discussed, I have been shut down so many times by them. I am now not invited to family gatherings and now hardly see any of them because I will ask the difficult questions about why I'm being excluded and now almost shunned as if I am too difficult to deal with. Honestly I don't think I am and I would be the first to criticize me!! I feel so much better not having to deal with them and I guess they must feel the same. Is it ok to just let those family relationships slide? I feel guilty not making the effort but their comments and snide remarks make me so anxious. They are quick to put me down in very oblique ways. I feel I am still the little girl waiting for their understanding and encouragement and approval - I never got it then and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to get it now. I get along well with my husband's family so I do have family and our own kids. I feel so different from my brothers and sisters that there's not much in common anyway and what was in common has all gone. It's much easier without them in my life. Has anyone experienced something like this?

Hocus I am in currently in the process of ending a relationship with someone who I believe has BPD
  • replies: 1

Hi, I just wanted to reach out. I am in currently in the process of ending a relationship with someone who I believe has BPD. He was diagnosed when he was younger but never sought help for it. I have this intense urge to make it all go away and stay ... View more

Hi, I just wanted to reach out. I am in currently in the process of ending a relationship with someone who I believe has BPD. He was diagnosed when he was younger but never sought help for it. I have this intense urge to make it all go away and stay but am terrified it will just always be the same. I've never been able to talk without him feeling criticised even if what I bring up is a genuine reason for anyone to be upset, such as not paying the rent that week. He just gets angry and I end up feeling so horrible I just forgive him. He has abused marijuana our whole relationship and when he says he'll quit it's only for a short period and does it behind my back. I feel unloved and unappreciated most of the time and the relationship is definitely not even financially as I work full time and him not at all so in turn I pay for nearly everything. I am so terrified to lose him but also so terrified for it to continue. I am hoping someone else has been in my shoes and can give me some advice. I have this overwhelming feeling of guilt that he isn't going to be okay if I leave because I still care and want him to be happy. Why is it that even though there has been multiple Occassions that it's been clear that I should leave or even feel hatred towards him that there is a huge part of me that just wants to stay and try and make it work?

goingcrazy86 Long Distance Relationship and major Anxiety
  • replies: 4

My boyfriend of almost a year (were both 30 year's old) moved back to the UK just before Christmas as he was missing home and his family. We decided to keep the relationship going as we both love each other very much, and it was very painful and hard... View more

My boyfriend of almost a year (were both 30 year's old) moved back to the UK just before Christmas as he was missing home and his family. We decided to keep the relationship going as we both love each other very much, and it was very painful and hard for both of us when he left. As he has gone back to work and is extremely busy there we don't talk as frequently as we were (We usually speak on the phone in the morning - my time, his night time) And send the odd text during the day. It gets hard sometimes when there is an 8 hour time difference. The thing is, i worry and stress out all the time that he is dead and has either been involved in a car accident or hasn't woken up from his sleep. If he doesn't text back or read my message via whatsapp within an hour or two (which is usually the case) i assume the worse and start having major attacks. I have ended up in tears many times over this. It's so severe that i constantly check the traffic reports in the UK around his area and I've even gotten in the habit of checking when he was last active on facebook and when it says over a certain amount of hours when i know he should have been awake and probably checked facebook my stomach sinks. He left his phone at home whilst visiting his family the other weekend and i couldn't get a hold of him for over 8 hours. I ended up calling his mum at 5am my time who told me he had just left their house about 10 minutes ago and that he had left his phone at home. His phone went dead overnight not long ago and i couldn't get through to him and my first thought was he was obviously dead. I am not like this, this is not me. When he was here i never worried about his welfare once. But now he is living over 9000 miles away it's become a daily thought. The only rest i get from constant worry and panic is when i know he is asleep and when i eventually get to sleep. I've tried talking to my parents about this but they just think i am being ridiculous and honestly it is ridiculous, but at the time when i'm thinking he has died on the side of the road, got his by a bus or died in his sleep it's all valid thoughts. I feel as if i'm going crazy and i don't know what to do about it, i'm having trouble sleeping, eating and just feeling as if i'm suffocating. I don't want to feel like a crazy stalker, and i certainly don't want my loved ones thinking i'm insane. I really need help or comfort from someone who know's what i'm going through- just something!

___4 Am I over reacting?!?
  • replies: 4

It's happened a couple of times lately and it really upsets me. (My partner knows it upsets me and understands they need to change their actions but they don't) My partner will often say to me on a night we are both free that they have made other pla... View more

It's happened a couple of times lately and it really upsets me. (My partner knows it upsets me and understands they need to change their actions but they don't) My partner will often say to me on a night we are both free that they have made other plans to see their friend. That's fine, I understand they need space and friend time and I shouldn't expect to see them every free second of their free time. But I then find out that they have caught up with the entire group of friends without me. We're a great bunch of friends and all get along but my partner will play the dumb card of "oh I didn't know they were all going to be out I thought we were just meeting up with one or two other people" and they'll convince me so well that they didn't know it was going to happen so I try and brush it off as me overreacting. But I really think it's bull. I just don't understand why my partner couldn't message me and say "come out with us, everyone's rocked up" etc. but they carry on with their night until I find out from another person that they're all together or my partner will say they're together but still not think to invite me to join them? I don't know if I should be upset with this as much as I am but being left out isn't a great feeling especially when your own partner is doing it to you. I'm open to all advice I would appreciate anything! But when I've started to show I'm upset at the time( generally thought text as clearly were not together at the time) my partner will not understand what they've done wrong so I will just sit in my sorrows and blow it off thinking how stupid must I be.

M98 I'm in love with a cheater.
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3 months into our relationship, he kissed a coworker. While feeling mad and betrayed I still let him straight back into my life. This is my first relationship, I'm 18, and I've never had someone interested in me before so I don't really want to lose ... View more

3 months into our relationship, he kissed a coworker. While feeling mad and betrayed I still let him straight back into my life. This is my first relationship, I'm 18, and I've never had someone interested in me before so I don't really want to lose this. 5 months in and he starts talking to another coworker younger than I am and they form a texting relationship for 2 months which I devastatingly find while he is showering, my only opportunity to look in his phone in 5 months. The texts were full on and I ordered him, dripping wet, out of my house. After 2 months of feeling left to the side and very self conscious I break down. After two weeks of hardly speaking and a very messy "break up" with him wanting to be friends still, I visit him and while I despise him I can't help but love him so so much. At almost 9 months now he comes home and tells me he still feels attracted to her. I now realise how low my self esteem has been for the past few months as a result of his selfish actions and I don't know what to do with myself. I have no one to talk to because I just finished high school and am hardly in touch with anyone. I'm starting university in two weeks in a different city and I just feel like leaving him once I'm there but still it pains me to even think about leaving him because I still love him so deeply.

kanga_brumby What's in a name
  • replies: 2

My darling son (15 years old) wants to change his surname. Not because of my relationship to him, but because he is being picked on by other students at school. It's only because his mother's surname was added to mine on his registration of birth. He... View more

My darling son (15 years old) wants to change his surname. Not because of my relationship to him, but because he is being picked on by other students at school. It's only because his mother's surname was added to mine on his registration of birth. He gets picked on because of that. Because Of my medical conditions he has been placed in care, I am ok with this. But he hardly talks to me now, especially on the important things like this. I just don't know how to get him to open up. Where is that magic wand I keep hearing about, to fix things. I want it NOW. to fix this.

4Cats I'm the bad guy?
  • replies: 2

Haven't been able to get out of bed for 2 days. Feel like there is a lead weight in my abdomen. So depressed and stressed. 93 year old mum in a nursing home. I'm not talking to one sister who refuses to go and see her (mum has dementia and said some ... View more

Haven't been able to get out of bed for 2 days. Feel like there is a lead weight in my abdomen. So depressed and stressed. 93 year old mum in a nursing home. I'm not talking to one sister who refuses to go and see her (mum has dementia and said some strong words to my sister a year ago). Now all of a sudden another sister seems not to be talking to me. I have no idea what I've done and my mind is going through all sorts of catastrophic ideas. I think I'll ring her tomorrow and ask and apologise of i have to. I'm so down on myself as i seem to upset people all the time. Half my friends are sick of me as I'm not fun to be with any more. I gave up drinking 2 months ago but chugged down some whiskey last night so i could sleep. I feel my family don't respect me (youngest of 7) and my opinions don't count. Just so lonely and terrified of the world at the moment. Want to hide away so i don't upset anyone else into hating me.

KassJo My depressed partner has ended our relationship via text
  • replies: 5

Hi Everyone I'm new to this site and I am reaching out to anyone that has experienced what I am facing now. My depressed partner of 4 years ended our relationship 2 weeks ago via text and has not contacted me since. I have tried messaged him, even se... View more

Hi Everyone I'm new to this site and I am reaching out to anyone that has experienced what I am facing now. My depressed partner of 4 years ended our relationship 2 weeks ago via text and has not contacted me since. I have tried messaged him, even sent him emails but I have not had a reply. He even blocked me on all social media and I am completely confused and heartbroken. Our relationship has had its ups and downs but he has never completely ignored me. It is really difficult for me to understand his thoughts and feelings and why he constantly withdraws from me. One minute everything is wonderful and we are planning to get married and move in together then the next he withdraws and avoids me. He has a very demanding professional career which he finds very stressful. He spends days at a time in bed sleeping, even not going into work. His employer have noticed his frequent absences (they do not know about his depression) and he is now stressed about losing his job which is adding to his depression. I just want to help him and support him. I have tried to read as much as I can on depression, even saw a psychologist to help me understand his illness and how I can better support him but he just keeps pushing me away. He works very long hours and has no motivation when he gets home. I would go over and do his housework and cook his dinner just to take any pressure off him. I would even help pay his bills. When he feels low, we would go weeks without seeing each other which really hurt. He just would make any excuse not to see me. And when we did see each other, it was always me initiating the contact. I don't know what to do ... do I give him space and not contact him or do I keep trying and let him know how much I love him and I don't want to lose him? I cannot describe my emptiness and confusion. I'm afraid if I stay away and respect his wishes I will lose him forever but I also don't want to not be there for him. I know he loves me immensely. I'm so confused and hurt. I can't sleep or eat since this has happened. Any advice will be comforting. Thank you for listening ...

GSD77 Medical/ Invalidity Retirement
  • replies: 5

Unfortunately a few years ago I was sexually harassed, bullied and threatened by my superior at work. I eventually reported it and Comcare accepted my claim. I have gone through all sorts of treatment options for my PTSD, anxiety, GAD, panic attacks ... View more

Unfortunately a few years ago I was sexually harassed, bullied and threatened by my superior at work. I eventually reported it and Comcare accepted my claim. I have gone through all sorts of treatment options for my PTSD, anxiety, GAD, panic attacks and other mental health issues but have not improved. My employer has decided to send me for an S36 review to assess my eligibility for medical redundancy. Based on several other specialist reports I have no doubt that medical retirement will be recommended. I just don't know what to do or how I feel about this. I am only 39 years old. I have suffered tremendously emotionally, physically and financially due to this psychological injury. I am now on 70% of my actual income and I no longer receive super contributions etc. Over the 4 years since my date of injury I have lost hundreds of thousands. I've contacted my super fund and been advised about the huge tax penalties I will need to pay. I don't understand how this is fair? Being forced to access my super early is not a positive thing. I lose so much of my super to Tax due to my young age. Worse still, my super doesn't even come close to covering my mortgage. I was the sole income earner and a single mother to one child. Surely this isn't right? What happens if I sue them? If I'm successful will I be paid a lump sum? What happens then? What if I pay my house off then am left with nothing? How do I live the rest of my life? This system is so incredibly unfair. I am the victim and suffer enough emotionally. Why am I also penalised financially too? Any advice would be appreciated?!? Please and thank you.

Eatworld12321 Lonely AF!
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feeling lonely as yet i have my partner and i have friends i just constantly feel misunderstood or like i cant say things because i feel like im sooking! i really want to go out with my partner and do things today i feel like its been ages since we w... View more

feeling lonely as yet i have my partner and i have friends i just constantly feel misunderstood or like i cant say things because i feel like im sooking! i really want to go out with my partner and do things today i feel like its been ages since we went out and enjoyed being out together but instead we just sit around home and hang out its the weekend before me starting school and him driver for uber and theres not going to be a better time than now to enjoy the sun and eachothers company plus its a saturday but i have noo idea how to say hey lets do something when he just wants to work so instead im just feeling like i just want to go to sleep and..im not even eating i cant be bothered, whats wrong with me why am i so dependant?!