Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Trixs Mother in law
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone stressing ao bad its our xmas party next weekend and my mil works at the same company we just dont get along i havent seen her for 12 months No joke. I know my husband misses them and will want to sit with them but i cant do it i just can... View more

Hi everyone stressing ao bad its our xmas party next weekend and my mil works at the same company we just dont get along i havent seen her for 12 months No joke. I know my husband misses them and will want to sit with them but i cant do it i just cant sit with them. My anxiety is high and i just want to run away. Help what do i do. I really want to go to support hubby and normally its a really good night. I know other people but i know when i see her ahe will act normal and hug me. But i dont want that

JackM Worried about future relationships - issues resulting from DSP and the 'welfare trap'
  • replies: 3

I am worried about what kind of future relationships I will have. I am 40 years old and unmarried. I have PTSD and Clinical Depression (although the former is far worse). For years I have avoided going on the DSP even though I was likely eligible, an... View more

I am worried about what kind of future relationships I will have. I am 40 years old and unmarried. I have PTSD and Clinical Depression (although the former is far worse). For years I have avoided going on the DSP even though I was likely eligible, and I was somehow managing to live. In my current circumstances I have no choice but to apply for the DSP. I am concerned about this, however. How will I meet someone for marriage, or otherwise have a 'normal' life? If the person that I meet has a job, then my benefit will then pay zero and I am bringing nothing to the table at all. How do the other people here handle this? Alternatively, will I have to work out a situation in which my partner is my carer? Neither situation seems adequate. I have come to accept my condition, and have also come to accept that it is unlikely to improve in the long term (its already been 10 years). However I would like to live as normal a life as possible, and do the kinds of things that 'normal' people do. One of those things is get married and possibly have children (I don't have any genetic issue - the children will be healthy). But I don't see how I can do that. How does everyone else handle this?

hathi At a loss - husband suffering from depression and anxiety - no support
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I will try to keep this as short and simple as possible, however please forgive me if I don't manage this too well as my issues are quite consuming and difficult for me to process. I have been with my husband for 9 years, married for 7. ... View more

Hi everyone, I will try to keep this as short and simple as possible, however please forgive me if I don't manage this too well as my issues are quite consuming and difficult for me to process. I have been with my husband for 9 years, married for 7. We have one son and a second baby due any day now. This year in January, after years of ignoring his pain, he sought help and was diagnosed with depression and GAD. I have tried my best to support him whilst managing 95% of the household responsibilities as well as working full time just as he does. My struggle now is that it feels as though the relationship is very one-sided. I am expected to support him unconditionally and forgive/forget whenever I am in pain or when he has hurt me at the risk of overwhelming him. I am not a person who likes to internalise my emotions, but am being forced to because I feel bad for burdening him and he does not respond well when we 'talk', nor does it seem like he cares if I am feeling okay or not. He says that he cannot manage a lot of things (hasn't been for a long time) because the depression prevents him from being motivated, yet he is able to play video games, watch whatever show he wants, spend time on social media and manage organising things for himself but it's too hard to do anything for our family, me or the house in general. Please also bear in mind that whilst he was diagnosed this year, he has been a sufferer for much longer. He now is on medication and sees a Pyschologist, but has not stuck to most of her suggestions. I feel like he is taking me for granted and abusing our relationship because he thinks I will always be around. I am now at the point where I do not see that happening and have actively been looking at separation as the only solution. I am due to be a mother of 2 soon. I have felt like a single parent many a times and it is difficult to cope. I feel a lot of anger and resentment towards my husband now and whilst I acknowledge they are not healthy feelings, I can't help but feel them. I feel drained emotionally and physically and regularly have to fight him to get support for myself or what seems like just acknowledgement that I too am a person with feelings and emotions; someone who will also need support, particularly now as I'm a week shy of giving birth. How do I approach this? What do I do? He is difficult to talk with and doesn't engage when I try. I feel cornered and suffocated in this relationship.

avara89 in love with two people (who are best friends with each-other)
  • replies: 15

Not really sure where to start... 10 years ago I was in a relationship that lasted about 3 years. He was my world, was my everything, and he loved me with such intense passion. I've never been with anyone since that has treated me so amazingly and le... View more

Not really sure where to start... 10 years ago I was in a relationship that lasted about 3 years. He was my world, was my everything, and he loved me with such intense passion. I've never been with anyone since that has treated me so amazingly and left my whole heart burning for them. Towards the end of the relationship we became restless and fought lots...we were young...and I ended up spending more time with his best friend than him. His friend would always support and be there for me after fights with the bf. During the 8 years that followed, I was in a different long term relationship which ended due to severe emotional and sometimes physical DV. I had kept in loose contact with the above mentioned best friend of the first ex. After my second relationship ended, two years ago, the best friend of bf1, struck up an intimate relationship with me. We moved in together very quickly and now have a baby. We are fairly happy and he is a very good provider for our little family. Here's my problem...the only reason why I followed into an intimate relationship with my current partner (best friend of bf1) was because he reminded me *so much* of my first bf. Like little mannerisms, facial expressions and such, that he had picked up from bf1 because they had lived together for so long. At the time, I was lonely and bf1 was living overseas, so I never thought I would see him again. Fast forward to now. Bf1 is living in the same city and working with my current partner (his best friend). I see him almost everyday and it's killing me. I know I can't pursue anything, I flat out don't even talk to bf1 when I see him. I've gotten myself into this massive mess and now there's a baby involved. I thought I would be over bf1 by now. But I just can't stop thinking about him. It's consuming me. I think my partner suspects that I still love his friend and has recently grown a little distant. I'm not sure if I should continue our relationship or what? I definitely want my baby to grow up in a stable home. If I stayed in this relationship I feel like it could definitely work and we would be happy, but do not believe I would ever love him the way I love bf1. Is it better to be with someone because your brain knows it's a good decision? Or do you go with your heart? Sorry for long post...please no judgment. I do love my current partner...it's just a different, less intense, type of love.

NikkieB How to mend a broken relationship
  • replies: 2

Me and my husband are going through a very rough patch . Started with his family interefering and deciding who should come and stay at our house . When we used to fight , it almost Always ended with a physical fight , initiated by him mostly . We sor... View more

Me and my husband are going through a very rough patch . Started with his family interefering and deciding who should come and stay at our house . When we used to fight , it almost Always ended with a physical fight , initiated by him mostly . We sorted out the issues and things were fine for a while . But now , even trivial things make him violent . Although sometimes I exaggerate the arguement by getting rude and like , snatch his phone or turn off the tv or iPad To make him look at me . Usually the fight involves the topic of his family . I am reluctant to go to a marriage counsellor as I am scared if I mention about physical violence and the information gets out , he might loose his job as his job requires mental stability . He is fine and lovely and very supportive in rest of the aspects of a relationship and does everything for me and loves me unconditionally but only the family issues which are unresolved . What complicates the matter is that I might be having depression/anxiety and feeling of worthlessness and hence a situation like this makes me incapable of doing anything for few weeks. I want to continue the relation as I feel that relationships are meant to be worked upon and they need constant attention and resolving of issues i was wondering if anyone has any suggestion on how to start mending this relation ? Do counsellors have a rule of mandatory reporting about physical violence against women ?

Nervybella Doubting self after meeting someone new
  • replies: 5

Hey guys, I haven't posted in a while. This post isn't so much about mental health but I really wanted a place to talk to like minded and understanding people. Ok so here goes: I have recently met a guy, we were in a situation where we spent a lot of... View more

Hey guys, I haven't posted in a while. This post isn't so much about mental health but I really wanted a place to talk to like minded and understanding people. Ok so here goes: I have recently met a guy, we were in a situation where we spent a lot of time together for a week. During this time we got very close, we were flirting and I got the strong feeling that he liked me. I also started to develop a crush on him. We have since parted ways, he lives in another city. We are friends on social media and talk regularly. I have since seen on social media that he has been in a relationship with a man. I guess I am just feeling a bit confused, and a bit silly for developing feelings. Because of this I am having some of my anxious/self loathing thoughts. I am trying hard to forget my feelings or be more objective, but struggling a bit. I don't know what I will get out of this post, other than some opinions etc? Thanks for reading, Bella

EmmyK Break up after over 5 years
  • replies: 3

Hello. im very new to this, but I need help because I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend and I of 5 years broke up yesterday morning. I knew things had been strained with us for the past few months, on occasion, but I didn’t realise it was this bad.... View more

Hello. im very new to this, but I need help because I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend and I of 5 years broke up yesterday morning. I knew things had been strained with us for the past few months, on occasion, but I didn’t realise it was this bad. We had plans to leave for Europe for a holiday tomorrow. He broke up with me. And I guess part of me, deep deep down knew it would happen one day, but definitely not now. When I say things were strained, they still were reasonably normal. He still would tell me he loved me and would always try and make me happy, but I guess it wasn’t all sincere. I just really need help. He’s been my rock for so long, was even a pull bearer for my mums funeral. I don’t know if I can live without him, because I love him so much. Even before him, I had always had someone in my life and had never been single for more than a couple of months since Highschool. Has anyone else been through something like this? I need advice on how to cope. Also we are meeting up today to discuss everything. I’m terrified.

Loving_wife1 My Husband has walked out suffering from depression
  • replies: 6

After many years, he finally got help with his illness, and after being on medication for 10 months, has said he has no feelings and feels vague about everything. He left the kids and myself to stay at his sisters about 5 weeks ago. After 2 weeks I n... View more

After many years, he finally got help with his illness, and after being on medication for 10 months, has said he has no feelings and feels vague about everything. He left the kids and myself to stay at his sisters about 5 weeks ago. After 2 weeks I noticed he been in contact with his ex from 20 years ago. He found out I knew and said he wanted a separation and nothing was happing between them both. He is come off his meds in the last few weeks and doesn't seem the man that I knew. Feeling so lost, but will always be there for him no matter what happens. I have to be strong for our young children, and are seeking help from Relationships Sa for myself, as he does not want to see doctors or anyone. What can I do to help????

SeekingSolace83 The Revolving Door
  • replies: 1

Struggling daily and conflicted within myself about how to break the cycle. I have been in my relationship for 12yrs and feeling disconnected from my other half and socially cannot find where my piece of my puzzle fits with this desire to belong and ... View more

Struggling daily and conflicted within myself about how to break the cycle. I have been in my relationship for 12yrs and feeling disconnected from my other half and socially cannot find where my piece of my puzzle fits with this desire to belong and be accepted as I am. Arguing daily, and feeling belittled as there is always something that I may have said or done that is not acceptable. Questioning where I went wrong and how could have managed myself and the situation differently. Having an opinion and challenging him always ends in disaster where I am at fault and to blame and never takes accountability where I play the victim and paint a picture of him to others that he deems is untrue. I am incapable of nurturing friendships as I have nothing to contribute other then how miserable I am and find it hard to find joy in my daily life. I am a mother to 2 of the most amazing kids but still anxious on the daily about their future, the mental anguish is exhausting. I can't turn off that little voice in my head, my voice of reason. When does it end.

dee_1 My dad's destructive behavior is ruining the family...
  • replies: 11

Hi guys I need someone to talk to because I'm so lost at the moment. This is going to be a lengthy post. My dad has some serious anger and control issues and currently it's escalated to the point where my poor mum is considering divorce because he ha... View more

Hi guys I need someone to talk to because I'm so lost at the moment. This is going to be a lengthy post. My dad has some serious anger and control issues and currently it's escalated to the point where my poor mum is considering divorce because he has completely lost it. From memory dad was always harsh with his punishments towards me and my 2 sisters. We would get the occasional smack across the bum with a wooden spoon or we were told to kneel down onto the bathroom tiles as punishment for being naughty. I dont really remember being so naughty that severe punishment was appropriate for the things we did wrong. Anyway, when I as 15/16 years old and in high school everyone around me...my friends I mean got their youth allowance money except me. So one day when the 5 of us (mum, dad and two sisters), were traveling in the car going home and I asked dad why I wasn't getting my youth allowance money...he actually got quite ugly with me and told me that when he was growing up in Hungary, any money he earned from his job went to the family so his mother could support him and their family and he only saw a small portion of that money. I said that the fact that my friends got their youth allowance money and I didn't was completely unfair. To which he responded to that with - if I didn't like what was going on in the family I could take my youth allowance money and I can go leave the family and live on my own. He said I wouldn't survive because it was not much money. From this day forward I saw my dad from a different light. He was always so aggressive when he was in a bad mood. My middle sister, coped it so badly when she was a kid. She was punished severely for not being able to understand how to read and write and do basic mathematics. At one point my middle sister pissed my mum off so bad when she couldn't write a sentence that she clasped onto my sister's writing hand so aggressively my sister's wrist couldn't move from the pain. I remember her crying in pain from not being able to move her wrist. My middle sister starting pinching stuff from children's school lunch boxes and dad tried to punish my sister over and over again for stealing but nothing was working so my dad...i remember everything vivdly... grabbed my sister's little hand and put a lighter to her hand. My sister screamed and screamed her lungs out of fear and shock I was so worried for her. Dad said he was just trying to scare her...it worked and she never stole again.