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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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collegestudent101 Commitment Issues and Daddy Issues?
  • replies: 2

Hello everyone, I'm a 21 (turning 22) university student who has never been in a relationship. I wouldn't say that I've been pressured into societal standards into getting one but I know for a fact, that this goes beyond that. Since high school, I've... View more

Hello everyone, I'm a 21 (turning 22) university student who has never been in a relationship. I wouldn't say that I've been pressured into societal standards into getting one but I know for a fact, that this goes beyond that. Since high school, I've been in situations where I would find myself in scenarios where I would ultimately push a guy away if he showed interest in me. Weird thing is, I would be interested in that person and would converse with him, sometimes even harmless flirting (with the thought of potentially dating). But as soon as he shows the action back, I would push him away and feel disgusted at myself and towards the guy. At first I thought this was just a phase but as I got out of high school, entered university and was exposed more into the dating world...I would always find myself having the same feeling as my high school self did back then. What I find quite odd is that I know that I like this person, I could sense that our feelings are mutual but as soon as the situation could potentially turn into something "more" than just friends (and possibly some sort of commitment), I would push myself away from this person and ultimately hurt them. This often repeats itself. I don't know why I do this. For awhile, I'm thinking that this could be a result to my parents divorce. It happened at a really early stage of my life where I hardly remember anything but from that, I never grew up with a father figure...yet alone, any sort of male presence in the household. My older sister was the most affected between us & I somewhat feel bad that I don't have any feeling towards it (due to being too young to remember). Growing up, I would hear stories from my mum how my dad was a man that couldn't be trusted and I know for a fact that it's true. I figured out that he cheated on my mum several times and remarried several times as well. Could my fear of commitment and forming all these "exit strategies" be because I'm a child of divorced parents? I have no idea how to change as I find it difficult to get rid of this "feeling"... As much as I hate to admit this, I would find myself having major defensive barriers and a tendency to be jealous most of the time. My preference in men was always someone who was older than me and unfortunately I'm the type who needs constant reassurance. I feel disgusted in myself for having these traits and as obvious as it sounds, are these qualities os someone who suffers from "daddy issues" and is it too late to change?

amba3454 Family issues are making me feel confused
  • replies: 2

Hello, I'm 18 and I've had issues with my family in the past. I was a bit of a troubled kid in high school, got mixed up with the wrong people - wanted to be independent and defied my parents wishes on just about everything. That being said, by the e... View more

Hello, I'm 18 and I've had issues with my family in the past. I was a bit of a troubled kid in high school, got mixed up with the wrong people - wanted to be independent and defied my parents wishes on just about everything. That being said, by the end of grade 12 I'd straightened myself out, graduated with good scores and my relationship with my family was looking up. Since that time, I've had a few spats with them, particularly my mother (we've never really gotten along). She seems to enjoy criticising me for every single thing I do and doesn't understand me at all. She thinks I'm just some stupid kid who will never get anywhere in life. So we get into little spats pretty frequently, nothing too major. Anyway, recently I got busted sneaking back into my house after a night out. I think my main reasons for sneaking out and not just asking to go out were that my parents are very critical of my personal life - who I hang out with, what I do, where I go, it never ends. And I just wanted to have new experiences out in the world on my own, separate from my family. I know that what I did was wrong. I put myself at risk, I worried my parents and I even endangered them by leaving the door unlocked when I left for the night. What makes it worse is that I did it more than once before I got busted. So I'm not saying that I don't deserve any kind of blame, I just feel like the punishment is unfairly harsh. They want to kick me out of home and cut me off completely, disown me from the family and cut me out of the will. They say I've shamed the family name and they are ashamed and disgusted as parents. I'm a little hesitant posting this because they always say that I play the victim card, that I try and get sympathy from others and don't take responsibility. I am taking responsibility, I know it was wrong. At the moment I'm getting the silent treatment and I've been shut out, they won't even look at me and I don't know what to do. They say sorry won't cut it. I just need advice. I want to move out with some friends later on in the year but I don't want to leave things like this, but at the same time maybe it's better if I move out and become more independent, learn more about myself away from my parents?

Knux Starting again
  • replies: 7

Hello fellow members, I recently separated from my wife after 19 years marriage,leaving 3 kids behind and moving interstate to be with family.I was a stay at home dad and was a shift worker.The pressures of life and the fact we didn’t see each other ... View more

Hello fellow members, I recently separated from my wife after 19 years marriage,leaving 3 kids behind and moving interstate to be with family.I was a stay at home dad and was a shift worker.The pressures of life and the fact we didn’t see each other much put an end to the marriage. I have started a new job and put on a brave face at work and am liked by other employees.But for me when I’ve finished work I just shut down,feelings of despair and wondering if I can look at a lady again let alone date again.I am shy but put on a smile to hide my true feelings.At 43 Im not sure I can try again.

Rkovac Broken hearted
  • replies: 9

Hi everyone, I feel so happy to have found these forums. I am a 26 year old female. I work full time in a pretty stressful job (emergency services). Shift work also takes its toll on me. i was in a relationship for almost a year with a really great g... View more

Hi everyone, I feel so happy to have found these forums. I am a 26 year old female. I work full time in a pretty stressful job (emergency services). Shift work also takes its toll on me. i was in a relationship for almost a year with a really great guy who is so different from anyone I have ever met, until yesterday. We were extremely close and have never had fights or anything as we are both usually pretty relaxed. He was very kind and thoughtful. We have both had pretty bad childhoods and not perfect lives but instead it has bought us closer and he always said to me that we are a team and go through everything together. The last few weeks he has been under a lot of pressure and became distant from me, I did everything I could to help him etc. but he broke up yesterday as he feels he can't put me first anymore. These last few weeks have been stressful as we found out u was pregnant, it was not planned but we were still happy. There was complications with the baby which made me very sick and almost died and I had to have surgery the day before he broke up with me. Previous to this Rship I was in an extremely abusive relationship and very afraid to let someone in again but I did and now I feel so upset and don't know where to go from here. I feel very alone

Pebz Friends cant deal with me
  • replies: 7

I am having trouble making freinds that I feel safe with. Over the past few years i have been working hard at trying to be a good freind to someone. We work together on community projects which has been great for my wellbeing and i was excited about ... View more

I am having trouble making freinds that I feel safe with. Over the past few years i have been working hard at trying to be a good freind to someone. We work together on community projects which has been great for my wellbeing and i was excited about life and making freinds again. i recently had a break up which knocked me for six. I however have tried to be civil with my ex and we can still get on ok. My freind has been supportive when she can be through all of my breakup and i felt safe that she was a good friend of mine....which was important for me through this breakup as i needed to make freinds that were mine and not join. Yesterday this freind did something that i find disrespectfull of me and our freindship and i totally am floored at what she did. I walked in to a convo she was having with my ex and the convo was about her thinking she wants to scrap the featival that i am helping her organize. My ex isnt. My ex is actually not helping for the featival at all. This was the first i heard my freinds thoughts about it. I became upset and i admittingly did over react and voiced my fustration at the communication. I could not believe it. And to be talking to my ex about it instead?! Im so hurt and confussed. Because i got upset, she now isnt reponding to me and wont talk to me about it....this has left me feeling so isolated now and i am acessing what i have done wrong. I have worked so hard for this frienship and have been available anytime for her and she does this. It may seem no big deal really but it has thrown my trust. By her doing that, i feel betrayed. As i said i over reacted which i havent done in years, i have now also been crying sinve it happened yeaterday morning and beginning self destructive behaviour. My trust in her is damaged and i no longer feel safe with her....it has really tiggered my PTSD ( from years of an family and partner abuse. ) ive been crying since it happened yesterday morning. I dont have any other good friends were I live as its a small community and thought i was building a new life for myself. I need advice and support to work this out. I am beside myself and starting to blame myself again. I am sick of being let down by people whom i spend time trying to build freindships with. Im now getting to the point of not trusting anyone. Does anyway have any insite and whether it ia right to persue trying to work it out. Thankyou for reading my story x

Kib Mother with cancer
  • replies: 7

I live with my mum and she suffers from cancer. I feel myself breaking under the pressure because I am the only one who can help. All responsibilities rest on me. My older sister in in university and she lives a couple of hours away, so I can't ask h... View more

I live with my mum and she suffers from cancer. I feel myself breaking under the pressure because I am the only one who can help. All responsibilities rest on me. My older sister in in university and she lives a couple of hours away, so I can't ask her for help. My father is no help at all. I haven't seen him in years. And other than some cousins and an aunty, my mum and I have no one else. I have had to go to hospitals with her, doctor appointments, others cities to get treatment. It's been hard. And did I mention that I'm in high school and have so much school work too. What I'm saying is that I want someone else to help me. My friends have forgotten my problems, not to mention they have their own and I can't see a specialist to help with my problems because then I'll have to tell my mum that I'm struggling. I have no one to confide in and I really want someone to confide in. But I don't and I can't. I know that I'm being selfish, my mum has bigger problems then me, but I feel crying, screaming and shouting all at the same time. I know I can't tell anyone, they'll think I'm weak, my family doesn't show weakness, we bottle up emotions and put on fake smiles while figuring out our problems my ourselves. That's how it's always been. Not really a question or anything, I just wanted to get everything off of my chest. Thanks for reading, I guess.

Depressionsucks Frantic with fear re abandonment/breakup
  • replies: 5

Hi, I’m new here and I’m not sure where to start so I’ll just dive in: I have a long history with depression and anxiety, but I think I do a pretty good job of managing it under normal circumstances. But life for the past 18 months has thrown me majo... View more

Hi, I’m new here and I’m not sure where to start so I’ll just dive in: I have a long history with depression and anxiety, but I think I do a pretty good job of managing it under normal circumstances. But life for the past 18 months has thrown me major blow after blow and my ‘reserves’ are well and truly used up. I suspect that my boyfriend of 12 months is going to leave me, and my biggest trigger is abandonment... all common sense seems to go out the window and I get completely swamped with negative thoughts, self hatred, intense fear and anxiety, and getting through even five minutes feels unbearable. If the breakup does happen I am terrified of the pain, mostly because my coping skills are already exhausted, but also because that abandonment trigger being pushed makes life unbearable. Im on here looking to see if there are others like me that understand the intense agony of rejection and loss, the desperation of those first few weeks, and want/need to talk about it like I do so we can be a support for each other I’m trying to be proactive as far as preparing myself for a situation that I very much feel will bury me, and I know from past experience that talking to others helps keep me sane and helps to keep those demon thoughts at bay. Thanks for reading x

cleo1988 Am I being a fool?
  • replies: 5

I'll do my best to keep this short I love my boyfriend, in many ways though I am isolated here. He sent me a photo in a drunken stupor on the weekend that look like lines of powder. He has told me before he's never done that sort of thing, he's not i... View more

I'll do my best to keep this short I love my boyfriend, in many ways though I am isolated here. He sent me a photo in a drunken stupor on the weekend that look like lines of powder. He has told me before he's never done that sort of thing, he's not interested etc. and told me the photo must have been lights or something? He promised me this is what it was. And that his friends whom he was with weren't into it either for the record I don't do that and I barely drink I am unsure why but I still feel uneasy. My mum and brother particularly feel he's lying having seen the image anyway, I am unsure what to do. As I don't want to be acquisitory perhaps, time will tell but I am just uneasy. I feel unsure and not good my family live on the other side of Australia, and at present I am toying with the notion of staying here permantly. Please help, any advice would be great x

darkandstormy Trying to start a dialogue with a friend and seeing it blow up in my face
  • replies: 4

Hi Everyone, First off, thank you to everyone here. I've been a long time reader but never posted. Basically, me and this guy have been friends since college, we're both in our mid-30s and entering into the next phase of our lives. We've always had a... View more

Hi Everyone, First off, thank you to everyone here. I've been a long time reader but never posted. Basically, me and this guy have been friends since college, we're both in our mid-30s and entering into the next phase of our lives. We've always had a contentious friendship, many fights, many core disagreements, and often general dislike. The solution to dealing has always been: it's R, he's an asshole, so what do you expect. So the story in question goes like this... we're at a mutual friends wedding and he goes out of his way to ignore me and my gf, now my fiance, coming over to the group we were with and asking a question to a couple people then leaving, also practically walking by us without saying hi. It was only until I said something that he acknowledged us, which set my fiance up in flames. A few weeks later we got engaged and I texted all my friends, including R, individually with a semi copied/pasted message. It was short and sweet, but 100% honest. He doesn't reply, I left the country for vacation, and I never got his text. I was upset, I sent him an email that was completely honest. I told him my feelings, how I contemplated why he didn't respond but ultimately decided that i didn't care and that I didn't need someone in my life who was going to treat me that way. By telling him these were my feelings I wanted to open a discussion. I never said directly "I don't want you as a friend" or "you're not invited to my wedding" but that is what he took from it. Also turns out he did respond to my text, a week later and said that his original text never sent, but that since his wife is pregnant he wouldn't be able to make the wedding, which is completely fine with me because the wedding is in another country. I just hated his response, it was cold. I called him out and wanted to make him see that by my standards he was not acting like a friend, but also neither was I. I had not put much effort into the friendship either. But I did say that I wanted to say these things rather than say nothing with the hopes that we could find common ground and build a foundation for something to grow in the future, which he completely ignored. I honestly have no idea what to do. I fear he is going to turn all our mutual friends against me, and I don't know how I am able to handle that, or if I can even handle that. Hopefully someone can help. thank you.

Sandy centre Heartbroken and Confused
  • replies: 3

Hi there i am not sure where to begin but the crush that I have had for 9.5 years told me in October that he didnt want to ruin our friendship and then asked me if I was a bit disappointed and the final words werehe would be there for me?? The relati... View more

Hi there i am not sure where to begin but the crush that I have had for 9.5 years told me in October that he didnt want to ruin our friendship and then asked me if I was a bit disappointed and the final words werehe would be there for me?? The relationship had been an emotional affair for the past 14 months before October. I am still married and my husband guessed who the man was that I had a crush on.....thankfully I have never slept with my crush.... i feel so bad because I have now seen my crush twice this week at work things and the last time was in October.... but I know I still have feelings for him..... . By the way My crush has only recently been divorced in the last couple of months.....my husband and I have been married for 10.5 years i just feel really awful and depressed af what I have done to my husband and confused because I know that I have strong feelings for my friend.... If anyone has any suggestions to deal with this that would be much appreciated. kind regards Sylvia