My partner doesnt know I have scitzoeefctive disorder
Ive been with my girlfreind for nearly 6months but i cannot tell her about my mental illness.
She saw a tab on my computer opened for scitzophrenia and asked if i thought i was crazy. When she told me she suffered deppression as a teenager i told her it was nothing to be ashamed of and alot of people expieirnce it and i i do time to time her response was are you suicidal?
She has grown up in the country and seems to have a led a sheltered life to mine, my mental illness does not define me I hide it well but at time i do need time alone and i can get overwelmed. I work and study and have avoided further ect but have spent alot of time in physciatric faciitlies. I work in disability and am studying welfare my partner has the mentality that mental illness is a weakness she has a sort of old school man mentality like dont cry, mental illness is bad crazy thing very much fitting with the stigma society represents. Everyone else in my life is aware I am afraid she will leave me if she finds out or put in a box that makes me crazy, I am very much a people pleaser so will go with the flow of a situation to please another so when she asks me if i will be staying the night and i respond no and then she starts asking why i will then say that i will in that moment she tells my im bipolar. Thats her mentality on issues, it is a weakness in her eyes. She gets mad when i dont tell her everything because i also have some physcial condtions but she seems to put me down for things i dont want to be told im crazy or if we have a fight or something her to use it against me, i have agut feeling everytime something happend even minute it would be turned on me because i have a mental illness.
Dear Charli May~
Welcome here, having a schizoaffective disorder is bad enough but to top it off with a girlfriend who has that attitude sounds really difficult.
It seems like you cannot be frank but worse still expect you condition might be used against you. That is no way to be. Anyone who is ill needs supports, not a tense and threatening situation.
Look, from my point of view a partnership is two people that care about each other and want the best for them. They care and cherish and are close. When I became very ill with PTSD, anxiety and depression my partner was a great support, she really helped and got me though. To start with she had no particular knowledge of these matters but sought advice, learned what to do by trial and error and was there always.
You do not sound as if this is the case, you cannot be close if an important part of you is hidden or a threat.
The life you lead otherwise sounds pretty sensible with you coping. Do you think it is a case where your girlfriend is prepared to talk and try to understand what it is you face each day? If she has had depression herself it might be the basis for her understanding. Additionally her asking about if you have been suicidal may be because either she has felt that way herself or else she is frightened of what might happen.
Either way if it was me talk would be a first step.
Do you think that might be a possibility?