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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Kittyang 27 year old estranged sister
  • replies: 2

Hi All, looking forward to supporting people here. Even if I cannot be helped. I have a younger adult sister who has been under my parents roof for many years. I have barely felt connected to her in almost a decade. She has been very deceitful and co... View more

Hi All, looking forward to supporting people here. Even if I cannot be helped. I have a younger adult sister who has been under my parents roof for many years. I have barely felt connected to her in almost a decade. She has been very deceitful and constantly lying about relationships and friends as well as taking alcohol. Although she has supposedly sought help she won't let anyone in on her mental issues. She constantly attracts bad partner who physically abuse her. Recently she has estranged herself by the most unusual way of lashing out at our mother and taking out an ADVO against her. I personally do not feel her absence as she was always draining to talk to and I don't live with her. I just worry that she will end up in a worse state and it's a shame that there is very little that can be done. She seems to have this 'I'm an adult, treat me like one' facade but then she has made poor financial decisions which the folks bail her out of. Because of patient privacy and laws I cannot help her. In actual fact I refuse to help her. I feel betrayed that she allowed herself to fall down this spiral. Especially of alcohol misuse. I honestly see her as a big lie. Its like she has no respect for her own self let alone family. The real world will be a harsh reminder of her easy life at home. I just wished she would get help with whatever mental issues she has so she doesn't destroy anyone else's life. Is that so hard to get from an estranged adult?

Weightofshame Trying to find an answer to me behaviour
  • replies: 4

Hi, im not sure where to begin but where I can get help. i have anxiety issues and depression and have been diognosed with having a borderline personality disorder. i have a need to collect things and I have had porn in my life for a long time and it... View more

Hi, im not sure where to begin but where I can get help. i have anxiety issues and depression and have been diognosed with having a borderline personality disorder. i have a need to collect things and I have had porn in my life for a long time and it is now at the point of destroying the life I have and also the woman I love, my wife. porn doesn't help either, because I find and like pictures, images, videos that look like my wife. ive assaulted my wife while she sleeps, and got caught. All the trust is gone cause I broke it by my actions. i truely love her, but this has pushed her too far. we went without sex for nearly 2 years after we got married and it drove me insane, but I did not cheat or seek it elsewhere. my problem is, that I have no self control and she deserves better from me. i don't know what to do next... I need help!! I love her more than anything in this world.

Kid_in_denial Better off alone???
  • replies: 12

Hi. I have a lovely diagnosis of complex ptsd which was only formalised as of last week. I came out of a struggle with postnatal depression to a medication addiction and now fighting the hardest battle. My entire life on a plate. I have a very rocky ... View more

Hi. I have a lovely diagnosis of complex ptsd which was only formalised as of last week. I came out of a struggle with postnatal depression to a medication addiction and now fighting the hardest battle. My entire life on a plate. I have a very rocky relationship with my mother and when I decided to tell her about my diagnosis she told me she does not believe in mental health. She does not believe in therapy. She is ...... old and has been around longer to know more about me and about life. Then she hada weird scream and cry and left my house like it was her struggle. I have always know she has poor insight with MH. I should have been diagnosed in my teens. She wouldn't have read the signs. I told her I need to cut her from my life as her opinion is not at all helpful and she cannot keep it to herself. I am mid 30s and she still comes to my house and treats me like a teenager. I have my own kids. I don't know if this was necessarily the first option but she won't come around and I think it is damaging for me. Now my partner and I are at war as he refused to read up about it and it was insulting. He cannot see where I am coming from, just calls me self centred. I am the last person in my house who is thought about. I have actually become agoraphobic due to my poor self image and ability to cope with emotionally heightened situations. Any suggestions? S

Lostsoul14 I feel alone & lost
  • replies: 5

I was diagnosed with Anxiety and secondary depression end of last year after a year of symptoms and not knowing what was wrong with me. I finally went to see a therapist and she really helped me try to open up and realized that I'm not the only one a... View more

I was diagnosed with Anxiety and secondary depression end of last year after a year of symptoms and not knowing what was wrong with me. I finally went to see a therapist and she really helped me try to open up and realized that I'm not the only one and not to feel guilty about it. however, I'm trying to open up about this to my husband but every time I do he shuts me out, doesn't talk to me, doesn't hug me and then I feel like its all my fault and I'm the terrible person. I don't want him asking any more questions because he asks then he takes it out on me by how he reacts. I'm starting to feel that I'm going to have to deal with this on my own but I don't think I can. I don't know what to do or anything, i feel so lost, lonely and to be honest I've lost who I am. I'm really struggling and I have no one. Both sides of my family know but they dont know how to deal with it either so it feels like they are just stepping back. Please help, I really need help

Broken_forever Why is life so cruel
  • replies: 2

I can't recover from my break up. Its been a year since the man I loved so much left me for another woman. Its killing me. We were together 16yrs life was amazing we had an awesome tight loving family. Our kids were the happiest kids. We all loved li... View more

I can't recover from my break up. Its been a year since the man I loved so much left me for another woman. Its killing me. We were together 16yrs life was amazing we had an awesome tight loving family. Our kids were the happiest kids. We all loved life every memory is an amazing one right up until he left. He threw me and our family our hopes our dreams our future away like trash. Now he hates me won't talk to me and has our kids apart of his new life. He doesn't care for me at all. Doesn't care that I'm struggling to raise his kids. I already suffered anxiety now I'm suffering deep depression along with physical effects from stress etc. Life is hard I have no family to help me. My kids are suffering behavior wise from their dads sudden departure and then being thrown into his new life. I can't take it anymore. My kids are all I live for but it hurts so much sending them to him and hearing how amazing their lives are while I'm broken so bad. I see no future anymore my days are dark. Its hard to even fake smiles for my babies. I find it hard to get up and do even what needs to be done. I hold back tears when attending school events my ex and I were so involved in their schooling now he couldn't seem to care less he has them for one and s half days then sends them home. He won't talk to me at all so he doesn't seem to ask about anything that's going on with them. He won't help with money either he cries poor but yet my kids explain a different version. He knows how expensive kids are but yet tells me through other people like I said he will not even talk to me on the phone he has no job so no money so can't help. So I have major financial worries on top of everything else. I really don't know how much more I can take. Everything goes wrong to nothing but bad thing after bad thing has happened all year like car breaking down fridge blowing up no air conditioner kids have missed out on excursions the list goes on. How some one could turn so incredibly cruel I will never understand all I done was love him. He chose someone else why does he have to hurt me so much. He's hurt his kids so much to and all that seems to matter to him is his new gf new life and her kids. I'm seeing psychologist on medication doing what I can to get better but I feel like I'm drowning trying so hard to keep my head above the water. But I'm so tired exhausted unhappy I'm just about ready to give up

kitty8 mother in law advice
  • replies: 2

Hi, I need some advice about my in-laws who are possibly the most controlling and manipulative people I have ever met. My husband and I have had counselling to work through some of the problems with them, and if we didn't have a child who should be a... View more

Hi, I need some advice about my in-laws who are possibly the most controlling and manipulative people I have ever met. My husband and I have had counselling to work through some of the problems with them, and if we didn't have a child who should be able to see her grandparents from time to time, I probably would avoid them even more than I do. they seem to prefer indirect communication (are passive aggressive) and are also intolerant of opinions and views that differ to their own. Basically if they don't like what we say or are doing, they pester my husband until he gives in and agrees with them, and then we still do what we think is right even if it is different to their opinion and they don't like it that we don't take their advice. They also gossip with all the extended family. Because of these behaviours we try not to tell them much about our lives, or ask them to help us out much. What happened most recently was they were staying for four nights with us, and helped us out with some work in the garden, and looked after our daughter for 2 days while we were at work. then today when they left (we went to work in the morning and left them at home after dropping our daughter at day care) they left our front door was wide open! we are lucky that we weren't robbed as the front door must have been open for hours as they left to drive back to Sydney in the afternoon. What likely happened was they got carried away doing things in the garden and our house (that we didn't ask them to do) which meant they were running late and in their rush, left the front door open. leaving the front door open is just the last straw. the in laws are not that old ( in their 60's and perfectly healthy so it wasn't due to old age or forgetfulness or anything really) My in-laws passive aggressive behaviour tells me that they do not respect my husband (their son) and me as responsible adults and I am at a loss as to what to do. when we got home my husband rang his parents to tell them they had left the front door wide open and the house unlocked. they were a bit angry on the phone, saying that we had not thanked them for all the garden work (but they had done way more than we had asked for help with only a few small jobs). It may not sound like much, but I kind of at a loss as to what do, other than to see them even less than we do now, but I am mindful that my 3 year old needs to see her grandparents. how often do you think is enough for exhausting interstate visitors?

Mummyworried27 Worried about hubby
  • replies: 3

My hubby has been having a very stressful time lately. At the end of July he started getting numbness and pain in his left arm. Dr thankfully ruled out life threatening problems, but still waiting on hemochromatosis gene test results plus MRI on the ... View more

My hubby has been having a very stressful time lately. At the end of July he started getting numbness and pain in his left arm. Dr thankfully ruled out life threatening problems, but still waiting on hemochromatosis gene test results plus MRI on the neck results. On top of that at the end of July I called enough to his father's lies and broken promises (same promise broken to our 7 yr old ASD son for 2 years). So I told his narcissist father he wasn't to have anything to do with our 3 kids, but hubby could keep contact if he wished. Only I've seen his father is using him as a pawn now in txt messages and hubby I can see is feeling guilty but is trying to be the loving son. (He also told his father about his arm problem on the 1st August and not once has he asked how it's going). I think he could have depression but not sure how to get him to the psychologist as when he went last time with his anxiety he reckons it wasn't much help.

Cloudydays1 I want him to come home.
  • replies: 12

I have been in a two year relationship with a guy who I thought was the one. We met in my home town, lived there for six months together, then decided to move across the country to his home town. At first, we lived with his parents which was really h... View more

I have been in a two year relationship with a guy who I thought was the one. We met in my home town, lived there for six months together, then decided to move across the country to his home town. At first, we lived with his parents which was really hard for me. I didn’t feel comfortable there, and it took me a couple of months to find work. My whole life had changed and I felt I lost my sense of security and my identity. I didn’t have any friends or family here, and my concerns put stress on the relationship. After a couple of months, I ended up getting a job and we ended up getting our own place which we have been in for 9 months. Things have been much better. Over the last couple of months, I have been stressed with work and my stresses has negatively affected the relationship. I have been working on those issues. We have had a couple of arguments, but resolved things as they were not major issues. Two weeks ago, when we were on holiday, we had another argument - I wanted to spend quality time with him as I felt that’s what our relationship needed. He acted bizarrely when I asked him to organise something for us, he seemed unwilling and his attitude upset me. I ended up getting angry and upset. He packed his things and he left me, flew home, packed his essential items and left our home. I have spoken with him over the phone and met him face to face over the weekend. He said the relationship is over and he doesn’t see me in his future anymore. He said he loves me but is not in love with me. I poured my heart out and told him that I love him and I don’t think this was worth ending our relationship over and wanted to move forward. I apologised for the things I said before he left and promised him I would work on things. I asked him if we could put the past behind us and go and have fun together and start fresh. He said, “I’m not saying no, but I’m not saying yes either”. I am still living in our home, with all of our things. I want him to come home and want to work things out. I don’t know how to go about it. I am not coping very well.

N- New here, looking for a bit of a vent
  • replies: 2

I lost a dear friend of mine, we hadn’t been close for quite some time, but was a huge part of my life growing up, and was still a part of my life till they were gone. I think I’m almost back to my normal self now, I still think about them every day ... View more

I lost a dear friend of mine, we hadn’t been close for quite some time, but was a huge part of my life growing up, and was still a part of my life till they were gone. I think I’m almost back to my normal self now, I still think about them every day and their memories make me smile. But I cannot for the life of me get a grip on balancing my emotions. I go from feeling fine to crying, or fuming mad. The smallest thing that used to just make me sulk a little and move past brings me to tears. My little pet peeves drives me confronting people. I don’t know if this is me now, where I just can’t hold things in, or if I’m still going through some things.

johnboy_p relationship break up, afraid of being alone, and lonely
  • replies: 11

Hi new to this so not sure how it works i have just gone through a tough few years. first living apart from my wife and kids in different countries, then moved to be with them, then the marriage break up earlier this year after 18 years. Got in a new... View more

Hi new to this so not sure how it works i have just gone through a tough few years. first living apart from my wife and kids in different countries, then moved to be with them, then the marriage break up earlier this year after 18 years. Got in a new relationship which happen quicker than expected, then few months in, got dumped, for no reason and it was all has been going so well. This is my first really reach out for help, i should have asked a long time ago as i have been struggling internally with myself for so long, with feeling useless and alone and scared to ask for help. My story: being new to my location, i have only work colleagues as friends and most are typically younger and not in the same situation as me. as i have kids 50% of the time I dont get out and also dont like partying to much, and the school parents know the ex better due to her being here longer. i guess the dumping today has raised a lot of issues that have been simmering for some time. the lost of my marriage, which i probably didnt deal properly. The lonelness of living away, the worry of life, taking so long to get a job in the new location, the feeling of not feeling good about myself, the I want to hide when i finish work in my house, I also over think things and convince myself of something when sometimes nothings there. Ive go up and down depending on whats happening. i ran and ran when living away, to keep my mind off things, though i am run out now. i do things with people but generally very early in weekend so when its over i have to face the rest of the weekend alone. i am liked (i think) but generally dont do things with others. though i am t scared to ask fo rejection. sorry this is a brain dump, and have been crying all day and have realised i need help and support. i cant do this. i know all this may sound silly and hopefully the right place to start. i dont want to be alone. i dont feel i, strong enough though but i need to learn to be for my two beautiful kids. I need to get out and meet friends. what should i do.