New to all of this

[I_am_enough]

Hi, i have been reading your posts and felt uplifted. I am just learning about PTSD. Actually, just beginning to accept that i have it and relieved that i am not alone. I spoke to my GP last week and we are in the process of finding a clinical psycologist.

I have been on medication for clinical depression and anxiety about a year.

I have been so numb and afraid for so long now.

I am a survivor of domestic violence.

I am blessed to be almost 6 months clean and sober.

The violence ended in 2013 when he went to prison.

I have the love and support of amazing men and women at my meetings which keep me sober and not isolated.

I am 48, being sober again is like waking up to "life" for the first time....Where have i been? What's going on, and why is everyone in such a hurry !!

I have suffered alot more in my lifetime but i have hope today that i too can and will recover.

If i had a middle name, it would be "pretend its not happening" !!

But it is.

I get scared real easy, spend most if the days alone, go for gentle walks in the park, sit and meditate, laugh at the dogs and get lots of doggy hellooooz.

I'm so not ready to add any socialising or groups with strangers just yet.

Next door aren't home much but lately they have been fighting and i felt like i was having a nervous breakdown.

When its time for bed, i hear sounds and am real jumpy and cant sleep. When i hear their car, my anxiety levels begin to rise.

I know in my heart of hearts that i am safe......but i am so afraid of people.

I am fatigued most of the day.

Gratitude keeps me sane.

I have been afraid all of my life and i don't have the energy to run anymore.....i guess it's my time now to face my demons.

Does it get better?

Thanks for listening peeps ! I will be like a kid on Christmas morning jumping up to see if Santa replied to my distress call !

Over and out (for now)

Regards,

I Am Enough ;^}

[Croix]

Dear I Am Enough~

Welcome and thanks for posting. It's a pretty good move in many ways as there are a lot here who have gone down the same -or similar- paths and want to share their knowledge and help. That way they turn their misfortune to advantage, make use if it.

I can relate to some of your hassles myself. I was a policeman, invalided out a very long time ago with PTSD, Anxiety, Depression - all the usual suspects. I was also really good at putting my head in the sand. For too long I just got physical symptoms treated and left the underlying cause alone - did not help my treatment later at all.

So what can I say to you. PTSD, anxiety and depression are all treatable. I'm not cured, but I am an awful lot better. I lead a 'normal' life with accomplishment, enjoyment and I'm blessed to say love too.

I don't have any experience with the booze, we do have thread in this Forum called:

Long term support over the journey/ Battling the booze

Started by a very nice lady called Kaz who has been there and is still around to give support.

You sound as if you live alone, do you have any family or friends to talk with and give you support? From what you said you get on with dogs - me too. do you have one of your own? Mine is shaped like a small tan zeppelin with a toothpick at each corner - stronger than me though.

Since my day there have been advances in PTSD treatment, with several options available to your psychologist when you get one. They all involve therapy plus self-help as well. Is your GP a sympathetic one?

It's very important that GP, psychologist, therapy and meds are all correct, and this can take some experimentation. I dare say you have been down this road already a bit.

If anxious at night there are techniques that can help. Have a look at another thread:

Anxiety/ SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING ANXIETY

This is one I personally have found helpful, rather long but worth digging though.

What's left for me to say at the moment?

Well I guess the most important thing is you feel comfortable and post again, perhaps saying more abut yourself and circumstances. You treatment and even a little about the things you like. Things that give you a little comfort or peace.

My best wishes

Croix

[BballJ]

Hi I am enough,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

What a moving post, I read a lot of positives in there and that is amazing. You seem very strong and resilient and that is a great quality to have as I feel like you could overcome anything.

I think the clinical psychologist will help a lot and it seems you are taking everything day by day, enjoying the dog parks etc and that is great, anything to help ease the mind is a good thing.

To answer your question, does it get better?

I think it does if you want it too, when you set your mind to something it is a powerful thing and you have fought so much that i feel you can overcome anything and you will get better, everything just takes time.

Keep your head up and remain as positive as you can.

My best for you,

Jay

[Just Sara]

Well Hi there!

Can I call you E for short? Thanks in advance. lol

Your post is a breath of fresh gutsy air hun! What courage and strength you have...mighty, mighty. When we see first time posters with something like diagnosed PTSD, it can be difficult to read. Yours is obviously from yrs of thinking about others before yourself, yeah?

Do you want to save us from your story of woe or are you just naturally charismatic and wonderful to listen to? Either way, you can tell Auntie Sara while we share a cuppa Joe and a fag or two. (My profile pic doesn't look anything like me, but I feel like it some days) We can sit out under a beautiful tree listening to birds and the occasional helicopter overhead. (I'm in their flight path)

The thing is, you write with such clarity and purpose, like someone who's been doing this for yrs. Goodness me you're only just finding a psychologist! You seem from the warrior-woman genetic pool like a few of us here. Join the club with like minded souls to ease you back into the land of the living; there's plenty of time, so don't worry.

To be serious for a moment, DV isn't for the faint hearted as you and I both know; it's tragic and cruel just to name a couple of adjectives. So this place can offer you anonymity and non judgment from caring and compassionate people to make your experience here welcoming and supportive.

Santa has definitely dropped a big one! Ha ha...

I see you're a nature lover by your avatar. (pic) There's plenty of people here to jaw with. Not me though I'm afraid. My green thumb was replaced by another forefinger...the one that points to someone else to do the garden.

Well, it's been nice gabbing. I'm not too serious tonight, I've been on a break to recoup. But anytime you want to talk 'shop', please let me know ok?

Big welcoming hug...Sara

[White_Rose]

Dear I am enough.

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. Thank you for telling us your story. Sadly it is a familiar story to many people here. I see Croix has pointed you to Kaz's thread Beating the Booze. Great thread and Kaz is a fabulous person. Hopefully she will respond to you soon.

I understand about being triggered by events that happen to other people. It brings back all our own fears and hurts and no matter how safe we know we are, it still makes us anxious. This is normal. I find I am triggered when I watch TV and and see something where one person is deceiving another. I switch off the TV and try to engage in another activity to take my mind off what has happened and the memories it brings back. Not nice at all.

This is where diversion really comes into its own. Do you have any activities that you enjoy, that bring you some peace and satisfaction? If the weather is suitable I sit outside in my garden, watch the birds, chase off next door's cat, drink a cuppa, listen to music, read. At other times I will do something more active like sweep the floor, do the ironing, sew for my granddaughters. Anything in fact the gives you pleasure and soothes you. If you have friends or family it may be good to phone someone just to chat or go out for a coffee.

I also enjoy going to the cinema but be careful of your film choice. I used to go with my next door neighbour, not the one with the cat, and generally it was great. I had to say no to the more 'bloody' films such as war stories.

These are things we need to be soothed. I never mastered the art of self-soothing until recent years. Had no idea what it meant and found I had great difficulty managing the more hurtful memories. When you meet with your psychologist you will probably talk about some of these strategies. Try some of them before you start with the psych. Usually you spend the first few sessions getting to know each other and talking about your life. Coping mechanisms and understanding why you react in the way you do will be a little way down the track. Sadly we cannot download our problems in one hit and find a cure the next day. Sigh.

Would you like to continue writing in here? I hope so. We can walk with you on your journey.

Mary

[Kazzl]

Hi I am enough - great name hun, you most certainly are, and a lot more.

Welcome to the forum, like everyone who posted before me I am very pleased to meet you, and congratulate you on your first post - I see such strength, courage and determination there.

And from a fellow sober person - congratulations on six months clean and sober! My god I know how hard that's been for you.Those ealy days, weeks and months are so very tough. Well done!

I know exactly what you mean about 'waking up to life for the first time'. It's amazing isn't it. Even just waking up to Saturday morning (instead of late afternoon) still gives me a thrill. 😊

Hun, I think it's very understandable that you still have fear and anxiety after what you've been through. And it's good you're looking for a psych to help you through. I have no personal experience of trauma or PTSD, but I know it's thought that the earlier you can get help to work on resolving the trauma, the better you will be in the long run. I wish you very very well with your journey.

For me, one of the key things to dealing with my mental illness (bipolar) is staying sober. You've done so well for the past six months, but no doubt temptation will rear its head from time to time. Croix and Mary mentioned the Battling the Booze thread (thanks my friends) and if you would like to join us for some mutual support there from others who have battled the booze, we'd be happy to welcome you.

I know overcoming booze is just one part of the story for you, but it's an important one. And given what you're dealing with, I again say well done. You're amazing - be proud of yourself.

Kaz

[I_am_enough]

Hi croix,

thankyou for your hope and encouragement. I find it hard to talk about what happened because there were so many awful things that happened when i was with him. I had a dog she was so much fun. When my ex became violent i used to hide with her and my ex would grab her and throw her outside and start hitting me. I blame myself for not being strong enough to get help at the time. Coz my dog was my best mate and so helpless i couldn't keep her safe anymore. This still haunts me. Later on down the track when i get more energy i would like to get another buddy dog. They give such unconditional love and ask for not much in return. It helps just getting this out.

my main concern is getting to sleep at night and waking up in time to get to my meeting. I feel so heavy like i am carrying the world on my shoulders. I feel guilty for not doing more for myself.

when i am up i start by writing some things that i am grateful for. Do some simple exercises, eat brekki, do some chores and do my crossword puzzle. I have frequent rest periods lol. I buy my groceries, try and smile at others, be polite, and have a little chat with someone. I keep it real simple. I am learning to be patient and kind with myself. I tell myself i deserve it but believing it is another story.

little by little, bit by bit

regards I am enough

[I_am_enough]

Hi jay

it's nice to meet you and others. I really appreciate the encouragement. It's true, we are survivors and we can overcome anything we put our minds to.

i am expecting the process to be difficult but rewarding in the long run. Because i hear it from orhers and am encouraged to keep going. Keeping it in today really helps me. And knowing i am never alone.

regards

I Am Enough

[I_am_enough]

Ps

thankyou for the other threads i will look into them

;^}

[Croix]

Dear I Am Enough~

This post is just to share animals, nothing else. I don't think you'll find it in any way upsetting.

We have three at the moment, have always had animals to go though life with us.

There's the little porky dog, it's tan and shaped like a zeppelin with a toothpick at each corner. Much stronger than me (so my wife has to take the lead on our walk). It often pretends it is an honorary cat, and as such entitled to the cat food left by the cats.

There's Nasty Cat, small, mean spirited, holds the title deeds to our bed and hisses at all and sundry. I read out loud recipes for Cat Maryland (you know deep pan, egg yokes, breadcrumbs etc ) to her - makes not the slightest impression, just glares and remains on the bed.

And of course Sumo cat. He gradually grew into the name, we first got him from the pound, where he was in a little felt igloo curled up with his back to the entrance - and would not come out. Apparently he had been found
wandering in a garden and brought there. At that stage he was small and more timid than timid. We took him
home in his igloo and left him in the kitchen corner, still safe in his little felt retreat.

The Zeppelin Dog and the Nasty Cat gobbled their heads off as usual and eventually an eye peeped out. We shooed the others outside and Scaredy-Cat came out to sniff the remnants, found them to his satisfaction and dined.

He had at that stage chosen his own name. As time progressed he decided he could dine in company and did so, and did so, and did so. Before all that long he was larger than Nasty Cat and developing a very fine set of whiskers.

Post breakfast he would sit on top of a treated pine gate-post at the end of a bower of clematis and nectarine visible from the kitchen window. He became convinced he was surveying his personal territory and started to develop a Royal Manner - timidity now very much taking the backseat.

As months and breakfasts went on the overhang on the post became perilous, so I had to nail a round board on top. This eventually itself became insufficient and a larger board substituted. Around this time he changed his name to Sumo Cat. He is still trying to catch up to Zeppelin Dog, though in the competition over licking out the sardine can (Watch it! -tomato sauce variety only thank you) he has, for the moment met his match.

I'm sure in time you too will have another loving friend.

Croix