Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Starrysky1 New mum completely alone
  • replies: 1

So I gave birth last year during the peak Melbourne lockdown. We planned my bubs before covid even existed and at about 8 weeks we got put into lockdown. Throughout the whole thing I didn’t hear from any of my family or friends. And once having my ba... View more

So I gave birth last year during the peak Melbourne lockdown. We planned my bubs before covid even existed and at about 8 weeks we got put into lockdown. Throughout the whole thing I didn’t hear from any of my family or friends. And once having my baby I have practically become invisible. I was discharged 36 hours after birth, on my own account due to the fact nurses had told me they forgot about me, I was very sick and was left quite a few times waiting for pain and nausea meds for hours. on getting home no one messaged, no one dropped food around, no one sent gifts or flowers, no one came to meet her through the window. I have asked my mum a few times now, (not her first grandchild and she has the other mutiple times a week) if she can have my bubs for a bit or for help so I can cook or do some washing or sleep. I’ve been laughed at, told straight out they don’t want to look after a difficult baby, and completely ignored. About 5 months ago I reached out to my closest friend before birth and told her I am struggling and I haven’t heard back since. To this date none of my family or friends have even come to visit at our house, I haven’t seen a single one of my friends in over 6 months. I message them, and try to reconnect but either just get ignored for months or plan something that they then cancel, every, single, time. So many people who planned visits or to be a part pf our lives, dissapeared or became uncontactable. I’m really struggling that I have had to do this alone and I keep thinking that maybe if I didn’t have a baby, people would at least still be pretending to like me. I find myself going to the supermarket and getting adult interaction from cashier people because that’s the only time I get any. We have tried doing group baby things, but 9 out of 10 times we were ignored in group activity’s and quite often people would just walk in the opposite direction to us. Even had a women stand up and walk away from me within 10 seconds of sitting near her to join in an activity Dunno how much longer I can keep being strong for my girl, when I feel like I should just actually disappear

Kornblume My World in pieces *Trigger warning: suicide attempt*
  • replies: 14

Hi, I been having a really hard time lately. Me and my husband are struggling a lot. All started a few months ago when he started drinking more excessively. He has always been drinking but most times quite well under control. Iust noticed that he was... View more

Hi, I been having a really hard time lately. Me and my husband are struggling a lot. All started a few months ago when he started drinking more excessively. He has always been drinking but most times quite well under control. Iust noticed that he was getting less interested in activities and already started drinking in the morning on our days off. I was getting more depressed and unhappy with the situation. I told him it could not go on like this and that we would have to change something. He wanted to move out straight away an told me he also didn't want to live like that anymore, he said he felt to much pressure of doing work on our big property and paying off the mortgage. I was very disappointed and did not think he would give up our relationship so easy. I am also very sad to sell the house as it was always my goal to live in a place like this. Just before Christmas we put the house on the market and I found a small place in town where I can manage to live on my own. We had three weeks of holidays and my husband was drinking more and more. When it was time to go back to work he called in sick most of the time and stayed home. A week ago on a evening shift I got a phone call from a neighbour that the ambulance had picked my husband up and that he was trying to take his own life. I was in complete shock, and it was very traumatic to see him in the state he was at the emergency. I was very relieved that he did not succeed with his attempt but also had a very hard time believing that he did this in the first place. He has agreed to go to the MHU voluntary and he is feeling very ashamed and sorry for what he did. For me it just feels like an absolute nightmare, trying to juggle organising everything, packing up house, visits at the MHU meetings and still Keep working and also informing family about what had happened. He is back home now the last two days and he promised me he stays sober untill the move is over and that he wants to help me. He also said that he would like to make a rehab later. I just feel very uncomfortable, after being really happy the first few days that he is still alive, now I am also very angry that he left me with the whole mess. I am also trying really hard not to upset or trigger him because I am so scared that he will go straight back to drinking or has another attempt to kill himself. Sorry it has become a bit long and my written English is not that good. I just had to get this off my chest somehow.

MelRi There must be something wrong with me!
  • replies: 4

I was dating a guy, and we broke up. I tried to get back together for many months but he just wanted a sexual relationship. This was literally what we did, we didn’t even catch up for coffee / movies or nothing, zero! I tried ... I carried it on with... View more

I was dating a guy, and we broke up. I tried to get back together for many months but he just wanted a sexual relationship. This was literally what we did, we didn’t even catch up for coffee / movies or nothing, zero! I tried ... I carried it on with this until we decided to get back together, but then he slept with someone. I was ready to move on, we talked and after a month or so decided to see each other. He said he just wanted to interact with me normally. I stood my grounds saying I didn’t want to go back to having sex only. Then we ended up meeting, we kissed, etc... then I asked him if he had sex with other people without a condom, he said yes. He didn’t have a condom so I didn’t want to continue. I felt sad, and unsafe. He got very frustrated because I didn’t want to have left, said I needed to take responsibility for this and left, very angry. was it wrong of me ? Should I say I understand his frustration ? I really don’t but I m always feeling unworthy around him

Jessm82 Husband left and didnt tell me
  • replies: 3

I am absolutely gutted, we were out friday night my husband walked into the kitchen and told me in front of others he fell in love with another woman. then saturday we talked and he came home drunk at 330am. he has mental health issues and i thought ... View more

I am absolutely gutted, we were out friday night my husband walked into the kitchen and told me in front of others he fell in love with another woman. then saturday we talked and he came home drunk at 330am. he has mental health issues and i thought we were getting somewhere yesterday but about 6pm his entire persona changed and shut down so i assume the other woman had been in contact. I left the house this morning and came back to coat hangers on the floor in our wardrobe i then msg him to ask if he left and he said yes, for a few days to figure out what he wants i feel like my insides have been ripped out I have no idea where to go from here This man has been my life for 20years I am trying to hold it together for our kids because i have no idea what to tell them but honestly dont know if i can anymore

perhaps_complicated Concerned that my MIL's presence is affecting my mental health. PS we live under the same roof
  • replies: 2

4-5 yrs ago when my husband n I were looking at houses, I suggested we live separate for few years, till his parents retire and then we can move back with them so we can look after them. That proposition did not land well with the MIL and there was e... View more

4-5 yrs ago when my husband n I were looking at houses, I suggested we live separate for few years, till his parents retire and then we can move back with them so we can look after them. That proposition did not land well with the MIL and there was emotional blackmail involved. So we ended up getting a house that could fit all of us in, 2 of us, 2 of them and have room for babies. Ever since that incidence, every few months (4-8) I get in a really dark place. I hate my living situation and arrangement, which makes me so angry and frustrated and I go right into my cave and don't talk to anyone but I can't do anything about it unless I leave my husband. Now, my MIL does not get involved in our lives at all. To the point where she n I don't even say Hi or exchange any words. Same for FIL. We don't even ask each other how we doing if we are sick... I feel like I'm living in a shared house with house mates I don't get along with. But this is permanent and no way out. Mornings when she is at home, hearing her talk to my hubby or play with my child just triggers me negatively. I just can't stand her. This is not what I imagined when I agreed to live with them when we got married. I imagined a caring figure in the house but this is far from that. And the bit where she outright refused to hear our proposition of moving out and now my husband feels I am not the corporative one.. Not to forget I hate that I'm bringing up my kid in this environment where I can't remember the last time I was happy. how and/or what do I tell myself that I can be happy again...

Imagine_if Happily married to my husband, but have feelings for a woman
  • replies: 9

Hi, I have been with my husband for nearly 11 years, married for 6 with 3 young children. We are in a perfect place and have a strong relationship and then, out of the blue met a woman who I immediately felt attracted to and haven't been able to stop... View more

Hi, I have been with my husband for nearly 11 years, married for 6 with 3 young children. We are in a perfect place and have a strong relationship and then, out of the blue met a woman who I immediately felt attracted to and haven't been able to stop thinking about her and all the intimate things I want to do. This has hit me for six and I have no idea where this came from. I have never felt this way for a woman before. I've tried to shake the feelings. I feel guilty for even having these thoughts without telling my husband. What should I do? Talk to him

Anxious_Confused New Relationship Anxiety
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, This is my first post and I am hoping you might be able to help. About 2 months ago, I met this amazing guy just after I got out of a long serious relationship. At the beginning everything was amazing and he was contacting me ALL the tim... View more

Hi everyone, This is my first post and I am hoping you might be able to help. About 2 months ago, I met this amazing guy just after I got out of a long serious relationship. At the beginning everything was amazing and he was contacting me ALL the time, wanting to hang out and things were just great - we could talk all day and about anything and were very sexually compatible. I felt like I had finally found my human. About a month in, he told me he has 'mild' depression and is dealing with that and needs his alone time to do this. I totally understand and respect this because I have had anxiety and severe panic attacks (I also suffered from body dysmorphia which led to a lifelong eating disorder and have been mentally and sexually abused by people in my past) and often need my alone time to deal with all of this. I hate being vulnerable and losing control so I haven't let this guy know any of this yet. He thinks I am this confident and 'cool as a cucumber' woman with my shit together! I haven't wanted to 'annoy' or overwhelm him so have not been texting him as often as I was at the beginning. Whenever he contacts me, I respond and am happy and bubbly and all is great. However the messages are getting more few and far between (the longest he usually goes is 2 days but this time we are on day 4) and he hasn't asked me out in a month. The last 2 dates we had were because I initiated them and he gladly accepted and we genuinely both had a wonderful time. But when I don't hear from him, I start feeling really anxious and thinking he's over me and I just spiral. It doesn't help that I have had other stresses in my life lately so it's all heightened. He has messaged me twice in the past week telling me he wants me but I was interstate - both times he was drunk. I guess I just need some help in dealing with this - in anyone's experience, will he come back to me and be the sweet, funny, sexy man I met before? Should I take control, ask him out and see how he responds? If he declines my advances, should I move on or should I wait around for him? I want to help and be there for him but I don't want to come across needy or annoying. I really like this man, he makes me feel melty inside. HELP PLEASE!

Corella Ive wasted my time falling in love
  • replies: 8

Ive been dating a guy for 10 months. After long time being friends. Ive realised he is continuing to reach out to other women, and didnt think to ask if we are exclusive. Honestly, i thought he liked me a lot. Naive of me. Ive fallen in love for the ... View more

Ive been dating a guy for 10 months. After long time being friends. Ive realised he is continuing to reach out to other women, and didnt think to ask if we are exclusive. Honestly, i thought he liked me a lot. Naive of me. Ive fallen in love for the guy. Im 43 and little relationship experience. I am not attracted to many men but i was to him. I dont know how to approach him about it, to ask if he wants a relationship with me... or should i just cut my loses? It hurts. I dont think ill find someone else.. plus Im childless, not married and depressed.

outtathisworld HELP with dealing with inlaws
  • replies: 7

DH and I are happy, and so far everyone seemed to be happy about our relationship. I have always been open and honest about every aspect of my life with the in-laws: had a troubled upbringing, struggled with anxiety and depression for a number of yea... View more

DH and I are happy, and so far everyone seemed to be happy about our relationship. I have always been open and honest about every aspect of my life with the in-laws: had a troubled upbringing, struggled with anxiety and depression for a number of years, and have recently been diagnosed with BPD. Since being diagnosed, my quality of life has improved massively, I have always been very self-aware and despite it all, I have always thrived to live my life the best I can and not let any of it affect me as far as possible, to be kind and loving to myself and others, and to not allow my mental illness to define me. We have had family dinners weekly with the in-laws since the beginning of my relationship, but I couldn't attend last week, unfortunately, and MIL was questioning DH about my BPD. A couple of days later I had a girls-only day with SIL and MIL, and the subject of my mental illness was brought up and I tried to give reassurance that it does NOT define me, and I have always and will continue to do my best to take care of myself, and they didn't have to worry about it... the conversation didn't go as well as I expected. Among many other comments that made me feel unworthy of DH because of my mental illness, this one really has stuck with me: MIL "I would feel more comfortable if you went to see a psychiatrist because I would hate *DH* to go through what he went through with *his ex*.". The ex manipulated the whole family and took money from them, she was also very abusive, both emotionally and physically, towards DH. DH ended up joining us for dinner that night, and MIL said at the dinner table that it would be good for him to spend time "with the boys". I might be reading into it, but the whole thing just felt very insulting to me. I tried to explain I am medicated and have sessions with my psychologist every second week as advised (psychiatrist discharged me after a few weeks), but MIL continued to make me feel like a ticking time bomb. I understand their concern after what they went through as a family with DH's past relationship, but I feel ashamed and regretful for opening up so much of my life to them. I am not sure how to go from here, I now feel as though my efforts are invalidated, and they will always see me as my mental illness. They said they want to support me, but it doesn't feel like that.

Worried_parent Need advice Please
  • replies: 4

Don't know how to tackle this without sounding like an ogre of a mother. Early last year my then 19 yo daughter apbruptly left home due to to our arguing. Daughter moved in with her friend and her mother for around 10 months. (This mother and daughte... View more

Don't know how to tackle this without sounding like an ogre of a mother. Early last year my then 19 yo daughter apbruptly left home due to to our arguing. Daughter moved in with her friend and her mother for around 10 months. (This mother and daughter duo are known for their drug taking and supply) During the time she was away we had limited contact until she was asked to leave the house where she was staying. I supported her move back home and bought her a car so she could keep going to Uni, work, socialise - basically maintain her independence....and this is where my real problems start. The conditions I placed on her moving back home are: A) NO drugs or drug paraphenalia in the house OR in the car and B) No driving the vehicle whilst under influence of drugs unless ok'd by doctor. Well BIG fail on both parts and not just once but NUMEROUS times. Even to the extent where our German Shepherd found the drug that was stashed in her room! (mind you she will still deny that it's hers) So here I am asking for help. What do i do? She will go out every night at around 9pm and not get home some nights till 4:30am and i worry for her! My work life is suffering because I'm always stressed and tired. Also it affects my 17 yo daughter currently doing VCE. Infact 17 yo stays in her room because she doesn't want to interact with her sister (20yo) So now I need for her to make a choice - dugs or the car. I've pointed out the repercussions and legalities of being in an incident on the road whilst on drugs and she tells me to stop nagging and she knows all of this. So now how do i get her to prove she is not driving while inpaired - a drug test? Previously I've taken her at her word but not any more. Or maybe just sell the car? She is also on prescribed medication for mental issues and I feel the illegal drugs (and what other non prescribed stuff she's taking) is doing her more harm. Is asking her to take a home drug test if she want to drive the car pushing it? I'm just really worried for her. Thanks