Alone probably forever

[Tunafish1]

I don't know what to do. I'm 30 year old female and I got dumped 6months ago (in a traumatic way) and I'm really really struggling to move on. I'm having massive panic attacks I feel like no one will ever want me again and I will be alone forever. I can't help crying every day since and waking up is torture I feel so empty and alone but I have great family and friends the only thing I don't have is him. Lately I have been thinking maybe if I died the suffering would stop (I don't want to kill myself but living isn't joyful anymore). Other people can move on easy because they are attractive and or have good personality. I'm below average looking and very shy so it is so hard for me to meet someone with whom I can connect and worry I've had my few chances and that's it for me now I've missed the boat. My ex bf said to me I will be miserable and alone forever because of the way I act, I'm so worried he is right. I'm suffering so much I feel like my mind has cancer and is being eaten away, I try so many positive activities but it never seems to last and then I read blogs of ppl who are 70 and miserable and alone and I can't be like that I just can't and then I think of him who could get any girl he wants just based on his looks alone and it makes me so miserable to know he will replace me so easily.

[humbleb]

I would not listen to your ex.. you are a Devine being and it's hard when people pick on you. But relationships can become confronting but it's unfair totally of him to judge you.

you are beautiful and need to tell yourself that. Your body and mind will listen to your heart. It takes time but you will get there. Go easy on yourself and keep reaching out to your friends and family. People love you. Please take care xx

[Braylor]

You cannot define yourself by someone else. You're a self-defining human being with the wonderful power to curate your life, surroundings, and the people you choose to be close to. I feel you though. I'm 31, have great friends and family but feel so incredibly isolated it's suffocating. Perhaps sharing this might make us both, being of similar age, feel a little less lonely?

[geoff]

hello Tunafish, you know people who say they can't get into a r/ship automatically make comments only to demean themselves, and when an ex makes comments that you wished you had never wanted to hear,they seem to stick with you, but why, because you can't naturally assume that he was good looking and won't have any trouble meeting someone else and you won't.
If the breakup was amenable then you wouldn't be having these feelings, but as it was in a traumatic way then everything he said has hit a nerve and making you feel that you won't meet somebody else, but don't forget you meet him, or more important he met you, irrespective of why you broke up.
Have you thought about some other chap/s who were upset because you were in a r/ship, because they only wanted to ask you out, well, now they have the chance, and any way don't forget what could happen around the corner, take pride in yourself, continue to dress up the way you love to, your ex is now your ex, and remember this new chap maybe asking his mates on how he can approach you, because he's frightened he may upset you.
Go for it, but don't stay back. Geoff.

[Tunafish1]

Hi Geoff

Thankyou for the thoughtful advice. It is true you never know what's around the corner, thinking back I never knew I'd meet him and could never predict how it ended. I think sometimes I feel like I can so accurately predict the future (in a negative way) and have to realise I can't know what's going to happen,hopefully it's better then what's in my mind version. When I think about him I know it's terrible but I don't want him to be happy ever because of what pain he's caused me and I know I need to forgive him because the hate is only causing me more pain in the long run. I wish you could completely erase someone from your mind like eternal sunshine of the spotless mind .

[humbleb]

Great movie 👍

[ro63]

Hi Tunafish , I feel for you going through these feelings, I know what it feels like being run down by someone and it does feel like it's true,but it is'nt true, it only feels like that and those feelings and hurt your feeling now, will ease It won't take as long as you imagine it will, and it is then you will realise that it has'nt been a punishment but a gift you are free from someone who did'nt deserve you and you will find the one who does .Right now just find you again, and enjoy being you for a while, you will find strength you didnt know you had All the very best Ross.

[LadyLazarus]

Hi Tunafish,

Ahhh you poor thing, I remember going through this after a rough breakup as well. I remember wondering why it was taking me SO long to get over it, feeling ugly, worthless, alone, not wanting to be around....but the good news is that none of this is true!

Yes, its just your mind trying to deal with grief, heartache and a nasty situation in which this happened. It's a hard place to get out of but go easy on yourself.

You are not worthless at all. You came here to talk, which is a great step forward. Also, its hard to do this, but try not to take what your Ex said to you to heart. They said this on purpose to be cruel and inflict pain on you. It's important to try and not take it on board and talk to friends or family who DO love you and ask them if you're 'below average looking' because I can tell you now, you aren't. Everyone has something beautiful about them, they just often can't see it themselves.

Don't worry about thinking nasty thoughts about him, that's all part of breaking up! Just don't dwell on them for too long and don't act on them : )

Come back and chat and let us know how you're doing, even if it doesn't seem like it right now, you WILL get through this and be better for it in the end.

Lady Lazarus x

[Tunafish1]

Thanks, I had a pretty good day today and felt like me again briefly. Hopefully soon it will become less brief and I will be completey me again.

[Tunafish1]

Hi ladylazurus

Thankyou for your reply. It is in a way good to hear other people go through similiar feelings and end up coming out the other side improved. I try to think even though I am below average (I can't ask my friends because they will lie) and it's harder to attract a partner I have somehow managed to have a mutual attraction with 3 boyfriends so there must be one thing not totally bad about me (Im not rich) It's just hard thinking the one guy I loved I wasn't good enough for, it really hurts...