Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Hey gorgeous bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone 🖐

Huns I'm so glad you love your prezzy. Wow they have a great lot going for them don't they (Pearls) and all goods too. Interesting darl thanks for mentioning. I like that sort of stuff.

Horrid way to wake isnt it being in a nightmare. Such a relief knowing it's hogwash. Poor love it must have been a bad one being sweaty & heart racing. Geez darl I imagine it took a while to recover from. No way to start a day for sure.

Thanks sweety this is intermittently playing up which is annoying. Hope it doesn't konk out completely. Tried to post to you twice today was taking an age to work so I turned it off for a bit played games.

I'm good thanks just trying to navigate through physical health. Wow no breaks.
Backs been very hard to walk sometimes in morning, different pain.
Headaches 🤕 near every morning waking with but move my head in the Tai Chi circle helps. Crikey.
Have a common infection driving me nuts saw GP today.
Cried a bit this morn just sick of the bod atm.

Very happy with the gorgeous love 😍 dear man. I said hi to him the love and he says hi back ☺ that's his gorgeous smile.

Thanks for being concerned sweety. Still sleeping heaps.
Had a lovely Xmas.
Was a shock seeing how frail dear mils become but a lovely time. We had 4 nights at Mr's place before too.

😂 Bipolar weather. You're a classic. Love you so much 🤗

I think they're right with headaches coming from the neck you wanna hear the cracks and grinds ... shudder!

Getting out occassionally we walked today down a hill. Bursitis is easing but wasnt rapt in the walk lol.
Good girl getting those jobbies done.
Loven the Chillies and yummo cherry toms love em. Bursting that full flavour in the mouth.

Hope not too long before Betty returns. She's and you both are very good friends to eachother.

You too darlin you really are so special to me too. Can't imagine my life without you. Love you very much dear sss. (Love that so much)

Have a beautiful peaceful 🕊sleep 😴 hun and any readers too.
Thanks for your time and listening ☺ much appreciated ⚘

👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝👂💚💗🙌

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

I am so sorry I haven’t wished my bestie a Happy New Year...So If it’s okay I will now...HAPPY NEW YEAR to my BESTY BBFF in the world...

Betty is home now..but we haven’t really had a cuppa together..she popped around mine to check on me and tell me to put my phone on as my sons were trying to contact me.....but had to go straight home...as she had things she was doing...,I might call her and see if she want company tomorrow and have a cuppa with her...

Deebi..you said on my thread that I can talk to you if I need to..that means so much to me...thank you so very much..

I hope you and Mr. Deebi are doing better then okay..and getting out for little walks or just hanging out the way that makes you happy...That’s important bbff.....happiness, those little things/ memories that are so precious to us that we feel a tiny burst of happiness in our soul and heart..

Its been raining here on and off..which I do like the rain...

What you been up to doing bbff...I have been missing you and hearing about the things you do...and how you’re feeling...Which I hope you’re feeling better then okay...How was your Christmas and New Year?...only if you want to share..no pressure precious friend...

I gave my bird away...felt sad watching her in the cage all day..gave her to a person who has an aviery...Oh I can’t spell it...I hope she will be more happy with other birds and space enough to fly around...

How are you Deebi?...pubaok..yadimh...and my 💭....deep sss love Deebi..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...

[demonblaster]

Hi there sweety bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and readers 🖐

Always such beautiful caring visits.
Thank you dear friend I love your company 😀 Thanks for HNY darlin.
So lovely you saying besty BBFF 👩‍❤️‍👩 in the world. You too Floss 🤗

That'd be so good having time with Betty. Hope you did huns. A dose of her would be good for you I reckon.

Anytime lovely one. I have the world of time for you. That'll never change.

Absolutely love my time with Mr Deebi he's such a sweetylove.

I haven't been doing much lately, we do bits of housework but the foots a bit ouch still so walkings minimal and this blasted bizzo that I'd talk openly about but somme people might not want to hear. It's been around 2 wks now, still in pain as a result of what happens but it is slowly easing.
A while to go yet the mongrel it's enough to drive you loopy seriously.

Cried again this morning on waking. Sleeps been erratic because of having to get up so often. Just so over my bod theres been a constant flow for maybe 4 yrs now of varied pain.

Good tho 2 days lately no headaches wow like a holiday.

Backs easing still dicey but ok too atm.

Xmas was lovely thanks sweety.
A shock seeing how frail mils become but good seeing her the love.

Nye we stayed home I couldn't go anywhere but as always love being with dear Mr gorgeous 😍

And same stayed home when lovely stayed at his for church. Too painful to go anywhere. We missed eachother the gorgeous but rang and he was back in no time.

Oh wow good of you with the Birdy I imagine you'd miss her and same. That was so thoughtful and compassionate of you Grandz.

I'm good darl thx it's just this biz nagging at me but at least it'll heal and slowly is. Geez enough already!

Love you heaps hun always thinking of you. So much security having such a beautiful in my life that gets it. We have so much to our friendship SSS just love it magic lady.

Getting late so I'll see you tomoz sweetyheart. Thanks lovey ☺

PubAok lysvm yAdimh 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🕊🌞🗯😍🤝👀🤗

[Croix]

Dear DB, wiht a wave to Grandy~

I can read what sort of a Christmas you both had, so do not have to ask.

I think it was a great pity you could not get to church DB. Although my attitude is very different from my boyhood with a CofE Vicar as a father (temporal that is) I still find one time, midnight carols, to be an almost unearthly experience, signing strongly all the tunes of my youth.

Sadly newer ones I've never heard of crept in and that pressure is no longer open.Plus I can only sing about one word before descending into coughing -grrr.

I'm afraid I can sympathize with your back and probably have a pretty good guess at the unmentionable ailment that gets you up at night. A right inconvenient pain.

I noticed you said at times you play games, can you tell me about them, are they computer games? if so would you like to say what sort? I'm afraid I've never played any though my offspring and now my grandson make up for my omission. They will play solo or against other unknown players from elswhere. These games do seem as if they could be absorbing. I look for distraction from pain, but have not gone this way as yet, fortunately I can still loose myself in a book.

Those games also make for a hefty Xmas present 🙂

One of them has music you can choose as you play it. A nice touch.

Hope things settle down for you.

Croix

[demonblaster]

Hi there Croixy 🐧 bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and readers 👋

Thanks Croixy for that lovely visit very appreciated ☺

I'm having the occasional flare up with the back luckily a different pain which is no joy but fortunately they mostly only last short periods. Sometimes getting up as in standing up from the chair it takes a few seconds to stand properly. Mr Sweetheart a few times massaged parts of my back I asked for deep because it was muscle which has helped no end.

Yip games there's so much entertainment hand eye co ordination concentration figuring out satisfaction achievement not giving up etc and more. Love em.

On this I play a few Candy Crush Sagas which can be mindlessly played or focused on if wanted. Chances are these are not what a young blokes into. Might be more interactive types so I'm not much help soz.

I occasionally do mind type ones to improve and think outside the box I thinks important for anyone esp with mh.

That unexplicable back pains wicked isnt it. I suspect while the discs moving back in place it's contacting a nerve. Geez it bloody hurts. Thats settled too lately thank goods. Too much pain with backs aye.

I've been wondering often how you're going Croixy and for ages meaning to ask.

I like the people at this church. Theres 3 ladies I'm becoming friends with and a bloke. Others are nice too. I'm not religous but have some radical thoughts. I like a lot of bible teachings like being nice to eachother basically. Not many go here but thats ok it's easier getting to know people. I go very intermittently. The carols sound good Croix ☺ Nice memories.

The unmentionables still lingering but slowly as in very slowly is easing tho still driving me bonkos. Still some pain but less. How I held my head through this is a mystery it nearly drove me batty, still does. Anyhoo

So take good care Mr. I've been reading at yours tho have some to catch up on again.

Really do hope you're in recovery Croixy. Much care 🌿

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Howz ya been bbff🤗?..

Its a beautiful day here today except for the winds..

That good about the 3 nice ladies you met at church...You make friends so easily....that’s good...Do you meet up at all outside of church for a coffee and cake.?

Sometimes things take time to heal...I hope your unmentionable soreness, disappears for you soon...Not sure what it is..but honey just taking a wild guess here...Salt water is mother nature’s healer..especially if it’s an infection of any type....

The owners of the property across from me, are doing some slashing somewhere..I can hear the tractor and see the dust flying into the air...If they do the area across from mine..I will be heading inside..too much dust gives me a lasting cough....Yep I’m outside this morning...admiring my crepe myrtle which is a soft pink flower and it’s covered in it..very beautiful...Do you have many trees around you or a nice peaceful park/place not far from your home that has some trees that you can sit near/under and do a bit of meditation with weightless playing on your phone...

Deebi..I love word games and their a few on the Internet..that are not to hard to do...Word stacks..word trip is a couple I play..needs concentration to do them..I love playing Home scapes...I am in an Aussie team..and we play against other teams...I often chat to the team members when we have a tournament going...I think you would really enjoy the game....we need a few more players for our team....The overseas teams are much bigger then ours Nd they keep winning..Oh we did beat them a few times..

Any how my bbff..I’m just rambling on mostly...feeling lonely and needed to chat to someone....

Please enjoy your day bbff..Much love, care, respect with some giant dinosaur hugs...💚👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🕊🌱🤗🤗..

Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hey bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and any readers 👋

I figure we both can do with a long loving hug 🤗

Just before bed wanted to tell you how lovely to see you.

I'm in a BP have a few bits to chat about.

Going to church tomoz with my dear love. So we going bed earlier.

This mongrel biz still ha ging on a lit less overal but still there the brat!

Loved you chatting. Want to chat back so cya tomoz dearest friend.

So much love for my sss. Been thinking so much about how you are. You'll come back when you're ready darlin.

Mmmm enjoy your cherry toms yummo.

👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝👂💤💗

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Yes dearest bbff...We sure could...here’s a few more..🐻🤗..

Its okay, Dear Deebi...about replying..I know how hard it is when in BP...

Always here for you precious friend..with my love and care..

Enjoy your time at church with Mr.Deebi and your new friends...

Take very good care of you..

Love, hugs and care..Deebi and everyone...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hi sweety always love your company precious lady 👩‍❤️‍👩 and hi to other lovelies out there ☺

Grandy I really appreciate you saying about not worrying for a reply it really is in these times very hard although todays been good.

Wow yesterday wasn't all the time but a good chunk bloody horrid.
I was restless felt trapped in the chest which I'm pretty sures anxiety and mood was swinging. Cried a fair bit intermittently which I'm ok with. I found I cried less on AD's but really needed a big one cause as we know BP surfaces pain and it's knocked me for a six seeing how frail mil is now. So I really let the flood gates go and sweet Mr beautiful came out and gave me a big long hug the dear love.
Then through the day tears welled up for anything.

Last night I was so restless but settled in the wee hrs.
I can't bear that trapped feeling. I did what you suggested once hun and did the balcony for a while. I know it passes but is really a desparate to break free feeling. I couldn't bear the frustration of being in a straight jacket but feel that'd be close to the feeling. Really bad feeling!

Didnt have much production this time but got some major needed housework done which poor healths held me back from and Mr Deebi has a crook back too so can't vacuum. No probs he always helps when he can and at risk to his back carries heavy shopping and bags the pet.

Scenarios aren't as often now thank goods and PTSD isn't as full on and way more manageable these days.
This depression was yuk but ok-ish.

Barely noticed the highs. Shame.

Church was good thanks lovey. We have a cuppa which is good and had another at coffee shop with some. A kind lady often shouts us.

Finally the biz is backing off. Near 3 wks pfftt wears you out.

Foots a bit stirred. Wowsie about 6 days no 🤕. It hurt but gave myself hard deep massage to tender spots on last headache they're chronic to wake up to. Sore the next day but free of so far since. Maybe the answer but they do go at times. Hows your health lovey?

Ok time for beddies soon. Sleep well honeyheart 😚
Hope your days been better dear SSS
Sending a virtual carrier pigeon 🕊 giving you bulk love security and happiness having such an awesome bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯🦋💤🍫

[Ggrand]

Hey beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩....and everyone..🤗..

Very Sorry Deebi, your feeling trapped..I think you may be right with it being anxiety...Big deep slow breaths lovely one..to stretch those chest muscles to get more fresh clean air in your lungs...anxiety attacks/panic attacks I think makes our chest muscles tighten...

Such a beautiful and caring picture I had in my thoughts when your Mr.Deebi..gave you a warm caring hug...he is a treasure honey....

That’s okay..although I’m sad, that you cried..it’s releasing bad from your soul so it can heal some more...

Thank you for going out on your balcony for a while..I hope it helped to take that trapped feeling away...I would have sat with you and chatted to you until you felt more relaxed..

Good girl 👧..doing some housework..even a little bit makes us feel like we accomplished something for the day..but please take note of your poor back..

PTSD..is hard to live with..isn’t it?...especially the dreams and flashbacks...Getting ourselves up (Grounding ourselves) as soon as we realise we have been triggered into PTSD is so very important...or it can keep digging deeper and linger on in our brains for ???? days, weeks or even months...You are doing super well and I’m so proud of you..

Maybe buy yourself a deep neck massage every few months and see if that helps with the headaches...I don’t know how much $ they cost though...

Your in my thoughts Deebi..with a lot of care and love..💚🤗🦋🤗🕊🌱....so please take really good care of you...for me☺️...We have the best friendship.....golden thread...🤝👂👀...still Hoping one day 🙏...

Love and hugs everyone..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...