Relationship and family issues

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Dr_Kim Understanding feelings of rejection. 
  • replies: 38

Rejection is such a tough one to deal with, I am yet to meet anyone who embraces it and I know many people who go to extraordinary lengths to avoid it. I think the only way to get on in life is to see it as part of the human experience, much like los... View more

Rejection is such a tough one to deal with, I am yet to meet anyone who embraces it and I know many people who go to extraordinary lengths to avoid it. I think the only way to get on in life is to see it as part of the human experience, much like loss and grief. You can’t have the good bits without sometimes experiencing the bad, it’s just the way it is! So we all need to develop ways of managing the difficult emotions that rejection throws up. Lets think about what those thoughts or emotions might be. Here’s some examples. 1. “I’m not good enough” This is a common one. It’s so easy for us to see what we think are faults and think that others can see them too and convince ourselves that these faults make us unlovable. These thoughts are often on replay from a nasty part of our brain, that low self-esteem part that makes us believe that unless we are “perfect”, we cannot possibly be loved or accepted. The honest truth is that we are all just imperfect passengers on the"bus of life”, doing the best we can with whatever we can in the moment! So welcome on board. Brene Brown has some wonderful YouTube videos about this, I'm going to share one below however also recommend you check out her channel as there are many more! 2. "Nobody will ever love me”. This is a very common thought and it comes from the anxious part of our brains that also seems to have a crystal ball! The anxiety centre seems to think it has very good predictive powers but it is a trap and don’t listen to it! It’s a complete and utter lie that anxiety often tells us. 3. “I’ve ruined the ‘perfect relationship’, now what?” Sometimes this is a stage of grief. Often, when we are grieving a loss, we go through a phase of idealising. Things like “it was perfect” are common because it conveniently erases all the things that weren’t that you don’t want to deal with. For example: I see this sometimes with patients who had terrible relationships with their family members and complain bitterly for years, and then once they pass away, the grief allows them to only seem to recall the wonderful times. In some ways, it a blessing, but it can mean in some situations that the hindsight is not always accurate. I also think that in viewing the relationship in an idealised way prevents any real opportunity to learn and grow from it. We can all gain from understanding how we went wrong in experiences so that we don’t repeat the same unintended mistakes. In summary, rejection is a common and necessary part of being in the game of life. To not be in the game because of fear would be a huge shame . Life is too short not to experience the many wonderful emotions that come from being ourselves. In Brene Brown's language: it’s important not to spend your time walking around the arena of life waiting to feel perfect so you won’t be rejected. Just kick the door down and step in and don’t let the critics get you down.

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

kryssie85 Moving forward, medication and relationships.
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, I've been seeing a psychologist for a few months and have been taking meds for anxiety and depression for two weeks now. I've been struggling to get over my 8 year relationship with my children's father, which ended about 18 months ago. ... View more

Hi everyone, I've been seeing a psychologist for a few months and have been taking meds for anxiety and depression for two weeks now. I've been struggling to get over my 8 year relationship with my children's father, which ended about 18 months ago. I started getting depressed when our son was about 6 months old due to having to return to work so early and no support from him. We were getting along ok for a little while a few weeks ago and then his moods changed again so its now back to being horrible again. He would often distance himself from me when I was depressed, which made it worse, and now he does even more so, refusing to discuss things about our children and show any emotional availability for them. I was also dating a man for about a year, but I ended it due to his alcohol consumption and he'd forget things we'd talk about or make up things that I honestly never said to him. Last time we spoke, instead of doing my usual teary thing and apologising, something snapped and I had enough. He said something along the lines of "don't give me that girly s***", and I stood up and said "I'm done, and left," He had earlier been saying he was over the relationship because we didn't have sex as often as he wanted. He was also quite arrogant in his attitude toward women which I found offensive. And now with my children's father, I've finally put the foot down in regard to whats in our children's best interests. I've always been too scared to do this. I'm a bit worried though, because I feel before the meds I was a doormat, but I don't want to cause conflict or have fights with people. I have very limited friends and support. I'm also feeling kind of zoned out on the meds. I guess I'm just looking for some advice, or seeing if anyone has had similar experiences? I'm worried that the medication might make everything a lot worse.

Roxi Elderly and feel alone in the world
  • replies: 6

Hi, this is my first post. I am 72 and am experiencing overwhelming loneliness due to death of my husband and disconnection from my two sons plus I live alone. I am active doing voluntary work in the community, have regular coffees with friends, keep... View more

Hi, this is my first post. I am 72 and am experiencing overwhelming loneliness due to death of my husband and disconnection from my two sons plus I live alone. I am active doing voluntary work in the community, have regular coffees with friends, keep busy in the garden and taking part in clubs, and do all the things recommended by Beyond Blue to help. Rejection by my sons and their wives means I don't get to see my grandchildren. Without family I want to end the pain.

Monicamon Relationship making me depressed
  • replies: 2

Hello, ive just come out of a 7 year relationship it was a hard break up… I met someone new who is still in love with his ex and behind my back trying to get his ex back… I confronted him and he said that he stopped talking to her but as it turns out... View more

Hello, ive just come out of a 7 year relationship it was a hard break up… I met someone new who is still in love with his ex and behind my back trying to get his ex back… I confronted him and he said that he stopped talking to her but as it turns out he is still talking to her. I'm devastated… but he just manipulates me into believing that im doing something wrong. It is messing with my mental health… I feel like I'm drowning

Samantha1 Relationship going no where
  • replies: 5

I have been in my current relationship 16 years. My husband got injured at work and has been home a couple of years. We have two children school age. He is very selfish and sits on the couch all day looking at his phone. I find it hard to talk to him... View more

I have been in my current relationship 16 years. My husband got injured at work and has been home a couple of years. We have two children school age. He is very selfish and sits on the couch all day looking at his phone. I find it hard to talk to him as he has not only been lazy for years but has spoken to me for a very long time in an abusive way calling me names speaking about my past in a terrible way and at times threatening yet never apologises just gets up the next day and ignores me. I tell him I am upset that he does not help around the house does not communicate no support and never apologises. He says I need to stop dwelling on insignificant crap and get over it. It's like ground hog day every day

hurtingdaddy will the hurt stop
  • replies: 2

Hi its taking alot for me to write this im not one to open up. The past few years for me have been hell not many nice things have happened. It has affected my relationship to the point where she split up with me 2 years ago but still live together fo... View more

Hi its taking alot for me to write this im not one to open up. The past few years for me have been hell not many nice things have happened. It has affected my relationship to the point where she split up with me 2 years ago but still live together for my childs sake. But the hurt im feeling as things she has done and liedabout i cant forget. I actually have it in my head shes up to no good all the time. She wantsto work thingsout with me but the way i am is unbearable. Im always moody never happy just lay in my bed all day every day smoke more. Plus to add more stress i lost parental responsibility for 2 of my children 3 years ago and only recently after 3 years of no contact at all one of my exs has decided to do mediation. Im nervous and anxious about what it could be. I dont know what to do ive tried meds but give up when i feel nochange after months on them. I dont open up so councilling would be hard. I am just constantly sad depressed and upset. Ive pushed all my friends away and am now pushing my ex away shes told me she doesn't understand depression so cant relate or support me. These feelings are really screwing with my life literally. I cant even sleep properly and when i do im lucky to get 3 hours a night. Any advice or someone to talk to would be great this is a hugething for me to post on here.

barrenandbroken Feeling so low after a horrible year
  • replies: 2

Hi aĺl I'm really struggling, I feel so low, I have no motivation and I can't stop crying. This year started with my husband telling me he wasn't sure he loved me anymore and moving into the spare room. This actually gave me the space and strength to... View more

Hi aĺl I'm really struggling, I feel so low, I have no motivation and I can't stop crying. This year started with my husband telling me he wasn't sure he loved me anymore and moving into the spare room. This actually gave me the space and strength to start being open with him about the things that were wrong with our relationship. That being that I suspect he has paranoid personality disorder with occasional delusions. He agreed he has this problem but will not address it despite the effects it has on his ability to hold down a job, have friends and the effect on me. For a couple of years now I've been accused of lying, colluding with others who are 'out to get him' and cheating on him. I finally told him I would no longer put up with this and our marriage was over. He accepted this but because of our financial situation we are stuck in the same house for the foreseeable future so I can't move on, there is space that is just mine. Ending the relationship felt like a betrayal, like I failed as a wife and didn't uphold my oath of 'in sickness and in health'. I know that my happiness and safety are important but I can't get past this feeling of guilt and abandonment. This time of year is always hard for me. We tried for years to have a baby but I am infertile. Every mothers day and fathers day I struggle with not being able to celebrate these days, and (again with the guilt) I feel the loss of my parents not being able to celebrate these days as grandparents. Recently my mum was diagnosed with and beat cancer. I feel like I'm in shock or maybe having some form of PTSD around this. I can't quite comprehend the magnitude of this. I got some idea of this when my aunty died a couple of weeks ago, also from cancer. The pressure of trying and failing to have a child put me in a deep depression. During this time I cut ties with all my friends and in dealing with my husband's illness I just never picked my friendships up again nor made any new friends so now I'm alone most of the time. I work and have 2 volunteer roles but I never seem to be able to make friends. I just feel alone and lonely and can't see a way forward.

CamD Girlfriend who suffers from anxiety and depression has left me.
  • replies: 11

New to hear and personally I am not a sufferer of anxiety or depression but that is the reason I am here. I'll explain the situation first, my girlfriend of nearly 2 years has broken off our relationship. She has suffered anxiety and depression for a... View more

New to hear and personally I am not a sufferer of anxiety or depression but that is the reason I am here. I'll explain the situation first, my girlfriend of nearly 2 years has broken off our relationship. She has suffered anxiety and depression for a fair period of time now, that said it only came as news to me over the last 8-9 months when she told me as it had become very bad due to stress from university and life in general. Over the past 8 months since then we still had a very happy relationship despite some bumps as all relationships do but over the last month her condition has drastically worsened. This partly due to my fault as I tried to understand her condition and help but I could not help in the way I or she needed. This was worsened by myself stupidly telling a very close friend of ours that she did have a anxiety as I was looking for help and assistance to aid my girl friend and the close friend was also a sufferer. My girlfriend found out about this and due to the fact I was specifically told not to tell anyone and i lied first time around about telling the friend she has decided to end the relationship. I apologised continuously for 3 days but was told she no longer could be with me and needed time to go figure herself out. I totally understand this decision and want nothing but happiness for her but I still have very strong feelings for her and would love a second chance. She has changed all her social media to single but all the photos of us still remain. My questions are 1. Could this be the depression talking and she still does love me ? 2. Is there anyway I can get her back and would you have any advice on how with a person with such a condition 3. How do you help a partner, I offered to go to her counselling and psychiatrist bookings with her but she did not want to pursue the relationship. I love this girl to bits and know if I got a second chance I would never make this mistake again. There is more minor details to the scenario but I'll explain them a bit later after a reply is left. Thanks in advance. Cam

D_Paint Lonely
  • replies: 1

Hi. I am 48 single I feel lost. I saw that my ex (on Facebook)from 15 years ago has a child now and it's brought up so much anxiety for me. I actually felt suicidsl such is the depth of it. It's like every little thing that isn't right in my life has... View more

Hi. I am 48 single I feel lost. I saw that my ex (on Facebook)from 15 years ago has a child now and it's brought up so much anxiety for me. I actually felt suicidsl such is the depth of it. It's like every little thing that isn't right in my life has come up all at once and I have this incredible urge to contact her and make out that I'm great and in some way get back into a relationship eventually. It's sounds crazy but it's what's happening in my mind. I have OCD it's hard to tell what is happening is it my OCD making me dwell or loneliness looking for renewal of the relationship She is the only girl to ever say she loved me and I've been single ever since our breakup I just want this stuff to end to see a bright future can anyone help

Dora27 Feeling alone
  • replies: 3

Hi. I'm new here. Married with 3 boys all at home (23, 21, 18). My husband has cancer, it has made him, understandably, moody and self absorbed and very short fused. We are stepping on eggshells all the time. He's quite proud and a black and white th... View more

Hi. I'm new here. Married with 3 boys all at home (23, 21, 18). My husband has cancer, it has made him, understandably, moody and self absorbed and very short fused. We are stepping on eggshells all the time. He's quite proud and a black and white thinker and won't consider counselling or medication. Basically im really struggling and feeling like I'm holding everyone up. I'm fairly anxious at the best of times and not very good at asking for help because I've got low self esteem and have always thought you had to put on a happy face or your friends won't like you or want to be around you. i don't know whether I'm depressed or whether it's just part of motherhood to be constantly worrying about your kids, whether they're happy, whether they have enough friends, whether I should have done more as a mother to make them happy. im at a bit of a loss. We don't know my husband's prognosis because the doctors never say much, he's grumpy and unhappy, I'm worried about him and my kids, especially my youngest who's in year 12, and really feeling quite bad myself.

WritingDamsel How to get space from my friend
  • replies: 1

I don't really know where to begin this, but I keep thinking I need to "break up" with one of my best friends. About a month ago I found out that she had spent six months lying to me, and asked another one of our friends to do the same, however the w... View more

I don't really know where to begin this, but I keep thinking I need to "break up" with one of my best friends. About a month ago I found out that she had spent six months lying to me, and asked another one of our friends to do the same, however the week after she split with her boyfriend (another one of my good friends) so I felt I had no choice but to forgive her. After the break up I asked her if it was okay to stay friends with both of them, and as she said yes I have made an effort to stay in touch with them both. He hasn't said anything nasty about her, but she keeps trying to upset my friendship with her ex and then saying she wants us (her ex and I) to be friends. I feel like I'm being used as a way to "get back" at him. She's also started constantly giving me backhanded compliments and saying that it's okay for her to treat people badly because she's just broken up with her boyfriend. Whenever I get back home from being around her I either feel numb or want to cry. I just want my space, even if it's just a couple of weeks, but I have no idea how to ask for it because we've been friends most of our lives.