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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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FragileFamily My Story
  • replies: 2

My story start around a month before our second daughters first birthday. My relationship with my partner hadn't been getting much attention due to my work and study, the two kids 3 and 1 and her study and rehearsals she was doing for 2 performances ... View more

My story start around a month before our second daughters first birthday. My relationship with my partner hadn't been getting much attention due to my work and study, the two kids 3 and 1 and her study and rehearsals she was doing for 2 performances she had coming up. The whole year was a write off really. I had made her strawberrys dipped in chocolate to surprise her when she got home. She told me the sight of what I had done made her feel sick because it was a very lovely gesture but she no longer wanted to be with me. We tried to discuss this issue and things got overheated by both of us which ended in her kicking me out of the house. I stayed away only visiting the house to see my kids and we both apologised but she was not prepared to work things out. I convinced her to let me come home and be with the kids over Xmas. We all had a great time and even went away for a holiday for a week after Xmas. Things were looking up. When we returned home I asked if I should pack up my things and move out properly but she wanted to speak with her psychologist first. I waited the 2 days as I thought she must be reconsidering and wanted to discuss it first. Once she had spoken to the psychologist she came back and said her psychologist suggests the we don't continue the relationship which I thought was a fairly odd. Nevertheless I did not fight this time I packed my things and left. At the moment I have the kids 5 days a week but she wants to see them more and contacts me almost every day, at one point to ask how I was doing with everything. She's gone from relationship to happy co-parenting over night and wants to do mediation which I have refused to do at this point because she is refusing to work on the relationship. I'm grieving the relationship, my work and social life is suffering. I want my partner and my family back together and shift our focus onto what is important but she will not partake. Only a month or two before at a wedding she has asked me when we would get married. She says she has been unhappy since before the birth of our second daughter but I don't believe it to be true. It's been found out she has extremely low iron and has for awhile. She says she needs space to find herself again and in 6 or 12 months may assess the situation if she sees positive changes I make within myself aswell. By this time I feel it will be too late to save the relationship as all the pain and adjustment will be over. thanks for reading if you got this far.

lilykitten Co-dependent Relationship help.
  • replies: 2

I'm an enabler. I cant rest until everyone around me is happy and it's very stressful. I realised recently that this was the principle cause for my panic attacks. I was 35 when I met my husband. We built a house together had a baby and he quit work t... View more

I'm an enabler. I cant rest until everyone around me is happy and it's very stressful. I realised recently that this was the principle cause for my panic attacks. I was 35 when I met my husband. We built a house together had a baby and he quit work to look after her while I kept working. He had dreams of working from home. We had a second daughter 16 months later. He often complained how difficult it was being home with the kids although he was constantly out of the house visiting friends with them. When they were toddlers he was frustrated he couldn't work on his projects so i organised family daycare 2 days a week. Then he got bigger projects and a friend offered to take them for another 2 days a week. In all this time i was working full time and paying for everything. He was having the parental payments put into his account for day to day expenses and I was also doing all the household tasks as well. When the kids had both started school I asked him to do a business plan and wanted him set a goal of 5 years and then if it wasn't working to go back to paid employment. He was heartbroken and said ultimatums were a sign I didn't believe in him. By the time my youngest was 10 years old my resentment about paying for everything and doing all the housework was extreme but I was also proud of the fact I kept everything running. Instead of getting praise for my efforts like I would if I were a single Mum with 3 kids, friends would not give me any emotional support saying I should leave. By this stage the thought of losing half of everything I paid for when I had no savings was too much so we went to counselling which helped a bit with the resentment but did little to change the situation as my husband cant see himself doing anything wrong. He works so hard, often 10 hours a day on his projects for little financial gain but feels he is doing his best and gets depressed about it. Now my youngest is 13. At the end of last year after finding I was paying almost $500 a month into his business petrol and phone bills, I said no more. He has not contributed any money to the family unit for 14 years and does not help around the house. I even do all the traditional male jobs like mowing and fixing things. Every week since then he has moaned about not having money. Today he asked me to help out with his monthly bills and I said no. IS IT POSSIBLE TO BREAK OUT OF A CO-DEPENDENT RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT BREAKING UP? I do love him. He is also a wonderful father who doesn't drink and is a kind person. he is just blinkered when it comes to his work.

Little_lollipop Partner frustrating me with marriage
  • replies: 4

Hey everyone I am really struggling right now and could use some advice. I have been with my current partner for almost 12 years with two kids. After 5 years, he proposed but then about a month later he left me. We got back together and about a year ... View more

Hey everyone I am really struggling right now and could use some advice. I have been with my current partner for almost 12 years with two kids. After 5 years, he proposed but then about a month later he left me. We got back together and about a year after I mentioned marriage again. He promised it would be 'soon' but he still hasn't done it 6 years on. I approached him more than a few times and he always has an excuse. I love him but I feel like he will never do it. He only wants to drink and smoke on the weekend, we rarely do anything fun or go on dates so we had an argument. He just went to bed instead of resolving it. Now I'm all worked up and upset. I struggle with depression and anxiety so I'm a mess and blaming myself. I don't know what to do. Should I leave? Or wait? I'm at my wits end and a total mess over this frustration!

Toughmumma Can't catch a break
  • replies: 2

Hi, Im new to this and just needed to vent really. I'm feeling like I can't get my head completely above water. There is always something. I have gone to the gp about anxiety. She has put me into connections to talk to someone and said it is complete... View more

Hi, Im new to this and just needed to vent really. I'm feeling like I can't get my head completely above water. There is always something. I have gone to the gp about anxiety. She has put me into connections to talk to someone and said it is completely justified in what I was telling her. I have been having sleeping, health issues, I work two jobs, and raise two kids, which I think I suck at most of the time. I feel like I am always yelling and they are always yelling and no one is actually listening to each other. I feel completely ignored most of the time. I am made to feel like I am too dramatic by my husband, and fairly alone in most that I do. He goes to work, works hard, but then comes home and clocks off. I literally run the rest of our lives. The kids have molluscum which is contagious and can last for years and making me and them constantly anxious. Paranoid even.I stress about everything and now have sleeping issues that results in me running from my bed, in my sleep, to find my kids. Bizarre I know. I hurt my back right when I can't afford too. There is just no chance to just breath. So I pick up, I carry on, day by day, I have good days and try to focus on the positives in life everyday, but I am starting to see the cracks and looking at which way to turn. I can't keep all the balls in the air. And I drop them, everyone around me suffers just as much. I have been to a psychologist after my mum past and found him dreadful. I am trying again. I am trying to avoid medication, and treat the source, find management skills. Any suggestions? Councillor, psychiatrist, psychologist? Is it a case of just keep trying till you find one that works for you?

zy Feeling resentment, hurt and heartache with Siblings who take me for granted
  • replies: 2

Hi All, I need some solid advice on a situation that I feel I need to resolve or take action on to help bring much needed peace in my life. Short story is unavoidable and a string of tumultuous circumstances occurred with my step sister almost two ye... View more

Hi All, I need some solid advice on a situation that I feel I need to resolve or take action on to help bring much needed peace in my life. Short story is unavoidable and a string of tumultuous circumstances occurred with my step sister almost two years back when she lived with me, my wife and kids which eventually resulted in betrayal, broken trust, broken relationships, hurt and deep anger. What made it worse is my step-brothers did not support, help, assist nor take responsibility in assisting the situation given she is their blood relative nor providing the assistance and support to myself, leaving me to suffer alone in the wake of the things she had done therefore I eventually experienced compassion fatigue and emotional burn out. (Even to the point of experiencing reactive depression and anxiety.) This then created strong feelings of resentment, disappointment and anger towards my step siblings, especially my brothers. In essence, I felt used, hurt and heart broken. I know my step siblings have personal and if not mental health issues themselves such as fears of abandonment, anxiety, avoidance issues but this became a catch 22 for myself, since they would rather avoid and run away from situations their actions or lack thereof further solidifying my negative feelings towards them. Hence leading up to this day, almost two years and none of them have really made any effort to reconcile or take any action to rebuild our relationships. You can see how this further adds to my feelings of resentment, hurt and anger. For the two years it’s just been brewing, sometimes I feel compassion sometimes I feel nothing but hate and anger. Sometimes I don’t feel anything because I’m focused on other things alas ‘out of sight out of mind’. But I’ve come to this point where I’m so tired of the roller coaster of emotions and want peace back in my life. I’ve felt a strong need to resolve this myself (again) but this is where I get stuck… I will still have to see them since they are my mother’s husband’s kids so I know I can’t completely ‘walk away”. So I am writing to ask what can I do in this instance? I need peace back, I want to let go and not feel hurt nor angry anymore. Do I just simply walk away and basically do what they do? Or do I once and for all confront them and tell them that I am letting go and do just that, acknowledge their presence but basically ignore them? Or do I continue making an effort to rebuild HOPING that love will eventually reciprocate?

Ellen2018 Parenting
  • replies: 4

Hi, new here. Single mom. What is the best parenting for a 20yr old high achiever son who is starting to have depression?

Hi, new here. Single mom. What is the best parenting for a 20yr old high achiever son who is starting to have depression?

squeak People need to learn what not to say!!
  • replies: 2

I have been having this struggle all of my adult life and you would think that by now that I would be able to shrug off comments made by people who you thought would understand and help but turns out they don't want to help or it's too hard for them ... View more

I have been having this struggle all of my adult life and you would think that by now that I would be able to shrug off comments made by people who you thought would understand and help but turns out they don't want to help or it's too hard for them to help even thought they promised they would. No matter how long the depression has lasted and now matter how many times you relapse for various reasons you still need support and understanding and positive reinforcement. I have to live with an alcoholic husband who is abusive verbally and emotionally and can be very cruel, and I know that people will say you don't have to live with this, but I do as I have no choice and financially can't afford to leave and I feel why should I as I have contributed to the home we own and why should I be the one to walk away with nothing. But sometimes the abuse is too hard to deal with so I take my self out of the situation for a period of time so I can regroup and put my thoughts in order in a quiet place. But on a recent occasion when I had leave the house in a hurry as the situation was escalating. I left without my purse just car keys, phone and the pretty dodgy clothes I had on and drove to a nearby car park to try on quieten my mind and think what to do next. I rang a friend just to talk as we have been friends for more than 20 years and he had reasonable advise for me in the past and he had said those words "I will be here for you" and I believed him but please if you don't mean this please don't say it. So it seems since he said this, things had changed and he didn't want for his new partner to find out about our friendship (even though it is innocent) and when I told him that things at home were bad and I had no where to go, his reply was "Oh, you can go to Target or KMart they are having a sale at the moment, that would fill in your time". This one comment has since sent me into a downward spiral and the intensity of this downward slide has been monumental. Having someone make such a trivial and hurtful comment at a time when I was very vulnerable and reaching out was just so very cruel, that I am still trying to make my way back from the depths and it has been 2 weeks now and I am still no where near being well, so just make sure your support people are aware of the power they hold with regard to your wellness.

Misplaced I don't belong
  • replies: 8

I'e always felt a little different to everyone else. Always tried to do right, even done wrong, to fit in but never actually achieved it. I've never had a place where I belong. Im meant to be getting married this year but I just never feel good enoug... View more

I'e always felt a little different to everyone else. Always tried to do right, even done wrong, to fit in but never actually achieved it. I've never had a place where I belong. Im meant to be getting married this year but I just never feel good enough. I never feel like I'm doing the right things or doing them as best I could. My partner left for a walk tonight, two and a half hours later I call him to see where he is, playing poker. I had a terrible day today at work and not feeling good about myself, and he knows this. I must not be worth very much if he decides to go do that instead of help me through this. I just feel worthless! I' an embarrassment.

Mrfitz Still hurting
  • replies: 2

Hay so have had 3 other realationshipps and i no well that breakups really suck . But this girl i was with well i really thought she was the one . Now she only just broke up with me bout 2 weeks ago so yer i no its only early days . But i was to scar... View more

Hay so have had 3 other realationshipps and i no well that breakups really suck . But this girl i was with well i really thought she was the one . Now she only just broke up with me bout 2 weeks ago so yer i no its only early days . But i was to scared to get emotionally attached to some again . Abd i was eventually able to open my self up to her n told her all this, she took it all on board . The usual promises of shed never leave and i no my clinginess was part of the reason she did leave . But gooddam im soo depressed part of me hates her for leaving . Part of me would take her back in a heart beat . After she broke up with me she played mind games sayin we were completly over but talking like therr was a chance and now in last week she just ignores me i dont no wat to do . I have the constant thoughts of maybe i should just give up on life . Least i no i wouldnt have to deal with this pain . But i no i cant do that to the few people that have been there for me and were a shoulder to cry on after . How do u stop thinkin of her . Do i hold on to hope and just maybe wait n see if she makes contact . Like my minds all over the place /:

Mellyj Leaving people in your life who bring you down but what if it’s family?
  • replies: 2

What do you do when there’s a family member who has pushed you so much for 10 years to be exact to the point of believing the things they say about you my mother in law .... since me and my husband have been together she has tried to split us apart b... View more

What do you do when there’s a family member who has pushed you so much for 10 years to be exact to the point of believing the things they say about you my mother in law .... since me and my husband have been together she has tried to split us apart by talking about his ex gfs and saying that he could have gone places with footy and other sports but he met me .... and it’s my fault he didn’t have a footy career she has blamed me for multiple things she has made up lies and always plays the victim but I have had enough I cut her from my social media life so she can’t turn things around and make something out of nothing but it effects my husband because wel she’s his mum .. he knows she has hurt me and he just tells me to ignore it I believe she was the reason for my depression when I had my first baby always bringing over strangers telling me I’m doing things wrong buying cots and carriers for her house telling me when she has the baby ect ect it made me so anxious and every time I know I have to see her I panic my heart races and I physically feel sick she told her family I gave my daughter to my parents because I couldn’t cope and that I didn’t love my baby there was no truth to this that was never the case she pushed me so far I believed I was a terrible mother and a failure I pushed through my sadness and inner critic and loved my baby daughter and cared for her the best way I knew how but I feel like I have to explain who I am as a person and explain every god damn time I see his family that I am a good person a kind person but they always stare at me judging me from the stories my mother in law has made up is this going to be my life forever ? Am I always going to have to fight for myself it’s so exhausting mentally and physically just when I think all is well up pops another story she gets inside my head like no other person she can turn my happiest day upside down just like that Anyone else have to deal with a toxic family member ? What did you do ? How do you cope ?