New to all of this

[I_am_enough]

Hi, i have been reading your posts and felt uplifted. I am just learning about PTSD. Actually, just beginning to accept that i have it and relieved that i am not alone. I spoke to my GP last week and we are in the process of finding a clinical psycologist.

I have been on medication for clinical depression and anxiety about a year.

I have been so numb and afraid for so long now.

I am a survivor of domestic violence.

I am blessed to be almost 6 months clean and sober.

The violence ended in 2013 when he went to prison.

I have the love and support of amazing men and women at my meetings which keep me sober and not isolated.

I am 48, being sober again is like waking up to "life" for the first time....Where have i been? What's going on, and why is everyone in such a hurry !!

I have suffered alot more in my lifetime but i have hope today that i too can and will recover.

If i had a middle name, it would be "pretend its not happening" !!

But it is.

I get scared real easy, spend most if the days alone, go for gentle walks in the park, sit and meditate, laugh at the dogs and get lots of doggy hellooooz.

I'm so not ready to add any socialising or groups with strangers just yet.

Next door aren't home much but lately they have been fighting and i felt like i was having a nervous breakdown.

When its time for bed, i hear sounds and am real jumpy and cant sleep. When i hear their car, my anxiety levels begin to rise.

I know in my heart of hearts that i am safe......but i am so afraid of people.

I am fatigued most of the day.

Gratitude keeps me sane.

I have been afraid all of my life and i don't have the energy to run anymore.....i guess it's my time now to face my demons.

Does it get better?

Thanks for listening peeps ! I will be like a kid on Christmas morning jumping up to see if Santa replied to my distress call !

Over and out (for now)

Regards,

I Am Enough ;^}

[BballJ]

Hi I am enough,

Sorry to interrupt your conversation with White Rose, just wanted to add in something after reading your last post... I think its perfectly fine to have "off days" where you are miserable per say... we all have them and I think it's a major part of the recovery process. 6 months sober is amazing and a great effort not to be dismissed.

I saw the positivity in your post about going back tomorrow to your meeting even when today was a rough one, others may of not wanted to go back, but your positive attitude won't allow that and that is great.

My best,

Jay

[White_Rose]

Hello IAE

So pleased you liked the 'paths' analogy and I hope you find it helpful. I still have bad days and just want to stay at home and do nothing. It can lead to a 'pity party' if you are not careful, but generally having 'off' days ir normal. I thinks it's our minds needing to recharge after lots of activity.

I want to recommend a book to you, which you should be able to get from your local library. At least that's where I got mine. Enjoyed it so much I bought my own copy. Interestingly it was recommended to me by another person who posts here. The title of the book is Highly Sensitive People in an Insensitive World by Ilse Sand. I thought this may be helpful to you because you wrote, I often leave straight after the mtg and head home, the noise gets too much for me. This is a classic trait for highly sensitive people.

Six months sober, wow that is something to be proud of. Many, many congratulations. As I understand it the AA philosophy is stopping, one drink at a time. It's also how you will manage your depression and PTSD, one step at a time. You have shown how much courage you have and I am in awe that you feel that way after such horrendous experiences.

Don't push yourself too hard. There are times when you need to sit and be. All the actions you are taking may seem small but they are accumulative, and so is your tiredness after taking so many steps. Be kind to yourself by resting sometimes without it getting to be a habit. I find it infuriating that my brain tells me to go and do..... when all I want to do is sleep, or perhaps TV. This balance of our lives is easy to get out of kilter, but I think overall we do move forward.

I can't remember without going back over your posts, do you keep a journal? Describe how you feel today, or yesterday, then in a year's time go back and read it. You will be surprised at how far you have come.

Must fly (again). Take great care of yourself precious one.

Mary

[I_am_enough]

Hi jay,

No, you weren't interrupting. I appreciate your encouragement. I am just taking it easy today. Early recovery is hard work. I am just putting one foot in front of the other today.

And i feel better after having an early night and i slept in too. Sometimes its as simple as resting the mind and body.

thanks so much jay

IAE

[I_am_enough]

Hi mary,

just keeping it really simple today. I feel better after having an early night and a sleep in this morning.

I write everyday in my journal, i also keep a gratitude list.

After a lovely long warm shower i am going for a walk in the park.

Little by little, bit by bit

IAE

[I_am_enough]

Hi jay and mary, (again)

I just realized that i was so wound up over the last couple weeks but i made it thru. Holding onto all that fear was exhausting. I set some boundaries with the lady next door. Once i shared it with people in here, got some suggestions i feel better.

People want to help and it can get overwhelming so i took what i needed and left the rest.

yesterday, i heard others share at the meeting about getting thru their anxiety. It helped alot. Sometimes i stay and have a chat but yesterday was a bit too much for me.

My recovery is a very slow walk because that's just the way i am. I don't rush. It works for me. I had to slow down and find my own rhythm.

Learning to live sober is a massive feat on its own. And i have just entered into another phase of my recovery with accepting that i need help with another mental illness, PTSD. It is all a wonderful thing but very tiring at times.

lots of sleep, good food, meetings and exercise are keeping me sane. I recognise that i am very fragile and i am just beginning my journey.

One day at a time.

[White_Rose]

Hello IAE

You have no idea how happy I am with your post. It is truly wonderful to see how you can help yourself by recognising what is happening to you and for you, and decide how far to go with all of this. Baby steps. I have found it easier to sit and listen at times, perhaps absorbing the information but letting it flow around me. In those situations I often feel safe and comforted because there is so much goodwill. Later, when you are re-energised, you can join in and take another step.

I think I feel like a mother hen both shielding the chicks and urging them to go out into the world.

Take care of yourself and keep within your limits.

Mary

[monkey_magic]

Stepping into your thread hope its OK & waving hello.

Youve helped me learn more things I am enough. U sound like u know exactly wat u r doing & helping others in the same shoes or different shoes along the way.

White rose Mary u just made me cry

[BballJ]

Hi I am enough,

I think sometimes the best recovery's are the slow ones, it really allows you to reflect on everything and learn along the way, "quick fixes" just don't get you anywhere long term. I find mental health recovery similar to a weight loss, you can go out and get the shakes and the fad diets for a quick 5 kgs loss but you don't learn anything about how to eat right, exercise right and therefor end back up in the same position in no time at all... Mental health, people look for quick fixes and they don't learn how to control their anxiety or depression etc and they end up back where they were so the journey is slow and that is perfect, you are not racing anyone.

Many people will take inspiration from you and that is great.

My best,

Jay

[White_Rose]

Hello Steph

Thanks for your post. Not sure about making you cry unless it was happiness. I agree with you about IAE. She is an inspiration. It's lovely to hear good stories and especially to know they are working towards a happier and more healthy life.

Jay, I know all about weight loss. I have a wonderful dietician helping me. We don't talk about calories, we talk about lifestyle, likes and dislikes, how eat between meals. I am so lucky to have his help.

IAE, I hope you have a good day. I'm off to a day long workshop.

Mary