UPDATED: I just feel alone and lost in a new world I don't like

[Zetta]

Hi everyone, I just want to introduce myself. I went to the Dr today and he prescribed me my medication. I'll be starting the journey to a more positive outlook soon. I just feel soo lost and confused. My husband and I have had a pretty hard week this week as I told him something that changed everything for us. A secret I held for a long time. And he's not talking to me much. I just feel alone and lost in a new world I don't like. It's just all soo confusing. 

[blondguy]

Morning Zetta

I might try sitting in a Cafe and lose myself by watching people....That sounds like 'letting go'.....Good idea

Feeling good is always a peaceful feeling and most of your side effects wearing off too

Always great to see how you are going Zetta

Kind Thoughts

Paul

[Zetta]

I had a great day today and now i'm feeling alone. I wanted to sit and cuddle with my husband and he doesn't want to. Feeling really alone tonight. I don't want much. I just want a cuddle and feel wanted. 

[blondguy]

Zetta

After the good day you have had I am so sorry that your husband doesnt 'get it'

I have to guess here...Is he still upset about your secret? It cant be that bad for him....unless he is carrying an unnecessarily huge ego instead of a 'healthy' one?

After the progress you have made...I am sorry that he cant see the forest for the trees Zetta

Kind Thoughts

Paul

[Guest_1055]

Hello Zetta

 I am sorry you are struggling at the moment especially in regards to your dear hubby. I know I am not your mum or your hubby, but I would be honored to give you a comforting hug, if you would receive one from me.

I was also drawn to your post, because you said you homeschool. Well I homeschooled my son right up to half way through year 5. And I loved it, it can be a very special time. How many children do you homeschool?

Also have you found all the resources here on Beyond Blue, like there is some fact sheets and booklets you can print off. Just scroll to the end of this page, and you will see them there .

Hope you start to feel better soon.

Much love

Shell xx

[Zetta]

Hi Shelley,

I would appreciate that comforting hug Shelley. 

I currently homeschool my eldest two boys and my youngest will start kindy next year. It is a very special time indeed. 

I have found some but I will have another look through it and see if I missed anything.

Thanking you for your kind words.

Much Love 

Zetta

[Guest_1055]

Morning Zetta

I am sending out the hug to you now. I do hope you feel some sort of comfort.

It sounds like you are feeling a bit rejected by your hubby. My circumstances are a little different to yours, but I do know what it feels like not to feel wanted. For me, it feels very painful actually. So if you feel anything like me, I am very sorry Zetta. Maybe your hubby just needs a little more time to process whatever it was that you told him. 

Is it for depression that you are taking the meds for? I don't take meds myself, but I have read from other members here, that it can take a bit of time sometimes for them to work.

In regards to the homeschool, I know when we were doing it, there was sort of homeschool group day thing. Where homeschooling families would meet up and have like a sports or activity sort of days. Is there one in your area? Maybe you already attend one. But if not, it can help you feel a bit not so alone or isolated. 

I hope you are having a better day today.

Much love to you

Shell xx

[Zetta]

Thank You Shell, I can feel some comfort.

Yes i do feel rejected. I think he needs some time to get over the secret. I am like you Shelly, it hurts me a lot. 

Yes I'm on Anti Depressants. It's only been one full week and I know it will take some time to kick in fully. It just feels like forever.

Yes there is a homeschool meet I go to Every friday and on Wednesdays my boys go to Speech & Drama classes and thats another time I get to have time with other mums. so that helps me a little bit but none of them know of my depression. We have soccer training on Wednesdays too and Swimming will start in term 2 as well. So i get to go out of the house a few times a week which helps a little. 

 THanks again Shell.

[Zetta]

And today I add some more to my load. I may have endometriosis. Need to go for an operation to see how bad it is. Can it get any worse?? What's going to be next?? 

[white knight]

Hi Zetta, welcome here

What's next? Well this is an interesting question for me.

Consider this- When I joined the RAAF in 1973 at 17yo (and 4 days so I was just a kid) I was , or seemed to be, in perfect health. I was unaware of the mental complexities that were lurking within each member of my family however.

After 3 years I left the airforce and joined Pentridge Jail as a warder. Again I was unaware of my emotional issues except I did a lot of crying over nothing in particular. Then my brother took his own life, he was 27yo and a teacher. Fast track to 2002 and my uncle went the same way. I was beginning to get suspicious and my then partner took me to a psych and get an initial diagnosis. It was incorrect and for 6 years I took the wrong medication...tough times indeed.

Then I broke my leg, deep vein thrombosis followed which add a complexity to your daily life as your calves and thighs blow up in size at the slightest hint of exercise. The proper diagnosis in 2009 was- bipolar type 2, dysthymia ( a low mood constant depression and depression. Anxiety was licked over many years of relaxation.

Forcibly retired 3 years ago you'd think the lay back life would improve my condition....no it doesn't, it just has opportunity to not get any worse. There's a difference. By far the greatest leap forward for me was to accept I have a mental illness condition that is a little complex. And to accept my physical restrictions. Once I got to that point of acceptance, as I hope you do also, one feels less burden on ones shoulders. The symptoms of ones illness (mine are- ultra sensitivity, mood swings, irritability, stress of low coping levels and so on) don't go away. It is still painful to know you are going through a bad day or bad string of days, but as you begin to recover you feel confident that you will feel well soon and the roller coaster begins to climb once more.

Everyone's different, you might not have these hills and valleys in your illness. The message is, to accept as soon as you are able, that you have this condition and life's journey for you might include more illnesses both mental and physical.

For me grabbling onto the positives is the secret. To thank life that my heart is strong, my arms are free to do hobbies, my eyes can see to golfers from my verandah and the Rosellas from my kitchen window....there is a lot to life we can be thankful for.

So life is just a little more rocky than it was.

Regards  Tony WK

[Zetta]

Thanks soo much Tony!! That helps me look at things a little different. 

Much appreciated!! 

Zetta