Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

InTheShadow My boyfriend and his depression
  • replies: 2

Hello, I am a newbie here. Been feeling so lonely and stressed out, but no one to talk to and then I found this forum. In the past few weeks I've been crying more than I had in the whole previous year or even two. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 mo... View more

Hello, I am a newbie here. Been feeling so lonely and stressed out, but no one to talk to and then I found this forum. In the past few weeks I've been crying more than I had in the whole previous year or even two. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months now, and in the beginning things were really great and I thought I finally found the one (was single for a few years before that). The things have progressed pretty quickly and we started staying at each other's place, exchanged the house keys, went on a couple of short holidays together, met each other's friends and parents. He was saying he never loved anyone like he loves me, that our relationship was precious and special. However he always was pointing out that he needed his personal space, so 2-3 days a week he'd spend on his own (usually playing videogames or occasionally going to a pub with a friend). Also in the beginning of the relationship he confessed that for a year before we met he had been seeing a therapist for his depression, but never took any medications, and the therapy had seemed to help, and indeed everything seemed to be fine. However in the last few weeks the things have deteriorated noticeably. He started having his 'bad moods' (as he puts it), and then he becomes really distant and shuts himself. I feel isolated, but whatever I try I cannot reach to him. He won't text me first, and if I do, will give quite dry answers. He would avoid calling me (e.g. I was away for a week overseas, and he didn't initiate a single call, only after I insisted). He doesn't seem to be interested in my life at all, and this emotional isolation drives me insane. He admits that he realizes he hurts me however "this is how he is". He refuses to see the therapist again as in his opinion they won't help (since he's already been doing it for a year and he's back to his depressed state). I cry in the shower almost every day. I get so worried that I cannot concentrate on any of my daily tasks and my mood also goes down. I don't want to see anyone except for him, and just keep staring at phone hoping to hear from him. I was freaking out so much that I even got jealous and snooped on his phone for messages from other girls trying to explain this change of behavior Though so far he's been honest and didn't give any reason for suspicions. I am really at loss how to handle this situation. I love him and want to be with him, but I feel it also affects me a lot and I am feeling miserable most of the time

Maccyb Is his depression causing him to lie ??
  • replies: 3

My husband has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety recently and has been prescribed antidepressants and counselling, which he is reluctant to take, he has started acting totally out of character and has been lying about where he is and message... View more

My husband has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety recently and has been prescribed antidepressants and counselling, which he is reluctant to take, he has started acting totally out of character and has been lying about where he is and messages he has received from a female work colleague, so much so that I believe he may be having an affair, when I confronted him about it, he has said he just needs time by himself to clear his head, is this a symptom of depression??

Westernrosella Struggling to cope
  • replies: 6

My 60yr old husband has worked FIFO for 10yrs, finishing up in March this year after a very stressful role. He has always suffered anxiety, hypochondria, insomnia, food issues and mild OCD in varying degrees over the years. Throughout the FIFO years ... View more

My 60yr old husband has worked FIFO for 10yrs, finishing up in March this year after a very stressful role. He has always suffered anxiety, hypochondria, insomnia, food issues and mild OCD in varying degrees over the years. Throughout the FIFO years he has been moody and gets angry at the smallest thing. My daughter (his step daughter) and I have treaded very carefully when he was home and it was often a relief when he went back to work because of the moods. He is unpredictable, his tone of voice is hard to decipher and doesn't provide any clue. My 82yr old Mum has also come to live with us as she cannot support herself. It has caused a lot of problems. She and my hubby don't get on, their "quirky and not so endearing ways" clash big time but I keep hoping each will just accept the way the other is but I feel like I am constantly building bridges to keep the peace. I work 3 jobs to keep money coming in, care for my daughter, Mum (has had 2 strokes since last Xmas) and my husband, who also has a painful knee. Hubby does little around the house except play darts and read books. He cooks 3 evening meals a week and mops the floors weekly and empty's the kitchen bin obsessively! He thinks this is how he's going to live his life out and as long as everyone does things his way, it will all be ok. If I suggest things are not ok - he immediately gets defensive, passive aggressive, laughs things off, says something horrible then says he was just joking - don't you know me by now Darls? Apparently I only ever want things my way, I always need to be right etc. None of us are perfect and I accept, yes, I want the towels folded a certain way so they fit in the linen cupboard! He refuses to fold anything now. Last year he saw a psych for depression but behaved as if there was nothing wrong so as a result it was a waste of time. Why don't psychs ask to see other family members to get a fuller picture? The latest thing...Mum's cat was unfortunately attacking a bird in the garden. He got angry, threw his boot at it. He missed. The following Silver Chain came to visit Mum. She took ages to answer the door, our 2 dogs were barking away and he ends up yelling at them and gets angry. Mum comes through, compliments him on his boot throwing but asked him to not do it again, that she would try supervise the cat better whilst outside. He took the request badly and said she was telling him what to do infront of a stranger in his house...he told her he would kill the cat next time.

JB66 How to prevent depression & anxiety undoing a 12 year relationship
  • replies: 9

Hi all.. My partner and I have been together for 12 years and over the last 2 years, my anxiety and depression has left me feeling like I am not connected to my partner apart from surface stuff like a quick hug and brief conversations. We share no mo... View more

Hi all.. My partner and I have been together for 12 years and over the last 2 years, my anxiety and depression has left me feeling like I am not connected to my partner apart from surface stuff like a quick hug and brief conversations. We share no moments of joy, laughter or pleasure as my day seems to be just managing my emotions from the moment I wake up until I get respite from sleep. I am terrified that this illness will damage our relationship and I feel like I am drifting further and further away. There is a strong urge to be alone or to escape and go somewhere in the countryside where I can be alone in silence. Is it common to feel like you don't even want to be in the company of the person you love? How can I explain to my partner that this overwhelming feeling to be alone is not about them, but the illness? I am so irritable with everything. I tried to explain the feeling last night by saying "how would you feel if you were locked in a room with your hands tied behind your back and someone was poking you all day with a stick from morning till night" Depression and anxiety feels to me like everything in life is poking me to the point of frustration, anger and sadness... with no escape. I don't want our relationship to end over an illness that neither one of us can be blamed for. My partner is very supportive and tries to understand. Has anyone out there benefitted from taking time out from the relationship to save the relationship? Thanks for reading and responding folks... blessings.

ACK I didn't bond with my son and now I feel lost
  • replies: 2

Hi needing some support and reassurance. ever since my son was born I have felt I never bonded with him, I have daughter from a previous relationship and I am extremely close to her, with my son I don't feel I have the same bond as i have with my dau... View more

Hi needing some support and reassurance. ever since my son was born I have felt I never bonded with him, I have daughter from a previous relationship and I am extremely close to her, with my son I don't feel I have the same bond as i have with my daughter. I feel that everyone is against me. It started when I gave birth to my son and we were living with the in-laws, previous to that I had my own place and was independent. When I gave birth to my son at the hospital the MIL suggested me to go home just 4hrs giving stating that its unhygenic, so she had her connection at the hospital and so we left, I was just a blind mice listening to her, I come from an asian background and so does my partner, this should have been the red flag for me, but i was happy that my inlaws were happy. Than about the first few nights they would take my newborn son from our bed to theirs to sleep with them saying you need some rest, you need to sleep, I felt powerless as I have never experienced this situation before and coming from a asian backgraound I was raised to respect and never talk back. I felt heartbroken and very sad, I told my partner after he watched them take him from us that night and told him I can't sleep without him I feel very sad and i was teary expecting for him to stand up for me towards his parents and get him back but he didn't and so everytime they took him I felt so alone like I new he wouldn't do anything and everytime i think about it hurts me I missed my chance to bond with him. There were times were my son would cry at night and cough and she would come in the room and accuse us of not loving him and not looking after him and she would take him away, those times I would just leave the room and sleep next to my daughter leaving my partner to argue with her. The final toll when they had friends come over and my son would just go to her and call her and her friends were curious and the MIL said he doesn't call for mum, it really hurts me all the time. So we moved out and now we deal with the inlaws sleeping over at times and my son always wants to sleep to with them and it hurts me. Now that we pay rent and my partner decided to go back to Uni I am stuck working full time to part time hrs and my partner is mostly home with our son, he is 3 and half years old I really don't feel a connection I am so hurt I dont know what to do, I am tired, exhausted, I cant to talk to my partner because it will just end up in a fight, I feel really really lost

Josh2 I need advice to hep my friend....
  • replies: 5

This isnt relevant to my life persua but im very worried about my friend and i need advice, shes almost 15 and after a bad breakup with her boyfriend shes kind of gone different. Whilst usually quite loud shes a lot more quite, she parties most night... View more

This isnt relevant to my life persua but im very worried about my friend and i need advice, shes almost 15 and after a bad breakup with her boyfriend shes kind of gone different. Whilst usually quite loud shes a lot more quite, she parties most nights and hangs out with me (m16) and a few older males as well, we have a group and she and 2 other mates, M17 and M15 we all hang out most nights. I think she has lots of problems at school that her school friends have also noticed, her grades have been dropping and shes very stressed, she has diagnosed anxiety. Im worried about her and also that it could be my fault, i try to be a good friend but i dont think i take her to good environments, i want her to stop going to all the parties and hooking up with different boys but she wont listen to me or any of her school friends. I fear some of them dont really have her mental wellbeing as a concern as they often come down hard on her making her feel worse. I just dont know what to do or how to help my friend, she comes home crying most nights, gets dressed up, parties with a bunch of older boys then hangs out with me and the boys until like 3 in the morning. I want to help and any advice on how to would be greatly appreciated.

miel1991 I need help, boyfriend won't speak to me
  • replies: 2

My boyfriend of 9 mths (friends for a year before) stopped speaking to me a month ago. He had been under a lot of stress/pressure for a while and told me many times he would need to cut back on communication to deal with it (we're long distance until... View more

My boyfriend of 9 mths (friends for a year before) stopped speaking to me a month ago. He had been under a lot of stress/pressure for a while and told me many times he would need to cut back on communication to deal with it (we're long distance until the end of next yr). Since I have abandonment issues and unresolved trauma (possibly remnants of PTSD), I kept flying into a frenzy and trying to seek reassurance from him that we were okay. His natural response (since he struggles with mood also) is to pull away and take space I think it got too much for him at one point because he'd asked me to stop blowing up his phone with messages/calls and I just lost it one night. Afterwards I apologised, told him I would take a break and a few days later sent him an apology acknowledging my issues. He already knows I have abandonment issues and unresolved trauma I have continued to apologise and send small, supportive messages every 4-5 days. Before when I was blowing up his phone, he wouldn't read them for a week but now he reads them almost instantly so I know he still cares. I have told him that I know I'm at fault and will wait for when he's ready to talk to me Thing is, I am not coping at all. I have constant anxiety, some days I can't get out of bed until 1pm, some nights I can't sleep. Some days I eat too much and other days I can hardly eat anything. I'm dreaming about him too, and in my dreams I'm trying to seek reassurance from him and he's quite literally running away, while all this crazy stuff is happening around us. I think a perfect metaphor for what's going on right now, my subconscious understands but my conscious mind won't let me have peace. Will he return? Should I keep talking to him with no response?Should I wait for him to contact me first, and if so, how long? This is hard for me since my abandonment issues require that I get some sort of closure - if I knew he wasn't coming back, that'd be okay, but I'm scared I'll just never hear from him again. I can't deal with that because it would be too cruel of him. I don't think he would have any issue telling me that we're done, I think the best explanation is he just can't cope with the relationship right now and I can't bring myself to say to him it's over because really this was my fault Does anyone know what I can do, either to speak to him on his level or to handle myself well in this situation? It's so damn hard

kingsalmon desperate & confused about relationships
  • replies: 3

I've already made another post but I feel it's a different topic. in the depression forum "reaching the end of my patience" I just want to write this because I'm feeling really confused about relationships, and always have been. Not so much relations... View more

I've already made another post but I feel it's a different topic. in the depression forum "reaching the end of my patience" I just want to write this because I'm feeling really confused about relationships, and always have been. Not so much relationships themselves, but other people's view of me having one. I keep telling people I want a relationship. I want a boyfriend. I want company. I'm lonely. Their respone is always "you don't have to have a relationship just because society says its normal, it's ok to be single" Everyone misses the part where I don't want to be single. I never said anything about feeling forced into a relationship by society. I never said being single is bad. I want a relationship because I want it. It's not a complicated desire. I know a relationship would improve my mental health. No one ever believes that and tells me to just find friends instead or tells me I'm fine the way I am. Again, missing my damn point. But I know it would help. I've had one relationship in my whole life - it was online, and it was full of manipulation and abuse and I still felt great, my grades were great, everything was great. I was being abused and it felt great because for the first time in my life I had company. I felt cured. I can only imagine a good partner will feel even better. I want someone to share my deepest, dumbest thoughts with, I want hugs and kisses, I want stupid romance, I want to be someone's favourite person in the world and them to be my favourite, I want someone who feels like an extension of me but is still a whole other being. But every time I talk about it... "learn to love yourself instead" "just make some friends first and then see how you feel" "you just need a distraction, here's a list of tafe courses, let me know if you're interested in any of them" Is there some serious problem with wanting a relationship when you're mentally ill? Like I'm sorry for wanting to share my life with someone...People make me feel like it's some kind of self harm - when they find out what I want, they do their best to talk me out of it, telling me my view is biased and it won't help me. They make me feel like the problem is me, not my loneliness. I feel like what I want is wrong and I really don't know anymore if it's ok for me to want this. Is it because mental illness is a burden? Are people actually just trying to protect someone else from dealing with me? Is that really what this is?

Roz64 father loss grief
  • replies: 1

Wondering if anyone else who has lost a parent particularly a father if your a daughter at a younger age. My query is this tomorrow I turn the same age as my beautiful dad passed away and I'm feeling weird emotions and more tears than I can handle is... View more

Wondering if anyone else who has lost a parent particularly a father if your a daughter at a younger age. My query is this tomorrow I turn the same age as my beautiful dad passed away and I'm feeling weird emotions and more tears than I can handle is this normal as you journey through that milestone birthday???