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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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AskingQuestions After the Affair
  • replies: 8

I have been with my wife for 8 years. For the past 3 I have been severely unhappy. 18 months ago I started having an affair with a co-worker and I planned to leave. After 3 months my wife found out and I cut it off. In reality, I still love my affair... View more

I have been with my wife for 8 years. For the past 3 I have been severely unhappy. 18 months ago I started having an affair with a co-worker and I planned to leave. After 3 months my wife found out and I cut it off. In reality, I still love my affair partner and want to be with her, but I’m severely concerned about my wife’s mental health (we have 2 children who are 5 or younger) and that is the only reason I have stayed. Since she found out, my wife has been seeing our therapist at times several times a week, has gone on medication, has self-harmed and honestly, I’m worried for her greater wellbeing. She has been hospitalised for her thoughts of harming me and herself in the past. She repeatedly tells me this is my fault, and I agree. But what can I do? I desperately want out but I couldn’t live with myself is something happened to her. I love her as the mother of my children but not as a life partner. What do I do?

Melany Trapped and confused
  • replies: 3

While working overseas I met my Aussie partner, J and had great time spending the next 5 years together. I trusted him and let him decide on my finance. We bought a property as joint tenants and moved to Australia as a partner in a de facto relations... View more

While working overseas I met my Aussie partner, J and had great time spending the next 5 years together. I trusted him and let him decide on my finance. We bought a property as joint tenants and moved to Australia as a partner in a de facto relationship. I was anxious about his 2 adult children but he assured me that there is no issue. There are a lot of issues and my partner can't do enough for them. J asked me to transfer a significant amount of money into his super and I did. I have been in Australia for almost 3 years and could not find a job yet. And the chances are thinner given the time gap. However we have a high maintenance property which I work hard on. It is a full time job, overwhelming sometime but I enjoy everything I do. But J does not appreciate and does not participate. All he wants is us to go away so leave the property for his son and his mates weekend fun. His son's attitude is that I do not exist or I'm worthless. He wouldn't ask permission but just text that he is "coming with my mates ...". J is blind to this attitude, he says that the kids like me and all other lies. But his son's look at me make me go to the police. I repeatedly told J how much it means to me to have my place, my personal space. But there were too many occasions when I've been hinted by his relatives or friends to let the place for the kids to enjoy or that I do not belong here. J hits at this very core value, he wants me out, travelling around, disconnected, belonging to nowhere. My money was necessary and he did his best to convince me that he loved me and that everything would be fine. I was not allowed at his daughter's engagement party but I had to sign as a guarantor for her loan. Also she wants to have the wedding at our place. So awkward... I wonder if I'm going to be asked to hide somewhere. Is there any protection for non-citizens, how can I make sure I get a decent escape from this situation.

jaalt1967 Difficult situation, am struggling
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, appreciate the opportunity to discuss current problems in my relationship. We have been seeing each other for about 2.5 years. She had previously been married for about 20 years and has 4 children ranging in ages from 8 to 16. The childr... View more

Hi everyone, appreciate the opportunity to discuss current problems in my relationship. We have been seeing each other for about 2.5 years. She had previously been married for about 20 years and has 4 children ranging in ages from 8 to 16. The children do not know that we are dating and I have not been involved in their lives, we both agreed this is best for them at this stage of their lives. Prior to us dating, we have been in and out of each others lives as we went to uni together and worked together for a few years. We have always been great friends but never romantically involved up until 2.5 years ago. When she and her ex divorced (3.5 years ago], she had main custody of children as ex worked and continues to work long hours. She has been a fulltime mum to them. About 3 months ago her ex asked to have the children on a 50/50 basis and since then, they have been negotiating and trying to sort it all out..... The entire process is causing her a lot of stress ontop of the dramas of bringing up 4 children and life in general. To add to this she has just gone through menopause which exacerbates everything. This has placed stress on our relationship, she has become extremely intolerant of me, at times it feels like I am having to walk on eggshells. I completely understand what she is going through and have tried to help and support her as best as I can. Despite all this, we seem to be drifting further apart due to all this stress and fighting. I give her her space but her treatment of me is bringing out my insecurities which doesn’t help the situation. We have spoken about things when she is calm and she admits she just isn’t coping and finding everything difficult, including being in a relationship. When we have spoken about breaking up, she wavers, talks about “being friends” then saying that she is just stressed and overreacting. As selfish as it sounds, I am finding her being hot and cold and the emotional rollercoaster very difficult. I am not ready or wanting to give up on this, I love her very much and want us to get through this, just makes it very difficult when I don’t really know what she wants. She tells me she loves me and I know she does but she is just not coping with many things and our relationship is dysfunctional at the moment. I don't know what to do and can see that I am starting to internalise and get stressed with everything. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.

Matt1991 27, virgin male, disabled
  • replies: 7

Hi all, I am 27 year old with aspergers and hearing loss living in Brisbane. I am a virgin, or late bloomer that you called. Never had a relationship or kiss. I never had an acceptance from someone asking out. I am very socially active getting involv... View more

Hi all, I am 27 year old with aspergers and hearing loss living in Brisbane. I am a virgin, or late bloomer that you called. Never had a relationship or kiss. I never had an acceptance from someone asking out. I am very socially active getting involved in common interest groups, sporting groups Meetup events and volunteering. I have great schedule. Unfortunately the downside I am lacking attractiveness to what women wants. I think I am too honest, blunt, organised and straightforward person for a romance life. Lot of women told me that I am not physically attractive either. It frustrates me when I met lot of girls on the spectrum who are either in long term relationships and others who are single are lesbians. I am stuck in between two ironies. For the Neurotypicals it almost other way around, the ones who are in relationships aren't compatible with me but the ones who are single are but the problem the ones who are single are too party animals, have poor attitude personality problems and lack of empathy. I have been counselling for long time, 9 years worth of pschyologists and that. My depression and anxiety is still happening while I am suffering isolation, lack of human connection and intimacy. It makes me feel lost and disconnected. I have no problems on my own because I do lot of things on my own such as fit bootcamp three times a week, Parkrun club, riding bike, take photos and that etc. I have done enough being on my own. My friends do hang out with me, despite many of them are females and unfortunately they dont find me more than friends nor attractive. I am quite frustrated by how the society treats and put me in bad luck. I thought I am doing so well with many personal achievements, benefits and milestones because I am happy on that but when comes to relationships and romance it goes bad darkworld. Like Black Fridays everyday with Groundhog days. I wonder why I find so difficult to get someone to accept for who I am. I am only being myself as my name and who I am. I don't do what others do or re-create their identity. Though I feel negative of myself because of being ashamed more as I get older by having zero relationship and sex experience. Pretty funny this forums only have people with problems in their relationships. I never heard any problems from Aspie girls I met of their relationships. I live in bad luck, ironic and upside down lifestyle. Where is my lady?

Sandy centre Crush on good friends husband
  • replies: 56

Hi all I have been married 9 years however have had a huge crush on a married person for 7 years. I still love my husband and have not cheated on him. I don't if I developed this crush because I can't have children naturally and we have finished the ... View more

Hi all I have been married 9 years however have had a huge crush on a married person for 7 years. I still love my husband and have not cheated on him. I don't if I developed this crush because I can't have children naturally and we have finished the ivf path. I feel gu I am good friends with my crush 's wife however yesterday she told me that my crush is interested in someone else and it is not me.

A147 Cheating husband
  • replies: 8

Hi, I need to write this somewhere as I am to ashamed of talking to my friends and family. I have become depressed and feel like I may be close to shutdown. it is affecting my work and my ability to do day to day things and I cannot afford to slide. ... View more

Hi, I need to write this somewhere as I am to ashamed of talking to my friends and family. I have become depressed and feel like I may be close to shutdown. it is affecting my work and my ability to do day to day things and I cannot afford to slide. Im after clarity. ill try and be brief. I have a 5 year old daughter. In 2014 while living overseas I found out that my husband had an affair. He had told me it was a one night stand but I found out after reaching out to the other women that it had been going on (on and off) for 3 years. I left him and returned to Melbourne, Australia with my then 2 year old to my family. we separated for 6 months. mid 2015 we decided to try and make a go of it. I said he must cut contact with the women and go to counselling. He agreed. He mad a half hearted attempt at couselling. In early 2016 i discovered text messages from her, they had been corresponding. Fast forward to 2018. We have bought a property (88acre farm) together and sending my daughter to school. I noticed his phone ring with an over seas number which he was quick to decline. it was from the UK it got me thinking so I got onto her blog (she an athlete with sponsors so she blogs on internet) and discovered that she had been in Adelaide around the time my husband had been down there for work. He denied going near her and that she had tried asking him out for drinks. I have been burying my head in the sand due to the rather large financial and emotional sacrifice I have made for this man and the crap I have to put up from him on a daily basis and now I feel like I have to write yet another email to her to find out whether he is telling the truth. I am so ashamed that I had gone against family and friends advice and gone back to him thinking that keeping the family together was the right thing for us and our daughter. My dream was to raise our daughter on a farm and now I feel like I may lose that (his parents have funded half this property) I am so worried about my daughter and her happiness. My question is do I take his word for it given his track record? or do I contact this women given that I know she will tell me the truth? My husband was brought up to believe that he can do no wrong. I feel numb. I find it difficult to perform at work (I am a veterinarian) and I cannot afford to not perform at work. Thanks for listening and I look forward to hearing from someone even if it just to commiserate!

Fighter4life Depressed husband
  • replies: 11

Hi everyone, My husband and I have been together for 11 years and have 2 children (4 and 6 months). He was recently made redundant and quickly found a job close to home. We were so grateful for the blessing. However, things quickly turned south. One ... View more

Hi everyone, My husband and I have been together for 11 years and have 2 children (4 and 6 months). He was recently made redundant and quickly found a job close to home. We were so grateful for the blessing. However, things quickly turned south. One day he brought up the idea of separation. This has been mentioned in the past after serious fights. Our fights normally lasts 3 days tops. This time it's been 3 weeks. He lists the following reasons for separation: 1. I put everything above him first. He is my last priorty. 2. I always push him away when he tries to get close. I'm unaffectionate. 3. I'm unmotivated to finish the last unit of my course. 4. We are 2 different people, going on different paths. After this discussion, 2 weeks later he said he did a test on depression and got a score of 15. 10 suggests that professional help is required. He went out one night and confided in a friend. After a few drinks after he got back, he apologised, asking for forgiveness in the way he has treated me, said he loves and misses me and we made love. The next morning he says he's still feeling down, and that he is confused about us. I really want to help him and finding it hard to be strong. Are there any tips on how I can help my husband through this tough time? I am trying really hard to not let his words get to me. My husband was once the bubbly person who was always the life of the party. Please help!

emmalauren2 Trouble with my family..
  • replies: 1

Just as i'm writing this tears are streaming down my face as I don't know what to do anymore. My story starts off as.. I was diagnosed with Anxiety, severe depression and OCD last year and I have been beaten up by my 23-year-old sister plenty of time... View more

Just as i'm writing this tears are streaming down my face as I don't know what to do anymore. My story starts off as.. I was diagnosed with Anxiety, severe depression and OCD last year and I have been beaten up by my 23-year-old sister plenty of times and I'm physically scared of her. She is older than me so I would've expected a lot more from her but she just makes me feel worthless, unwanted, fearful and dreadful. She lives with me and my parents and she does abuse a lot of drugs. She steals anything of mine she can find and sneaks into my room to steal stuff she likes even really important things and she'll still do it if she's been told not to. She has even stolen stuff also from my mother, including things she needs for her health. I've always been afraid of her and she says hurtful things all the time like, I should've never been born, been made fun of my mental health, blamed me for drugs that were hers, etc. My dad thinks its all my fault when she turns around and says nasty things to me without saying anything to her, anything about her or anything that has anything to do with her. I hope people see where I'm coming from because she makes me so depressed! I feel like nobody cares about me anymore, nobody sees me as a human and nobody sees me as a person with feelings. I've spoken to both my parent's about this but my dad doesn't care a single bit and never has when it comes to me and I get blamed for it all. I'm so ashamed to say shes my sister, I know I shouldn't say that but shes but me through emotional stress for many many years. I'm so sick and tired of living like this.

Gracie_Lee Back on the horse?
  • replies: 5

Hi Everyone, I've always struggled with making friends. I taught myself how to make "friends" but years on it still takes a huge amount of energy and all I seem to achieve is coffee and light chat (on my side, I quite often listen to other's concerns... View more

Hi Everyone, I've always struggled with making friends. I taught myself how to make "friends" but years on it still takes a huge amount of energy and all I seem to achieve is coffee and light chat (on my side, I quite often listen to other's concerns). I thought I'd made real progress and formed a lovely three way friendship. But recently one of them invited the other lady, pal B back to hers. Her enthusiastic persuading of pal B while ignoring me went on so long it was embarrassing. Eventually pal B turned to me and asked did I want to come too. I was so grateful to her because as this was going on I'd confidently thought, A will invite me in a minute then when that didn't happen I rationally thought, she wants to be one on one with B, fair enough and in a minute she'll realize how insensitive she's being and stop then when that didn't happen I just slid right in to my high school coping mechanism of blanking my face and sitting still and pretending this was all ok. When pal B invited me A immediately said I should come too and the next time I saw her she apologized but the time after that, same thing! So I analysed (of course). How did we get to this place? Oh my, that was a horrible couple of weeks and I realized there had been a lead up but I'd wanted to believe we were all on the level and had doubted and ignored my own instincts. So basically it's another big fat friendship fail. I'm so gutted, I really thought I'd made some progress in my life. I know I can learn from this. I know now I need to pay more attention to my instincts but how that would have helped I'm not actually sure. I'm not sure I have the energy to get back on the horse and start over trying to find new friends. Maybe I'd be happier if I stopped trying? I'd love to hear from others who've struggled with friendships for a lifetime. Did you work out how to make real friends eventually? Did you want to? What did you get out of it? Is it worth it? Is it less painful to be on your own? (I do have a family so not totally on my own) but sometimes I think I was happier when I had no friends and therefore no relationships to deal with but also no one to judge me for having no friends.

Struggle_street When is enough enough?
  • replies: 1

I am so torn on when my heart and head will agree on when enough is enough. I am in my late 20s and thought after a number of failed relationships I had finally met my match. We have been together for just over a year and a half and for some reason i... View more

I am so torn on when my heart and head will agree on when enough is enough. I am in my late 20s and thought after a number of failed relationships I had finally met my match. We have been together for just over a year and a half and for some reason if I ever get this far this is where the bump happens and always stops. My partner has no previous relationship experiences and now looking back our relationship may have progressed too quickly for someone on their first rodeo. After a month of knowing him I just knew I Diddnt want him seeing or meeting someone else and asked him to be my boyfriend, a little unconventional but I knew what I wanted. After about 9months we were living together as we were back a forwarding from one place to another. 2 months ago he started to act strange, I had noticed for about 3 weeks that something had changed or was wrong. However, when ever I asked he always said everything was ok which made me think I was going crazy! Then he finally came out and told me “I don’t want kids” I Diddnt know what to say or do as I know I want kids and really cannot imagine my life without the family dynamic. Obviously my first question was why? Even now he can’t give me a reason on this and it baffles me. This is something we have discussed including hypothetical names etc so I was a little shocked. I suggested we go and speak to someone about it as I thought this would be the best course of action. we are happy in love, this has been by far the best and easiest relationship I have been in so I was never prepared to just let it go. to this day I have still not compromised as I strongly agree this is something that cannot be compromised on. However, as there is no why to it I believe in the short run that this could be a phase. we went to a couples counsellor and we were told to focus on our relationship and the good parts and deal with the why when it becomes relevant. A month on he says “maybe he should be single” but can’t give reasons for it. He says he needs space and freedom but he doesn’t want to see other people nor has he ended the relationship. On multiple occasions I have thought I could end it but never express this to him but it never lasts more tha 24hours as I love him and believe you should fight for what you believe in. I have decided to move out in the hope that he can experience the step we have missed when we were in the honeymoon phase. I’m just worried that the clock is ticking!