Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Good morning 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩bbff....

I hope you have a great day today....

I love playing Homescapes and doing the house and gardens up..sometimes I make the room yucky..just for fun...Name of team..if that’s okay...then I can send you more lives..so you have more fun playing...

Oh my Betty..she rang me yesterday and asked if I could go down and help her..poor lady fell of the ladder, while filling here water tanks...She is okay and very very lucky..she ended up with some bruising and a bump on her head...I stayed with her for a few hours..just in case...

She just called in to say thank you for yesterday on her way back from the shops early this morning....their is nothing that holds her back from doing what she wants to do....

I hope your day isn’t as hot as it will be out my way...we are reaching 40 today...Maybe I will have a hose shower later today outside.😂..

Hows your back today and how are you feeling mentally and physically...truth beautiful bbff...

Stay cool and hydrated...look after each other and enjoy your day the best you can...

Sending you my love and care with some 🐻 🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱🦋🌹💚

[demonblaster]

Hi my gorgeous 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone out there ☺

Always so good to see you precious friend 🤗

Thank you I've been good mentally today thanks lovey.
Cursing back for the third day has been needing meds. It's a different pain thank goodness. I end up walking leaning to the side hurts and hard to walk. Don't want to be needing these daily at all! you also need sleep from them

Headaches on occasion are trying but I circle my head a few times like Carey in the exodus 😅 and it moves along thank goods otherwise I'd be in a shocking way.

That'd be fantastic thanks lovely it's Down Unda. I find the babble boring but you can skip it. Cool tho overall.

Ahh poor Betty geez she's a goer isn't she and yes very lucky not to have hurt herself badly.
You're so kind staying for a few hrs good on you hun.
She's lucky to have such a beautiful caring friend like you.

Oh yukko hun 40 blaghh. Nah we're still not too bad. Was a good cooler break for a bit there. Hoping less of summer.
😆 hose shower sounds like a plan eh.
I want us to daily or as often as po walk in the water. I so badly need to lose weight. Poor body its so abused and love being in the water I often kinda meditate thinking of our rafts sorta in the water and stars.

I had a lovely patch of time in mania a couple of days ago which was so nice even tho in bed. I felt ripped off not being aware of any before and boyo had the rotten parts.

We blatted and a bit of shopping with mhw today always good told him about my BP esp the anxiety feeling god I can't hack that. Yes it feels like the chest tightens doesn't it.

Oh the biz has come back it almost went the rotter but not quite as intense grr but damned irritating.

We're going to a bbq tomoz with Mr gorgeouses besty and his brother that he lives with tho we're here mostly mainly cause of Covid. Must put on Suncream yikes reflection sun does some nasties.

Hope your day was good too lovely lady ☺

We did some serious housework it felt good having it done. Had a flat inspect but usually I dont go too far with making it immaculate.

You're always in my heart and mind dearest friend. Love you deeply and always need you.
Thanks for being such a beautiful friend 🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝🗯🕊🦋🍫

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

How was your BBQ today?...I hope it was good..with yummy food..I have small gas BBQ on my back veranda..I don’t use it while on my own..I’m scared of using the gas bottle...I did BBQ once a couple years back..when my youngest was over for a visit..under his supervision..Does your Mr. Beautiful do the cooking or his bestie?...

I hope you can get to daily walk in the water..keep your belief in your goals and I’m certain that you can...

Oh I hang the hose on the cloths line with the nozzle set on shower, then will stand under it after I do mowing or even if it’s just a humid hot day...it’s so refreshing... 🚿 ..😁.

So many Down Unda teams.?..Not sure which one..I had to wash my furs today..that’s 3 times in 2 weeks..their a flea invasion out this way..Betty’s fur baby and even Mrs. NSC 3 furs have them...I flea med my dogs..but the other don’t..sooo I’m thinking coming from next door...Who asked me for a coffee late this afternoon..so I went over for an hour....

Wish I could help you for your biz...I think the older we get the longer it takes for us to heal...I used to heal quick, but notice now that it takes longer to heal😏..

Enjoy your night bbff...it’s beautiful here...I’m sitting outside talking to you under the stars 🌟, with a fresh cool breeze blowing on me...Its nice but I’m going inside soon..gotta take my meds and have a cuppa tea...

Thinking of you bbff..sending you my love, 💚 care 🦋 and super soul hugs...🌈🐻🤗...I often think of Peppy...I hope she is okay...

Good night dearest bbff..and Mr. bbff..Take good care of each other..🕊🌱👫...🌜 👨‍👩‍👧.🌛..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hi gorgeous bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all other lovely people ☺

Because of the biz I didnt go to the bbq. I was ready to go but too uncomfortable. Over it seriously. The MHW cooked today and the other time.

It just says that Down Unda hun. I didnt notice others not to say they're not there. I'll check it out.

Oh the fleas sound like a nuisance yes could be coming from across the way. Not good eh. itchings enough to send you crazy isn't it.

Nice she has you over for a cuppa. Hope it was a nice visit sweetyheart.

Yes I constantly think of our beautiful Peppy. I don't want to pressure her to post. Dear girl I know it was rough for her.

Really good idea turning the nozzle to shower. Yukko temps but it sounded so nice out on the veranda stars and cool breeze darl good on you ☺

Sending a stack of eternal love dear Grandy. Oh the gorgeous furs send love to you all as well as we do. Cute Mr bbff oh Grandy he's a precious love 😍

Ok sweetyheart hope you sleep well darlin.

Thank you gorgeous lady SSS 😚🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩💜😍🤗🤝👀💤

[demonblaster]

Anothers coming lovey I posted this last night.

In case it takes time it's Down unda. The u is small

Love you bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝🤗

[demonblaster]

Hi Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone

Oh Grandy this is too much the bizzo. Nearly a mth now its relentless.

The single pill didnt work or the next one. Possible its something else. IT'S DRIVING ME BONKERS! God if its not pain it's the other symptom or both. HAD ENOUGH!

Can't wait till Fri for a test to see if its something else. The two pills should have worked if it was what we thought. Going to try to get in earlier. Ring again tomoz. They were trying to make it easier for me with not much travel.

This is about my 3rd big cry it's really getting to me well has from day 1.

Big whinge just needed it. Couldnt even settle to sleep sarvo.

SO OVER IT!

Thanks listening 😭😢😩☹😔😯

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi,

Oh lass I wish I could magic it all away for you...

I hope you can get in to the docs earlier... will keep fingers & paws crossed for you

Here are some of the most huggliest of gentle hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...your hurting so much and I’m truely so sorry...I hope you can get in before Friday...The Dr should take things more seriously..One month is just unacceptable..I hope your tests find out exactly what it is and they heal it for you😢...

Hearing you’ve been crying is breaking my heart poor darling..I wish so much I could put my wings around you and comfort you a little....

Maybe..just a thought..I know you don’t like to take..sleep med..so you can get a good sleep tonight...

Please hang in their bbff..I need you..Did you know that?This will pass honey..when they get a result..they will heal you..keep believing that Deebi...Please you be okay..always.

Breathe in the fresh air lovely bbff...slowly breathe out your hurt...in breath for fresh pure healthy air...out breathing to take out your hurts...Come on..hold my hands 🤝..look at me..and say...in fresh healthy pure air....hold..then breathe slowly out saying out with all your hurt...Hard isn’t it..when friends are hurting and we can’t be there for them...I know we’re here for each other...but how much better it would be if I was there for you...

If your you get any worse or it gets too much for you...Please ask Mr. Deebi...to drive you to emergency at your hospital..while your their they will hopefully do the test there and then..that your Dr is going to do on Friday...

Here for you bbff if you need to talk anytime...

Big love and gentle baby bear hugs...💚💚🍼🐻🤗

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💚👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌛

[demonblaster]

Lovely Paws 🐾 and bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩

🤗 Thank you both for your caring supportive visits. Very appreciated.

Phoo it's just going on and on I was in a lot of pain. It's still but not as bad atm. Wearing me down but ok.

I saw GP about 4th day in then didn't contact until today again because he was on leave Fri.

Our well Mr bbff's cars off the Rd atm and can't drive cause of a couple of probs that we'll be sorting out soon hoping.

Thanks hun good thought about a sleeper I've considered that and might it drives you nuts at times when it's the other symptom that keeps you up or gets you up often.

I'm going to bed soonish so shall pop off for now and see youse tomoz hoping.

Yes I like that one better that you said with the helpers thanks hun 🤗

Hope you both are ok and that tomoz you're happy with your decision beautiful Grandy.

Love and warmth bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩💜 always. Sorry I havent got back to you at yours yet. Always 🗯👀👂🤝

Paws Grandy and readers be well good peeps. Nigh nite all ☺😴🕊

Haha love the baby bear hugs so cute gorgeous. Back at cha sweetylove 😚

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi my bbff 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

How are you feeling today Deebi...been thinking about you and hoping your okay..and that your pain hasn’t increased at all....Really Hoping it’s gone though..

Have you been able to sleep honey.?..

Awe didn’t want to hurt you so baby bear hugs are best..but once you’re pain free..just watch out bbff the big giant bear hugs will return...

Sad about your Mr. Deebi’s car..I hope it gets on the road soon...Please don’t forget that if you need to..you can ring the ambos if your pain gets to much for you..infections can turn pretty nasty very quickly....please take care of you🤗..

The clouds are beautiful and peacefully drifting across the sky with white fluffy bits, different shades of grey and their shapes can be fun to draw...something to help with distracting our mind away from our hurts....I often wonder if you see the same clouds I can see or if the clouds are different from mine...

Please Deebi...never be sorry to me about anything at all..I know you read mine as I read yours and sometimes it’s not possible to reply because our mind is being a servant to the dreaded Beasty....Its okay Deebi..please just concentrate on getting yourself healthy....

I’m sitting with you right now...pointing to a cloud that looks like a little whale 🐳 swimming along side the cloud next to it...I can visualise you riding it...and the gentle movement putting you into a soft gentle soothing nap...

My love to you dearest bbff..and my wishes of health and joy beautiful friend...💚🍼🐻🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy....💚is 4 eva..