Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and everyone 🤗..

Hope your day was good for you honey...

Im pleased that you said you are okay atm..How are today bbff?

I think the more we practice directing our thoughts the easier it becomes...I remember when you were in mania, you were so happy that you did redirect your thoughts and in depression you’ve also done it...you are getting stronger within your beautiful soul Deebi....I notice with my sleep stories...Even though I put 100% of me listening to them..sometimes a word or a phrase can before I even realise it get my mind wandering around thebads...I’m getting better at get back to listening to the story...I just say out loud..stop it brain..listen to the story..it works sometimes...We, have to try to keep in control of our thoughts...and not listen to beasty.....Thats really hard to do, but it is do able...

Im pleased you had a good arvo sleep yesterday..feel good on waking if we deep sleep, with no dreams...

Groin pain is horrible...that’s what started hurting first, then my hip...that’s when dr said bursitis...also groin pain dr said could be a hernia or cyst...I had test not long ago for both..that’s when they said arthritis as well in my hip....Just gently asking you honey..if you’ve been hip x-rayed at all?...

Good you do or have text msgs phones calls ..It helps to hear another voice when we are cocooning...Yes honey it’s so easy to cocoon....I do it too much...I just hope you don’t do it too much as well because it does make it harder to go...

Have you got any outs planned for this week, or anything special you want to do for you....I have work tomorrow then..having to leave earlier for glucose test...then a walk with WW on Wednesday morning in the town’s park...

Maybe a nice slow walk to the beach tomorrow and soak your poor foot lady lady....just thinking aloud..

Im hoping so much that you will be okay alway...not much longer and you back to your specialist...

love and care deeply dear Deebi....💖 🌜🐻🤗🐻🌛..

Kind thoughts....Love and hugs everyone 💖🤗l

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy....🦄👼💪🤝👀🦋🌹.

[demonblaster]

Hey lovely I replied last night. Have it noted so I'll wait and see.

Have a good day darlin and all the best with test.

Lots of love 👩‍❤️‍👩💜💗👀🌈⚘

[demonblaster]

Beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi everyone ☺

Thanks sweet friend I'm good today went shopping saw bus driver good friend we're going to have a couple drinks in near future havent seen each other in ages but in our thoughts often.

This is yesterdays post.

Yes it's so easy to wander and especially with a tired mind to stay focused but good we realise and guide back.
It is doable I think so lovey. The more we need to practice and are aware of our thoughts we'll get in the drivers seat.

I'm having a lot of arvo sleeps but thats ok for now. Helps with healing too.

Yes I'll see about a hip xray. Have a hernia on the other side and similar pain at times. You're beautiful gently asking 🤗 you can say anything to me beautiful lady.

Need to catch up with a lovely we havent for a bit. Want to do some more walking.

Yip Dr on 23rd for the thickening op and specialist 27th. Dubious theres going to be answers about the neck. Seems some muscle damage or the cramping in the muscle in arm at times. Time will tell I guess. Wary doing much lifting. I've been doing some A frame exercises on my forearms. Doesnt seem to affect it.

Oh did you know Xena and Hercules filmed in NZ 😍

Really love and appreciate you so much Grandy.
Thank you for a beautiful friendship.

Everyone I hope your days were good today ☺🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩💜✨🌱🌈⛅👼💧☀️

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

You made me happy today when I heard you got out to do some shopping and chatted with bus driver and a few drinks in the future..How good is that...

I believe Deebi..we can’t force sleep..and if your sleeping in the afternoon you must need it...it’s our bodies way of added healing and peace from our thoughts...It’s okay honey...sleep if you need to..💖..

Im still afraid of saying things sometimes..in case I hurt you or I’ve said before and I don’t want to annoy you by saying things that you might find me too much....Same in r/l honey...Very hard for me to say things....😢..good you’ll ask for an x-ray that makes me relax a bit...

Okay 23rd and 27th...I’ll keep those days free and we’ll go together, maybe we can play I spy in the waiting room...or practice our singing..to cheer everyone up....I have a virtual piano on my iPad and I’ve been practicing...Somewhere over the rainbow 🌈...😁..

I did know honey about Xena and Hercules being filmed in NZ...Same as the lord of the rings, NZ is a beautiful place..I’ve always wanted to visit it..but flying scares the crap out of me...

Just thinking if physio would help your poor muscles?...

Okay sweetyheart...I’m not in the cooking mood tonight..if you fancy a yummy toasted cheese and tomato sandwich..my place is the place to be..please 🏍 come over if you can...missing you so much...Same my thoughts are daily with you right through out the day....wiwawyip....

I hope you sleep well tonight..an extra blanket for me tonight...please keep warm honey and try to keep your body temperature stable....Oh I did 9,538 steps today..The only day I do lots of steps is Tuesdays..then other days..lucky if I reach 200 steps 😂..

Love and care dearest..Deebi..yadimh..sss...pubaok..🐻🤗🌈🦄🌜🦋🌛..

Kind thoughts...Love and hugs everyone..🤗💖..

I hope everyone sleeps deeply tonight and wakes tomorrow feeling revived and refreshed..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌜🐻🤗🌛...🐻🤗..🦋🌹🦄👼.l

[demonblaster]

Hiya bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and every one ☺

Always lovely seeing you beautiful thank you for your time always sweetyheart.

It was good seeing her. We both think but havent in ages. I'll see her on 23rd too. Big day travel she'll be driving so good.

Thanks Grandy about the sleep, I do love my arvo ones. The phone rang twice but thats ok.
The nurse said even though we dont feel it that sort of stuff puts our bodies in shock. I think now for me its lazy and boredom.
They say too its good helping healing and it is coming along well.

You'd never annoy or hurt me beautiful. Say stuff and we can talk it out if need be. We're close & mature and love each other. We'll always be good sweety 🤗😚

Haha you're so gorgeous coming with me. I'd love it in rl. 😂 good idea we can sing for the nice people. They'd probs want to buy our CD's like Croixy wants to.

NZ is really beautiful. We could go together honey. How cool thatd be.
I'd be with you to calm you.

Yeah its pretty rough the cramps in the arm. All since the twitching and weakness. The twitches have drastically reduced. Mainly just my arm in the muscle and hand. Occasional other places.

I'd love a toasty thanks honey. Love anytime we share. Miss you too heaps. Truth. Yip throughout day. So lovely you're up there with other besties & mil. Untold daily thoughts with love.

Just got a phone call from friend went to tea so I'll choof for now beautiful

Love you very much dear friend always 🗯
👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝💗🐻🤗✨☀️

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (& a wave to all),

I hope you enjoyed spending time with your friend last night. What did you end up having for dinner? I hope you shared a lovely meal together 🙂

It sounds as though you’re resting up lots. I hope that’s helping with the pain and your overall mood...

How lovely of Grandy to be there in spirit on the 23rd and 27th. Her company is priceless. I’ll be around too in spirit, quietly & gently supporting you in the background. I hope surgery goes on the 23rd. I know that’s very soon...

Gentle supersoul hugs, a morning tea treat for you and much love.

Peppystar xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Lovely Peppy and all🤗.

Thats nice that she will be your bus driver when you have your appointment...It will be good for you both to have a nice chat on your journey...I booked in today to get my bus license..Once I accomplish that, and study the map so I know the way..you can both sit at the back of the bus..I’m making a table to fit firmly to the floor with drink holder holes for your drinks, and I’ll pack you both a healthy hamper, with a chocolate mud cake..Whipped cream..strawberries and some ice cream ...and a little gift each..hmmm maybe a little gold 🚌 charm..Then after the trip..you and I can go to your specialist....So I can make sure the drs are kind, caring and friendly..💖🤗..

Thank you saying that it’s okay to say what I want/need to..I would never forgive me if I hurt you...You mean so much to me...Love you..did you know that😁💖..

No honey not lazy....unmotivated moreso...and beasty whispering into your ear...Don’t listen to it...[IT] is not worth one second out of our day listening to [IT]...

Im pleased the twitching has eased of for you..I hope they continue to ease off for you....and your poor foot as well...been thinking about you throughout my days as well for a long long while...

I hope your phone call last night was good and you managed to bring some light to each other...and you enjoyed your talk..

What was your day like today honey?...I hope it was good for you..🏍🦋🍃..Do you at times sit on your Patio?..I remember you said your on the ground floor..maybe if you have some stale bread... sometimes you could break it into small pieces and feed the birds then just sit down and watch them...or are their too many sea gulls around to do that....☺️..

Enjoy your evening/night the best you can honey...if you need me I’m only a keyboard away....always here for you...🤝👀..

Kind thoughts....Love n hugs everyone 💖🤗..

I hope you all sleep well tonight..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🦄👼..🌜🌈💫🌟💥🐻🤗🌛

[demonblaster]

Beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 Peppy ☘and all 🖐

Lovely to see you both thank you for your time love and support ya sweeties 🤗

Peppystar hey darl 😊 thank you too being with me in spirit. So nice 🤗

Soz I wasnt clear. It was the bloke I went to tea at his & flatmates place and again on Sat. Be nice.

Yip seeing the specialist on 23rd pretty sure it'll be ok he gave me a good report after the op.
Our gorgeous Grandys company is priceless for sure 💜

Much love and thanks for the lovely hug & morning tea. Yum.
Love back dear Peppystar 🤗👀

Hey ya gorgeous. 😂 You're such a classic, I doubt it'll take you long to get the bus licence 🤣 you're the best. What a lovely set up for us. God I love you 😊 thanks gorgeous you always give me smiles and light. Mmm the mudcake oh baby lets boogie.

I was a bit emotional today wanting to cry a few times. Had my usual nanny nap and ok now thanks.

Good idea about the bread hun. One was there today.

Thanks Grandy a keyboard away. You're a fantastic loving friend 🐻🤗

Goin to yours next 👀🤝👩‍❤️‍👩💜☀️🌈💼🗯
Love you heaps sweetyheart 🌱⚘

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and everyone 🤗..

Awe..I’m pleased your sleep yesterday helped to make you feel better..It’s awful feeling emotional..I’m sorry that happened to you yesterday...How are you feeling today honey?...

I had a longish afternoon sleep today...heads still hurting, not a migraine thank goodness..normal headache only...

I would absolutely do anything for you honey...I’m pleased that I can make you smile....

Maybe feeding the birds will help you to sit outside on your patio and you could try some mindfulness..I do mindfulness everyday..I find it hard to meditate....think after a few days of feeding them..they will keep coming back...I was outside this morning and was watching a magpie swooping onto other birds as they were flying past...maybe it’s nesting in the gum tree...

I bought a silverside on Tuesday and am going to cook it tomorrow..was going to today but headache wouldn’t let me...I’ll let you know how it turns out...Will be nice on a sandwich at work on Tuesday...

No need to reply honey..missing you and wanted to check in on you...after you were feeling emotional yesterday...I hope your okay....

I would like so much to go to NZ with you...Umm is it possible to go by 🚢 ship...We would have so much fun..especially if we go in 🥶 winter..we can learn to ski together...I would probably be laying on the snow...more then standing on my skis 🎿..I would probably melt the snow ⛄️ falling all the time..my balance isn’t that good 🙃😁..

I hope you have a good restful sleep tonight honeyheart...🌜🍯💖🌛..and beautiful dreams of peace, that when you awaken tomorrow your heart is so full of light...that I can see it from here....Love and care for you beautiful Deebi....alway...Truth...yadimh...wiwawyip...

Kind thoughts...Love n hugs everyone..💖🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy....👼🦄...🐻🤗 with 💖..

[demonblaster]

Hi lovely bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone ☺

You're such a burst of light in my life thank you gorgeous friend. Love you and your com0any support and amazing friendship 🌜🍯💖🌛 cool 😀

Good today lovey thanks. Spending my life sleeping but that'll pass sometime.

It pulls us down doesnt the headaches poor love. You probs have used your cool cloth. Hope it goes soon for you. Glad you got a good sleep though.

Thank you Grandy you're so beautiful. Always make me smile and happy 💜

I want to walk the beach so just to need to tell beasty that.
I've noticed pain in probs the tendon going up from ankle in leg that I guess stirs the foot. Rubbing it on occasion. Quite tender.

Would be nice bringing the birdies.

Can't wait to hear how you go. Just keep it simmering it'll take at least a couple of hrs. Sooo yum.

Yes we can go by ship. Was thinking that actually. How neat it'd be.
We'd be in puddles in the snow 😅

The lights what you give me ya gorgeous darling.
Love you heaps dear feiend.
Take really good care hun.
Hope your head settles. Awful eh.

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝☀️🐻🤗💪🗯🌈⛅💗