Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Hey my darlin bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and readers 🖐

You're a lovely lady Grandy thank you for your warm caring support always dear friend 🤗

Geesh 3 batches of darks. You feel like you're swamped with such a mix of unexplainable (not sure if that's a word. Is now 😄) feelings pulling you down. Nearly everything I've learnt disappears but we get through everytime no matter how mucked up we get.

Anyhoo those horrids are behing me. Was awful also PTSD was around a lot esp deep sadness for my dear late love. It mainly concentrated on him with way less other memories that seemed more manageable. Wonder if I'm coping more with the majority of other stuff but lates situation was more recent and so much went on. Not many scenarios, I stomp them and don't listen anymore.

Almost back to normal then it's helpful having a few days more recovery. They're still full on and energy sapping

Yikes we shopped today which means some shorter walking but ok distance killed my foot but have to occasionally. See how it is in a couple.

Was wanting to do a couple before Xmas with mil but we decided against actually was going to stay 3 at Mr Deebis before but we're just doing a couple over Xmas. Glad though cause this BP was hard I prefer to recover at home. Shame but also good for full recovery.

Thanks lovey for the solid thoughts. Yes going to take the pillow, shouldn't take too much room it's pretty flat ☺

Thank you beautiful I too will never let go. Soul2Soul (S2S) 💚💫💚 magic 🦄 lady. Love our awesome friendship.

Always 👀 watching over you

Always 🗯 thoughts

Always 💰 treasure our Golden time (can't see a treasure chest anywhere)

Always 🤝

Always bbffs 👩‍❤️‍👩

Always deep love & appreciation 💜

Sleep well everyone. SO grateful for here and the beautiful people that make it work 💗

🕊

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi,

Lass just a thought... I wonder if your current struggles with your downs perhaps might be being worse because of your subconscious worries about your mil... however much you think you know the degree of your worry for her... it will be percolating away below your conscious awareness. That might be why your late love has been such a focus lately.

Oh wouldn't it be lovely if we could trade in the bits of our bodies that give us grief... don't give up hope lass... there must be something that can be done to ease & hopefully fix your problems.. sometimes it just means finding a doctor who isn't blinkered.

Be gentle with yourself

love & hugs

Paws

[monkey_magic]

Hi DB,

Pain's the pits and I know you are managing the best way you know how.

I have a lot of confidence in your ability.

Your late love will always be with you. It's awesome that his family and you are planning on getting together.

Sounds like you've been on quite the journey lately and are aware of the BP stages. It can't be easy.

You're doing great to get through it each and every day.

My feet too have been hurting when I walk too fast or far...still have nerve pain or stiffness or whatever. The joys of our lives lol.

Here's an early present 🎁 for you, bought it the other day.

Really happy for you that you have your man beside U...

Keep going and never lose hope.

🌈 Here's a rainbow for better days....

🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

A little birds told me your sun burn is still sore to touch..poor bbff....What am I to do with you...hmmm..

I only meant a little sun...You see..because you have such a beautiful heart and it shines so brightly through your soul when your with your friends and Mr. Deebi...That your light produces a kind of light magnet that draws the sun’s rays into the water..then bounces of onto your poor skin....Now be a good girl and listen to Aunty Grandy...Please smother it in Alovera cream..if not then vitamin E cream...and please...please drink plenty of water, to rehydrate your skin...Apprentice Nurse 👩‍⚕️ Aunty Grandy is finished now..

How is your mental health honey..and you Physical health as well?...

This might sound strange...My late hubby was always having back outs...pinched nerves mostly..and pain for weeks after...anyway, before we fully moved in to the country house he bought..we had no bed..but we had a mattress that was left their...We slept with the mattress straight on the floor..and his back he said was feeling like it was getting better...um not sure if I mentioned before about mattress on the floor..

How was your trip Deebi...did you enjoy yourselves and get some hello hugs and goodbye hugs..I hope so their comforting...

I was upset yesterday night..it was so cloudy and I wanted to see the Star of David in real life..but couldn’t because of the clouds...Was it cloudy out your way?..

Not long until Christmas Day now...I will be finishing off your gift soon....I wish I could give you a for real gift 💝.😢,.

Wow I’m a chatterbox..I’ll let you go now, but before I do go...I must tell you..that I have much love and care for you bbff..inside my heart and soul....💚🦋🌹🐻🤗🌈🤝👀..

Sleep dear friend..with some beautiful dreams of unicorns, fairies, angels and everything magical...

Hello lovely Paws and lovely Magic.,sending you my love and care...with hugs..and everyone else reading here.💜🦋🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...

[demonblaster]

Hi lovely Paws 🐾 Magic 🐒 bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩

Thank you all so much for your time support and care lovely friends.

Paws very good thoughts it could well be about zoning directly on late love.
I had some not many other hurts popping up too.

Oh as the days go by trading our parts is very tempting isnt it.

My backs been pretty rough again lately needing strong meds today couldn't walk properly but mostly ok now.
At Mr Deebis each nite it felt like a nail was being slammed into the spine, geez it hurt. Ok here at home but L) side somethings very wrong. Cripes!
My GPs great. Think next out I'll see him. Gave up seeing doctors they may as well have given lolly water. This one gave better he understands the need.
Tske good care lovey 🤗

Thanks Magic it's as you know very hard going being in pain.

Woke 3 times this a.m with a wicked bad headache. I coughed with one which turned it into a throbbing migraine. Temporary thanks goods.

Yes a lovely family and true my lates always with me. You never stop loving and my beautiful understands that which is awesome. He also knows how deeply I love him the sweetheart and him me 😍 he's precious.

My foots easing thank goodness have to rest and short walks. Hope yours are easing too.

Oh thanks love the pressy. I'll hang it up on the wall.

Beaut Rainbow huns 🤗

Hey there my gorjy bbff 😀 I hope you're well honeyheart.

Yes the worst of the sunburns over but still Red oops. Boyo. Love Aunty Grandies advivce ☺ girlfriend across the Rd has some Aloe Vera too.

I had trouble on Mr Deebis good mattress.

Trip was really good thanks lovey. Going Mils tomoz eve back Boxing day early 🤤...😲 thats a shock yawn.

Mh ok thanks. I've been off the AD's about 1/half wks now, the odd quicky mood but ok. See how it goes. Trying to break the withdrawing been out a bit.

Shame missing the star of David. We've had wet but good lately. Nice being a bit cooler.

Thanks huns always so good seeing you. Loved the unicorns and magic.

Oh was having a horrid nightmare this morn think my mind was waking me to settle the headache, managed to yell out in n.mare Mr Debbie saved me speaking softly got me out. I couldnt yell out by making words but finally managed.

Love you very much beautiful friend. Bbl at yours honey. PubAok lysvm always 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🍫🤗😚👭😢

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

I hope so much with all my heart and soul that you enjoy you’re mother in law’s company over Christmas..I think you are made of gold dear bbff...spending Christmas with your mil,,,Please if you can..can you wish her a merry Christmas from me..and give her a gentle warm hug also for me as well....

I am sorry about your back...I think the professionals are still learning able how our back works properly with the nerves, discs, and spine....and the best treatments for back outs, pinched nerves etc...I hope that one day very soon they will find a solution to your back pain...🤗..

Oh no..nightmares are horrid aren’t they...I hope they stop soon...maybe listen to a nice relaxing sleep story ..My Counsellor said Sometimes nightmares come because our brain is to chatty when we fall asleep...if we can fall asleep with soft music or something to relax the mind...it helps a little....

Merry Christmas with a Santa Christmas stocking full of my love and care for you precious bbff.💚🦋..no that’s not your 💝...tomorrow..you need to wait one more day...

Good night and Merry Christmas bbff and everyone.linhope tomorrow is everything you want it to be..🌈🎄💝🕊.

Love, hugs and care..💚🤗🦋..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Merry Christmas Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and everyone....🤗..

Todaybis Christmas Day...The birth of baby Jesus...and today is full of love, peace, care, giving, receiving...Now if everyday was like Christmas Day...What a wonderfully beautiful world it would be to live in....

Santas elves have been staying at my place for 3 days now..helping me finish your Christmas gift 🎅🏻🎄 🎁 ..

The elves borrowed Santa’s sleigh 🎅🏻🛷 ...shhhh...and took me on a magical trip behind the clouds to the Star of Bethlehem...Oh it was so beautiful...such peace radiated off it...it was a brilliant bright white with the absolute purest of gold edging around it....The star gave me permission to sit on it for a few minutes...and then Star gave me a gift...something perfect for your 💝....Then elves took me to the Crystal Caves deep in the middle of the moon...Where I received another gift..perfect for your 🎁...Then along to Saturn..Flying through the gorgeous rings circling the plant..The elves collected something else I needed from the rings around Saturn....One more stop...to the Garden of Eden.....ahh back home home....and finishing of your 💝...

You’re 💝 is....A heart shaped pure crystal heart..inside it is a miniature brightest glowing white light Star of Bethlehem with pure gold letters...S S S...with 3 miniature diamonds on each letter..each S is encircled by a ring of Saturn, that continually slowly rotates around it...emitting a warm and peaceful feeling in your soul..This precious crystal heart with the Star of Bethlehem inside it...is hanging off the purest golden chain, so pure that it makes you feel so loved and cared for...If you hold the Crystal heart in both hands together....You hear the angels singing “In the Arms of an Angel”.....and will feel my spirit presence holding you tightly....not letting go dearest friend...

Gifted with my love, my care, my respect, to my Spirit Soul Sister..

Merry Christmas everyone..My kindest and most caring thoughts everyone..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🕊🌱🎄🎅🏻💝🙏..

[demonblaster]

Dear bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi darlin lady what an absolutely beautiful gift thank you so very much I really love it huns. Superb! Read it to Mr 😍 Mil and sil they all really liked it.

Btw Grandy lovey so sweet you sending lovelies to mil she was so moved darl and sends her very best back to you and her love to you the dear gorgeous. You're a sweet love dear friend and she thinks about you.

Thank you ☺🤗

My gorgeous my prezzy to you sounds like I'm copying but not I promise. Really love yours hun it was exceptional I keep thinking of it.

So my sweet it's also a beautiful necklace for you dear friend.

The main part is a brilliant pure White pearl with a breathtaking marble streak capturing the eye with it's beauty. It really is striking Grandz. There's a brilliant glow radiating from it going directly into the soul of the wearer creating the most amazing sensation of complete relaxation free of stress and pain. It's been hand set in an interesting expression of eternal friendship deep love and care. The hands clasp onto the gorgeous Ruby heart shaped frame where they hold it all together tightly with strict instructions never to let go.

This signifies to the owner they will never spend a minute alone in their lives ever again because they'll always be deeply appreciated cared about and loved unconditionally because they're one of the most beautiful deserving kind loving people around.

Grandy thank you for such a beautiful friendship. I value and absolutely love our time.

Many thanks for you being who you are. You're a true champion. So so glad to know and love you SSS 🤗😚👩‍❤️‍👩💜always 💗🗯always dear sweet lady.

Hope your day was good sweetyheart ☺🕊👀 and everyone.

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩....and everyone...🤗

I love your gift to me..Pearls are beautiful..

Pearls are the ultimate symbol for wisdom. Valued for their calming effects, pearls represent serenity, while being able to strengthen valuable relationships and convey a sense of safety. Pearls also symbolize purity, as well as integrity and loyalty.. Thank you so very much...💚..

Not doing much today..was going to hose out a shed thingy I have out back..but it decided to rain...that job will have to wait until the rain stops..

My neighbours son and family arrived at hers today..it’s really lovely hearing the laughter of her grandchildren...and they sound like big elephants running around in her house...🐘...

I feel sleepy today, last night I had such a horrible dream...woke up in panic...heart racing, sweaty etc.. couldn’t get back to sleep....so might grab a nanny nap soon..and drop by BB later on this afternoon or this evening..

Pubaok...bbff...yadimh with my live 💚 and care🦋..

SSS deep love dearest bbff..💚👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🕊🌱.

Love, hug and care everyone..💜🤗🦋.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi.👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and everyone..🤗..

Hey bbff..How are you feeling precious friend...I’m a bit concerned...a lot more then a bit concerned and thought I would call in and ask you RUOK.?...

We had strange weather here today...sticky hot,Bethenny cloudy and muggy..then a thunderstorm or 5 and icy winds like winter...I was wondering today if the weather has a bit of bi-polar..😁...

I so much hope those nasty headaches have chooffed off...you’ve had way too many this year..I wish I could suggest something that would stop them from starting up...Do you think that stress has a bit/lot to do with getting them?,..

Are you getting outside for a while through the days...I have done some cleaning up outside and had some fun hosing down my verandas and shed..Oh oh..I have some tiny chillies on my chilli plants....I have never seen chillies so tiny..the best way I can describe them is they look like teeny weeny the size of a needle hole you thread the pale green cotton through...😂..Oh and I’ve got quite a few cherry tomatoes about the size of a marble and they are green...can’t wait until they ripen....

Can’t wait until Betty gets home..I miss her..she went to her sons place..nearly 3 hours away on Thursday..not sure when she will be back home...

I hope your okay Deebi..and your i-pad is working...No pressure to reply bbff...I just wanted to remind you that you are so special to me...and I have deep love and care for you..💚🦋🕊🌱🤗...say hello to Mr. Deebi for me, please..

Please look after each other...it’s very important to me that you do..I’m always 👀 and 👂..and holding 🤝..with my bbff..4 eva....pubaok..yadimh..lysvm...SSS...

My love, hugs and care..💜🤗🦋 everyone...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱