PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 273

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Patches63 Wanting to isolate
  • replies: 2

TW: content may trigger due to info about emotional abuse/DVFor years I’ve not been comfortable being around lots of people. Family gatherings have me feeling on edge and wanting to go home just after I arrive. I have Adult Separation Anxiety and fea... View more

TW: content may trigger due to info about emotional abuse/DVFor years I’ve not been comfortable being around lots of people. Family gatherings have me feeling on edge and wanting to go home just after I arrive. I have Adult Separation Anxiety and fears of abandonment and struggle in make/keep friends. Due to this I have small group of 6 friends.recently received message from one of these people checking up on me as I hadnt been online for couple of days. After mentioning I was struggling with anxiety and had been keeping to myself I was chastised. Part of me knows she trying to do right thing but it immediately took me back to early teen years where I was emotionally controlled. That night the nightmares started again. Nightmares of times I had blocked out for decades and now wish I could get rid off. From early to mid teens I was child of DV and was emotionally controlled by my dad. Everything I did, everywhere I went only happened if he allowed it to happen. This at times included me not being able to attend days of secondary school. Late home from anywhere or did anything without permission and I was verbally abused.In my nightmares at times my dad is the abuser and other times it is the person who recently sent me the message. I have trouble trusting anyone and this has left me feeling even more worried about trusting anyone. Since getting the message only times I’ve left the house has been for bare essential items. Had made arrangements to spend few hours with different friend today but found I couldn’t pluck up the courage. Phoned and explained I couldn’t make it, again. Know isolating and being on my own ( have pets for company ) isnt good long term for mental health but at the moment just want to everyone to leave me alone Patches

sashamentalhealth dealing with anger
  • replies: 9

Hi everyone, Just thought that i would share what worked for me. I struggled with PTSD for years and felt like i could never overcome it. i felt so angry everyday as i couldnt redirect my anger to my abuser and hold them accountable. i felt confused ... View more

Hi everyone, Just thought that i would share what worked for me. I struggled with PTSD for years and felt like i could never overcome it. i felt so angry everyday as i couldnt redirect my anger to my abuser and hold them accountable. i felt confused with all the anger i had and felt like i didnt have any place to channel it from. as a result, i lashed out over small things to the people i cared about and shut myself entirely from everyone and everything. i saw a therapist weekly but still couldnt control my anger. i didnt want to be consumed with anger and tried to find ways to channel it. i found boxing to be particularly helpful as it was a safe way to demonstrate my anger in a controlled environment. i also become a part of the community which helped me stay connected with people even if i didnt want to. still, i felt like i needed to express my anger to the right target. so, i began writing "letters" to my abuser and dumping all of my anger and hatred towards a paper. i know that there will still be anger as PTSD is very complex and enduring in its nature. however, these things really helped me along the way and have continued to help me today. i hope that this is useful for anyone reading it. i am also sorry that we have to go through this and will always continue to be unfair. i wish the best of luck to everyone and i hope that we can all find peace in ourselves one day.

Eagle Ray C-PTSD and fear of people
  • replies: 103

Warning: possibly trauma activating content. I have made significant improvements in complex trauma symptoms in the past year. One of my biggest fears is that people are going to harm me which is ever-present but had lessened a lot. Then on Monday I ... View more

Warning: possibly trauma activating content. I have made significant improvements in complex trauma symptoms in the past year. One of my biggest fears is that people are going to harm me which is ever-present but had lessened a lot. Then on Monday I got triggered by something that is probably not harmful but activated terror in me. It’s too much to explain the context here. Do others have this extreme fear of people and if so is there something that you’ve found helps you? To me it is experienced as life threatening terror. I can feel my body literally recoil from any contact with humans. Animals are safe to me but not humans. I have experienced a lot of trauma throughout my life. Over the past week I’ve had unrelenting anxiety which yesterday also became depression which I know is a result of the anxiety not resolving. I want to run away from all people and go somewhere remote in nature. I’m also dealing with bouts of cognitive confusion linked to an autoimmune condition I have which isn’t helping. I know self-isolation is not a good or healthy long term strategy. However, I want total isolation from people right now. It is the only way I can feel safe. It can feel like this is the only way I can be safe in life, to avoid people as much as possible, even though there is part of me that loves people and wants connection. But right now connection feels profoundly dangerous. I am back in the centre of my childhood terror. Right now the Bruce Springsteen song Brothers Under the Bridge is speaking to me in which a Vietnam veteran tries to explain his need for isolation to his daughter. I think my grandfather was like this in how he isolated from others following traumatic war experiences. I think I’m trying to work my way out of this inherited intergenerational trauma as well.

Charisma_Lotus Heartbroken and Confused
  • replies: 1

My long term bf of 7yrs lied to me about wanting to get married and have kids. Keep in mind that we had already picked baby names we liked and he also gave me a wedding planner journal. Relationship wise I thought everything was pretty good. The only... View more

My long term bf of 7yrs lied to me about wanting to get married and have kids. Keep in mind that we had already picked baby names we liked and he also gave me a wedding planner journal. Relationship wise I thought everything was pretty good. The only thing we would debate about is when we were going to move in together. I had a miscarriage last December (I didn’t know I was pregnant at the time). I found myself falling into depression hole. Whenever I would tell him how I was feeling he would just brush off my feelings. After a weekend away with his friends, he told me that he “does not know” if he wants to be in a relationship with me anymore. Heartbroken, I decided to break up with him. It’s been 5 mths now and he has reached out and says he wants to talk to me. During the no contact phase he kept calling and sending me texts. I didn’t respond to any of them. I needed space to heal. In the texts he told me he loved me but felt he was growing apart. I’m very hesitant to see him in person as I believe he is not going to tell me anything that I don’t already know. Is he just trying to make himself feel better about the break up? I feel as though I’m just going to get hurt again. The emotional pain is unbearable. Grieving the future I had imagined with him and trying to accept that it is no longer, is really hard for me. Some days are good and some days I’m really bad mentally.Looking back on the relationship I have realised that I was the only one making compromises and it was only when I decided to stand my ground (regarding marriage and children) that my ex had an issue with me.There was a lot of emotional abuse and found myself always getting pushed to my limits before yelling and finding myself in an argument with him (reactive abuse). Are there any tips or advice you guys can give me in order to move on? I feel like nothing I have read is helping…Do you think I should meet up with him? Or should I go with my gut feeling and not meet up? I feel like I’m unable to trust his words after he lied to me for so long…

Madmel72 Engulfing Narc Mother
  • replies: 3

I'm an only child, and my mother has always made sure I was provided for and neglect and what I thought was love was never an issue, but if my attention is off her, or if I have a different opinion, or I don't drop everything and go to her at a momen... View more

I'm an only child, and my mother has always made sure I was provided for and neglect and what I thought was love was never an issue, but if my attention is off her, or if I have a different opinion, or I don't drop everything and go to her at a moments notice, she calls me names and tells me I'm no daughter. She's tried to come between my partner and I and even my son and I. She's also saying that her ex is stalking her because of the traffic noise outside, and saying that helicopters are landing on her roof because the police are checking on her. When she goes too far and does something really cruel, she'll go out and buy me stuff I don't need as an implied apology, but then becomes passive aggressive. She's never actually been diagnosed with npd but I suspect she's the engulfing type as she calls me ten or more times a day and has to be in control, right down to calling me and telling me what to eat or watch on TV. I'm at her place right now at 3.40 in the morning because she demanded I come over. She does this whenever things are going well for me and it's getting worse every year. I'm fifty one years old and I feel like a child. I've gone no contact twice before but have broken it when she's faked a heart attack (the doctors at hospital spent 14 and 12 hours testing her and couldn't find anything. Soon as they told her she was OK she was up and smiling.). Sorry for the ramble but I don't know what to do. I can't put her in a home because she has long periods of lucidity a d besides I'd be riddled with guilt.

WolfGirl89 Repressed memories, sexual assault and confusion
  • replies: 5

When I was 18, a man 20 years older than me coerced me into a relationship. He was a family friend and I worked for him. I told myself it was what I wanted, that I said yes, that it was my choice, my responsibility. I told myself that it wasn’t that ... View more

When I was 18, a man 20 years older than me coerced me into a relationship. He was a family friend and I worked for him. I told myself it was what I wanted, that I said yes, that it was my choice, my responsibility. I told myself that it wasn’t that bad because he never hit me. I told myself that even if it was bad, I deserved it because I was a terrible person/partner/mother. I felt no attachment to my child but I took her and left anyway because nothing changed and I couldn’t take the constant barrage of lectures, insults, questioning, interrogating, accusations, gaslighting. I felt crazy. I left and told myself it wasn’t bad and that it didn’t affect me at all. Well, nobody would be surprised to hear it affected me. It affected me so badly that the older I got the angrier I became, but I had no idea why I was angry. Or why I felt broken, hopeless, trapped with no escape. I’ve been married for years to a wonderful man who lifts me up instead of tearing me down and I found myself screaming at him for the slightest thing. Then I started remembering where I learned that behaviour. I remembered how it felt. It almost broke me. So many things make sense now. My anger. My fear. My hurt. I’m so ashamed. I feel disgusting. I feel all of the feelings now that I didn’t feel then. I shut down to survive - I was numb for over a decade. Now it’s like it happened yesterday. I was sexually assaulted by this man, this predator. I was coerced and manipulated and guilt tripped and threatened until I gave in. I remember thinking no so many times when I felt like I had to say yes. I had to say yes to the sex, to him getting me pregnant, so that he would leave me alone. So that he would stop yelling at me, or giving me the cold shoulder, or taking my medication away. I had to do whatever I could to survive. For a long time when I looked in the mirror I didn’t recognise myself. Now I do but I see that scared 19 year old again - and while I’m getting a part of myself back it’s a part I don’t want. I don’t want her shame, her guilt, her fear. I felt it anyway but now I know what it is, it doesn’t help. I am still trapped, because this man is the father of my daughter, and she loves her dad. She’s a teenager now, not far off the age I was. I know I need to protect her but sometimes I feel as violated by her as I was by him. He ruined my life then and he’s still doing it now. I can’t even let my husband touch me because I feel so ashamed. I will never escape.

Nickname_B31140EA-784A-46D7-AB5F-9EECEF04266C Finding support
  • replies: 1

Last year I was receiving support for Complex PTSD resulting from childhood trauma. I had been seeing a Psychologist every 1-2 weeks for months. Leading up to Christmas they told me that they would contact me in the new year with availability. I thou... View more

Last year I was receiving support for Complex PTSD resulting from childhood trauma. I had been seeing a Psychologist every 1-2 weeks for months. Leading up to Christmas they told me that they would contact me in the new year with availability. I thought this a little odd as we had had recurring appointments however didn't question it at the time. I never heard from the Psychologist again. Given my condition largely stems from abandonment and neglect it has taken me a while to consider seeing someone else, and to be honest I'm still not sure I'm ready, but I'm at least at the point that I can ask for advice on how others have gone about finding support they can trust?

PamelaR PTSD triggers and stigma
  • replies: 79

Hi all There have been a couple of posts recently about negativity towards people who are triggered by events and go into a PTSD response which results in anxiety. I think there is a view out there by people who do not understand what Post Traumatic ... View more

Hi all There have been a couple of posts recently about negativity towards people who are triggered by events and go into a PTSD response which results in anxiety. I think there is a view out there by people who do not understand what Post Traumatic Stress that 'an industry is being promoted' by psychologists and others. How awful is that! The same can be said about a range of illness that have been diagnosed over the past 50 years or more. The scientific evidence and research that has happened in the past 50 years is so advanced that IMO people are afraid. IMO, it's much easier for people to live 'in ignorance' than to really look at what's happening in their environment. I truly believe PTSD falls in this category. It is so easy to say, it's 'all in your head'. Well, yeah, that maybe but that does not devalue what is happening for people. Nor does it mean that it's 'stupid', 'not real', 'not happening' etc. Yes, things do happen in your head, they can be good or not so good. That's why we have mental health plans. What I really want to debunk here is - that PTSD and it's triggers are STUPID. PTSD and triggers are real and have lasting effects both for the person who is experiencing them as do people who provide support to those people. You will find some talk about complex PTSD along with 'normal' PTSD. I'm not making any distinctions between the two, though from what I've read in the forums there is a difference. This thread is for people who get triggered and go into anxiety. Doesn't matter what the trigger is. Your triggers are real. They occur at times when you least expect them. No one else can say to you that you are stupid. Responses to triggers do happen. Triggers can: set off body responses, e.g. heart palpitations, sweating. be through sight, smell, sound, touch, feelings bring back memories of trauma cause intense physical and emotional reactions cause muscle tension. Would love to hear what others think. Please have your say. My words are only from my experience. What is your experience? Kind regards PamelaR

Reggie123 PTSD
  • replies: 6

Trigger warning! ok, my story is hard to hear and really hard to move on from! last March I was walking my dog, as I do every morning. At 5:15 am, so pretty dark. I was walking through my basement and near my car I found a man was attempting to take ... View more

Trigger warning! ok, my story is hard to hear and really hard to move on from! last March I was walking my dog, as I do every morning. At 5:15 am, so pretty dark. I was walking through my basement and near my car I found a man was attempting to take his own life. I screamed for help, another man turn up and we tried to help him. We called 000 and we performed CPR. Once the ambulance turned up they took over. As this was happening his wife walked up. The ambo and cops were horrible to her!! I sat with her and held her as her husband was pronounced dead. I can no longer go in dark areas or undercover car parks. I’m constantly feeling like something bad is going to happen. the panic attacks don’t happen as often, but the mood swings do.

Yeah_ Anxiety, depression, ptsd, eating disorder
  • replies: 5

I have depression and anxiety. I also think I have ptsd and an eating disorder(undiagnosed) I know I need help but my anxiety stops me from getting help. I'm just so lost at what to do. i specifically have social anxiety so talking about this is very... View more

I have depression and anxiety. I also think I have ptsd and an eating disorder(undiagnosed) I know I need help but my anxiety stops me from getting help. I'm just so lost at what to do. i specifically have social anxiety so talking about this is very hard for me. even just writing this on here makes me very uncomfortable. the depression I’ve had ever since my son was born and I’m on medication for it but it doesn’t help all that much. I think I have ptsd from when my mother passed when I was 20 (I’m now 26) and I know I have Binge eating disorder but I’m so embarrassed about it that I have never asked for help with it what can I do?