Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

All discussions

Start a discussion

positivity is it my hormones or just me in general?
  • replies: 1

hi all, I'm really frustrated lately, my partner and i have been arguing a lot lately, due to the lack of intimacy we have in our relationship. When he questions why i won't sleep with him, i really can't think of an exact reason besides from being t... View more

hi all, I'm really frustrated lately, my partner and i have been arguing a lot lately, due to the lack of intimacy we have in our relationship. When he questions why i won't sleep with him, i really can't think of an exact reason besides from being tired and never in the mood... however i have been thinking about it more. When intimacy is brought up it usually my partner arguing with me regarding it. I have been with my partner for 6 years now, the way i show my affection is through cooking for him or buying gifts, mainly me sacrificing something, in order to spoil someone else ( i have no issue with this as i enjoy the happiness it can bring to people, although i do wish it was reciprocated- which its not). The passed couple of years our sex life has dwindled, this maybe due to increased stress i have during the week. A working week includes me being a full time student, working full time as a manager, volunteer internship which is required for uni, assignments & assessments, 1 hour physical exercise per day, cooking, cleaning, washing, food shopping. The past year i have developed insomnia, where some nights i get barely 3 hours of sleep, i have also started taking medication for anxiety and depression.My doctor has repeatedly told me to reduce the stresses and tasks i do daily (however this isn't an option) and if i keep carrying on like this it could result in me having a severe mental break down (which is a scary thought). Last night, my partner decided to blow up at me saying our sex life isn't satisfying enough or as often and thats why men cheat on women due to the lack of sex. I was actually upset about this and really started to blame myself (in my head), I'm mad because, despite my partner being the bread and butter winner in our relationship, he really doesn't do much except work full time and go to the gym... the rest is me. Is it normal for us women just to lose our sex drive?, in the beginning we used to have frequent intercourse but now it once a fortnight, which is something he always quizzes me in regards to. Is it my hormones? is this normal for me to feel this way? where has my sex drive gone? how can this be solved? i feel embarrassed going to the doctor and telling them my sexlife. thanks for taking the time to read my novel.

MiaC Partner will not discuss or support me in dealing with inappropriate behaviour from his adult children and his friends
  • replies: 17

I have been with my partner for seven years now. He has two grown up children who have partners of their own. His son has been diagnosed with anxiety and can be quite obnoxious and rude to me. His daughters husband has anxiety and ADHD and has on sev... View more

I have been with my partner for seven years now. He has two grown up children who have partners of their own. His son has been diagnosed with anxiety and can be quite obnoxious and rude to me. His daughters husband has anxiety and ADHD and has on several occasions acted quite offended as he believed that I had said some things that were insulting. However I had not actually said anything at all. On every occasion where my partner should have discussed with me what had happened, he simply blamed me for it. This has happened when some of his friends were quite rude to me, he tells me that I am too sensitive and laughs it off. If I ever get upset and state what really happened he will defend his son in law or his son or his friend. I am now supposed to visit his daughter during Easter. I said to my partner that I will be happy to visit her if he will support me and not allow any bad behaviour to go unchecked. I said that if he allows any unpleasantness to occur that I will not allow it to be ignored this time. He will avoid discussing it, saying that I am being unreasonable. It is not unreasonable to expect to be treated with respect. I dont enjoy seeing them and they certainly dont include my partner and I in anything at all. I did think it was because they couldnt accept their father being with someone other than their mother but now I realise that they really hadnt seen much of the father before I met him. He says to me that those things are in the past and dont matter. He will not simply say that he will not allow them to behave in an unacceptable manner and he will not discuss it with me so I dont feel that it is over at all.

Tesss Cannot seem to let it go.
  • replies: 4

Hi all , Ive been quite miserable of late.. My unhappy marriage ended three years ago and I thought I was over it . Nope. We function well as seperated parents. I want to let go of the anger and disappointment I feel toward him. I want to forgive mys... View more

Hi all , Ive been quite miserable of late.. My unhappy marriage ended three years ago and I thought I was over it . Nope. We function well as seperated parents. I want to let go of the anger and disappointment I feel toward him. I want to forgive myself for staying...its hard . I am generally a happy very motivated person....even I think it sounds silly . It was 3:years ago....

James_A At the crossroads
  • replies: 3

Hi, I am lost. Dont know where my life is going and dont know how it got to this. I am 48 years old and married to a wonderful woman with a 3 year old son who is the love of my life. After being married for almost 9 years, my wife told me in October ... View more

Hi, I am lost. Dont know where my life is going and dont know how it got to this. I am 48 years old and married to a wonderful woman with a 3 year old son who is the love of my life. After being married for almost 9 years, my wife told me in October (6 months ago ) that she thought we should separate. Although I was shattered to hear this I wasn't surprised. Our marriage has been ordinary at best and we live like flatmates. Sex has been non existent and we haven't slept in the same bed for 3 and half years. Since our son came along my wife has been sleeping with him. We dont have much in common and never really did when I think about it. We have been to counseling several times even prior to getting married when I look back we probably should not have got married as it has never been joyful. We bicker and disagree on many things and have different values on many things. We have decided to give counseling another try and just had our first of a few sessions last week. Going back to when my wife told me that she wanted out last year, it was really hard to hear as I feared for the effect on my son and my fear of being alone. She did agree to at least give counseling another tried but thinks that it will be highly unlikely that we will turn it around. To make things mure more difficult and clouded, my sister got married last week and she asked my ex girlfriend from 17 years ago to be the celebrant as they have stayed in touch ( i hadn't kept in touch at all however I always thought about her but tried to put it out of my mind) My wife knew about my past relationship and we managed to get through the wedding. We did put on our fake happy couple act as we always do At the wedding I spoke with my ex alone on several occasions including a bbq at my sister's place the next day that my wife didnt want to go to. Whenever we spoke we instantly connected & left off as if 17 years didn't not pass. We did have a bad breakup that broke my heart and if I'm honest with myself I never got over it. (It was my fault(. She is married with kids but has confided in me that her marriage is rocky. With this I have realised that I still miss her deeply and often think what could've been. This has also made me own that my current marriage is wrong and that hanging around for the sake of our son is not fair on anyone. I am not sure what may happen with my ex but I do know that my wife isn't the person I am supposed to be with. I am clouded and dont know what to do. James A

white knight Step parenting- the maze
  • replies: 3

First up I’ll declare that I was a step parent twice. Loneliness in adulthood often drives us to seek a partner that might have children. Do we fall in love first then “hope” that our children accept our choice of a partner? Often we do. Or do we int... View more

First up I’ll declare that I was a step parent twice. Loneliness in adulthood often drives us to seek a partner that might have children. Do we fall in love first then “hope” that our children accept our choice of a partner? Often we do. Or do we introduce our children to our dating partner early and risk scaring that girlfriend/boyfriend away with bad behaviour or just incompatibility? That’s a dilemma that often faced. I chose to introduce them early to my girlfriend in 1998. Children 7 and 4yo…well, any female would get along with them right? They are innocent kids right? Well my GF never took to them. By the time I realised that their interactions were toxic we’d blended finances and I relied on hope, hope that she would accept them. It never flourished. In fact of the 10 years we were defacto, not one holiday included my children of which I only had for every second weekend and some school holidays. The answer to that was, in the end, judged by me as her wanting me all to herself. My children were an annoyance. Of course I could declare they were good children with normal squabbles but overall well behaved. But in the eyes of my GF they were always naughty and always in the way. For a parent with children divorced from the other parent seeking a soul mate it isn’t easy to find a compatible partner AND one that will also become a nurturing step parent. The word “nurturing” is the key. Had I looked for the nurturing side of my then GF I wouldn’t have found it. To hope she would accept my children as a crucial part of my life was sadly, unrealistic. To give advice on this topic for a parent seeking a partner either with sole custody or not is hard because every situation is different. However in the early periods of meeting your date it is beneficial to sit back and listen to your date ask (many) questions about your kids. If they don’t then alarm bells could ring. At the first few meetings when your date and the children meet, watch the interaction. Watch for any willing hugs and time he/she takes to do things with them like drawing and playing. A real nurturer will do these things naturally. If these things are not natural then take lots of time to see any more development but not be so enthusiastic in advancing with your relationship. This maze of relationships with children is also like the MI maze, in that we would be wary if we dated a person that had zero interest in our mental health. Both things are part of us to the core. Tony WK

Blue_Jay Not even broken up yet but already upset
  • replies: 3

I have been with my girl friend for years and things are getting very stale. I have every daydreamed about her dumping me so I could just start over with my life. Also Iive by country side and I hate so I am planning to move to the city but girl frie... View more

I have been with my girl friend for years and things are getting very stale. I have every daydreamed about her dumping me so I could just start over with my life. Also Iive by country side and I hate so I am planning to move to the city but girl friend wouldn't, she wants me to just go check it out and come back after a year or two. I honestly can't see how this long distance thing can work. So I thought its high time to go our own ways. I am about to break up with her and start a new life. I thought I would be free but now have thus overwhelming grief. Only now I realised that she is the most caring person I have ever been with, even the nagging comes from her good heart. I am so lost, feels like I am making the biggest mistake of my life! But I also know that I will regret if I stayed (I am moving to the city regardless, this path is sealed), I can't sleep and I can't seem to focus (but still doing great at work). I also maintain a fake strong personality to the outside world. I can't even cry when I feel like crying, no tear, nothing. I feel so exhausted.... any suggestions

BlueBen Struggling with the loss of my life
  • replies: 10

I am suffering from separation anxiety from my partner leaving me. It feels like I have lost a wife and son in a car accident and I never got to say goodbye. Her 3 year old son and I were at times inseparable and I miss him so much it hurts. I am bro... View more

I am suffering from separation anxiety from my partner leaving me. It feels like I have lost a wife and son in a car accident and I never got to say goodbye. Her 3 year old son and I were at times inseparable and I miss him so much it hurts. I am broken hearted and cannot understand how or why this has happened. We had a fantastic relationship, we were both very affectionate and attentive, very involved in each other’s lives. Shared our children and were beginning to blend together quite nicely. Yes some issues and things along the way and ahead of us but nothing major. We discussed building a life together with all of our children and having more. We talked about the future, our future on a daily basis. It was all going great. Christmas time and we were taking selfies of us all cuddled up with all of our children in bed yet 2 weeks later it was all over. I was blindsided by the decision. I’ve sought explanation on her reasons but really got nothing of note, nothing that would seem insurmountable. We both had previous traumatic relationships that contributed to some issues but I thought we were and could continue to deal with these. Nothing love, communication and understanding couldn’t help solve. Since the split I have suffered panic and anxiety attacks and depression. I am seeing a psychologist and having reiki sessions to help deal with it all but I continue to struggle emotionally on a daily basis. 2 months on and the loss is still feels as as raw as when it happened. I am devastated. BlueBen

paramount23 Partner blamed me for herpes, but he already had it.
  • replies: 4

Ive been seeing my partner for nearly 4 months now, so still very new, but about a month ago he came too me and said that he got tested and found out he had herpes. I told him I didnt have any STD's, but I went and got tested just to ease his mind (a... View more

Ive been seeing my partner for nearly 4 months now, so still very new, but about a month ago he came too me and said that he got tested and found out he had herpes. I told him I didnt have any STD's, but I went and got tested just to ease his mind (all clear). When I told him I was clean he still made me feel like I was hiding something and that I must have given it to him. He made me feel so guilty over something that I hadnt even done... This weekend just gone, I was over his house and helping him clean up around the house, when I found a script for his herpes medication which was dated October 2017. He had made me feel so bad, making me think I must have given this too him, when he has had it months before he even met me. I dont even care that he has it, just the fact he lied and tried to make me feel guilty when he knew all along. I feel like he was waiting too see if he had infected me so that he could put the blame on me. I have no idea what to do, I havent confronted him about it, but I feel like how do I trust whatever he says? I need some advice because Ive just been thinking about this whole thing non stop, and have no idea what to do.

Concept9 6 year relationship ended - resorting to many drugs to cope
  • replies: 4

Hey and thanks for reading, I have finally found my way here after much procrastination, firstly because I need somewhere to vent/release and secondly in hope of some advice or reassurance on where to go next. I recently got out of a 6 year relations... View more

Hey and thanks for reading, I have finally found my way here after much procrastination, firstly because I need somewhere to vent/release and secondly in hope of some advice or reassurance on where to go next. I recently got out of a 6 year relationship, and it happened quite unexpectedly. We were dating for many years, it was very passionate and intense. For me, she was my first true love. For her, we were beyond what she had ever experienced before (her words). We moved in together a little over a year and a half ago and things seemed fine to me but she could never be pleased completely. I mean, not physically but emotionally. I was always letting her down despite myself feeling like I was doing everything possible to provide a nice home, meals, and look after her health + support her family where possible. I thought things were so right I went and got an engagement ring made for her. Exactly the style I knew she wanted and spent silly money. I was planning to contact her father for consent and the waiting for the perfect time to pop the question. Next thing I know, she’s moving out of our place, and insisting she needs to live with friends but wants to continue seeing me. From the moment she left I cut contact. I realised that I was living in a dream world and she wasn’t there with me. The day she left I started partying with my mates and now I’m dosing myself with coke every night to make myself feel better. It gets to the late hours of the night and I realise I won’t be sleeping as I’m thinking about the above, plus business, and the rest so I take unprescribed medication to get to sleep. This has been going on for nearly 2 months and I’m only feeling worse as the days go by. I haven’t had coke for a few days and I feel like I’m no better or worse without it but need something (alcohol, medication) to get to sleep of a night. I think I need to see a GP and get proper help but also feel like getting it out there now is the first thing I need to do, even though everyone is probably going to say stop doing coke and medication. The other thing I’m lost on is what to do with this bloody diamond now?! If you made it this far, thanks for listening.

Mari70 Psychosis aftermath
  • replies: 4

My son has been struggling with addiction and related psychosis for around three years. Recently he had an acute psychotic episode, suffering delusions and mania and was hospitalized under the Mental Health Act. While he was having the psychotic epis... View more

My son has been struggling with addiction and related psychosis for around three years. Recently he had an acute psychotic episode, suffering delusions and mania and was hospitalized under the Mental Health Act. While he was having the psychotic episode he went online and verbally abused some of his friends and family. He's since come home and is getting back on track with his medication and drug treatment. The issue is that he sent apologies to some of the people he abused but none of them have responded, except for one person who responded angrily and doesn't seem to want to accept his apology. I'm stuck in the middle of this and am torn between understanding how everyone feels and feeling defensive of my son, because he was not himself at the time. I can certainly understand their anger and hurt for his behavior, bit I feel that my family members and friends don't really understand his mental illness and the state of mind that he was in when he made the comments. He was not in his right mind at all. He was not himself, hence the hospitalization. He hadn't slept for days, he was manic and his thinking was chaotic and delusional. He's upset that nobody has responded to his apologies and the one person who did responded with anger. He still hasn't fully recovered from his psychotic episode and I don't think their response is helping. He was very embarrassed and regretful about the things he said and while they're understandably hurt, he's hurting too and he needs a bit of compassion and understanding. It's hard to know what to do in this situation and what his level of responsibility is. I only know that I would be forgiving of somebody who was that unwell and would take that into account and try not to take it personally, especially if they apologized. My son is very sensitive which is a big part of his drug problem and I fear this rejection is just going to make things worse for him. He's never behaved like that to anyone before. He's always been known as a gentle soul despite his addiction problems. It's only the recent psychosis that has made him verbally aggressive and abusive. Any suggestions in how to deal with the fallout of his psychotic episode would be appreciated.