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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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paramount23 Partner blamed me for herpes, but he already had it.
  • replies: 4

Ive been seeing my partner for nearly 4 months now, so still very new, but about a month ago he came too me and said that he got tested and found out he had herpes. I told him I didnt have any STD's, but I went and got tested just to ease his mind (a... View more

Ive been seeing my partner for nearly 4 months now, so still very new, but about a month ago he came too me and said that he got tested and found out he had herpes. I told him I didnt have any STD's, but I went and got tested just to ease his mind (all clear). When I told him I was clean he still made me feel like I was hiding something and that I must have given it to him. He made me feel so guilty over something that I hadnt even done... This weekend just gone, I was over his house and helping him clean up around the house, when I found a script for his herpes medication which was dated October 2017. He had made me feel so bad, making me think I must have given this too him, when he has had it months before he even met me. I dont even care that he has it, just the fact he lied and tried to make me feel guilty when he knew all along. I feel like he was waiting too see if he had infected me so that he could put the blame on me. I have no idea what to do, I havent confronted him about it, but I feel like how do I trust whatever he says? I need some advice because Ive just been thinking about this whole thing non stop, and have no idea what to do.

Concept9 6 year relationship ended - resorting to many drugs to cope
  • replies: 4

Hey and thanks for reading, I have finally found my way here after much procrastination, firstly because I need somewhere to vent/release and secondly in hope of some advice or reassurance on where to go next. I recently got out of a 6 year relations... View more

Hey and thanks for reading, I have finally found my way here after much procrastination, firstly because I need somewhere to vent/release and secondly in hope of some advice or reassurance on where to go next. I recently got out of a 6 year relationship, and it happened quite unexpectedly. We were dating for many years, it was very passionate and intense. For me, she was my first true love. For her, we were beyond what she had ever experienced before (her words). We moved in together a little over a year and a half ago and things seemed fine to me but she could never be pleased completely. I mean, not physically but emotionally. I was always letting her down despite myself feeling like I was doing everything possible to provide a nice home, meals, and look after her health + support her family where possible. I thought things were so right I went and got an engagement ring made for her. Exactly the style I knew she wanted and spent silly money. I was planning to contact her father for consent and the waiting for the perfect time to pop the question. Next thing I know, she’s moving out of our place, and insisting she needs to live with friends but wants to continue seeing me. From the moment she left I cut contact. I realised that I was living in a dream world and she wasn’t there with me. The day she left I started partying with my mates and now I’m dosing myself with coke every night to make myself feel better. It gets to the late hours of the night and I realise I won’t be sleeping as I’m thinking about the above, plus business, and the rest so I take unprescribed medication to get to sleep. This has been going on for nearly 2 months and I’m only feeling worse as the days go by. I haven’t had coke for a few days and I feel like I’m no better or worse without it but need something (alcohol, medication) to get to sleep of a night. I think I need to see a GP and get proper help but also feel like getting it out there now is the first thing I need to do, even though everyone is probably going to say stop doing coke and medication. The other thing I’m lost on is what to do with this bloody diamond now?! If you made it this far, thanks for listening.

Mari70 Psychosis aftermath
  • replies: 4

My son has been struggling with addiction and related psychosis for around three years. Recently he had an acute psychotic episode, suffering delusions and mania and was hospitalized under the Mental Health Act. While he was having the psychotic epis... View more

My son has been struggling with addiction and related psychosis for around three years. Recently he had an acute psychotic episode, suffering delusions and mania and was hospitalized under the Mental Health Act. While he was having the psychotic episode he went online and verbally abused some of his friends and family. He's since come home and is getting back on track with his medication and drug treatment. The issue is that he sent apologies to some of the people he abused but none of them have responded, except for one person who responded angrily and doesn't seem to want to accept his apology. I'm stuck in the middle of this and am torn between understanding how everyone feels and feeling defensive of my son, because he was not himself at the time. I can certainly understand their anger and hurt for his behavior, bit I feel that my family members and friends don't really understand his mental illness and the state of mind that he was in when he made the comments. He was not in his right mind at all. He was not himself, hence the hospitalization. He hadn't slept for days, he was manic and his thinking was chaotic and delusional. He's upset that nobody has responded to his apologies and the one person who did responded with anger. He still hasn't fully recovered from his psychotic episode and I don't think their response is helping. He was very embarrassed and regretful about the things he said and while they're understandably hurt, he's hurting too and he needs a bit of compassion and understanding. It's hard to know what to do in this situation and what his level of responsibility is. I only know that I would be forgiving of somebody who was that unwell and would take that into account and try not to take it personally, especially if they apologized. My son is very sensitive which is a big part of his drug problem and I fear this rejection is just going to make things worse for him. He's never behaved like that to anyone before. He's always been known as a gentle soul despite his addiction problems. It's only the recent psychosis that has made him verbally aggressive and abusive. Any suggestions in how to deal with the fallout of his psychotic episode would be appreciated.

white knight Over analysing
  • replies: 0

This forum is a great place. It fills gaps in our pursuit of mental well being, well enough to survive or fit into society or just feel better. How much investigation do we need to accomplish to feel better? A trap I fell into some years ago was to f... View more

This forum is a great place. It fills gaps in our pursuit of mental well being, well enough to survive or fit into society or just feel better. How much investigation do we need to accomplish to feel better? A trap I fell into some years ago was to focus too often and too long on my mental issues. I began to fell my mental issues were a giant magnet and any spare time I’d gravitate towards the computer onto this forum or googling sites about bipolar, depression and medication. I’d mention to my visitors my mental health. Eventually I wrote the following threads (use google) Topic: Do you ramble on? A talker of mental illness all the time- beyondblue Topic: do you talk too much about your problems?- beyondblue It became obvious that the balance of getting on with life and my obsession with my mental state was out of whack, this is quite normal for a time. Acceptance of our ills isn’t easy. So how long should we centre our attention on mental illness to an overloaded level? That depends on the person, how serious their state is and their difficulty in dealing with it. What I would consider is the effect of your daily life and your relationships by smothering yourself with too much of the one topic. Any topic, say an obsession with a hobby, work, sport, is not beneficial to your life as that balance is not only harmful to you but your relationships suffer, people see you as obsessed. We all know that feeling of being ill when socialising and we mention our medication and others turn away. We are also sensitive towards other people so we should limit our contact with the same faces because hurt isn’t far away whereas some find friendship in others with similar mental illnesses to an extreme. My suggestion is to just back off a little and spread your time and kindness. This is all to do with balance and self preservation. Lets be wise as to the reasonable level of everything we do. Limit your worry, time on mental illness issues and not leave ourselves open to hurt by attaching ourselves to friendships beyond reasonable levels. Finding a hobby or interest takes us to another world of smiles and fun. We can introduce variety in our lives. Over thinking how we think, who likes us and who doesn't, why, why, why, what if's, I wonder, maybe I'm bipolar, etc etc. Get the treatment, involve yourself with forums and regular GP visits but acknowledge that those actions are only part of your life. There is other living to do. Tony WK

Racheeii Struggling with my husband who has bipolar disorder
  • replies: 2

Hi, I’m new to this forum but feel like I have run out of places to turn too. My husband and best friend of 15 years has bipolar disorder, he has chosen to stop taking his medication and this has now started to affect our marriage, I also suffer from... View more

Hi, I’m new to this forum but feel like I have run out of places to turn too. My husband and best friend of 15 years has bipolar disorder, he has chosen to stop taking his medication and this has now started to affect our marriage, I also suffer from years of anxiety and depression, I am so scared of losing our marriage, he tells me that he loves me and doesn’t want to lose me but in the same breathe I feel like I’m doing all the trying to keep things on an even keel. I know I should back off a bit and not put too much pressure on him but I’m really scared I’m going to lose him, I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t.

Belbanana How do I deal ....
  • replies: 2

Hi, I’ve never posted on a forum about my problems so bare with me. My parent is diagnosed with ptsd, anxiety and depression. He is on medication however he is non-complient. It’s really starting to affect myself and mother. The littlest things trigg... View more

Hi, I’ve never posted on a forum about my problems so bare with me. My parent is diagnosed with ptsd, anxiety and depression. He is on medication however he is non-complient. It’s really starting to affect myself and mother. The littlest things triggers him which really sets him off. Later he will act like everything is fine and nothing happened. It’s a perpetual cycle as it’s happened before. I’ve told them that I want to discuss this with his GP and or his psychiatrist however, he thinks that it’s no use as he thinks he’s ‘fine’. Which leaves me so angry and frustrated. Also he has gone through a non-compliance stage before so it’s nothing new. I guess I’m posting on here to see if anyone else has had this struggle or what I should do. I try not to get so angered about it but sometimes I have to walk away when I do. Thanks in advance for any advice and for listening to my rant. I do feel a little better now that I’ve shared that even if it is with a internet stranger.

Br3nt Partners dad and brother living with us for over a year
  • replies: 3

Hi all, First time looking for help on a forum so i hope this is the right place. My partner and I are both 27 and have a 15 month old baby together, and about a year ago her dad and brother decided to move in with us. At the time this was great i go... View more

Hi all, First time looking for help on a forum so i hope this is the right place. My partner and I are both 27 and have a 15 month old baby together, and about a year ago her dad and brother decided to move in with us. At the time this was great i got along with them and having my partner not working to look after bub meant only 1 income so the added financial support was a life saver. Her 21 year old vrother has never worked a job or gotten centrelink for some unkown reason so the deal was the he would take our sons room (only a 3 bedroom home) and once he got a job and if it was all working out we would get a bigger house or go our separate ways. 1 year later he still isnt working, we needed our sons room as he got older so now her brother sleeps on our lounge and her dad just doesn't know anything about tidyness or respecting our stuff. Everything in the house we own, and it has just been trashed they both refuse to clean or really do much at all other then watch tv with the aircon on all day. This has resulted in huge electricity bills for us and with her father on the pension and brother not working we basically get left with the bills (we both work 45+ hours a week a d not home much). To cut a huge rant short I'm caught in the biggest rift of my life, my partner and I get along like ying and yang and we generally have a very solid relationship BUT this situation is tearing us apart and causing fights. She doesn't life confrontation or talking about things, shes very much a if i ignore everything it will fix itself and I am very much a talk everything out all the time kind of person. Anytime I ask if she can talk to her dad about trying to find somewhere else to live or pay the bills or clean the garage (we have a double garage and when they moved it he filled up both sides with his stuff which to this days he refuses to take to the top) she either says yeah i will and doesn't or gets mad at me for always asking her to talk to them. I feel like I'm just stuck in such a hard place, our name is on this lease so we can't move until they are out and anytime I try to sort it out it blows up into a fight. I have even spoken to her dad about all this before which he blew up a d got defensive about. Meanwhile we have a 15 month old we are trying to raise in this filthy house. Sorry about the huge write up there's honestly so much move i could even go on about, any ideas?

Narsiii Constantly fighting with teenage daughter over boyfriend
  • replies: 3

So there’s a bit of a back story to this one but I’m finding it really hard to cope with my teenage daughter who I used to be very close with. She is 17 in sept . She has always told me everything and now she is shutting off. She has currently been i... View more

So there’s a bit of a back story to this one but I’m finding it really hard to cope with my teenage daughter who I used to be very close with. She is 17 in sept . She has always told me everything and now she is shutting off. She has currently been in a relationship for the past 2 months and the guy seems really nice but over the last 3 weeks he’s been going out a lot more with the mates and not inviting her but turning up at midnight on nights she’s had off but picks her up from work other late nights which is really nice but then at times just leaves in the morning . They don’t go on dates as such they basically have sex and watch tv and eat take out . I’m worried thst this is all it is to this guy. And when I try to talk to her about it it ends in a full blown argument . She’s had a couple of boyfriends prior one who ended up being a cheater and another that ended when his cars and his mates where more important. I know the current boyfriend hasnt put anything on social media so I’m worried that he is trying to keep it a secret . Close friends are aware tho . My husband thinks I’m getting involved to much and I know I am but I can’t stop being worried and scared that he’s going to hurt her. My marriage isn’t very stable and my 18 year old son loves to tell me I am crazy and I probably am. I guess I’m just asking is this stupid or how do I let her just live her life as I don’t want to push him away from her .

Mumofone My partner has deoression, wont get help and its effecting me and my 1 yr old daughter
  • replies: 6

I have been with my partner over 10 years and through the duration he has struggled with a gambling addiction and mental health problems. He will not seek professional help or talk to someone as he thinks its hopeless and a waste of time. Im at a los... View more

I have been with my partner over 10 years and through the duration he has struggled with a gambling addiction and mental health problems. He will not seek professional help or talk to someone as he thinks its hopeless and a waste of time. Im at a loss on what to do.. it has taken its toll on me and now i am feeling sad and lost myself. He has a short temper and is often withdrawn, ignores me and my daughter and snaps. He is negative about everything and angry and it is bringing me down. My daughter is usually such a happy little soul but lately i have noticed she too is beong effected and often sad/lashes out. Im at a loss on what to do... she absolutely adores him and vice versa and the thought of taking her away from him is devastating but i cant go on like this much longer.. i need to be strong for my girl but im finding it very hard as he wont get help. Doesnt want to talk about it and expects me just to sit there and watch it all unfold without showing my own emotions but im at breaking point and its effecting me and my ability to function and parent.

Upset_Dad Help Wanted in Understanding
  • replies: 3

Hi I am very concerned about my son he has lost his job for stealing ,could be evicted from his rental, has no money I believe he is taking drugs and he keeps asking me for money and when I question why he becomes very agitated and abusive, I have ta... View more

Hi I am very concerned about my son he has lost his job for stealing ,could be evicted from his rental, has no money I believe he is taking drugs and he keeps asking me for money and when I question why he becomes very agitated and abusive, I have taken him to centerlink and told him he has to take all the required documents with him the next day to finish the process taken him to doctors and paid for medication and suggested and gave him the details of a rehab facility .but he does not seem interested I told him to let me know via text that he has done this but so far no text . I am at a complete loss as I cannot have him living with us > this situation has made me visit emergency due to my heart condition and stayed for two days. How do you say No and tell him it is all up to him I cannot do it anymore it is breaking my heart