Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Roshelle Moving interstate and feeling very stressed and sad.
  • replies: 6

About 7 months ago I began thinking about quitting my job as a chartered accountant (for which I had just qualified) and going back to university to study my passion, archeology. I saw a vocational psychologist, did various tests with her, spoke to m... View more

About 7 months ago I began thinking about quitting my job as a chartered accountant (for which I had just qualified) and going back to university to study my passion, archeology. I saw a vocational psychologist, did various tests with her, spoke to my friends and family, spoke with friends who had done the same, went to open days in Sydney and in Canberra and eventually decided to enrol at the ANU in Canberra. I have been OK until now, mostly excited about starting this new life, and also realistic about the possibility of it not working out. This week, I've been I've been feeling sadder and sadder and more and more worried. I found booking a removalist very stressful because it is so expensive and I am just anxious about the moving process. I was overwhelmed when I started packing and it seemed like I couldn't finish in time for tomorrow morning when the removalist will come. I am lucky enough to have some good friends and with their help, I have managed to get most of it done. There are bits and pieces I need to do today, but I should be good to go tomorrow, but I feel like I'm forgetting something and something will go wrong. My other friends are coming over tomorrow morning to drive me to Canberra and help me a bit with unpacking, then driving back. I feel like I've already annoyed them, and I do need someone with me tomorrow. I've booked a cleaner in for Sunday, and then I have to hand my keys in to the real estate agent on Monday and then get a coach back to Canberra as there is an orientation event at uni at 4pm. I'm worried about all of the travel and turning up to uni looking dishevelled. I'm worried about not getting my bond back and having a bad rental history. I just feel very sad and lonely, and I want my friends to be with me but I've had so much help from them already.

ThomasT Feeling betrayed by intimate partner
  • replies: 2

HI all, I need to get this off my chest. I've had an emotionally turbulent relationship (FWB) with a woman for the past 18 years. We live separate lives. We both had very stressful professions. Hers in particular was both extremely stressful but fina... View more

HI all, I need to get this off my chest. I've had an emotionally turbulent relationship (FWB) with a woman for the past 18 years. We live separate lives. We both had very stressful professions. Hers in particular was both extremely stressful but financially rewarding. Things between us haven't been great for a long long time. There have been many times where trust has been an issue, communication is terrible. We have gone weeks or even months without talking. Yet when we do talk or see each other we click, Like everything is just perfect. She told me a 4 months ago (Nov 17) she told me she had bought a new property. She wouldn't tell me the address. That was the strangest thing I had ever come across. Who doesn't say where the place is they just bought? Long story short, tonight I discovered that she actually bought the place in 2016. She doesn't know I know. I feel pretty upset and betrayed. It feels like she is about to exit and doesn't want me to know where it is.

Ruby3 Brave face
  • replies: 7

Hi ive posted here before about my situation that occurred over New Years. Althiugh ive done everything expected of me, found a house, a job, lost weight and look physically better I can’t help but still feel like I’m dying inside. A couple of friend... View more

Hi ive posted here before about my situation that occurred over New Years. Althiugh ive done everything expected of me, found a house, a job, lost weight and look physically better I can’t help but still feel like I’m dying inside. A couple of friends have said they no longer want to see me anymore as I’m emotionally draining. It’s really knocked me back again. After everything that’s happened it’s yet more loss. To have lost a husband and friends I’m not just questioning what is wrong with me? Why don’t people stay with me?

james1 I'm sad and stressed and scared
  • replies: 15

Hello, I didn't know where to put this. I'm looking for someone to talk to. Long story short, the title says it really. I'm sad about a relationship break (yet again) and both sad and stressed about leaving my current job and changing career paths fr... View more

Hello, I didn't know where to put this. I'm looking for someone to talk to. Long story short, the title says it really. I'm sad about a relationship break (yet again) and both sad and stressed about leaving my current job and changing career paths from a well paid office job to a zero income work-for-myself career. I can support myself financially, I have been in the job fxor long enough to know that the corporate lifestyle is not for me, and I've been discontent in the job for long enough to know that it's time to go. I have things I can do to occupy my time like my hobby and actually planning out how to quit and change lifestyles, but especially with the break-up, I don't know if I can emotionally manage it all. Staying for longer while I cope with the break up isn't an option. I do not want it and I'm too set on this to stop pushing ahead. I need to leave but its f scary and I'm just mentally exhausted. Not depressed or suicidal, I just don't want to bother doing anything. It's too demoralising, repeatedly.

snappdragon Should we stay friends?
  • replies: 11

I've been friends with someone for about a year now, and while it started off really well, but the longer we know each other, the more problems I'm having with them. Firstly, I've found out my friend has some insecurity issues that never used to affe... View more

I've been friends with someone for about a year now, and while it started off really well, but the longer we know each other, the more problems I'm having with them. Firstly, I've found out my friend has some insecurity issues that never used to affect me but now do. I guess in order to feel valid, they always feel the need to brag or prove how great they are at everything they do. I didn't really mind at first because that's just how they are, and it didn't affect me. But in the past few months they've began to compete with me about things to prove they are "the best at it" and I've started to hate talking to them or telling them things because they make me feel inferior all the time. For example they harass me about how I pronounce words, how they can find better bargains then me, how they're better at games then me, and more. It's like everything is a competition, and if I do happen to be better at something then them, then they make out that that thing apparently sucks and they didn't like it anyway. I tried to tell them gently that it was affecting me, and they apologized, but I don't think it got through. Now it's like they brag and then add "not that I'm saying you're not good too" and it feels like a backhand compliment. They've also been making small remarks about things they don't like about me, as if trying to manipulate me in to changing. They bring up my weight and how I dress a lot, as if they have a problem with it. I tried to confront them on that too, and they said they did think I was pretty and that my weight doesn't bother them. But it's obvious it does. I usually do enjoy talking to them, and used to feel like I could tell them anything. But now it's like, they judge me a lot and compete with me, and I don't feel comfortable around them anymore. I also admit, I'm really lonely, so as bad as it sounds, I'm scared to lose them. And while I want to tell them more bluntly that I don't like what they are doing, I'm scared it'll ruin our friendship. I guess I just wish things went back to how they used to be when we could talk about stuff and they didn't put me down in the process.

CMF Am I making things more difficult then they need to be? Your thoughts are appreciated.
  • replies: 12

Hi there, Those that know me on the forums know my story of the last 5 years. For those that don't, here is a very brief summary. My little girls' (almost 5 yo) dad has been in and out of the picture depending on when it suits him and he has time. He... View more

Hi there, Those that know me on the forums know my story of the last 5 years. For those that don't, here is a very brief summary. My little girls' (almost 5 yo) dad has been in and out of the picture depending on when it suits him and he has time. He is a narcissist, has been verbally abusive to me an his parents, cannot accept responsibility or blame, cannot commit, always making excuses. He is 48, still lives at home and basically makes me sick.I have little to do with him except for our daughter. He could have the balilty to be a good dad, he is very health conscious,has her best interests at heart but he is unreliable and still a baby as far as i am concerned. he comes and goes and sees here when it suits him. Two xmas' ago he verbally abused me on xmas day and we did no hear or see from him for 4 months, not even for her bday. He eventually contacted us and started coming to see her again. he was renovating a house and spent every weekend there and no time with here unless he could squeeze in 19 months here and there. He lives with his parents 2 streets away from us, i have no relationship with them and he took her to see them 2 times out of the whole year saying he was too busy with the renovation. The reno is now finished and he wants to spend time with her, this is good but the way he goes about it doesn't sit well with me. He thinks he can just walk in and take over and make up for the last 5 hears in 1 week. Little miss started school 2 weeks ago, he dame first day, but thats it despite having days off work. I am looking to return to work and asked if her could look after her sundays if i could get a job on that day and he replied 'we'll see'. Today he was meant to take little miss out with a friend and his daughter but ti was cancelled so he rang me while i was out shopping and asked if her could take her out for the day. I said yes of course as i have never stopped him wanting to do things with her. He then went on to say that maybe she could sleep at their house sometimes and he would take her to school on Monday's. Well this freaked me out. She hardly know his parents, is not yet comfortable going there , he's done nothing for 5 years and now he wants her to sleep there and on a night before school too. i don't know what game game is playing at. Told him she has just started school, is still adjusting and don't want to upset her routine just yet, she is still adjusting to school. he fobbed me off as usual saying she will be fine.

Gamwich84 PLEASE HELP! MY WIFE IS DRIVING ME BANANAS!
  • replies: 2

Hi, my name is Andy, I've been married to my wife for over 2 years but, been together for over 7. It's been a hell of a journey and I'm really struggling to enjoy her company anymore. We recently had a baby girl (3 months), I love her dearly and she ... View more

Hi, my name is Andy, I've been married to my wife for over 2 years but, been together for over 7. It's been a hell of a journey and I'm really struggling to enjoy her company anymore. We recently had a baby girl (3 months), I love her dearly and she makes me happy but, my wife has the opposite effect these days. A brief history of my wife, she has diagnosed ADD & depression, her mother also had ADD & depression. My wife has been taking antidepressants for almost 15 years now and she was on prescription amphetamines to help her ADD & focus on her job in HR. She is now off those ghastly script amphetamines (thank god they made her so wired all the time!). To add to the mix she has zero communication with her family, she has had a tough life, she told me when she was young she was always the odd one out and always got picked on by her family members (including parents), they would say things like "you have a mental health problem and you need to be on these medications". She struggles to maintain friendships, I have seen her go through like 10 different friends over the years it's like she tries to find a reason not like people anymore. She feels extremely isolated all the time. There is more, but my main issue with me is, that I have to walk on eggshells around her all the time, be careful what I say, if I say something remotely relating to her it's all over and she's bawling her eyes out in the bedroom for hours and I'm the biggest a-hole around. She is constantly bringing up her family, her friends and our issues, things that have been ongoing for years. I feel we have no more to discuss about those issues as they are too draining and I find them so frustrating talking about them again. I work 6 days a week and my wife is on mat leave for a year, I'm at the stage now where I dread the thought of going home to see her, I do it to see my baby, but most of the time not to see her. It really sucks, we are seldom intimate anymore and my mental state is deteriorating rapidly, I'm generally a pretty chilled passive sort of guy, but her issues are really rubbing off on me and turning me into a person who is negative all the time, I'm anti-social now, I have few friends also due to most of our friends have been disconnected due my wife's sensitivity. We have seek help in the past, but to no avail. I was hoping things might have improved with having a baby but, it's tough and I'm getting to that stage, I'm thinking should I be in this relationship or not???

aegidius On being an uninteresting person
  • replies: 15

I'm on my own at home (unusually) and listening to music that nobody else likes. The realisation came that it's a microcosm of life - I'm interested in a whole stack of stuff that nobody else is, so I often come across as a rather boring person. I as... View more

I'm on my own at home (unusually) and listening to music that nobody else likes. The realisation came that it's a microcosm of life - I'm interested in a whole stack of stuff that nobody else is, so I often come across as a rather boring person. I assume everyone else has stuff swirling around in their heads that they don't or won't talk about, so we have all learned to shut up about it and make small talk instead. That's all fine and good and I can do it too - for a while, then it gets exhausting. It affects everything from keeping friendships to love and romance, and I'm a crashing bore at parties! There's this thing called "mutual disclosure" where you reveal something, then they reveal something else, and it goes back and forth building on this. In practice it just stops when nothing I disclose is of interest to them. Now this is relevant to me in a special way - I've retired a couple of years ago, and all the conventional wisdom is that old folks do better if they can stay socially engaged, whatever that means. That's the standard advice for everything from retirement to forestalling dementia. My future isn't bright by that measure.

ravenm The right to be angry?
  • replies: 17

Hi, im hoping for some emotional support as im going through a bit of a rough time in my head and i do not have anybody to talk to. Im thinking to break up with my partner of 3 years and father to my youngest child. In fact I've been thinking to leav... View more

Hi, im hoping for some emotional support as im going through a bit of a rough time in my head and i do not have anybody to talk to. Im thinking to break up with my partner of 3 years and father to my youngest child. In fact I've been thinking to leave for one year, since i have moved back into his house. However I find it very difficult to actually leave because i worry about money and how i know how he gets nasty when things don't go his way. Also i do love him and do not wish to hurt him. He has hurt me alot in the past, all to do with his drug use. He was not very supportive when my youngest was newborn, he'd be out few nights per week sometimes till 6am doing whatever drugs and i dont know what else. He promised me before baby was born he "wouldn't go out at all". I relied on him to at least be consistent (i had a newborn and a young child). I suggested he choose 2 or 3 days a week to have as his days to do whatever he likes but he could not stick to the chosen days for even one week. I felt he was disrespecting me too much and did not care about me. I moved out into a rental house but after a few months i decided to give him another chance because i wanted the family to be together and he promised me a few things. Of course, after i moved back into his house, he broke the promises. Even though i made it very clear to him before, that i was putting all of my already broken trust in him again and i would be deeply hurt if he broke these promises. And when it did happen, and i expressed my sadness he groaned and told me i was making a big deal of nothing. He continues today to smoke weed everyday, some days he smokes all day. This was one of the important to me promises he made me and broke. (He promised he'd smoke weed only a couple days per week) This leaves me with a partner who is either high or cranky and easily angered because its been too long since he had his weed. I have 2 young kids and i do not like any drug use in the home. He sometimes smokes in front of the kids or drives with them after he's just had weed. Both of which i can not accept. Couples counselling we tried once but he lied a bit and that made me feel really upset. I do not wish to do that again. I suppose more than anything i wish to hear that i have a right to be angry. Because surely relationships are supposed to have mutual trust, respect, honesty and communication? I realise this is a minor problem but it has caused me alot of sadness and confusion. Thanks for reading.

Meowface Hurting my husband - inlaws
  • replies: 3

Hi there. I have been off my antidepressants for 1 month - they were making me so nauseous when I changed another medication. Anyways besides the initial withdrawals (oi not nice!!) I have been feeling pretty good physically. And had lots of positive... View more

Hi there. I have been off my antidepressants for 1 month - they were making me so nauseous when I changed another medication. Anyways besides the initial withdrawals (oi not nice!!) I have been feeling pretty good physically. And had lots of positive reactions from my counsellor when i came off meds which kind of surprised me (like whats wrong with meds?? But she wants me to FEEL my feelings). Im feeling better physically but am recognising old patterns. Feeling VERY anxious at work and home. Internal shakes. Not sleeping. Clammy sweating. A huge trigger was an annual xmas holiday with the in laws where i just felt different and useless. I slept most of the holiday away. Ive become very fearful of my husbands family again and have been avoiding them. Had a huge blue with hubby on the weekend about it with him saying “you never want to leave the house”. I dont know if these are real feelings or if this is poor mental health in action. It has been a difficult relationship with my in-laws for years but like i said im having problems at work too. Common denominator=me??