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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Platinum My depression catalysed the relationship breakdown
  • replies: 6

My boyfriend broke up with me last weekend because he felt choked by my depression/anxiety and the thought of us going out in public together gave him anxiety. He said we both needed space to recover from the damage my problems did to us both. It rea... View more

My boyfriend broke up with me last weekend because he felt choked by my depression/anxiety and the thought of us going out in public together gave him anxiety. He said we both needed space to recover from the damage my problems did to us both. It really hurts to have the blame for this placed solely with me. What are my problems? There are quite a few and I won't recount them here. Imaging a series of unfortunate events spanning nine years of your life and you'll get an idea. My depression and anxiety, my monster, grew within me during those years. I reluctantly tried antidepressants this year and, as I thought, finding the right one was an awful experience. My boyfriend took a break from me during a couple of the trials, which only made my mental state worse. I should have left him then. I did find a medication that helped! I was getting better – but not enough to keep him around. Since he ended it I've been angry, depressed and listless. People keep saying I'll be better off without him in the long run... I want to believe them but I can't see myself as worthy of love or affection because of this monster within me.

k-dog Can it work
  • replies: 3

Hey guys . So here go's . I have been married for ten years . We have hers mine and our children all living together. currently she is seeing someone else she met at counselling who was ment to be her support. She says she wants to work on us but at ... View more

Hey guys . So here go's . I have been married for ten years . We have hers mine and our children all living together. currently she is seeing someone else she met at counselling who was ment to be her support. She says she wants to work on us but at the moment this person is helping her understand why she cheats . My thoughts are that any advice he gives her is tainted as he is no longer impartial if they are sleeping together . We do love each other and still have sex . But today i said i could no longer work on us while he is in the picture . Very confusrd atm . Any advice welcome .

012DnR Does anyone experience pe inriodic relapses?
  • replies: 2

Two of my six kids have been estranged from me for four years now. Its been a most excruciating experience for all of us. My other kids are doing quite okay and we do keep an open dialogue about it. I can see improvement in my own emotional health bu... View more

Two of my six kids have been estranged from me for four years now. Its been a most excruciating experience for all of us. My other kids are doing quite okay and we do keep an open dialogue about it. I can see improvement in my own emotional health but every so often the pain bubbles up and wrecks me all over again. I get to feeling like I can accept it and I make great head ways on my recovery journey and then 'bam' it strikes me again... sometimes I see it coming and some times it surprises me. It always takes three to four weeks to get back to where I was before my sadness grips me again. It cripples me complete for two or three days. One thing that I have become aware of ( because I keep a diary of my mental health) is that the gaps between each "attack" ( I call it that because thats exactly how it feels) are getting longer. Does anyone else experience this? Any suggestions on how to reduce the damage that these attacks do to me and those that love and worry about me.

leavesofautumn Trying to hang on
  • replies: 10

I've never done anything like this before, I'm a very private person, but, after reading someone else's thread and seeing how warm and caring her responses were, i thought i could try it myself. I dont have any friends, i have acquaintances. I've tri... View more

I've never done anything like this before, I'm a very private person, but, after reading someone else's thread and seeing how warm and caring her responses were, i thought i could try it myself. I dont have any friends, i have acquaintances. I've tried many times to make and sustain friendships but it doesn't work out. I don't have anyone to talk to and the loneliness is horrendous. The family situation is complicated, stressful and toxic so I keep my distance from them also. I have a son, who is beautiful, kind and sweet. He is having a good few weeks but his life is mostly quite stressful with the challenges he faces. He is receiving good therapy for his autism and that is helping me feel hopeful. A lot of the time it is heartbreaking to watch him be rejected by peers and my family. School is stressful for him so on weekends and after school he refuses to leave the house, now he is refusing to go away on holiday over summer and we will be stuck at home every day for weeks. My life consists of work, caring for my son and exhaustion. I feel like all the people in my life are toxic for me, work, family, my sons father. I feel trapped living day by day in exhaustion and anxiety. Im trying to find ways to be positive and to not feel like I'm drowning but the fear of my son's father moving to australia next year and all the crap that comes with that is the final deflation on my life boat. He is incredibly difficult to deal with, i never know what agenda he is working towards and whether that involves manipulating my son. He has no normal boundaries and will do anything to be seen in a good light and says personal things to parents at school, teachers, my sons therapists, even my family or past friends and has no regard for how negatively that can affect me. He writes me emails or calls with blame, hatred, belittling and manipulation and the thought of that being on my door step, in my life on a daily basis is frightening.. it is relentless. The energy i have goes to my son, he needs me to be there, to support him - i can't give any energy to toxic people.. but now i have no one.. If anyone is out there reading this, i thank you for your time.. it means a lot to me

Allycc Help Please.
  • replies: 2

I have split up from my partner of two years, it doesn't seem very long however, we were attached at the hip. He broke up with me 4 month ago, he has persisted to contact me and check if I'm okay evenafter he has moved on, after just one month of the... View more

I have split up from my partner of two years, it doesn't seem very long however, we were attached at the hip. He broke up with me 4 month ago, he has persisted to contact me and check if I'm okay evenafter he has moved on, after just one month of the relationship ending, something he was not shy to share with the world. Whilst being with someone else has continually contacted making sure I'm okay? I have blatantly told him that he needs to stop contacting me. I'm really struggling with moving on, knowing to well that I mean absolutely nothing to this person anymore when they mean so so much to me still. How do I help myself to move on because I am so so sick of feeling the way I do and I am completely over the situation.

Bluebird46 Not sure I am capable of having a relationship
  • replies: 3

Really not sure where to start... I have posted only once before, so am fairly new to this. I guess I am doubting my ability to maintain a healthy relationship. I thought we were happy, but we have some serious step parenting issues. I am a few years... View more

Really not sure where to start... I have posted only once before, so am fairly new to this. I guess I am doubting my ability to maintain a healthy relationship. I thought we were happy, but we have some serious step parenting issues. I am a few years older than my partner but my kids are at a different stage (one independent and out of the nest, other in last couple of school years), his are later primary school and first year of high school and still having what I see as toddler issues. I have my own issues with anxiety and mild depression and am finding it so hard to cope with the fallout and anguish that comes from their behaviour. I keep my own home and he has his. I have tried in recent years (after alcoholic parent, lazy and spendthrift ex husband, and subsequent relationship with a psycho stalker ) to distance myself from conflict. I don’t deal with it well - I bottle things and then blow my stack - that’s my M.O My current partner was very understanding, but now struggles to see why I won’t move in despite the fact that I have diminishing patience with his kids. I love him but feel if I have to live with kids behaving badly it will wreck our relationship. I know that is supremely selfish but isn’t that better than moving in and being a horrid stepmother? I have tried to explain how I feel but I don’t think I’m getting anywhere.. I feel like all relationships are too hard, I am still hoping this one will work but I’m feeling very low and don’t know if I have the energy required to help it work. I sort of feel it’s not worth it but not because I don’t love him but because I so can’t be bothered... with any sort of effort at all. At this stage everything is an effort. I have dropped off social media because it pisses me off how people see one happy post and assume everything is perfect (I am generally an optimist so I do get it but I still hate it). I do love my partner - I know I won’t find better because he is wonderful but I wonder if I would be better single...

Washappyonce Am I the only one
  • replies: 3

I have been with my man for 23 years 3 kids I thought we were picture perfect. I thought wrong. Two years ago I had a accident and became depressed two years ago he told me he never loved me. Fast forward this year he has been acting weird getting an... View more

I have been with my man for 23 years 3 kids I thought we were picture perfect. I thought wrong. Two years ago I had a accident and became depressed two years ago he told me he never loved me. Fast forward this year he has been acting weird getting angry with me. Hiding his phone find out he has been talking to his teenage gf. After I confront him he tells me he’s always been in love with her he has never loved me only stayed with me because I got pregnant and was forced to be with me. He also has a distorted view of our history forgetting certain things and seems to have changed out life together in his mind. He won’t leave wants to stay his excuse if I never told u you would never have known and we would be fine. He is not the man I fell in love with. To be able to fake 23 years, making love children memories is this normal am I going crazy I don’t want to be anyone’s second best I want someone to love me love me strong it hurts and I’m trying really hard not to explode but I’m getting severely depressed I have days of crying I don’t eat at all in the last 6months all I do is binge drink and then lash out. This is not me. I loved him wholeheartedly I am shattered and I have no one to talk to I am embarrassed and ashamed that my life with him has been fake. All our family and friends believe we are the prefect couple perfect family I’m finding it hard to socialise work keeps me busy but it’s eating me inside because I have no one to confide in. Help me

Karla_1 Family, MIL issues - Totally isolated
  • replies: 4

Hi, I am in need of some 'you're not alone' type of reassurance. I am very isolated on all fronts. Moved from the city to the country 2 years ago so my DH & I could have a baby and create a healthier life for the 3 of us. I quit a lucrative career in... View more

Hi, I am in need of some 'you're not alone' type of reassurance. I am very isolated on all fronts. Moved from the city to the country 2 years ago so my DH & I could have a baby and create a healthier life for the 3 of us. I quit a lucrative career in the city & it has taken almost 9 months of my son's 2nd year to find suitable part time work. Suffered a really terrible pregnancy & emergency birth, baby had bad reflux for almost his first year & PND for me plus in that time my Mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's/dementia. I have a long history of being emotionally abused by my father, step mother & younger sister, all classic narcissists. I cut my father off permanently in this year also. My abusive sister took control of my Mum's estate & moved her into a nursing home, all the while I was struggling as an older (38) first time mum & couldn't help much which caused resentment. I bit my lip and kept the peace. I also stopped contact with my mum's relatives overseas as when my baby was born, they were toxic as well - loooong history of physical abuse on that side. I saw 2 psychologists & neither was able to help. To top it off, my only hope was my DH's family and MIL who I've always had a good relationship with. But tonight we argued after months of her not respecting simple boundaries. Simple being, sticking to my son's allergy diet, not inviting other members of family down at short notice and not giving him the iPhone to play with! I don't have time to make friends as I'm working 2 x 12 hour shifts & consulting some nights plus looking after the home and DH drives an average of 300km per day to provide for us. I'm exhausted and don't want to cut my toxic sister or MIL out of our lives as we would then have NO family at all but I'm at my wits end. My son is not quite 2 but I feel he, in time, will suffer as I do or even just from watching me not coping. Is anyone out there in a similar position or have some positive words of encouragement? TIA

Morticia_Darling Work place is doing my head in!
  • replies: 4

So, I'm new to this, but am finding myself increasingly frustrated and cant stop going over things so thought maybe getting it out like this might help. So in my workplace I am a manager. I manage the office at a piggery, and my job is to manage all ... View more

So, I'm new to this, but am finding myself increasingly frustrated and cant stop going over things so thought maybe getting it out like this might help. So in my workplace I am a manager. I manage the office at a piggery, and my job is to manage all HR, finance, accounts, WHS, Return to Work and Government reporting. There are 2 directors above me, and 3 other office/technical staff. I find that because my position has very little to do with pigs, I am very often excluded from discussions, events and gatherings. I alone have been left out every year for a pig conference which we hold in a city 5 hours away, so everyone else gets to go and I am not invited, I am left out of company dinners when pig industry people are visiting, and just yesterday, i alone was left out of a full day discussion and work group on redeveloping our brand. What makes me more frustrated is that one of the directors partner (soon to be wife) is included in all these events and I am not. I constantly feel undervalued and unimportant to the business. I keep telling myself that I am reading too much into this, and it makes sense as I am not involved in that aspect, but it still hurts and I just find it harder and harder to get past. For the most part, I love my job, and I am paid reasonably. I just get hung up on this all the time. I would be interested in any thoughts...

Julie_a Am I wrong to feel this way
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I need somebody to tell me if I’m wrong or just being silly ok here goes, I’ve been with my partner for nearly nine years, he suffers from depression(that’s a whole different story) he’s friends with a couple who have now broken up after... View more

Hi everyone, I need somebody to tell me if I’m wrong or just being silly ok here goes, I’ve been with my partner for nearly nine years, he suffers from depression(that’s a whole different story) he’s friends with a couple who have now broken up after 25 years of marriage, my partner wants to be there for both of them as they helped him through his marriage twelve years ago, my partner has caught up with the husband a few times, his wife called to catch up for dinner last week with my partner and I (I’ve only met her a hand full of times) since we’ve been together, she’s a stunner lovely looking lady, now my partners been inviting her out with us and I’m alittle concerned as he met the husband first, why I’m uncomfortable with her coming out with us is that my partner told me a long time ago that when his marriage was going down hill and wasn’t intimate with the wife he would fantasise about other women, I’m really feeling uncomfortable in this situation so am I being silly