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Sophie_M If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Aus... View more

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Australia and we extend our heartfelt condolences to the individuals and families affected by this tragedy. We wanted to create a space where you can share whatever you’re feeling - whether that’s fear, shock, grief, or anything else that has come up for you. If you need support from others in the community, please feel welcome to post here. Violence and acts of terror can bring feelings of shock, grief, profound sadness, anger and fear. It’s normal to experience these emotions while trying to make sense of distressing events. It may take time for these feelings to ease, but it’s never too early to seek support if you are feeling distressed. Beyond Blue is here for you anytime, by phone on 1300 224 636 or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor You can also support those around you by being available to them and listening. Thank you for being such an important part of this community, and for the kindness, honesty, and wisdom you continue to share with each other. We remind the community that Beyond Blue is here for all people in Australia, no matter what you believe, how you live or who you worship. Kind regards Sophie M

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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B-1472 Should I Open The Unconscienced Mind About SA
  • replies: 2

Hi All, I am a 50yo man. Recently I have started with a new Psychologist, and she started asking me questions about my childhood. It would seem that I might be repressing events that might have happened to me at a very young age that are in my uncons... View more

Hi All, I am a 50yo man. Recently I have started with a new Psychologist, and she started asking me questions about my childhood. It would seem that I might be repressing events that might have happened to me at a very young age that are in my unconscious mind. There is known childhood sexual abuse by a grandparent in the family so this could be what’s in there.The moment she started exploring the topic I had an emotional (tears) and physical reaction (couldn’t sit still/squirming in the chair).I am not sure if I want to open up, as this could be very painful to explore. At the moment I don’t know if I was abused, or I saw something or I just think it happened to me.I appreciate everyone is different, but I would like to know what others think, is opening up beneficial?I am also not sure if I should be discussing things with my wife and kids as I go through this, after all, I don’t really know what happened so there is nothing to discuss really, I do have symptoms, such as mood swings, some alcohol use, a lot of anxiety so I think I should be saying something?

Geniue Sexual Abuse
  • replies: 5

Hi Everyone im going to post on here something that is incredibly difficult for me to do. But I feel it's the only way I can get out whats inside of me. So here goes I was abused as a child and being abused as a child is on a whole different level to... View more

Hi Everyone im going to post on here something that is incredibly difficult for me to do. But I feel it's the only way I can get out whats inside of me. So here goes I was abused as a child and being abused as a child is on a whole different level to being hurt in anyway as an adult. I was abused not once but twice. First by the one person in my life that I believed was supposed to be there to keep me safe and protect me. Then again from an outsider. So yes you could say my whole world had literally had falling apart. And that is such and overwhelming and intense place to come back from. But what scared me even more was allowing these people to win over me. So I literally fought for my life tooth and nail to crawl my way back from the depths of hell and such despair in my life. Please if anyone can take anything away from my personal experiences in my life. Then I feel I am doing the right thing here. I truly hope this is not to confronting for everyone but I feel I needed to share this. Please takecare because mental health is so important and it should take precedence in your life. Please takcare everyone. Hope

Eevee Partner has relapsed- Porn Addiction
  • replies: 1

Hi, I didn't really know where to turn to or reach out for support, but I'm hoping I can get some advice from here. My partner and I have been together for nearly 6 years and got married 3 weeks ago. For about 2-3 years I've known that my partner is ... View more

Hi, I didn't really know where to turn to or reach out for support, but I'm hoping I can get some advice from here. My partner and I have been together for nearly 6 years and got married 3 weeks ago. For about 2-3 years I've known that my partner is actually addicted to porn, and it wasn't until the end of last year that he came to the realisation too. He has finally started getting professional help and had even made it 3 months with watching or viewing anything. I was so incredibly proud of him, and I could tell that our relationship was growing healthy and stronger because of it. However, a few days ago I realised be started acting really distant. He has had allot of stress recently due to work, study and outside family pressure. I tried to push past it, but looking back, I probably could have done more to have seen what was really happening and I could have helped. Last night we started to become intimate, and for the first time in our whole relationship, my partner was struggling to perform. We obviously stopped cause it was clear something was wrong. I still found this a little strange. I had to pry over and over before he finally told me the truth. 4 days earlier he had watched porn, and now he had been watching for the past 4 days. Pretty heavily too. I was so upset and angry. I felt disgusted and wanted to yell. However, I didn't. I've done some research over the past few months and understand that's its in times like this that he needs my support to get through. So I pushed all my feeling aside, and we stayed up all night talking about what happened, why he relapsed and what we can now do to help him. By the way he was acting this morning, I can tell he is trying his best to be positive. However, I'm really struggling. I don't want to turn to him for support cause I don't want to burden him when he is already going through so much. To make matters worse, I have a history of self-harm and suicide, and this whole situation has triggered those feeling of not being enough and feeling like I'm not worthy. I don't know how I'm suppose to be reacting to his relapse and I don't know what to do with my emotions. I want to help him through this journey, and I feel like I've got no one to support me. But I don't know if that sounds selfish of not. I guess I'm just looking for advice on how I should look after myself during this time and what I can do to cope? Any advice would be helpful, or even if people have gone through something similar that would help. I think it is punching a little harder too cause it's his first relapse. Thanks.

Eagle Ray CPTSD Nightmares
  • replies: 6

As a child I had nightmares from a very early age. I would often have the same nightmare over and over. I won’t go into details but they involved severe threat of inescapable annihilation and obliteration. I can still get these same dreams now that a... View more

As a child I had nightmares from a very early age. I would often have the same nightmare over and over. I won’t go into details but they involved severe threat of inescapable annihilation and obliteration. I can still get these same dreams now that are versions of these childhood dreams. They have come and gone over different periods of my life. Over the past 5 months I’ve been in a nightmare phase again. I’ve been woken by two last night which is pretty normal at present. Other times I go through phases where I haven’t had nightmares and thought to myself, I don’t really get nightmares, like I forget the fact that I have had bouts of them. I think this is a kind of dissociation where I blank out the experiences. Then I am plunged back into them again. I am wondering if others have found or learned strategies for managing nightmares with PTSD or CPTSD? I just read about an interesting therapeutic approach this morning. It’s called Image Rehearsal Therapy. What you do is write out the dream but with a different non-scary story where there is a safe, positive resolution. I am going to try this. It sounds similar to the Somatic Experiencing work I have done where you go through a re-enactment of a past trauma where you get to act out the actions of self-protection and escape you never got to do at the time of an incident. At the moment I have a lot of terror all day everyday and then it manifests even when I’m asleep. In the last 5 months I sleep between about 3-6 hours most nights. I often then sleep in the afternoon and have strange, disturbing dreams then too. I guess I’m wondering if anyone has overcome their nightmares and if so what seemed to help?

Ginger_roll Did I do something wrong? Am I at fault?
  • replies: 16

Recently, I got into an awkward situation with my tutor, who I have become friends with over the sessions. We still got work done and had friendly conversations about things that were about our personal lives. Overtime I also started developing feeli... View more

Recently, I got into an awkward situation with my tutor, who I have become friends with over the sessions. We still got work done and had friendly conversations about things that were about our personal lives. Overtime I also started developing feelings for him but never said anything. Then last month he was telling me that he was in his girlfriend's house and that they started dating 5 weeks ago and how they met through mutual friends. I was sad but happy for him too. I noticed over the online tutoring session, he started whispering at random times. I asked him whether or not he was ok but he just said "I'm just talking to myself and I guess to you." He noticed I was upset and asked me if I was ok twice. I then said I'm ok and that sometimes I worry about making him feel awkward about saying things that might be too personal. He then said "I know that I'm your tutor, my time is paid and I'm a bit older than you, but if you need me, I can be your friend". Then I said that I was going to be sad about him leaving to the UK. Then he said "Don't worry, I'll be back next year". I was then given hope that he'd like to be friends with me after tutoring and my final year of high school, which is what I'd like since we have spoken about our personal lives and got closer. Then, I mentioned the whispering in our next session and he gave me a different answer saying "I was just upset, that you were upset". Then the next session, I opened about my concerns of his relationship since I have never heard him whispering over a zoom and he gave me different answers to it and his relationship seemed to have progressed really fast. He then got defensive and started telling me that we shouldn't talk about our personal relationships and getting into our personal lives will complicate things because he is my tutor. He then said "I know I said 'Don't worry, I'll see you again next year' but I said it because I say it out of habit to my friends who say the same thing but I never see my students again after the HSC". I was just sitting there feeling really awkward when he said that because we have spoken about personal topics and he knew that I broke up with an ex boyfriend because he was toxic (He never said anything about discussing personal topics for the past 9 months of our tutoring sessions until now). Plus, you don't just say "Don't worry, I'll see you again next year when you dont feel close to someone or see them as only a student". I felt like I was given false hope and thought I was a friend to him. I also started suspecting that something is fishy, maybe the relationship. My friends also agree something is weird. At this point I am questioning whether or not to say anything about feeling awkward to my tutor or leave it. Did I do something wrong here? Is there something that is my fault and I'm not aware of it?

momAndWife Is this common or its only me .......
  • replies: 3

I am 33 years old married for 9 years and have 2 beautiful kids. I am experiencing so void in my married life. My husband is well educated and hard working guy. He loves his kids and can do anything for them as far as I know him. Its his behaviour wi... View more

I am 33 years old married for 9 years and have 2 beautiful kids. I am experiencing so void in my married life. My husband is well educated and hard working guy. He loves his kids and can do anything for them as far as I know him. Its his behaviour with me, he is always busy working or on call with his friends. He never touch me or hug me ( he touch me when we have sex) But like normally he never holds my hand or say anything that can show his affection towards me. I work full time mostly from home as my husband but we barely talk. He talk to his friends and family all day long on phone (not sure if this is normal). when ever we fight he accuse me of being possessive and say that I do not want him to go out even say so many mean things eg, "You are a Zero", "you do not have any friends", "you are brainless" , "you are not a good wife", "you do not like my family". But I never have a issue if he go out with his friends once in a week but my problem is he never ask me to go out with him we never went to a romantic dinner or just night out after we had kids. My whole day I work take care of kids , clean the house, make the meals and sleep ( once in a while we have sex). its not that we never had good time we do but now its like we are too busy earning money and saving money that there is no value for emotions. some time I feel like I do not want to live like that and just kill my self but then I think about my kids. sometime I cant breath thinking that one day my husband and I will get divorce. I have spend last 9 years totally dedicated towards my marriage and kids and I cant loose it. what should I do? is there anyone out there who can help me ?

suzie2 Emotional torment from Narcissistic Mother
  • replies: 33

Long story, sorry! Am in such torment. I'm 50 and my mother (now 79) is a narcissist and emotionally abusive my entire life. My Dad left so it was just her and I. As a child, I had to pretty much parent myself, her behaviour was childish and neglectf... View more

Long story, sorry! Am in such torment. I'm 50 and my mother (now 79) is a narcissist and emotionally abusive my entire life. My Dad left so it was just her and I. As a child, I had to pretty much parent myself, her behaviour was childish and neglectful. As a result of her neglect, I ended up experiencing trauma at other's hands, several times which only adds to my PTSD. She provided shelter, meals, clothing, and even gifts for Xmas/birthdays But couldn't provide love or interest in me. She used emotional manipulation and a lot of guilting - eg: telling me "Maybe she should just kill herself" if I disagreed with her. If I were upset, she'd call me a baby and tell me she had it worse her whole life. I became a perfectionist, trying to be perfect in every way. I became overly caring with everyone to the point of neglecting myself and my own needs. Still, due to crushing guilt, I kept her in my life and my children's lives. She continued to rage at me, in front of them for silly issues (always when my husband wasn't present). She snooped in my passwords book and read all my emails in my account, logged into my FB account from her computer and had access for a year before I realised. She told me she hadn't felt love for me since I was a child, she mocked me mercilessly when I cried, mimicking my voice and tears even in front of my kids. There is so, so much more but too much to write here. Every now and then she will act nice and send a gift or a card, but whenever I ask her to acknowledge the hurt she's caused me, she goes silent and she has never uttered the word sorry in her life, she tells me I am the disturbed, crazy one and I need help, not her. In 2012 I moved with my husband and children to Australia (I am from the US) - for a better life and to be away from her. I have tried to extend olive branches at times, photos and updates of the kids, trying to visit when back in the US. It has always ended badly and with me in tears. Nothing I do is ever enough for her. A visit is "bad" because if I don't give her all of my time on a visit I am horrible. I'm going home for a visit soon. She has had other email me and bash me for not giving her enough time when I get home. They don't believe she's abusive and told me I am selfish. Now I am not seeing her but the guilt is crushing me...to death. She just wrote that she's 79 and might die soon and I'll be sorry when she is on her deathbed (she's currently very healthy). But I feel crushing guilt. Help.

emiliam Anxiety
  • replies: 2

I have bad anxiety and I constantly have like a knot in my stomach, everything is magnified 100 per cent and I am in a constant state of worry it's affecting my sleep terribly does this sound familiar to anyone?

I have bad anxiety and I constantly have like a knot in my stomach, everything is magnified 100 per cent and I am in a constant state of worry it's affecting my sleep terribly does this sound familiar to anyone?

Loosing_faith What do I do now
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I’m not sure this is the right topic group but here goes. Ive had diagnosed anxiety and depression for over a decade and 2 years ago I moved to rural NSW to start my dream job which I’m exceptionally good at. I’m 8 weeks post a major operatio... View more

Hi all, I’m not sure this is the right topic group but here goes. Ive had diagnosed anxiety and depression for over a decade and 2 years ago I moved to rural NSW to start my dream job which I’m exceptionally good at. I’m 8 weeks post a major operation and have just been cleared to work part time but come Friday I get an email saying I’ve been accused of various things at work and have to have a meeting about this. I’ve called the Union for assistance. My A&D has gone through the roof, I feel like I’m a total burden on my family as it is and also feel that I’m being railroaded by my workplace ( which is very toxic as it is ) I now feel that even if I win to prove my innocence that I’m in a loosing situation. i think I need to see someone professional about this and pretty soon to get the A&D under a bit of control before my mind explodes as it cannot turn it off.

Lozrox Work sucks, I know..
  • replies: 2

So. I thought I was lucky. Job I loved. Amazing team working for me. Made a difference to the company. Smashing it. Finally I was someone my kids could be proud of. I own my own home. None of this came easy. I have a really dark past. I used to be so... View more

So. I thought I was lucky. Job I loved. Amazing team working for me. Made a difference to the company. Smashing it. Finally I was someone my kids could be proud of. I own my own home. None of this came easy. I have a really dark past. I used to be someone I didn't like but I grew up. I didn't let trauma dictate my future or make me be who I could have become. I put my big girl boots on. I studied doing a bachelor of social science. With the intention of helping people I ended up in a factory job as a supervisor due to financial circumstances. There was someone at work who really needed my help. To give her some hope i even took her on as my 2ic. I went above and beyond. Anyway they ended up making some really bad decisions. Im talking fire on the spot call the cops and child protection. I continued to support for 2 years.So now she wants my job. Said it to my face in front of someone.All this time later and many many instances in between I am now in trouble for finally snapping and saying a few immature words. Yeah I know. Not great on my behalf.(This is where the trauma and ptsd kicks in).Who knew working with your abusive nasasitic pathetic excuses of a mother who kicked you out at 14 to have a better life with her boyfriend would suck so much. But now it looks like she is the flavour of the week and I will be loosing my job my home everything. All for what. Being kind to someone and trying to help them out is in my blood. I would probably do it again.The question now is. Do I be a role model for all the other people and the toxic place I work and risk losing it all or say my bad suck it up and continue in a job where I no longer feel safe, appreciate or basically human.I have gone from being ok to really not ok. I'm not ok I can't afford to loose my job but I can't let them win. It would crush my sole and everything I believe in. Oh but the way I have a 11 page file on everything she has done to me. Team members who have gone to hr telling them they have been put in danger by her drinking She has a person who heard me slip upI can't even process what is happening and why work are supporting her side. I don't know if I have any gas left in te tank. I'm not after money or to make trouble.I don't want anything but a formal apology from the company saying sorry for the gross negligence on their behalf.