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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Lily52 Not coping. Bpd spouse
  • replies: 4

First time posting. Feeling at my wits end. I have two young children and a partner with bpd. I myself have GAD and sometimes depression. Along with social anxiety. I'm not coping with my partner, who I've been with for 12 years. On and off. But most... View more

First time posting. Feeling at my wits end. I have two young children and a partner with bpd. I myself have GAD and sometimes depression. Along with social anxiety. I'm not coping with my partner, who I've been with for 12 years. On and off. But mostly on. He has been having alot of "episodes". And I am the target. He can be belittling, verbally abuse, volatile mood swings, demanding and sometimes just says really hurtful things. We have boundaries about his behaviour. But they seem to go out the window during an episode. He always apologises afterwards. And I am aware of his condition and that he doesn't want to be this way. But I'm struggling to keep my own mental health in check. I feel guilty. Like I'm failing my kids, myself and even him. I just feel so small and tired and worthless.

Loca_SHJ Benefits and consequences of short term absconding
  • replies: 13

Hi, I was hoping i could find someone on here with personal experiences in running away from their lives so i can pick their brain in terms of what they gained and lost from the experience. Someone that has for a short period of time driven off from ... View more

Hi, I was hoping i could find someone on here with personal experiences in running away from their lives so i can pick their brain in terms of what they gained and lost from the experience. Someone that has for a short period of time driven off from their life without a holiday/vacation plan but with the primary intention to stop being everything they feel they have to be for the people around them and to just exist for themselves. I have been wanting to do this since I was 15 (perhaps earlier). I'm now a few days from being 24 but I haven't lived a day away from family, friends or other person that put a requirement on me to be a particular way. I have been going through intensive therapy including schema therapy so i'm aware that the reason for this intense and decade long persistance to run away from my life is because of my subjugation schema leaving me feeling choked and controlled by other peoples requirements on me. Through therapy I understand those feelings may not be founded in reality 100% of the time. But i still can't shake the feeling this is something I have to do for myself and that I can't be happy without having experienced it. For the last decade I told myself the reason i didn't go was because i couldn't afford to. I have since been working and have enough money saved up to comfortably be able to leave my life for a few months without financial hardship (I will likely only go a few weeks). I also work casually which means I can leave without being a huge burden on my employer. There has never been and may likes never be a more convenient time to run from my life than now. And yet I am so afraid of the impact this act will have on the same people that make me feel suffocated. I know it will be huge because these people never let me stay overnight anywhere, get angry and disappointed in me if I am more than half an hr late in getting home and rarely ever let me be out after 10pm. I want a chance to stop being a daughter, sister, friend, mother, employee, law grad, legal assistant, student and instead to just be me. I want two weeks in my life where I can exist because I want to and not because all these people need me to do something or be someone specific. I wan't to feel like I own my life for once. But perhaps I am idealising this and in the end it will turn into a horrible disappointment where i shatter my own dream and hurt other people too. I don't know what to do. What did you gained or lost from your experience? Sam

Afraid99 Self sabotage?
  • replies: 3

Hey i am a 30yof. In the past I have had 2 relationships that ended up hurting me very badly. I have seen a psychologist regularly and after about a year of significant depression I have finally started to feel better, which is completely amazing. It... View more

Hey i am a 30yof. In the past I have had 2 relationships that ended up hurting me very badly. I have seen a psychologist regularly and after about a year of significant depression I have finally started to feel better, which is completely amazing. It took a lot of very hard work. But I got here. Recently I met a guy and we have started dating. He has some baggage. But I figure everyone does. He seems very genuine. Very respectful and very honest. He’s been a true gentleman. However my anxiety has been triggered. I feel terrified that it’s going to spiral down and I will get hurt again. And I’m honestly not sure I have it in me to potentially get my heart broken again. I am definitely spending a lot of time over thinking. Playing out every possible scenario but I only ever come to a negative outcome. Every thing in me wants to cut and run. But. Will I spend my whole life running and possibly miss out on something really good. I guess I needed to vent. I need advice. How do people with anxiety cope with this kind of thing?

Duoty How do you stop blaming yourself for a relationship breakdown?
  • replies: 1

Im going through a relationship breakdown of 3.5years. Of someone I had planned on proposing to. I know im not perfect and spent the last 2 years making such progress to be a better person for myself and my partner, im the best version of myself than... View more

Im going through a relationship breakdown of 3.5years. Of someone I had planned on proposing to. I know im not perfect and spent the last 2 years making such progress to be a better person for myself and my partner, im the best version of myself than i have ever been. But how can I stop blaming myself and stop thinking the relationship breakdown was my fault.... My head knows it cant just be me. But i cant avoid constantly thinking its all my fault.....

Roshelle Moving interstate and feeling very stressed and sad.
  • replies: 6

About 7 months ago I began thinking about quitting my job as a chartered accountant (for which I had just qualified) and going back to university to study my passion, archeology. I saw a vocational psychologist, did various tests with her, spoke to m... View more

About 7 months ago I began thinking about quitting my job as a chartered accountant (for which I had just qualified) and going back to university to study my passion, archeology. I saw a vocational psychologist, did various tests with her, spoke to my friends and family, spoke with friends who had done the same, went to open days in Sydney and in Canberra and eventually decided to enrol at the ANU in Canberra. I have been OK until now, mostly excited about starting this new life, and also realistic about the possibility of it not working out. This week, I've been I've been feeling sadder and sadder and more and more worried. I found booking a removalist very stressful because it is so expensive and I am just anxious about the moving process. I was overwhelmed when I started packing and it seemed like I couldn't finish in time for tomorrow morning when the removalist will come. I am lucky enough to have some good friends and with their help, I have managed to get most of it done. There are bits and pieces I need to do today, but I should be good to go tomorrow, but I feel like I'm forgetting something and something will go wrong. My other friends are coming over tomorrow morning to drive me to Canberra and help me a bit with unpacking, then driving back. I feel like I've already annoyed them, and I do need someone with me tomorrow. I've booked a cleaner in for Sunday, and then I have to hand my keys in to the real estate agent on Monday and then get a coach back to Canberra as there is an orientation event at uni at 4pm. I'm worried about all of the travel and turning up to uni looking dishevelled. I'm worried about not getting my bond back and having a bad rental history. I just feel very sad and lonely, and I want my friends to be with me but I've had so much help from them already.

ThomasT Feeling betrayed by intimate partner
  • replies: 2

HI all, I need to get this off my chest. I've had an emotionally turbulent relationship (FWB) with a woman for the past 18 years. We live separate lives. We both had very stressful professions. Hers in particular was both extremely stressful but fina... View more

HI all, I need to get this off my chest. I've had an emotionally turbulent relationship (FWB) with a woman for the past 18 years. We live separate lives. We both had very stressful professions. Hers in particular was both extremely stressful but financially rewarding. Things between us haven't been great for a long long time. There have been many times where trust has been an issue, communication is terrible. We have gone weeks or even months without talking. Yet when we do talk or see each other we click, Like everything is just perfect. She told me a 4 months ago (Nov 17) she told me she had bought a new property. She wouldn't tell me the address. That was the strangest thing I had ever come across. Who doesn't say where the place is they just bought? Long story short, tonight I discovered that she actually bought the place in 2016. She doesn't know I know. I feel pretty upset and betrayed. It feels like she is about to exit and doesn't want me to know where it is.

Ruby3 Brave face
  • replies: 7

Hi ive posted here before about my situation that occurred over New Years. Althiugh ive done everything expected of me, found a house, a job, lost weight and look physically better I can’t help but still feel like I’m dying inside. A couple of friend... View more

Hi ive posted here before about my situation that occurred over New Years. Althiugh ive done everything expected of me, found a house, a job, lost weight and look physically better I can’t help but still feel like I’m dying inside. A couple of friends have said they no longer want to see me anymore as I’m emotionally draining. It’s really knocked me back again. After everything that’s happened it’s yet more loss. To have lost a husband and friends I’m not just questioning what is wrong with me? Why don’t people stay with me?

james1 I'm sad and stressed and scared
  • replies: 15

Hello, I didn't know where to put this. I'm looking for someone to talk to. Long story short, the title says it really. I'm sad about a relationship break (yet again) and both sad and stressed about leaving my current job and changing career paths fr... View more

Hello, I didn't know where to put this. I'm looking for someone to talk to. Long story short, the title says it really. I'm sad about a relationship break (yet again) and both sad and stressed about leaving my current job and changing career paths from a well paid office job to a zero income work-for-myself career. I can support myself financially, I have been in the job fxor long enough to know that the corporate lifestyle is not for me, and I've been discontent in the job for long enough to know that it's time to go. I have things I can do to occupy my time like my hobby and actually planning out how to quit and change lifestyles, but especially with the break-up, I don't know if I can emotionally manage it all. Staying for longer while I cope with the break up isn't an option. I do not want it and I'm too set on this to stop pushing ahead. I need to leave but its f scary and I'm just mentally exhausted. Not depressed or suicidal, I just don't want to bother doing anything. It's too demoralising, repeatedly.

snappdragon Should we stay friends?
  • replies: 11

I've been friends with someone for about a year now, and while it started off really well, but the longer we know each other, the more problems I'm having with them. Firstly, I've found out my friend has some insecurity issues that never used to affe... View more

I've been friends with someone for about a year now, and while it started off really well, but the longer we know each other, the more problems I'm having with them. Firstly, I've found out my friend has some insecurity issues that never used to affect me but now do. I guess in order to feel valid, they always feel the need to brag or prove how great they are at everything they do. I didn't really mind at first because that's just how they are, and it didn't affect me. But in the past few months they've began to compete with me about things to prove they are "the best at it" and I've started to hate talking to them or telling them things because they make me feel inferior all the time. For example they harass me about how I pronounce words, how they can find better bargains then me, how they're better at games then me, and more. It's like everything is a competition, and if I do happen to be better at something then them, then they make out that that thing apparently sucks and they didn't like it anyway. I tried to tell them gently that it was affecting me, and they apologized, but I don't think it got through. Now it's like they brag and then add "not that I'm saying you're not good too" and it feels like a backhand compliment. They've also been making small remarks about things they don't like about me, as if trying to manipulate me in to changing. They bring up my weight and how I dress a lot, as if they have a problem with it. I tried to confront them on that too, and they said they did think I was pretty and that my weight doesn't bother them. But it's obvious it does. I usually do enjoy talking to them, and used to feel like I could tell them anything. But now it's like, they judge me a lot and compete with me, and I don't feel comfortable around them anymore. I also admit, I'm really lonely, so as bad as it sounds, I'm scared to lose them. And while I want to tell them more bluntly that I don't like what they are doing, I'm scared it'll ruin our friendship. I guess I just wish things went back to how they used to be when we could talk about stuff and they didn't put me down in the process.

CMF Am I making things more difficult then they need to be? Your thoughts are appreciated.
  • replies: 12

Hi there, Those that know me on the forums know my story of the last 5 years. For those that don't, here is a very brief summary. My little girls' (almost 5 yo) dad has been in and out of the picture depending on when it suits him and he has time. He... View more

Hi there, Those that know me on the forums know my story of the last 5 years. For those that don't, here is a very brief summary. My little girls' (almost 5 yo) dad has been in and out of the picture depending on when it suits him and he has time. He is a narcissist, has been verbally abusive to me an his parents, cannot accept responsibility or blame, cannot commit, always making excuses. He is 48, still lives at home and basically makes me sick.I have little to do with him except for our daughter. He could have the balilty to be a good dad, he is very health conscious,has her best interests at heart but he is unreliable and still a baby as far as i am concerned. he comes and goes and sees here when it suits him. Two xmas' ago he verbally abused me on xmas day and we did no hear or see from him for 4 months, not even for her bday. He eventually contacted us and started coming to see her again. he was renovating a house and spent every weekend there and no time with here unless he could squeeze in 19 months here and there. He lives with his parents 2 streets away from us, i have no relationship with them and he took her to see them 2 times out of the whole year saying he was too busy with the renovation. The reno is now finished and he wants to spend time with her, this is good but the way he goes about it doesn't sit well with me. He thinks he can just walk in and take over and make up for the last 5 hears in 1 week. Little miss started school 2 weeks ago, he dame first day, but thats it despite having days off work. I am looking to return to work and asked if her could look after her sundays if i could get a job on that day and he replied 'we'll see'. Today he was meant to take little miss out with a friend and his daughter but ti was cancelled so he rang me while i was out shopping and asked if her could take her out for the day. I said yes of course as i have never stopped him wanting to do things with her. He then went on to say that maybe she could sleep at their house sometimes and he would take her to school on Monday's. Well this freaked me out. She hardly know his parents, is not yet comfortable going there , he's done nothing for 5 years and now he wants her to sleep there and on a night before school too. i don't know what game game is playing at. Told him she has just started school, is still adjusting and don't want to upset her routine just yet, she is still adjusting to school. he fobbed me off as usual saying she will be fine.