So, since my first post here actually helped me sort out a lot of
feelings I decided to take it one step further and make a second post,
describe my trauma, and what broke me down to what I am today.So here we
go. I'm 22 years old, Male and suffering...
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So, since my first post here actually helped me sort out a lot of
feelings I decided to take it one step further and make a second post,
describe my trauma, and what broke me down to what I am today.So here we
go. I'm 22 years old, Male and suffering from heavy depression, anxiety,
social anxiety, repressed memories causing cognitive slowing (the term
used by my psychologist), Insomnia, psychosomatic pain when I try to
recall memories of that time, all severe enough to cripple my function
in daily life. So here we go, I was a very small child, and rather
smart, as many know these are prime examples of being a target for
bullies, and oh boy was that the case here. starting first grade, the
standard bullying stuff, Name calling, social isolation/exclusion,
nothing worth even reporting, but getting away with that much over a few
years gives them confidence to escalate and as such the bullying became
physical, Threats, shoving, hitting, I reported it but teachers only
gave out light punishments, 1 time lunch detentions and such, which
well... only annoyed them and made them go harder, so over the course of
3rd - 5th grade it escalated to full blown beatings, pelted with rocks,
surrounded and tormented until I had a mental breakdown and just wound
up screaming and flailing in pure terror, none of these one time events.
6th and 7th grades were the worst by far, developing into sexual
harassment and eventually molestation and assault, Stripping me in front
of girls on the playground, constantly touching me and grabbing me in
sexual ways.. Not because they were gay, but purely because they knew I
hated every second, and sadistically enjoyed my suffering. Something
broke in me during all this, I've never been the same since, I doubt I
will be ever again. The worst part about all this, is that these things
are all I can remember, everything else has been lost into this cloudy
void of pain and hatred. 8 years of school life, vanished, not a single
memory left but abuse, pain and torment. I don't even know the correct
medical term for whatever this is, something messed up I'm sure.So there
you have it, the story of what happened to destroy this 22 year old to
destroy him a point where functioning a normal everyday life is more
difficult than directing a blindfolded toddler to completing a rubix
cube. To answer any predicted questions, Yes I see a psychologist and
psychiatrist regularly, no I don't really have anyone in my family or
friends I can talk to.
PTSD for Medical and First Responders
